Will of Man - Part Three (2 page)

I haven’t seen or heard anyone since I started out last Sunday. The nights have been windy, hiding any noise I may have made, and I’ve stayed hidden quit well during the day due to the hilly, wooded terrain.

Last night, after seeing no street signs or homes for a couple days, I finally came across an abandoned cabin. I searched for any supplies and found none. However, I did find some mail which supplied me with an address.

Apparently, I am in Hixson, Tennessee near the Tennessee River. According to my calculations I am around 780 miles away from my destination (Grandpa‘s house).

If I walk ten miles a day, I can reach Grandpa’s in 78 days. A conservative estimate would be more like three to four months. I will have to travel through summer and into the early fall. I don’t want to have to travel in the winter, so I will have to stay disciplined and keep moving.

Hixson is a small town, but I am still going to avoid it. I don’t need anything major right now. So I will not take the chance wondering around an unknown town to find a can of soup. Some of the homes look lived in, and that means people. The less contact with people, the less chance I have running into some psycho.

Tyler's Journal Entry: 369

Date: June 10

Day: Tuesday

Weather: Sunny and warm

Miles to go: 650

Traveling has been harder than I initially thought it would be. I’ve only covered a little over a hundred miles in the three weeks I’ve been traveling (averaging five miles a day). The terrain is so hilly and full of turns. My energy is low due to lack of proper nutrition. I catch food in my traps and fish line about every three days.

Most of my food consists of berries and small game like muskrats, possums, and fish. When I don’t have meat from the small game to eat, I feed on grubs and earthworms. I’ve learned to turn over every fallen log I find. I can almost always find some sort of wiggly bug to eat. However, I would kill for a large pepperoni pizza and frothy chocolate milk shake.

The muskrat and possum aren’t too bad. The fish, however, always tastes like nasty pond water. My mom use to soak fish overnight in milk to rid the fishy taste. Then she had an assortment of spices and bread crumbs to coat the fish with. I just cook it over a fire and eat it still on the bone. It’s a great source of nutrition, but a bad tasting meal otherwise.

The grubs and earthworms go down easily and don’t have much of a taste. I still swallow them whole with a gulp of purified water (kind of like taking a pill). The muskrat and possum are best when I leave the fat on the meat. Fat gives the meat flavor. I pretend I’m eating rotisserie chicken.

I’ve learned to save a little fish, so I can use it for possum bait. Possums eat anything and a morsel of stinky fish attracts them pretty good.

My Dad taught me how to preserve meat by smoking it. I build a small fire then place wet wood chips in it to make it smoke. Then I hang the meat over the smoky fire and cover it with a blanket I found. I make sure the blanket is far enough away from the fire so it doesn’t catch fire, but close enough that it captures the smoke. Then I let it smoke for a few hours.

The meat tastes like a burned piece of wood, but it gives me food for when I am on the move. It’s been a long time since I’ve eaten anything I consider “tasty.”

My food intake must be sufficient, since I’m still moving. I was worried I would become so weak that I would be unable to keep going. But so far it’s been good. Presently, I’m in the state of Kentucky and the area has been a good source of food and shelter. I’m lucky it’s not winter though. That would be a game changer.

Tyler's Journal Entry: 372

Date: June 15

Day: Sunday

Weather: Sunny and warm

Miles to go: 635

Today a very strange thing happened to me. I was scavenging for food in the early morning, when all of a sudden, I felt a tremendous surge within my chest. It felt like someone kicked my heart from within. I fell to my knees holding my chest gasping for air.

I don’t know what caused it, but I do know it scared me and I had never felt that sensation before.

I tried walking back to camp but found myself shaking too much to walk. I laid on the ground staring up at the fluffy clouds.

Since the “surge,” I’ve felt a strange sensation from within. I feel an incredible pull towards the east. I can’t explain this pulling sensation other than I feel like I’m in a flowing river and the current is pulling me towards the east.

I thought maybe my equilibrium was out of whack due to lack of nutrition and pushing too hard during my trekking at night. But no matter what direction I face, the pull is always to the east.

Just sitting here now, writing in this journal, I feel this tremendous pull, and it’s pulling me to the east. When I walk in the easterly direction, I feel like a wind is to my back and I move easily. When I walk in the opposite direction of the pull, I feel like I’m walking upstream in a river that’s over my head.

Not only do I feel this pulling, I also feel this uncontrollable thirst for whatever is to the east. I feel like there is something waiting for me if I just follow the pull and go to it.

However, I cannot. I will continue on to the north. Finding my family is my goal and nothing will stop me.

Maybe after some good sleep, I will lose this feeling. It must be something in my head. My dad has raced in races that went over the thirty-six hour mark and he felt and saw some really strange things.

One time, he was doing a thirty-six hour adventure race and he was in the twenty something hour when Dad started to see monkeys swinging in the trees. He could have swore they were following him. We live in Michigan; there are no monkeys in Michigan.

My dad has also had a complete shut-down of his body due to lack of hydration and nutrition. He said his face went numb, then his arms and legs, then a complete shut-down and he had to disqualify himself from the race. The sad thing about that race is he only had about twenty minutes to go.

That was hard to accept. That was the first race he ever quit. He said he hated the feeling of quitting and that it bothered him for a long time. He never quit a race after that.

But today’s sensation is different. I’m scared for my health. There is something wrong with me and I don’t know why. I have been drinking plenty of purified water and don’t consider myself dehydrated. The rule is, that if my urine is clear in color, than I am well hydrated. If it is yellow in color, then I need to drink more.

I’ve been getting better at trapping and catching and finding food. So I’m eating the best I’ve ever eaten since I started this journey.

Did I eat something I shouldn’t have? Do I have some kind of poison in me from a berry I should not have eaten? Did I get bitten by a poisonous spider or snake and not realize it? What’s going on with me? I think I will rest here for the next couple days till I feel better.

Tyler's Journal Entry: 373

Date: June 16

Day: Monday

Weather: Sunny and warm

Miles to go: 635

I had a hard time sleeping last night. The pulling sensation has not let up and it seems to be getting stronger. The THIRST, as I call it, is worse too. Everything in my body is saying “Go east!”

Except for my heart, which is telling me “Go north! That’s where you’re family is.”

Did I crack my head while sleep walking? What is wrong with me? It all started with that tremendous “surge” I felt in my chest.

I don’t think I’m going to get better sitting here. I will continue on with my trek north once night falls. Nothing will stop me. I will push on.

Tyler's Journal Entry: 374

Date: June 18

Day: Wednesday

Weather: Warm and windy

Miles to go: 641

I pushed hard the past two days trying to forget about this pulling sensation. It’s not going away and the farther I push to the north the stronger the pull is to the east. The THIRST for whatever is in the east is overriding my hunger for food and water. It is the only craving I feel.

I feel helpless. I feel sick, and I’m getting weaker with each step. The only time I feel “right” is when I’m heading east. This can’t be a mental or physical thing. The pull is always to the east. SOMETHING is pulling me to it. SOMETHING will not give up till I find it in the east.

I can’t fight it anymore, I must head east to whatever is calling me to come to it. Does this have something to do with the LAST DAY? Are there others experiencing this? I don’t know. But I do know, that I can’t push north anymore. I have to go east and find what’s there.

Tomorrow, with great sadness, I head east.

Tyler's Journal Entry: 376

Date: June 20

Day: Friday

Weather: Sunny and warm

Miles to go: 651

Since I’ve given into the PULL, my health has improved and I’m feeling better. My mind is clearer and the THIRST is lessoning, but still there.

I can’t help but wonder how far I will have to travel east till I find what is waiting for me. Will I be on an endless journey for the rest of my life?

I haven’t seen or spoke to a person for over a month. Am I going insane from solitude? I’ve caught myself talking out loud to myself. This breaks my rule of remaining stealthy. I’m almost to the point where I don’t care anymore.

If this is how life is going to be, then I don’t know if living is worth it. When I had the goal of reaching my family, I had something to live for. Now I’m just heading in the wrong direction with no end in sight. There is no Mom, Dad, or Tanner waiting for me. I may find myself walking forever, never finding anything or anyone.

How long can I do this?

Tyler's Journal Entry: 377

I killed someone today. He was a boy the same age as me. I am so sorry. What have I become?

Tyler's Journal Entry: 378

Date: July 15

Day: Tuesday

Weather: Sunny and hot

Miles to go: 645

I haven’t written for a while in this journal. After my encounter with boy, I had a hard time doing anything. After a long time of thinking, asking for forgiveness, and trying to accept what happened, I’m now ready to write about what happened.

It was a Tuesday when I had found what I was looking for. The THIRST was the boy. He was what I was being pulled to and him to me. We met on a grassy knoll surrounded by tall oak trees.

As I neared him, I could sense his presence and that he was the very thing I was seeking for so many days. When our eyes met, he looked at me the same way I looked at him. Not in a welcoming way, or a threatening way, more in a curious way. We were attracted to each other like two powerful magnets.

Then after a brief moment of studying each other, our mostly calm meeting turned viscously violent and we charged each other like two rabid dogs. Then all went blank.

I blacked out.

I awoke to find myself lying in a shallow stream. My clothes were ripped, my face was scratched, and I had bruises all over my face and neck like I had been punched and strangled.

I pulled myself out of the stream and sat beside a birch tree pondering what happened to me. I kept looking around for the boy. I cautiously walked back to the grassy knoll in the middle of the tall oaks. There I found the lifeless body of the boy I had been pulled to.

I collapsed to my knees and examined him. He was dead from what looked like a blow to the head. There was a rock lying next to him with a small amount of blood on it. He wasn’t bruised or scratched up as much as me, but obviously lost the fight between the two of us.

I didn’t cry at first. I was confused and in shock. I just kept repeating the word “Why” over and over.

Tyler's Journal Entry: 384

Date: July 25

Day: Friday

Weather: Sunny and hot

Miles to go: 635

I’m finally making progress again since my encounter with the boy. I backtracked to where I left off and am now heading north again.

I am coming to terms with what happened. I feel horrible, but I know it wasn’t by my choice. I am not a killer. I do not get joy out of hurting people. What happened to that boy and me was not our choosing. There must be a higher power controlling what is happening. The blackouts, the LAST DAY, the THIRST, and the PULL are all connected.

Will I be pulled again? Will I have to kill again? Will I be killed next time? When I compare my wounds to the boy I had to fight, mine were by far the worse. He was getting the best of me before I got lucky and whacked him with a stone. What if that stone would have not been within my grasp? Would I have lost? Maybe I would be dead now and my family would have never known what happened to me.

I’m not a violent person. I’ve never enjoyed watching people fight. How can I defend myself, or be aggressive enough to kill someone.

Can I train myself to kill? Do I even want to? Am I sinning, even though I have no memory of what I did? So many questions, so few answers.

As I walk along these dark roads, I am thinking nonstop about what I should do in the event I have another PULL. One thing I have going for me, is that I am very good at preparing for competition. If I get PULLED again, I know I will not be able to resist it. I know I will have to fight someone again and I am almost certain it will be to the death. It makes my stomach hurt and I want to throw up.

If I want to survive this, I will have to prepare and approach it like I do a race. I will have to prepare myself through disciplined training and mental preparation.

I will exercise when I can, I will begin doing my core exercises, along with pushups and cardio training. I will do my best to make myself strong and fast.