Will the Real Prince Charming Please Stand Up (17 page)

****

“You’re really quiet,” Brady observed with a worried frown as he drove to school. “Are you okay?”

I nodded. “I’m fine.”
Just heartbroken and miserable
, I wanted to add.

“How’s your head?”

“Okay.”

“Well, you seem off,” he said. “Is something bothering you? Do you want to talk about it?”

I hesitated. As much of a pain as my brother was, I knew he was looking out for me. I took a deep breath and said, “Have you ever convinced yourself that you felt one way about someone because you thought you were supposed to, but the reality is that maybe you actually felt completely different about them all along?”

“What?” He looked confused.

I looked out the window. “Never mind.”

“We all make mistakes, you know,” he said after a pause. “And we really should trust our instincts more, instead of fighting them. I mean, when you try to convince yourself to feel a certain way about someone because you think you’re supposed to, it leads to disaster.” He glanced at me. “Do you know what I mean?”

“Not really.”

We drove in silence the rest of the way to school. When he parked the car, Brady turned to me, a concerned expression lining his face. “I’m really mad at myself for what happened with Dante,” he said. “I should have been paying more attention these last couple of months.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, Brady. I’m a big girl.”

“I’m serious, Bianca,” he said, determined to make me hear him out. “That Dante kid really messed you up, and I want you to be more careful. I mean, it’s fine if you like someone and—”

“I know. And I’ll make better choices from now on.” I lifted my shoulder in a half-shrug. “I’ll be a little better about guarding myself,” I promised as I got out of the car to see my friends.

As I made my way up to homeroom, I discovered Ally had been right: Getting knocked out by an angry ex-boyfriend had astronomically boosted my popularity quotient. Not long after greeting Ally and Talia with hugs, people started approaching me, mostly girls I only knew in passing, all stopping to tell me they were glad Dante was gone or they were really sorry he had attacked me or even that they’d always known he had serious anger-management issues.

“Bianca!” Sandra cried when she saw me in the hallway as my friends and I walked to homeroom. “Are you okay?”

I nodded. “I’m all right.”

“We were so shocked to hear about Dante,” she said in a breathless gush. “I mean, Zoe said he had a wicked jealous streak and all, but even she was stunned that he actually hit you!”

“I think we all were,” Ally agreed.

“But you must have been freaked out when he attacked you and stuff,” she continued. “I mean, seriously, it was such a good thing Tim was there, right?” Sandra peered up at me expectantly. “Is it true that you threw up on him, and he didn’t even care?”

I glanced at Ally who shrugged. “Yeah, but he’s like family, so—”

“Oh, that’s, like, so sweet!” she said, putting a hand over her heart.

“Um, I guess?” I saw Talia shake her head, and I stifled a giggle.

“Well, you are a really lucky girl,” Sandra said with a wistful sigh as she hurried away from us.

We walked into homeroom and went to our seats. “Who knew that getting a concussion and puking on someone would be such news?” I asked with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

“Fights don’t happen often at Westgate,” Ally replied. “It’s not worth getting expelled.”

“And puking usually only happens when you get too drunk at a party,” Talia added. “Plus, I think most guys would freak out if a girl spewed all over them.”

I grimaced. “Yeah, I think I’d freak out, too.”

The morning announcements were full of the usual boring communications, but Ally poked me in the arm when Mrs. Goldberg announced that tickets for the Winter Formal were available.

She wiggled her eyebrows at me, and my mood instantly changed from mildly annoyed to downright cranky.

“It’s not going to happen,” I said. “He’ll never ask me.”

The bell rang, and we collected our belongings and started toward the door.

“Here’s a novel idea! Maybe you should ask him,” Talia suggested.

“And have him tell me he doesn’t like me that way?” I shook my head. “No way. I can’t take the rejection. Besides, Brady said he’s trying to get Tim to ask that girl, whoever she is.” I narrowed my eyes at Ally. “And thanks to your little account of what happened last week, only a complete idiot would turn him down now.”

Her jaw dropped, and she looked as though I had just slapped her. “Wow, that’s an incredibly selfish perspective,” she said. “He’s an awesome guy, and I don’t think you should be the only one who knows it.”

“She’s cranky,” Talia said under her breath as she grabbed her arm to rush to their next class. “She’s been like this all during break. Don’t take it personally.”

“It’s kind of hard not to.”

“Just let her rage for a while.”

“I can still hear you!” I called after them.

“Hey, Bianca,” Tim said behind me, causing me to jump.

I whirled around and glared at him. “What?”

He blinked, as if stunned by my reaction. His brow was creased, like he was confused or disappointed, and I almost felt bad about lashing out at him the way I had. But then I remembered how he’d kept me waiting all day for him to come over and how he hadn’t even had the courtesy to respond to my perfectly innocent text, and I was furious all over again.

“I, um, just wanted to check on you and see how you were feeling,” he managed. He shifted the backpack on his shoulder and shoved his hands into his pockets. “How’s that bump on your head?”

“It’s fine,” I grumbled. I started toward my geometry class, and Tim followed. I glanced at him and silently cursed him for looking adorable even though I was so angry with him.

“Good,” he said with a nod. “I’ve been thinking about you. I mean, I’ve been wondering how you were doing, after your concussion and all.”

“Yeah? You could’ve fooled me.”

He grabbed my arm to make me stop. “Wait. What?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You didn’t come over like you said you would. And the least you could have done was text me back!” I turned on my heel and rushed through the crowded hallway to my next class, ignoring the stunned expression on his face.

****

I struggled all morning to stay focused on what was happening in my classes, but my thoughts kept drifting to Tim. It may have been wishful thinking, but he looked shocked when I told him off after homeroom, like he really didn’t know how upset I was about this past weekend. But how could he not know? Okay, so there was the possibility that my text didn’t go through. But he’d told me he would come by on Sunday to check on me. And I’d waited all day for him to show, but he never did.

Just thinking about it made my stomach shrivel up all over again.

Thankfully, my teachers all assumed my inattentiveness was a lingering symptom of my concussion, even though it had been a week since Dante had slammed me against the wall. Everyone handled me delicately, as though I might fall apart at any moment. Under normal circumstances, I would have laughed at how silly I thought everyone was treating me, but I was so engrossed in my personal drama that I welcomed the freedom to zone out in class.

And truthfully, with everything going on with my jumbled-up feelings for Tim, I was kind of an internal wreck.

As Mr. Jorgensen droned on about European history while the seconds ticked closer to lunch, though, I realized that I would have to talk to Tim sooner or later, if for no other reason than the fact he was still Brady’s best friend. What I needed to do was give him an opportunity to apologize. I was still deciding how I ought to approach him — or if I even should — when I stopped Jake after class.

“Jake!” I cried as Talia went ahead of us to the cafeteria. “Wait for me!” I hurried to catch up with him. “I desperately need your opinion.”

“Sure,” he replied.

“Pretend you’re a guy,” I said to him.

He gave me a wry grin before he looked up for a moment as if in thought, took a deep breath, and let it out quickly. He shook out his shoulders, rolled his neck and beamed at me. “Okay,” he finally said with a nod. “I’m ready.”

“If a girl texted you with something like ‘It’s not the same without you,’ would you at least respond to her?”

“Do I like her?” he asked.

“Does it make a difference?”

He shrugged. “Not really.” He paused. “Well, kind of.”

“What do you mean?”

Another pause. “You know how you and I are friends?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, if you sent me a text like that, I’d think, ‘Oh, that’s really nice of her to say,’ but I wouldn’t respond because, well, what do you say to that? But, if, like, someone I liked sent me that text, then I’d think that maybe she wishes I was there with her, and I’d probably reply as soon as I got it.”

“Okay,” I said slowly.

“But then let’s say we’re just friends, and you sent me that text, and I think you might like me, but I really don’t like you that way. In that case, I probably wouldn’t respond either because it would be awkward.”

I nodded. “So, then, hypothetically, if I sent a message like that to someone, and he didn’t text back....”

“He’s probably not into you,” Jake finished for me.

“Oh.” Wow, that was so not what I wanted to hear.

“So who did you hypothetically text?” he asked.

“Hypothetically?” I grimaced as I held my breath. “Tim.”

Jake stopped. “And he didn’t text back?” he asked, his mouth agape.

“You don’t have to rub it in,” I said with a sniff.

He furrowed his brow. “No, I mean, that’s surprising.” He tilted his head. “Really?” His voice cracked as he practically squeaked in surprise. “Are you sure?”

I rolled my eyes. “I think I would know whether or not I got a text from him.”

Jake nodded. “Then he must not have seen it or something because there is no way that guy would intentionally ignore you.”

“You don’t have to say things like that to boost my ego, you know,” I said with a frown. “Ally already does that enough.”

“I’ve never lied to you.”

“Well, he also said he would come by yesterday when he got back from this trip, and he never did.”

“Bianca, there are a million plausible reasons he couldn’t come by. Hey,” he said, taking me by the shoulders, “you’re one of my closest friends, and I love you like a sister. But sometimes, I swear you live in some thick fog and are completely oblivious to what’s right in front of your face.” He released me. “Go find him at lunch. Talk to him. Whatever you’re upset about, I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.”

I was far less certain. “You think so?”

Jake let out a frustrated sigh. “You know what the problem with you girls is? You don’t tell us what’s going on, and yet you expect us to know, though you don’t even leave us any hints.”

“I’ve left plenty of hints,” I said with an indignant pout.

“Clearly not.” He peered into my face. “We’re guys, Bianca. Unless you spell it out for us with bright, flashing neon lights, we’re kind of clueless.”

I laughed, and we walked together toward the cafeteria. Ally and Talia intercepted us on the way there. Their eyes were wide with alarm.

“Why don’t we go hang out in the library?” Talia suggested. “I can help you study for that make-up biology test.”

“But I’m starving!” I whined.

“Jake will get something for us, right?” Ally said, nudging him.

“Um, yeah? I guess so. Sure.” He looked confused.

“Guys, my head hurts, I’m hungry, and I’m already cranky. Let’s go inside, get our food, and eat, okay?” I pushed past them and walked into the cafeteria, just in time to see Vicky Irvine wearing Tim’s varsity jacket and kissing him.

My friends were mortified, but that was nothing compared to how I felt.

“I had no idea he even liked her,” Ally insisted. “I mean, remember my Halloween party? She was all over him, yeah, but I swear he didn’t look interested!”

I followed my friends inside the library and stared at the table, stunned. Brady had said that Tim liked someone, and I knew that all the girls were talking about him. But actually seeing him with someone instead of just thinking about the possibility of it was completely different. When it had been only an idea, it was like an annoyingly dull ache in my chest. Seeing him kissing Vicky felt like someone had punched me in the gut and stabbed me in the heart. Repeatedly.

And Vicky Irvine? Seriously? I mean, she was kind of pretty, except for the fact that she always had this pained look on her face, like she was constantly smelling rotten cabbage or something. And, okay, she wasn’t totally vapid like some of the girls at Westgate, so at least she was capable of holding an intelligent conversation. And even I had to admit that she had the kind of body that managed to make our school uniform look sexy. But really? Vicky Irvine?

I felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest. I doubted I would ever recover. I doubted it was even possible to recover.

“So you guys obviously saw something before I got there. What did I miss?” I asked, not really certain I wanted to know. I mean, seeing him with her was bad enough; it’s not like it could have been much worse.

Ally glanced at Talia before she grimaced. “Well, when we saw them, she was only wearing his jacket and sitting next to him.” She paused. “But they looked pretty cozy.”

Cozy enough for my friends to usher me away from the cafeteria, I realized. I felt my stomach tighten and groaned. “I didn’t need to hear that.”

“In his defense, though,” Talia said hopefully, “he didn’t have his arm around her or anything.”

I stared at her. “And that’s supposed to make me feel better about watching him make out with her how?”

My friends exchanged glances again, and I put my head down on the table. I wanted so badly to cry, but I was too stunned to even form the tears.

“I promise I had no idea,” Ally repeated. She sounded apologetic, like she was taking this personally.

My insides felt hollow. My lungs felt heavy. I wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball and vanish.

And in all honesty, the worst part of this was that I kind of built up the hope that Tim might like me by believing that maybe my friends had been right. Maybe Brady would have been fine with the idea of Tim and me, like Talia had said. Maybe Ally had been right and Tim held my hair back when I was dry-heaving because he really liked me. Maybe, like Jake had said, Tim would never intentionally ignore me.

But I saw for myself how very wrong they had been. And I felt like a complete idiot for thinking they’d been right.

What was it Brady had said? It was something about trusting my instincts instead of fighting them, letting myself feel instead of keeping it bottled up inside to meet others’ expectations. Well, he was wrong, too. I finally realized my fourth-grade crush had blossomed into so much more, and all I’d gotten in return was an aching heart.

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole so I’d never have to face him again, but as I knew that wasn’t likely to happen, I reached for my phone instead.

“What are you doing?” Talia asked, concern lining her face.

“I’m going to make myself disappear.” I tapped on my phone a few times and put it up to my ear. “Mom?” I said when she answered. “I don’t think I was ready to come back to school after all. Can you bring me home?”