And that had been part of the problem. When Hal had started up on his own and moved to new premises over at Harwich, the business had taken up increasing amounts of his time. He had to stay late, he would explain in another late-night telephone call. The first year of any new business was crucial. She had tried to understand, but her physical longing for him—as well as the practical problems of not having him around the house—had multiplied.
Then the recession had struck, and furniture restoration somehow toppled down people’s list of priorities, and Hal had grown more tense and distant, some nights failing to come home at all. The faint stench of sweat on his clothes and stubble on his chin told of another night on the sofa of his offices, his grim demeanor of staff laid off, bills unpaid. And he had not wanted to sleep with her. Too tired. Too beaten down by it all. Unused to failure. And Camille, who had never known rejection in her thirty-five years, felt panicked.
That was where Michael had come in. Michael Bryant, new in town and up from London to capitalize on the growing demand for beach huts and bungalows by the sea. He’d wanted her from the start, had wasted no time in telling her so. And eventually, demented with grief at the perceived loss of her husband, bereft of the physical love that sustained her, she had succumbed.
And regretted it immediately afterward.
And made the mistake of telling Hal.
He had raged at first, then wept. And she had thought, hopefully, that the expulsion of such passion might be a good sign, because it showed that he still cared about her. But then he’d grown cold and withdrawn, had moved into the spare room and, ultimately, up the road to Kirby-le-Soken.
Three months later he returned. He still loved her, he said, muttering furiously into his chest. He would never not love her. But it was going to take a while to trust her.
She had nodded, mutely, just grateful for her second chance. Grateful that Katie wasn’t going to become another in a long line of depressing statistics. Hopeful that they could rebuild the love they once had.
A year on, they were still tiptoeing through minefields.
“S
HE FEELING BETTER
?”
In the front room, just out of earshot, Katie sat, glazed-eyed in front of a blistering run of cartoon explosions.
“She says so. We’ve been stuffing her with iron tablets. I dread to think what it’s doing to her digestive system.”
Camille’s mother snorted and placed another pile of plates in a kitchen cupboard. “Well, she looks like she’s got a little more color in her face. I did think she’d gone a bit pale.”
“You as well! So why didn’t you say anything?”
“You know I don’t like to butt in.”
Camille smiled wryly.
“So what are you going to do about tomorrow? I thought Hal had that weekend in Derby.”
“It’s an antiques fair. And it’s just the day. He’s coming home on the late train. But, yes, unless she goes to school, I’ll have to cancel my appointments again. Can you see if Katie’s egg is done, Mum? My hands are wet.”
“Another minute, I think. . . .It’s a long way for him to go for just one day.”
“I know.”
There was a brief silence. Camille knew that her mother was well aware of why Hal didn’t want to stay away at night. She thrust her hands deeper into the dishwater, searching for stray cutlery.
“Well, I don’t think you should send her back to school for one day. You want to give her a long weekend to get right again. So if you want me to take her, I’m free from midmorning. And I’ll still have her Saturday evening, if you want to go out.”
Camille finished the washing up, placing the last plate carefully on the rack. She frowned and turned slightly.
“Aren’t you going to Doreen’s?”
“No. I’ve got to go and meet this designer person. Hand the keys over. And take the last of my stuff.”
Camille stopped. “It’s really sold?”
“Of course it’s sold.” Her mother’s voice was dismissive. “Been sold for ages.”
“It . . . it just seems so sudden.”
“It’s not sudden in the slightest. I told you I was going to do it. This man didn’t have to get a mortgage or anything, so there’s no point hanging around.”
“But it was your house.”
“And now it’s his house. Will she want ketchup?”
Camille knew better than to argue with her mother’s tone of voice. She pulled off her rubber gloves and began rubbing moisturizer into her hands, thinking about the house that had, in its way, dominated her childhood.
“So what’s he going to do with it?”
“Luxury hotel, apparently. Some kind of upmarket hotel for creative types. He’s got a club in London—all writers and artists and entertainers—and wanted something similar by the sea. Somewhere this type could escape to. It’s going to be very modern, he says. Very
challenging.
”
“The town will love that.”
“Bugger the town. He’s not going to change the outside of the house—so what business is it of theirs?”
“Since when has something’s not being their business stopped anybody around here? The Riviera will make a fuss. It’ll be taking their business.”
Mrs. Bernard moved behind her daughter and put the kettle on.
“The Riviera can barely muster enough customers to keep it in doilies as it is. I can’t see a hotel for London’s movers and shakers making a huge difference to them. No, it’ll do this town good. Place is dying. It might help put a bit of life back into it.”
“Katie will miss it.”
“Katie will still be welcome to visit it. In fact, he said he wanted to keep the house’s links with its past alive. It’s what he liked about it in the beginning—all the history.” She paused, adding with a faint hint of challenge in her voice, “He’s asked me to help advise on some of the restorations.”
“What?”
“Because I know how it used to look. I’ve still got the pictures and letters and things. He’s not just some blundering developer. He says he wants to keep the character of the place.”
“You sound as if you like him.”
“I do like him. He calls a spade a spade. But he’s curious. You don’t get many men of that sort who are curious.”
“Like Pops.” Camille couldn’t help herself.
“He’s younger than your father. But no. You know your father’s never been interested in that house.”
Camille shook her head. “I just don’t really understand, Mum. I don’t understand why, after all these years. I mean, it was the one thing you were always adamant about—even when Pops got fed up—”
Her mother interrupted. “Oh, you children. You think the world owes you an explanation. It’s my business. My house, my business. It’s not going to affect any of you, so let’s not harp on.”
Camille sipped at her tea, thinking. “So what are you going to do with the money? You must have got a fair bit for it.”
“None of your business.”
“Have you told Pops?”
“Yes. He made the same silly noises you did.”
“And told you he had a great idea for the money.”
Her mother snorted a laugh. “You still don’t miss a trick, do you?”
Camille dropped her head. Let it slip out apparently innocuously. “You could take Pops on a cruise. Just the two of you.”
“And I could donate it all to NASA to see if there are little green men on Mars. Now I’m going to have this tea, then I’m going to nip to the shops. Do you need anything? I’ll take that soppy dog of yours while I’m at it. He looks like he’s getting fat.”
“Y
OU LOOK VERY PRETTY.
I
LIKE YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT
.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s like the way you wore it when you worked at the bank.”
Camille put a hand to her head, feeling the sleek chignon that Tess had put in for her before she left. She had a gift for hair, Tess. Camille secretly suspected that she would be gone within a year; too much talent in her hands for a sleepy seaside beauty salon.
“Yes. You’re right. I did.”
It was a thing they did now; this going out together on a Saturday night, heedless of whether they had the money or were too exhausted to really want to. Camille’s mother would have Katie—which she loved—and the two of them would make an effort for each other. They would dress up smartly, as if, as the counselor put it, they were still courting. And they would make conversation with each other, away from the sedative of television, the distractions of domesticity. Sometimes Camille suspected that neither of them could face it, that Hal was struggling to come up with the requisite compliment to show he’d noted her appearance. It was hard finding two hours’ worth of fresh conversation with someone you’d been speaking to all week. Especially when you weren’t allowed to spend your whole time talking about your child. Or the dog. But sometimes, like tonight, she heard an honesty in his remarks and felt reassured by the routine of it, from her lengthy soak in the tub to the way Hal still pulled the chair out for her before she sat down. The way they just occasionally made love at the end of the night. You had to make time for each other, the counselor had said. You had to build your routines. And they still had a lot to rebuild.
Hal ordered the wine. She knew which one it would be before Hal even spoke: a Shiraz. Probably Australian. Under the table she gently rested her leg against his and felt an answering pressure.
“My mother’s sold the house.”
“The white house?”
“Yes. Not Pops’s house.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. She won’t tell me.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
Her antennae were finely tuned for disparaging remarks, but Camille recognized only an acknowledgment of her mother’s secretive nature.
“Who’s she sold it to?”
“A hotelier. He’s going to turn it into a luxury retreat.”
Hal whistled through his teeth. “He’ll have his work cut out. She’s had nothing done to it in years.”
“She had part of the roof done a few years ago, I think. But I don’t suspect money is a factor.”
“What, he’s loaded?”
“I got that impression.”
“I wonder what she got for it? It’s a great site. Great views.”
“I think the fact that it was untouched worked in its favor. They all advertise ‘original features’ now, don’t they? And I think she sold some of the furniture with it.”
Hal murmured his assent. “I would have liked to live in that house,” he said.
“Not me. Too close to the cliff edge.”
“Yes. Yes, I suppose it is.”
Sometimes they managed whole stretches of conversation without either of them making reference to or even privately thinking about it. She fought the urge to say something else about the house, just to prolong it. That was the thing they never told you about breakups, that you lost the person on whom you usually just offloaded all those mildly interesting observations you collected throughout the day. Things that weren’t interesting enough to merit a phone call to a half friend or acquaintance, just things one wanted to remark upon. Hal had always been good like that. They had never run out of stuff to say. And she was grateful.
She smelled the duck before it was placed in front of her: hot, fatty, succulent, with the tang of something citrusy in its sauce. She realized that she’d eaten nothing since breakfast. Saturdays often got her like that.
“Are you going to your mum’s house tomorrow?”
“No.”
“So where are you going?” said Camille.
She realized as soon as the words were out that they had come out wrong. Some slight inflection had given them an edge she hadn’t intended.
She backtracked. “I just wondered if you had any special plans.”
Hal sighed, as if weighing up how to respond.
“Well, I don’t know if this really counts as ‘special,’ but one of my neighbors from Kirby is holding a lunch party on Sunday, and Katie and I are invited. He’s got a little girl. A year younger,” he added. “If it’s all right by you, I thought we might go. She and Katie got on quite well.”
Camille smiled, trying to cover the sudden discomfort that had enveloped her. The thought of the two of them being invited anywhere without her was painful, the idea that Katie had been making friends, laying down roots at that place where he lived . . . she closed her eyes.
“Is that okay?”
“Of course it is. I was just interested.”
“You can come if you want. I’m sure you’d like them. I would have asked you anyway, but you usually like to have your time on Sundays.”
“No, no . . . you should go. It’s just . . .” She paused. “I just know so little about your life over there. It’s . . . it’s hard for me to imagine you . . . her . . .”
Hal put down his knife and fork, apparently considering this. “Yes,” he said finally. “You want me to drive you over sometime? So you can get an idea of where she spent her time?”
She wanted nothing less. “No. No, I’m not sure I—”
“Look. We won’t go. You’re uncomfortable. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“I’m not. Really. Go. It’s just a fact in our past, and it’s good that some good things came out of it. You go.”
One had to be open about what had happened to the relationship, to face up to the past in order to move forward. That’s what the counselor said.
They sat eating in silence for some time. To her right a couple had begun to argue, urgently, in whispers. Camille kept her face to the front, listening to the strain in the woman’s voice.
The waiter came and refreshed her glass.
“The duck looks good,” said Hal. He shifted a little so that he had increased the pressure on her leg. A delicate pressure, but there all the same.
“Yes,” she said. “Yes, it is.”
W
HEN HER FATHER LOOKED IN TO CHECK ON HER
, K
ATIE
was awake, reading a dog-eared paperback that he knew she’d read twice before. She refused to read anything new at the moment; just reread four or five of her favorite books in rotation, despite knowing the endings and even some of the passages by heart.
“Hey, you,” he said softly.
She looked up, her half-illuminated face clear, guileless. Her eight-year-old beauty made his heart constrict for future hurts and heartaches.
“You should be asleep.”
“Did you have a nice time?”