But I went home
shortly before sundown, heavily disappointed, having acquired no
new skills or powers. There had to be more than wind and
trembling!
I was getting
really worried; I didn’t know when either Alex or Duncan was
planning to attack. My gut told me that I had to hurry, time was
running out. And next week classes were starting again, and I’d be
in the city, far away from a clear patch of nature. I had to figure
out a way to speed this up.
The rest of the
week with my parents proved to be even more frustrating and the
wind reflected that. Nothing new happened. No new power.
And not even a
single syllable from Earth.
We drove back
to varsity on Sunday, leaving early as my parents still had to
drive all the way back.
***
Chapter 16 –
Inertial guidance
I spent Sunday
afternoon in my room. I started with the drawers in the closet,
first unpacking, then cleaning, then folding and reorganising.
After the closet, the bookcase with all my textbooks and files and
notes got a turn. Every single square millimetre was wiped and
polished. It was the first real good spring clean since I’d moved
in and it was long overdue judging by the layers of dust
everywhere.
Somewhere in my
heart, I recognised that I was cleaning and reorganising my room
because it was time for a change. I had to make room for the new
me. I would be a new Valerie once I had killed a person; the old me
would be dead. I had to start accepting her, the new Valerie, the
Valerie who was capable of killing another human being. They say
all is fair in love and war, and this was a case of both.
I had to start
hardening myself, trying to care less about Duncan. But it was
difficult. I kept imagining over and over in my head how those grey
eyes of his would turn lifeless in front of me, his body become
motionless.
Lisa arrived
just in time, before I went completely crazy. Apparently the Reds
were on their way and she wanted us all to have dinner
together.
I stopped what
I was busy with and went downstairs with her.
We greeted one
another and took our seats, but the table was quiet and the
atmosphere tense. Their moods were dark as well, and I knew it was
because of Alex’s announcement. They all blamed me, or at least it
felt that way: I was the selfish jerk at the table. What made it
worse was that none of them said one word about it.
The gall in my
heart spoiled the taste of the food. I fled, after a so-to-say
wordless dinner, back to my room. Why they had even bothered to
invite me to lunch, I couldn’t figure out.
Later that
evening, there was a knock on my door. I was in bed already and
didn’t want to open up, but then thinking it might be Jennifer, I
did. To my great disappointment, Benjamin stood on the other side
of the open door.
I groaned
inwardly. I felt guilty towards him as well, as he and Alex were
good friends.
“Hey, Val,
what’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing,” I
answered quickly. I wanted him to leave. “We aren’t allowed to have
boys in our rooms. How did you get up here without being
noticed?”
“I used my
power,” he answered with a straight face.
A little light
went on in my mind and I invited him in. We sat on my bed, facing
each other.
“Hey, maybe if
I can understand how you use your power, then I might try to use
mine. Don’t you think it will work?”
Why didn’t I
think of this before? I should have asked my dad the other day!
Then maybe my practising would have turned out better.
“I suppose so,”
he answered half-heartedly.
“By the way,
what power did you use?”
“I ...uh...I
can change form,” he stuttered uncomfortably. It seemed strange,
him looking uncertain about his powers; didn’t he trust me?
Then he
corrected himself, and spoke fluently: “I changed phase, to liquid
form.”
“What? You
turned
liquid
?”
He grinned at
me. “It’s slow, but you gain momentum after a while.”
“That’s a nice
one!” I exclaimed, surprised at the thought of Benjamin turning
liquid and flowing over the floor.
“Yep, that’s
how I survived the accident the other day.”
Of
course,
I thought. It made perfect sense. I was feeling better
already, just being around Benjamin. He had the ability to make me
feel more comfortable in my own skin.
“Then why
didn’t you do it the other night when we had to use the emergency
stairs?” I asked.
“The others
don’t have the same powers. And it’s slow, but I probably would
have transformed if we were caught.”
“So tell me
now, how do you do it?”
“I’ve been able
to do it for as far back as I can remember. And there’s no specific
way to do it... let me rephrase, I don’t know how to explain it.
It’s no different from telling my arm to move,” he looked at me
intently. “I’m sorry, Valerie. I’m not helping here.”
My
disappointment was obvious.
“Why do you
want to know all of a sudden? You’re not planning to challenge
Duncan on your own? You are, aren’t you? That would be suicidal!
You cannot do it without support. What if he’s waiting for you with
an army?” He sounded really upset.
I had to think
fast, I didn’t want him to know. He’d stop me.
“No, it’s not
that. I’m curious, that’s all. Everybody keeps telling me how
powerful I am and now I want to see why.”
He looked at me
like he didn’t believe me.
“Promise me you
won’t?” he asked, his green eyes glowing.
I remembered my
previous promise to him, one that I had broken in the blink of an
eye. Yes, they’d said it was manipulation, but to be honest, I
hadn’t even cared that I’d broken it.
But he couldn’t
know the truth.
“Promise me,
Valerie?” he insisted.
“But what’s the
big deal anyway? I won’t die if I try. You said it yourself?”
“No Valerie,
the decision has been made. Opposing Alex’s decision is punishable
by death. He is the Ruler, you know? So promise me, please Valerie,
please promise me?” he begged.
“Fine,
promise.” I was a jerk. Officially. It should be my second name:
Valerie Jerk Stanton. But I had to try, even if I died in the
process. For Alex at least. Then Earth would get a new ambassador
and all would be safe.
“I care, in
case you haven’t noticed. I care for you,” he whispered staring
deeply into my eyes.
At first, I
thought it was worry on his face. But the look intensified.
Oh,
my
goodness
, I thought.
I should have read the signs
better!
I swallowed. I didn’t want to lead him on, but I didn’t
want to ruin our friendship. At least he didn’t judge me for opting
not to kill Duncan. Actually, he did much better than that, he
supported me, understood it in some way.
I flew up from
where I sat on the edge of the bed.
“I think
someone is coming,” I lied in a whisper.
He frowned at
me, as if he knew that I’d lied. He stood up wordlessly and stared
at me.
“See you
tomorrow,” he promised and walked out.
I was in shock.
Benjamin obviously had intentions other than what I’d thought. To
me, he was an older brother, nothing more: a wonderful older
brother, the brother that I’ve never had, that I’d wished for so
million times, for as far back as I could remember. I didn’t want
to lose that aspect of our relationship.
The phone on my
bed pedestal didn’t look as innocent as before.
Monday was
stressful. I was nervous being around Benjamin now. And I worried
about the test results coming out. We received the first lot back
in second period, environmental sciences. It was almost okay
according to my standards. I scored 62%. The rest of the class
didn’t do much better, making my results seem good.
I saw Benjamin
for the first time during lunch. He walked in as I walked out,
pretending that I wasn’t there. I felt hurt but relieved that he
didn’t stay for a chat.
We didn’t get
any other results back the rest of that day.
Jennifer
arrived only after dinner, practically glowing with happiness. She
didn’t want to say why, but she promised to show me later the
week.
Tuesday was a
little better; we got back our astronomy and algebra results. I
scored 70% and 76% respectively. I was very proud and sent my mom a
message there and then, in spite of the fact that Lisa did miles
better than me, 92%, in algebra.
Benjamin wasn’t
around at all.
In the
philosophy class, I was surprised to see Professor Rosenbaum again.
He didn’t say why he was there instead of Professor Greenwald. He
held the class’s attention for a few moments when he handed out the
marked tests, calling each student by surname to walk down to the
front to fetch them from him.
When he called
my name, I got up from my chair in the middle block and walked down
the aisle.
“I want to see
you after class, please Missy,” he said.
The class
roared with laughter and whistles and
ooh’s
.
With a bright
blush and the little pride that I had left, I took my seat again,
too embarrassed to worry about why he wanted to talk to me.
“Don’t worry
about it, everyone will have forgotten this by the end of the
period,” Lisa whispered in my ear.
I managed a
semi-smile at her in return.
It took until
the middle of the period before my cheeks were at 36.6 again. I
still had my test paper in my hand, and now turned it over to see
the mark. I had scored 85%.
The rest of the
babbling floated right over my head, and apparently everyone else’s
too.
I stayed behind
when the class ended until the room was completely cleared. The
earlier unwanted attention was still the spindle of my thoughts. I
frowned as I walked up to the Professor.
“Sorry about
that earlier, Valerie,” he said.
I stared back
at him, surprised that he knew my name. It was odd for any lecturer
at a big university, not to mention a guest lecturer. I didn’t
answer him. He wanted me to say it was okay, but it wasn’t. It
wasn’t high school any more, Professor or not.
“I asked you to
stay behind because you are the best in class. Do you find the work
interesting?”
My irritation
disappeared like mist under the sun. It was wonderful to hear. I
did study hard, and now I was reaping the fruit.
“Thank you,
Professor. Yes, I do find the work interesting. Not everything, to
be honest.”
“You had an
opinion in your test that very few people agree with, you
know?”
I immediately
knew what he alluded to: Benjamin’s explanation about everything
being alive, but to different degrees of intelligence. There was
nothing about it in the study material, and I had wanted to see
what the erudite would think of such a way-out theory, based on the
points awarded for that question.
“I believe so,
yes, Professor,” I answered carefully.
“Do you, now?
Do you really, really believe that?” he asked, studying my
face.
His question
stunned me. I wasn’t sure if I really believed it. Not that
everything was alive. Yes, the Earth responded to me. But I wasn’t
really convinced about
everything
. Rocks? Water? It seemed a
little too fantastic to be true.
He continued
without waiting for my answer. “Let me give you my take on this.
You need to look beyond the physical. See the life radiating from
each being. Recognise it, acknowledge it, and believe it.”
I was
speechless. Was he hinting about ambassadors?
“And another
thing. Thoughts are energy. And the more you believe a thought, the
more energy it has. And that energy can convert to any form of
choice. It can even manifest...”
He was talking
about my powers! He was telling me to choose the form of the power!
My heart pounded so hard with excitement that I was afraid I would
miss his words.
“Keep doing
well; there are bursaries available for next year.”
He turned and
walked out, not as wobbly as before, leaving me standing there.
I got back into
gear a second too late and ran after him. I wanted to ask how he
knew it and who he was, but he was gone. Only Benjamin was out
there, sitting on a little bench close by, waiting to have lunch
with me. I walked up to him with lead in my shoes.
***
Chapter 17 –
Bushbaby
A bushbaby is
a small, nocturnal ape with very large eyes.
The first thing
that sprang into my mind was explosions: I wanted to explode
things. It always looked impressive in movies. And very
powerful.
I was anxious
to try it out, but couldn’t really attempt it around the dorms, not
based on the results that the previous attempts had on my immediate
environment. What explanation could I possibly offer if only my
room was smashed up like a hurricane and nothing else
destroyed?
On top of that,
I would have to do any experimenting at night or on a cloudy day,
out of fear that Alex would see and also guess my plan.
My heart felt
tender at the thought of him. He was willing to die to keep me from
doing something against my will. What a tremendous Ruler he would
have made. And he was giving that up for me as well!
About two weeks
later, armed with a printout from Google Maps, I sneaked out of my
room around two o’clock on a Saturday morning, using the main
stairs as the Reds would be watching the emergency stairs.
I waited
patiently for almost an hour, watching for Peter outside. The
chance was there to try to slip away, but the Reds were good, all
of them. He’d probably follow me and sabotage my whole
expedition.
It was easy. I
made sure that Peter saw me and walked to my car and climbed in.
Moments later he knocked on my window as expected, frowning down at
me.