Willoughby 03 - A Rogue's Deadly Redemption (12 page)

Fear sent Robert’s heart into his throat, as the pain that held his head in a vice grip pulsed and made logical thought impossible.

Though his body felt like sludge, Robert pulled himself up, straightened his shoulders and managed to step behind the captain.

“Leave her alone.”

Lily and the man stood inches apart. With a disgusted look at Robert, the captain flicked a hand in his direction.

“Get rid of them.”

“No!” Lily cried.

At the fear in her voice, Robert launched himself at the man. He didn’t know where the strength came from, didn’t know what he was doing—or why. He collided with the man in a moment of surprise, with full force directly in the gut. Enough to send them both backwards until they crashed into the far wall with a bone-jarring bounce and tumbled to the ground.

Robert lifted a hand, managed to land it on the captain’s face.

Then he was being pummeled by feet and fists.

“Stop it!” He heard Lily’s cry and kicked out a little harder. He couldn’t let them kill him. He couldn’t leave her to fend for herself with these street rats.

“Enough.”

At the bark, the fists stopped. One last kick landed with painful accuracy at his thigh.

“I want them out of my sight. Let them loose.” The captain pointed at Robert. “You have one week to ‘remember’ to bring what you owe me. Unless you decide to hide behind your woman again. Then I might find you out of principle.”

Hands grabbed at his arms and he heard Lily’s cry as they lifted her up. Robert struggled, but it did no good. They were dragged to the door of the godforsaken establishment. It opened, letting in a rush of cold air, and they were shoved out.

The door slammed behind them.

Lily stood inches away, her breath rapid in the strange silence.

His own breath seemed hard to catch.

Then warmth covered his arm, and he looked down. Lily’s hand had wrapped around his upper arm. He met her gaze.

“Are you all right?” Her voice was soft, even as the din of the city—random yells, moans and other noises that blended into a symphony of desolation—picked up. Robert took in his first full breath.

Everything was gray. The buildings, the ground, the air—it differed only in shades of darkness and grime. This was not where they’d left Cary lying on the ground. Knots wound through his gut. What had happened to him? What would happen to them?

Lily. Robert grimaced.

She stood in a green gown that held some traces of dirt, but nothing that could diminish the gentility she emanated. Her dark hair held a shine that would have proven impossible if one had to trudge through the coal-dusted air of these areas. Dust, dirt and filth had a way of seeping into everything when you lived with them.

Lily did not.

He had no idea if he did, but rather than feel uncomfortable, something more primal surged through him. His fingers flexed as he narrowed in on the emotions she held in check. The desperate fear in the turn of her brows, the tense way her arms hung at her sides.

“Is this an alley?” Lily’s words were whispered, as though it would keep them from being true. She glanced left and right. “Where are we?”

He didn’t know, but he’d be damned if he’d admit that. But as he watched her, he realized she wasn’t
asking
him. She was intent on answering her own question, to provide her own way. She didn’t expect anything from him.

Robert had the distinct impression that had nothing to do with his lack of memory.

Her eyes were wide, uncertain as she looked up and down the street. “I suppose we pick a direction, and we’ll come upon a more populated street at some point.” She paused. “Do you remember anything about where we are?”

“I’d give you the grand tour if I could.” Her lips thinned at his sarcasm. “I’m sorry. I have no idea why my mouth opens at times.”

“It’s who you are, memory intact or not.” It wasn’t her words that smarted, but the weariness in her tone. The obvious hint that her low expectations had been consistently met.

“Lily.” Her name was written on his mind. The pull he felt toward her was a physical need. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” She waved a hand around. “For this? It doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that we get home.” She let out a breath. “Do you remember how you got here? Anything?”

He ran a hand through his hair, felt the grime on his fingers. “The last I remember was walking with Cary.” Worry slammed into him again. “I have to find him.”

“Why? You remember your brothers?”

The efforts to recall the moments before the men attacked him sent shards of pain through his head. “One of them, Cary, came to see me. I was with him when they attacked. He was hit. I have to make sure he’s all right. He said some things…I need to know what he meant.”

“About what?”

He frowned. It was there, on the tip of his tongue. But the thoughts were fleeting, wisps of nothing that disappeared the more he tried to recall them. “How did you get here?”

“They escorted me here.” The flat tone of her words made it clear that her escort hadn’t been willing.

Something hot and earthy flared inside of him, and he grabbed her hand. “Did they hurt you? Did they—”

She gave him an odd look. “No.” She took her hand away and Robert felt the immediate lack of her warmth. Instead, she crossed them over her chest.

“I wish I could remember you,” he said plainly.

That desire hit with full force, even though his words didn’t seem very welcome. He wished he could decipher the emotions that ravaged her face, the body language that warded him off, even if he didn’t understand why.

She turned away, walked a few steps down the alley. “We need to get home. Somehow. Perhaps we can hail a cab.”

Robert watched a rat scurry from one pile of trash to another. He didn’t think a cab would be waiting for fares in this area. But they did need to move. “Let’s walk. See what we find.”

Lily stared at him, unmoving, seeming to measure if she could trust him. Or perhaps if he was the lesser of evils. She nodded and moved into step next to him. “Are you all right to walk?”

He hurt like the devil, but they had no choice. Side by side, they trudged down the alley until they came to a larger street.

This street bulged with more people, more buildings, but it was painted as gray and hopeless as the others. A group of three young boys, dressed in ratty clothes and defiant airs, walked past them. Their calculated looks were far too adult as they examined Lily, head to toe. One nudged the other, and they snickered.

Robert summoned what he hoped was a glare, and it proved enough to keep the boys moving but Robert knew not every person they encountered would be so easy. Lily was goodness and light when this side of life was far removed from either.

Though her shiny, luxurious hair was a little disheveled, she was clean. For that fact, so was he.

That wouldn’t do.

He stopped, reached his hand down and dug his fingers into the cold, sticky mud.

“What are you doing?” She wrinkled her nose.

He rubbed his hands together and walked over to her. Without warning, he smeared the dirt down her arms.

“Wait.” She tried to jump back, but he wrapped his fingers around her arms and held her in place. Her chest lifted as her breath caught.

“We stand out too much.” His words were slow and measured, so as not to call attention and to calm her. “This will help.”

“By being filthy?” she asked, then frowned. “How do you know this?” Her eyes held an innocent curiosity that would have long been stamped out by those boys they’d passed and many others. If they’d ever been innocent or curious to begin with.

Robert frowned.

How did he know? He couldn’t recall a single bloody personal detail, yet he could size up this situation with the wisdom of a man who knew in his gut what life was like for those boys.

How was it he was married to a woman as beautiful, as regal, as…shiny as his wife? He had begun to feel he was barely worthy to shine her boots.

Who the hell
was
he?

He lifted his dirty hands to her face and gently rubbed the mud onto her cheeks, enough to dull the freshness of her skin.

“I don’t want to know what that smell is, do I?”

His mouth twitched. “Probably not.”

She took in a deep breath, and promptly closed her mouth. With a wrinkled nose, she asked, “Which way do we go?”

Robert pointed right. He wasn’t sure why. “That way.”

She didn’t question, she just moved with him. He stopped to grab another handful of dirt and applied it to himself. It did little good. Even with the dirt, they stood apart as people who didn’t belong and had rolled in the mud. But it was better than nothing, when he wasn’t armed to protect them.

In silence they walked, and with every step, Lily seemed to move closer to him until the heat from their bodies melded together. They moved as one unit, enough to send others marching past around them.

Robert noted enough of those others took measured awareness of them both, but Lily drew the lion’s share of attention. Without a word, he slipped his arm down and moved it until it rested on her back.

She startled, glanced at him. “Are you hurt? Feeling sick?”

Her eyes captured him. They were such a deep, rich tone. Like a glass of warm burgundy.

A flash of those eyes, staring up at him with adoration, startled him. He stopped. Blinked. Where had that come from?

“Robert? What is it?” Those same eyes stared at him now, concern filling them.

That warmed him from the inside. “Nothing.” He didn’t know why he didn’t tell her. It was such a fleeting moment, nothing really. But enough to pull a longing up from the dregs of his gut. A reminder of how he’d felt when he met her? A shock of need, of desire? Had it been like that between them? She ducked her head down. And on they continued.

“Is anything familiar?” he asked after they’d turned more streets than he could count and nothing sparked his memory. How long had they been walking? Though the pounding in his head had subsided, exhaustion weighted his limbs and every step depleted reserves of energy he didn’t know he had.

She shook her head. “No. But something must soon, I imagine.”

They continued to walk, noting as they did that the crowds grew thicker, louder. A buzz in the air indicated a large crowd and though Robert’s instincts might have been to go away from the crowd, they needed to find something familiar.

He steered them in the direction that others flocked toward. The noise grew louder and louder, until they could separate the sounds of angry voices.

He paused. “Maybe we shouldn’t…”

“No, I think we’re near Old Bailey.”

It didn’t sound familiar. That sharp pang of disappointment
was
becoming familiar, however.

She must have seen something in his face, for she stopped. “The courthouse. The gallows. Is any of this familiar?”

“Should it be?” The wry humor came from nowhere, but the admonishment in her expression made it clear Lily did not find the humor.

“How could you?” Her voice was achingly small, and the plaintive tone shamed him. “How could you be involved with those people?”

“I don’t know.” He was starting to hate those words. He hated the disappointment that darkened her face, held her even farther away from him. His throat constricted. At the same time, he couldn’t imagine leaving her side.

Lily had said he was the same, with or without his memories. “Do you believe that?”

“Believe you were involved with them? It would be hard to deny at this point.”

“No. Earlier. You said my memory loss wouldn’t change who I am. Am I the same man as before?

Wariness narrowed her eyes. “This is hardly the time or place.”

“It’s exactly the time and place. I don’t know who I was. I am beginning to have an idea but I need to know, am I the same man? I can’t answer that, but you can.”

“No. I can’t.” Lily angled her body away from him, so he couldn’t see her face. “You brought them into our lives, and you kept all of this from me. You kept me from so much of your life. I am so angry, and I want to scream at you, but I can’t because you don’t recall any of it.” She crossed her arms. “It would be like yelling at a puppy.”

”A
puppy
?”

“Do you know how aggravating that is?”

“Not yelling at a puppy?”

She glared at him. “Not being able to be angry at
you
. Because what is the point? You’re as helpless as a babe.”

He bristled at that. “I am not helpless. I—”

She didn’t let him finish, just turned and walked down the street, shifting sideways around people.

“Lily, wait.”

He followed after her, sidestepping around people walking the other direction or stopping on the street.

The size of the crowd was growing, as they headed deeper into it. The streets buzzed with a tension that made him uneasy. For such a tiny thing, Lily moved with amazing ease, slipping through the crowd. He caught up to her and wrapped his hand around her wrist.