Winter Wolf (A New Dawn Novel Book 1) (12 page)

Chapter 16

“Would you mind cutting some wood for me please, Sebastian?” Katalina’s grandmother asked when she returned back inside. “That storm looks like it’s going to be pretty nasty and we are nearly out.”

“Not a problem at all.”

Bass walked to the front door and slipped his feet inside his boots.

“Are you not going to put on a jacket, dear? It’s pretty chilly out there.”

Bass’s hand paused on the door handle. He turned with a smile. “I’ll be fine. I don’t feel the cold.”

Katalina followed him, putting her coat on as she passed the coat rack. She sat on a bench in the garden and watched him as he swung an axe over and over, the loud crack of wood splitting echoing around them. His lean muscles flexed beneath his tight jumper, his dark hair ruffled by the wind. Bass was all fine lines and chiseled muscle, a lethal wild animal wearing a civilized mask. Most people looked at Bass and saw a handsome young man, with a warm smile and good manners, but Katalina saw all of him: the vulnerable boy who’d lost his mom and the fierce, loyal wolf who lived barely contained beneath the surface. She saw the smile he had only for her and she’d witnessed the lines he’d crossed to protect her.

“What was it like growing up as a wolf?” she asked.

He didn’t pause as he spoke, but his voice traveled over the sound of splitting wood. “The Dark Shadows are an unforgiving pack. Only the strongest survive amongst them. It was hard. My father loved me but he didn’t hold onto the good around him; he hung onto the pain. I remember the man he was, before my mother’s death, and then I remember the man who raised me. Dark Shadow changed after such a loss and I don’t think the pack ever recovered. I learned to fight at a young age. I learned that the people my age feared me. I learned to rely on only myself.”

“That sounds awful,” Katalina whispered, wanting to reach out and hold him, the pain in his voice, physically hurting her.

“I didn’t know any different, but I had my grandmother. My father’s mother was kind and loving. She showed me the beauty of being a shifter. Shifters can be loyal creatures. When we love someone, we’ll do everything in our power to make them happy. It was hard growing up as a Dark Shadow, but I wouldn’t change it.”

“What about your mother’s family?”

“My grandfathers died before I was born, both fighting, and my mother’s mother went to sleep one day and never woke up. Her heart was broken from losing my mother.”

“I think I’m pleased Jackson gave me away,” she whispered, looking off into the distance.

Bass stopped, the axe landed to on the ground with a thud. “We could change the way things are.”

“Is that what you want from me?”

“No, I just want to make you happy.” He walked toward her, the love, the strength in his eyes too much for Katalina to bear. She glanced away feeling unworthy. She was such a mess, her emotions all over the place, while Bass was so caring and understanding. He deserved someone who could accept who they were, someone who would run with him at night.

“I’m lost. I’m not sure who I am or what will make me happy,” she admitted, looking down.

His hand grazed along her jaw. “You’ll find your way, and I’ll be next to you every step of the way.”

He walked toward the house, his arms full of wood.

“What about your home, Bass. Don’t you miss your home, your grandmother?”

“She died last year. You’re my home now, Katalina Winter.”

Katalina sat for a long time outside on the bench. Bass walked back for wood a few times but never interrupted her. She wasn’t thinking, not really. Questions swirled around in her mind, but she couldn’t focus on a single one. Her mind was a jumble of new information, questions with no answers, and questions with answers she didn’t like. Her eyes stared off into the distance not taking in one particular thing.

The storm had made its way across the sky while she sat outside. Snow fell around her, thick and fast. It tangled into her hair and landed on her face, melting from the warmth of her skin. She stood, looking at the wonder around her. Her feet moved before she realized and her arms spread wide as she spun around. Her head tipped back to the sky and her coat flew out behind her as she laughed at her silliness. Katalina opened her eyes as she spun and noticed Bass stood watching. His hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans, he wore a breathtaking smile.

She stopped, his beauty causing her to fixate intently on him. How could someone so perfect, so loyal, belong to her?

Find what makes you happy.

Sebastian Evernight made her happy. She just wasn’t sure she belonged in his world.

Chapter 17

The storm outside passed but the storm inside Katalina only grew. The nervousness waiting for Jackson to send more men, made her not able to ever fully relax. Bass. She spent her days inside the house with Bass and her grandmother, avoiding the questions she wasn’t ready to hear the answers for yet.

Her grandmother tried to stay out of their way, knowing Katalina hadn’t come to terms with everything. Her grandmother had been packing things into boxes for the last few days, and it was something that Katalina tried not to focus on. She’d wanted nothing more than to escape Jackson’s and go home, yet now, she was beginning to see that it was the people who made a home, not the place, and her home was dead.

Most days rushed by in a blur. She felt adrift, struggling against an unforgiving current. Most days, she only just kept her head above the water, but then there was Bass, a constant presence keeping her breathing, holding back the inevitable fall.

She wanted to be with him, more than anything, but she knew deep down he didn’t belong in this world she was clinging to. He was a wolf at heart, his spirit free; he belonged in the wilderness, as wild and dangerous as him. He never said a word. He simply stayed by her side as if he planned to live forever in Katalina’s parents’ house while sneaking out at night to let his wolf roam. Katalina had no answers. She wasn’t sure if she could ever fully accept her wolf-half, and she wasn’t sure if she could live in the world Bass belonged to. Instead, she pushed the questions away, hiding and hoping that she’d never reach the point where she’d have a choice to make.

“Kat?” her grandmother said one morning.

“Hmm?” Katalina replied as she stuffed cereal into her mouth.

“I’m going to be gone for a night, two at most.”

Katalina put down her spoon, turning to look at her grandmother. “Where are you going?”

“Well, I’ve got some items to take to Susan and I want to store your parents’ belongings at my house. I know I’m only an hour away but I’d rather stop overnight and rest.”

“Why are you taking their things?” Her heart raced, her skin turning clammy.

“Darling, I know you’ve been trying to ignore the fact I’m packing up the house, but I just can’t afford to keep this house any longer than I have to. I need to have everything cleared and ready to put it on the market.”

“You are selling straight away?” she asked in a small voice, feeling on the edge of a breakdown.

“I’m sorry. There is no other way. Kat, I’m worried about leaving you behind.”

“I’ll be fine!” she snapped, her fear of letting the past go clouding her judgment.

“Kat! I know none of this is fair, and I know you’re not a child, but I still feel responsible for you, and I’m not sure your parents would have approved of you staying here alone with a boy.”

It was all too much for Katalina. Her grandmother wanted to send Bass away. Bass, the one person keeping her from tumbling over the edge. “So this has nothing to do with me being upset my parents are dead!” she yelled, getting to her feet, trembling with anger. She wasn’t even sure what she was angry at anymore; everything had just come to a point where she couldn’t cope.

“Katalina, you know that’s not what I meant.”

She stood up, feeling overcome with rage. “I don’t care what you think. This is my house until you sell it and I’m not leaving, and neither is Bass. I need him here.” Katalina stormed out of the house, not bothering with a coat. She’d given up trying to pretend she was still an ordinary human. Everything was happening too fast. She needed to come to terms with their deaths. She needed the house to stay the same. She just needed one thing to stay the same, one thing to keep her in her old life.

Pain rippled through her body. She panted through it, her head pounding with each ragged beat of her heart. Sweat broke out over her skin as pain rippled through her again. She dropped to her knees, tears streaming down her face.

“Not now, not now! Go away, please… Please leave me alone…” she sobbed.

“Kat?” Bass was in front of her, his hands lifting her upright. “You can’t change here, Kat. Come with me.”

She pulled away. “No! I don’t want to! I don’t want this. Make it stop. Please, just make her go away.”

She hated the pity that filled his eyes. She hated herself. Katalina wasn’t ready to accept her wolf. She already had so much to come to terms with. There wasn’t room for anything more.

“Katalina, you cannot keep denying who you are.”

Katalina bit her lip and closed her eyes. She was so close to changing. She forced it back with all that she had. Her knees gave out, but Bass never let her fall. When she finally controlled her wolf, she was gasping for breath, soaked with sweat. She slumped against Bass completely exhausted.

“Will you still love me if I never change again?” she whispered.

“I love every part of you, Katalina. Why don’t you?”

Because it’s her fault. If she wasn’t a part of me, none of this would have ever happened.

She couldn’t say the answer out loud, maybe because she knew once she’d voiced it, she’d have to admit it wasn’t her wolf’s fault, but she had to blame someone; she had to channel her anger somewhere.

“Your grandmother is in your parents’ room. She seems pretty upset, Kat. I think you should talk to her.”

“I don’t know what to say, Bass. It’s not her fault. I know. I’m just not ready for any of this.”

He tipped her chin up. “Katalina, would you have ever been ready for this?”

“Will you wait for me?” she asked, walking away from him into the house.

“Always.” His soft voice wrapped around her like a shield. She could face this as long as she had him.

Here goes nothing! Time to make things right.
“Knock, Knock,” Katalina said, hoping to lighten the mood. Pushing the door open, she sucked in a ragged breath at the sight before her, trying to keep herself together. The room was full of boxes. The closet stood open, bare inside; her mother’s things had been packed away; jewelry, lotions, knickknacks, everything that made this room her parents’, gone.

“I know it’s a shock. I’ve just been packing nonstop. I thought if I didn’t stop to really think about it, then it would never hit me.”

Katalina smiled sadly, taking a seat on the end of the bed. “I’m sorry for before. I’m not sure how to cope with all of this, seeing everything of theirs, of my home being packed into boxes. How is it ever going to be okay?”

Her grandmother sighed heavily. “It’s not, Kat. I could have left everything as it was for years and it still wouldn’t have been okay when I packed up their things. I don’t want to do this, Kat, but I have no choice. The longer the house isn’t sold, the less money you’ll have to go to college with.”

“College…I can’t even think past today. How do I decide what I should be doing next year?”

“Kat, you don’t have to decide anything now. Take a year off if you need to. Heaven knows you’ve been through hell. I’d be surprised if you figure out your next move any time soon, and that’s okay, Kat. It’s okay to feel lost and angry. Just don’t let it be all you feel. Grief is a strange thing and it affects everyone differently. Give yourself time.”

Katalina nodded. She looked around the room, each box tearing another piece of her heart.

“I’m going to trust you here with, Sebastian. I’m not sure where he fits in with all that’s happened, but I can see he cares for you, and he seems to be the only thing keeping you from breaking. Please be careful, Kat. I couldn’t bear to lose you, too.”

“I will, don’t worry.” Katalina stood to leave; she’d had all she could take in her parents’ room, which wasn’t their room anymore.

“Oh, Kat?”

“Hmm?”

“That box there by the door, it’s for you. I’ve put your mother’s most treasured things in there. Well, apart from you anyway,” she said with a smile. “She loved you more than anything. You know that, right?”

“Yes.”

Katalina deposited the box in her room, ready for the day she could open it. She found Bass outside where she’d left him. He turned at the sound of her approach. The smile he gifted her filled her with joy, and for just a second, she felt nothing but happiness.

“Can we go for a walk?”

“Sure.”

Katalina threaded her arm through his waiting arm, leaning her head on his shoulder as they walked down the drive.

A bark came from behind her.

“Yes, you can come too.” She smiled at Arne as he bounded toward them.

“You don’t have your coat on.” he observed.

“I don’t feel the cold like I used to. I guess it was habit. Plus, I thought my gram may notice if I suddenly started leaving it.”

“So why leave it today?”

“I just didn’t think about it. It’s exhausting trying to remember how I used to be.”

They walked in silence for a while. Katalina didn’t really take in her surroundings. She clung to Bass and let him guide her along, listening only to the sound of their feet sinking into the snow. Arne ran in front of them, jumping around, digging at the snow. He ran up to Katalina pressing his wet head against her legs. She patted his head laughing, “Silly dog.”

Her laughter died, goose bumps broke out across her skin and she suppressed a shiver.

Just as she was about to look behind her, Bass whispered, “Don’t look. They’ve been following for a while.”

“Do you think they’ll attack?” she sighed, irritated.

“Not in the open.”

“Maybe we should start heading back?”

“If you’d like.”

They turned around, heading back down the road toward the house. “Come on, Arne,” Katalina called, slapping her hand on her thigh. Arne paused, looking at the few trees in the distance.

“Here!” Bass growled.

With a whine, Arne made his way over, his head down looking sorry for himself. “No sulking, boy. You know what happens when you mess with wolves.” Katalina ruffled his ears, cheering him up.

“Do you think Jackson will eventually just give up?” she asked hopefully.

“Sure, maybe.”

Katalina glanced up at Bass. “If you’re going to lie, lie better.”

He smiled down at her. “I’ll keep you safe.” He kissed her forehead.

“I know,” she replied.

*****

Katalina’s grandmother left a few hours before dark, her car loaded with boxes. Standing on the front step watching her drive away, Bass came up behind her, his head resting on her shoulder as his arms wrapped around her waist.

“I have you all to myself now. What wicked deed shall I do first?” He bit at her neck playfully.

“Oh, so now you show your true colors.”

“I’m the big bad wolf, remember?”

“You’re the shadow wolf,” she smiled, turning her head to kiss his cheek.

“What makes you say that?” he murmured against her neck as he kissed and nipped at the sensitive skin.

Katalina shuddered, his onslaught of kisses turning her mind to mush.

“Katalina?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah…because when you stand in the shadows, it’s as if they swallow you. You become a shadow yourself.”

He turned her toward him, claiming her mouth with a demanding kiss. His hands made their way to her hips, branding her with his touch. Slowly, he guided her backward and into the house, never taking his mouth from hers.

Katalina’s knees weakened when he touched and kissed her with such heat and possession. She was powerless to stop him and didn’t want to.

“I think we should eat,” he whispered, his mouth working its way across her jaw.

“Mmm…” was all Katalina could muster as a reply. She slipped her hands beneath his t-shirt, needing to feel skin.

Bass pulled back, but Katalina held him tighter.

He chuckled against her mouth as she reached up on her toes and covered his mouth once again. “Food, Kat,” he breathed into her mouth.

Katalina pulled back, breathless. “We’ll get pizza delivered. Now, kiss me.”

“Do they deliver this far out?”

Katalina sighed, “Yes, but they charge. Menu is by the phone.”

He kissed her once more. “Go find something to watch while I order.”

“Okay,” she replied, reluctant to leave.

They ate pizza and watched a movie, although not much of the second half was watched. Wrapped up in each other’s arms, it was hard to concentrate on a film when all Katalina wanted was to lose herself in the feel of Bass.