Paul bent to kiss Kyle’s lips tenderly. “Me too.”
Paul had woke next to Kyle many times before he stayed overnight at Kyle’s house, but waking up with him the morning after Thanksgiving still felt like uncharted territory. It wasn’t just that it was a different bed, a bigger room. It was that he kept hearing people shuffling through the hall, talking quietly. In the case of Linda Kay, not so quietly. He heard the sound of tractors outside, muffled shouts as Kyle’s father and brothers did chores. When Kyle woke and wanted to make love, Paul was so distracted by the thought of someone hearing, his paranoia about noise became part of the game, Kyle trying to get Paul to moan, cry out or in general give away that they were getting it on.
He managed to cling to his dignity, though only barely, and he blushed like a furnace when they went down for breakfast, worried someone might have heard. If they had, they didn’t remark on it. Daryl saluted Paul on his way out the door with a refilled thermos of coffee, and Jane smiled brightly, wiping her hands on a dishtowel as she asked how he took his eggs.
Linda Kay bounded into the kitchen shortly thereafter, and while he sipped coffee, Paul watched the Parks twins carry out what he knew from Kyle’s stories were daily rituals: hide-and-seek, stealing bacon from the platter in a tag-team effort, plotting mischief for the day. As Kyle’s guest, Paul was included automatically in the latter, and he was helpless against getting roped into a snowball fight and snow-sculpture contest in the backyard.
“We have to finish by lunch.” Linda Kay wagged a finger at her brother and Paul. “The afternoon is for putting up the tree and the decorations.”
“Do you get a real tree?” Paul had fond memories of fetching trees with Arthur, and of course the one year Frankie and Marcus were there too.
Kyle shook his head. “We keep it up so long, it’s a fire hazard. Plus our house is too dry with the wood furnace. We have a pretty good artificial one though.”
“It’s the most beautiful tree in the world.” Linda Kay stuck out her tongue and clapped her hands before continuing. “Decorating is the best. We put on the lights, and the ornaments, then we sing Christmas carols.” She leaned back in her chair and spoke with a thespian’s exaggeration toward the kitchen. “Maybe somebody will make us some Christmas cookies, since we have a
guest
.”
“Maybe somebody should clean her room before she asks me for favors,” Jane replied back without looking up from her dishes.
Muttering under her breath, Linda Kay left the table. While she cleaned her room, Paul and Kyle went outside. The sun shone, though it was plenty cold. The snow glistened, crunching as they marched through it.
“Your grandparents’ house?” Paul indicated the cottage with a nod. “It’s pretty cute.”
“That’s Mormor and Morfar’s house, yes.” Kyle sighed. “It’s gotten so rundown. It makes me sad.”
“The external structure looks pretty good from here. Can we poke around?”
“I’ll take you inside, but don’t let Linda Kay know how we got in. That’s the last thing we need, her getting stuck with her foot through a rotten board.”
Once Paul was inside the little house, he doubted very much she’d be in danger of something so dramatic. Sure, there was work to be done, but the foundation was solid. When he told this to Kyle and remarked every last bit of it was the kind of work he and Arthur did all the time, Kyle seemed delighted, but surprised.
“We were told it was too much work to fix.” Kyle gestured to a light switch. “The wiring alone would be more than the place was worth.”
“What? No. Who told you that?”
“Knutson, I think.”
Paul rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s not surprising. He’s real pissed at us for what he calls scamming all his customers. Never mind he’s been the one giving everyone in the county a raw deal.”
“So you’re seriously telling me you could fix this place up?”
“Sure. It’d take a bit of patience and some creativity, but it could be done.”
Kyle pressed his mittens to his mouth briefly. “Oh my God.” He hugged Paul tightly, pressing a kiss on his cheek. “You might live to regret saying that, because now I’m going to be determined to hire you.”
Paul laughed. “Hire me?”
“Yes. I’ve always wanted to live here, and now you’re telling me I could.” His cheeks stained with more than the cold. “I know it sounds silly, only moving this far from home—across the yard, basically. But every time I think about moving out, I realize I can’t bear to leave my family. They need me. Especially my sister. And as she gets older, she’ll need more care. I always imagined myself here with—” He cut himself off and looked away, tucking his hands under his armpits. “Here. I always imagined myself here.”
Paul blushed too, because he was pretty sure what Kyle had been about to say.
I always imagined myself here with you.
Trouble was, Paul could see it. Not only living here, but doing the repairs. Making it just right. Taking the time to do things properly like Marcus and Frankie. Making it not only a house but a home.
Kyle’s home, and his.
He cleared his throat and nodded at the door. “We should go, before she gets outside.”
The silence between them as they went across the yard wasn’t awkward, but it was a bit heavy, both of them circling around something they wanted very much, so much so they didn’t dare disturb it before it was time. They started a snowman instead—a repairman snowman, Kyle insisted, in honor of Paul. Paul watched, enchanted, as Kyle mixed water with snow to make slush, then added dry powder until he had sculpting material. While he worked, Kyle rattled off ideas he had for the Winter Wonderland sculptures and where to station them. He promised to show Paul his preliminary designs for the snow queen’s palace once they were in his room.
“That reminds me,” Paul said as they dug through a shed for some props for the snow-handyman. “When I talked to Arthur yesterday to ask if I could have today off, he said Marcus connected with some friend in the Cities. A developer who loves our Christmas village idea. He’s coming to the council meeting in a few weeks to talk about what it would take to make that a reality.”
Kyle beamed. “Who would have thought this all would come out of Corrina Anderson maneuvering her son into a relationship with Gabriel?”
Paul blinked at Kyle. “What?”
Kyle’s smile faded, and he turned away quickly to fuss with the snowman, though not before Paul caught a look of guilt. “She set them up. I thought everybody knew that.”
“I didn’t, and I’m one of Arthur’s best friends.” Paul frowned at Kyle. “How in the world did
you
know?”
Kyle tensed for a moment, then let his shoulders sag. “I know because she and Gabriel told me.” He didn’t hide his guilty expression this time as he met Paul’s gaze. “When they offered to help set me up with you.”
Paul stared at Kyle, trying to understand what he’d just said. Gabriel and Corrina had… “Did they tell you to put a snow penis on my porch?”
“No, no. That was all me, but it was the snow dong that got their attention.” Kyle tucked his arms over his belly. “Please don’t be angry.”
Was he angry? Paul pushed aside his shock and searched around. “I’m not mad. I’m just… I had no idea any of it had happened.”
“All she did was tell you we were working together on Winter Wonderland and gave me some advice.”
Advice? “What did she say?”
“To watch romantic Christmas movies, and to hold off on kissing you.” He blushed scarlet. “That one I had a little trouble with.”
Paul shook his head, stunned. They’d set him up with Kyle.
The way Corrina had set up Gabriel with Arthur. Apparently.
The way he and Arthur had set Marcus up with Frankie.
Paul laughed.
Kyle bit his lip. “You’re not mad? You’re sure?”
Paul drew him close and kissed him. “Yeah. I’m sure.”
Linda Kay appeared then, dissolving their tender moment with a poorly molded snowball. They tossed some back at her for a few minutes, then got to work on a second snowman—a male nurse, at Linda Kay’s insistence, to go with the repairman.
Paul thought they looked pretty damn good together.
Lunch was leftovers from Thanksgiving, which Paul had no complaints about, and after that he helped Kyle and Daryl bring the boxes of decorations down from the attic. While Kyle and his mother helped Linda Kay put the boughs into the tree stand, Paul hung lights from the eaves with Daryl and draped them over the front bushes. When they came inside, coffee had brewed and the others had not only the lights but half the ornaments on the tree. Linda Kay, however, had saved a pile for Paul, and he couldn’t help smiling as he added the colored balls, store-bought and homemade ornaments to the branches.
Daryl appeared in the doorway of the living room as they finished. “Paul, could I borrow you for a bit? Dennis had to go home, and my back gets powerful put out stoking that furnace.”
“Sure thing.” Paul nodded at his boots and coat by the door. “Is the wood outside or inside?”
The wood, it turned out, was both. Daryl proudly showed Paul his wood chute near the giant woodpile out back that fed logs into a steel basket in the basement. He handed Paul bundles for a bit, but soon Paul ordered Daryl to let him do all the lifting and bending. He discovered this wasn’t half as bad as reaching into the basket and hauling the wood to stuff into the blazing maw of the furnace itself, but Paul rather enjoyed feeding the fire, and he felt the heat still kissing his skin as he followed Daryl up the stairs to the main floor once the chore was finished.
The kitchen smelled of chocolate and sugar, the countertop boasting a few dozen spritz cookies and the stove a saucepan of homemade cocoa. Music drifted in from the living room, and as Paul followed the sound, he realized it was Kyle playing the piano, singing Christmas carols along with his sister.
He stopped in the hall, where he could see and hear them without being seen, his heart swelling at the sight of them. They sang “Do You Hear What I Hear”, Kyle’s bright tenor blending perfectly with the effortless dance of his fingers on the keys. Linda Kay landed nowhere near the notes, but Kyle smiled at her as he sang, as if the sounds she made were the most beautiful tones anyone could make. He led her through the song, slowing his playing when she got lost, letting her watch his mouth to help herself find the words.
Paul watched his boyfriend love his twin sister, and as he did so, he fell in love too.
He’d known he was falling for Kyle for some time, but in that moment not only did he finish his tumble, he grabbed the rest of Kyle’s family on the way. He never wanted to go home to his sad duplex, never wanted his holiday to be suffering through another disappointing Jansen gathering. He wanted
this
family. He wanted the little house in the backyard. He wanted to be the one to fix it up.
He wanted to live in it with Kyle. He wanted
Kyle
, period. Wanted him, loved him with an intensity that frightened him. He didn’t run from it, though, only sat with the terror, shaking off his sorrow, letting himself be vulnerable enough to believe.
Jane appeared beside him with a cup of cocoa and a plate of cookies, which she pressed into his hands. She smiled at her children. “He’s wonderful, isn’t he?”
Paul smiled at Kyle too. “He is. He really is.”
Chapter Fifteen
T
he Wednesday after Thanksgiving, Kyle ran into Paul’s sister at the grocery store.
It wasn’t a literal collision, but when he rounded the corner of the cereal aisle and saw her waiting in line at the meat counter, they both stood a little straighter and went on guard, smiling thin smiles at one another. Once he was out of her line of sight, Kyle shuddered and tried to shake off the creepy feeling her gaze had given him, and he did his best to finish getting supplies for his dinner with Paul. But in the parking lot when he shut his trunk with the groceries inside, Sandy stood beside his car, not smiling in the slightest.
Kyle was determined to play nice, but before he could work up what to say, Sandy aimed a finger at him. “Stay away from my brother.”
Blinking, Kyle turned away from the car, widening his stance and putting his hands on his hips. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” She lifted her chin, her blue eyes flinty. “Stay away from my brother. You’re no good for him. None of you are.”
The parking lot was empty of people, only a few cars here and there, but something about the way Sandy confronted him made him think she’d have thrown down even with an audience. She was more than a little disturbing in her zeal. Normally Kyle would be happy to engage, but something about the way she went after him threw up all kinds of red flags.
“I’m dating your brother, and what we do with one another is our business, not yours.”
He said the words calmly, but she fumed as if he’d shouted them at her. “You won’t get away with this.” She gestured toward the town square. “Not with what you’re doing to Paul, not what you’re doing to the town. You’re ruining a wholesome community. And the people of Logan won’t let it stand.”
Her ire was now so off-putting and uncomfortable Kyle worried how this would escalate. So he decided to end it. “I’m leaving, Sandy. I hope you have a nice evening.”
She stood beside his car with her arms folded, glaring after him as he left the lot.
The encounter left Kyle rattled, and he wondered what to do about it. He thought about bringing it up to Gabriel or Arthur, and he told himself he might, later. He decided he didn’t want to tell Paul. He worried about whether or not that was the wrong decision, despite his gut telling him he’d done the right thing. He wasn’t absolutely sure, though, until Paul opened the door to greet him, beaming and relaxed and happy.
No, there wasn’t any reason to burden him with this. Not unless something else happened.
God, Kyle hoped nothing else happened.
They made chicken parmesan together, and once the dishes were done, they watched
A Boyfriend for Christmas
.
The movie had been lying on top of the DVD player, and spurred by a wild hair, Kyle put it in while Paul was in the bathroom. When he came out, the menu screen was cued up and ready.
Paul blushed and hurried to take it out. “Sorry, I thought I put that away.”
“It looks like a cute movie,” Kyle said, trying to smooth the moment over.
Paul was adorable when he was bashful. “It’s my favorite.” He fumbled with the DVD case. “Silly, I know.”
“It’s not silly.” Kyle put a hand on Paul’s, stopping him from opening the player. “Let’s watch it.”
“You don’t want to.” But Paul’s tone made it clear he wished Kyle did.
“I most certainly do.” Kyle took Paul’s hand and led him to the love seat. “Let me get my knitting, and we’ll snuggle under the blanket.”
That’s exactly what they did. Paul was nervous at first, but Kyle settled in and acted as if this was the best date ever, and eventually Paul relaxed. During the movie, Kyle continued to work on the pair of wool socks he was knitting for Paul. Normally he didn’t like people to watch him make something for them, but Paul always regarded even a simple stockinette stitch as an amazing feat, and it was fun to let him observe his present appear. Kyle kept offering to teach him to knit, but Paul said he liked watching Kyle better.
The movie wasn’t anything amazing. It was better than most of the pap Kyle had endured in his Paul homework packet, but it still wasn’t anything he’d seek out on his own. The premise of the movie was that when the heroine was a young teenager, she’d told Santa—a mall Santa who the viewer was led to believe was the real deal—what she wanted most was a boyfriend for Christmas. He gave her a magic snow globe and told her when both hearts were ready, the wish would come true.
But the wish was never granted, and now she was older and bitter about Christmas. The same Santa was now working a tree lot and charity kitchen, and when he sees her, he sends a good-hearted lawyer to be her present. She thinks it’s a game, that the “boyfriend” is a setup by one of her friends, and she plays along, going so far as to take him to her family’s Christmas. Like all these kind of movies, there was a rival boyfriend who was clearly the wrong choice, an ex who wanted back in her life.
What was notably different about this Christmas movie viewing, however, wasn’t the movie itself. It was that it was the first time Kyle watched one with
Paul
.
As the movie played, Paul surrendered to its spell. He settled deeper into the couch. His body went soft and pliant. Moved, Kyle reached around Paul’s back to ruffle his hair, and Paul shifted so his head rested on Kyle’s shoulder.
It was such an unconscious gesture, full of so much trust and peace, that for quite some time Kyle studied the golden tousled curls of Paul’s head, his face in the dim flicker of the television.
Paul had such boyish, handsome features. Kyle had lain awake more than once studying it as Paul slept. Paul was pretty on the worst of days, but when he slept, his features smoothed out into perfect innocence. His expression as he watched his favorite cheesy Christmas romance was similar, but this one stood out for a different reason: this expression was full of want. Longing. Hope. As the movie boyfriend fought for his fated beloved, as treachery was dispatched and true love conquered all, Paul was laid bare, the naked yearning emanating in waves from his face.
Kyle figured it out, why the movies were so important to understanding Paul. He also knew exactly how and when their own dark moment would come, how Kyle could—and would—slay the enemy for his boyfriend.
He was all the more glad he hadn’t told Paul about Sandy. The way to defeating her wasn’t with a shouting match or pitting Paul against her. It was by simply loving Paul. Over and over. In every situation. Turning the other cheek if he had to when the Jansens got nasty.
Holding Paul when they’d been nasty to him, reminding him he’d made other, better family.
Kyle stroked Paul’s hair as the credits rolled, each of them caught in their respective spells. When the DVD went dark to shift back to the main menu, Kyle slid his hand down Paul’s arm and captured his fingers.
“I’d like to go with you to your Sunday dinners with your family sometime, if you’ll allow me the honor.”
“Probably a bad idea.” The soft glow around Paul wavered, clouds threatening at the mention of his family. “They’ll be awful.”
“I know.” Kyle kissed Paul’s hair. “That’s why I want to be there for you.”
Paul’s hand, resting on Kyle’s leg, tightened. “It’s not your place to have to put up with them.”
“But, Paul, don’t you see? That’s exactly the place I want.”
Paul regarded Kyle with confusion. “Why? Why would you
want
to be there with them being awful?”
“Because I don’t like the idea of you facing them alone. Because I’m not dating you because you’re convenient. Because I don’t want to simply have sex with you or hang out with you.” He stroked the line of Paul’s beard. “I want to be
with. You.
I want to watch gooey movies with you, and laugh and play and figure out new ways to enjoy sex, but I want to help you through the rough parts of life too.”
Paul went soft and leaned forward, his forehead touching Kyle’s. “I still don’t know what I did to deserve you. Sometimes I get nervous you’ll realize you have no business with a sorry sack like me.”
Kyle kissed Paul’s hairline, shut his eyes and drank in the scent of him. “When I was in seventh grade, I knew I was gay and so did everyone else. There wasn’t any marriage equality anywhere. I was teased horribly, and the teachers didn’t do anything. They made fun of me because Linda Kay always yelled at them, and they thought it was hilarious how my Down syndrome sister was my bodyguard. They called her retarded, called me a fag. I felt so lonely and confused and sad. Until one day something changed.”
He shut his eyes with a smile, remembering. “I’d heard there were some guys in town who were older and out, but it was mostly rumor. I knew it was you, Marcus and Arthur who were supposed to be gay, but you seemed like regular guys to me. I was pretty down on myself by that point, so I decided you’d make fun of me too because I was so femmy. But then one day I was running from bullies, and I fell and slipped on the ice. Everyone laughed, even though I’d bit my lip and it was bleeding. I was trying not to cry—and then
you
came up to me.”
Paul turned to look at Kyle in surprise. “I did?”
“You absolutely did. You helped me up from the ground, made sure I was okay. Gave me your handkerchief to wipe the blood from my face, and you let me keep it. I still have it, in fact. Because in front of everyone, you stood there, so handsome and big and kind, and told me not to care what a bunch of idiots thought of me. Then you ruffled my hair and went away.”
Paul appeared stunned. “I have no memory of
any
of this.”
“Not surprising. That was what impressed me the most, how you seemed to feel this was all no big deal.” Kyle bit his lip against a shy smile. “I had
such
a crush on you, and it never went away, because the more I watched you, the more I wanted you. I loved how quiet you were. You reminded me of my dad. Big and gentle. I liked how you didn’t move away, either, once you graduated. I wasn’t wild about you being with Arthur, but I was sure I could woo you away. I knew we were supposed to be together. So, no. I’m not going to wake up one morning and decide this was a bad idea. I’ve wanted you for most of my life. Now that I have you, I’m not going anywhere.”
When Paul ducked his head to hide a blush, Kyle chased him, catching his mouth in a kiss. Heat rushed through him as Paul yielded, letting himself be pushed back into the sofa. Kyle kissed his way down Paul’s neck, rucking up his sweater so he could nuzzle the fur of his chest. When he laved his tongue over Paul’s hairy abdomen, Paul shuddered and gripped Kyle’s shoulders, and Kyle felt a thrill at the power of their connection.
He sucked Paul for a few minutes, but it wasn’t long before Kyle spit on his palm and jacked them together as he plundered Paul’s mouth. They came quickly, but after a cursory cleanup with tissues, they snuggled half-dressed together on the couch for a long time after, holding each other, drinking in the moment.
The next day Kyle went out to Corrina’s house. “I know why he likes the movies.”
“Oh?” Corrina raised her eyebrows and folded her arms. “Tell me, then.”
“Because he wishes his life were one. He wants all of it—the cheesy romance, the family reconciliation, the happy ever after once a tension is resolved. To feel wrapped up and cherished, yes, but more than anything, he wants someone to go
through
the darkness with him. And make everything okay, just in time for Christmas.”
“Well done.” Corrina’s smile was soft, approving. “You passed your test with flying colors.”
Not yet, but Kyle fully intended to see that outcome. “Do you think Gabriel has more?”
She kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll buy them for you myself.”
By the second week in December, Winter Wonderland preparations were in a frenzy, and the whole town was abuzz with dreams of a better tomorrow. Marcus’s friend the developer was due to meet with the city council on the seventeenth, and he’d be staying with Marcus and Frankie through the festival that following weekend. Rumors flew wild around town over what magic the big-city developer might work on Logan. People dreamed of fancy coffee shops and a revamped town square, and some even dreamed of having a school in town again.
Paul thought people were getting carried away. But when the six of them met up at what Frankie had declared The Three Bears’ Christmas, Marcus told them while nothing was guaranteed, it wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility.
“This is what Dale does best: reimagines something and outlines the steps to make it happen. He’s done it to businesses, buildings, districts. Never a whole town, but that’s what excites him. Plus he’s originally from somewhere as small as Logan. In Wisconsin, but we try not to hold it against him.”
They sat, all six of them, in Marcus and Frankie’s living room, sipping cider and cocoa and coffee beside the roaring fireplace while Christmas music played in the background and a ham roast, green bean casserole and cheesy potatoes baked in the kitchen. All three couples sat together: Marcus and Frankie in the recliner and a dining room chair borrowed for a spare seat, Gabriel and Arthur on the big couch, Paul and Kyle in the loveseat. Everyone was easy, happy. It was all so beautifully homey and idyllic, that Paul wanted to marinate in the moment and never leave it.
Gabriel lay with his head in Arthur’s lap, listening to Marcus while Arthur toyed with his curls. “How invested would he be in the project? No offense meant to your friend, but I’m always leery of situations like this where the coordinating party lives not only out of town but in a different
type
of commercial area. What sort of businesses will he promote? Local? Or will Logan become some kind of company town for a Minneapolis subsidiary?”
“My instinct would be an emphasis on local, though he’d have to bring in outside industry or it’d never work.” Marcus sipped his cider. “Feel free to ask at the city council meeting, though.”
“You’d want significant change, if you were attracting tourists.” This remark came from Frankie, who looked thoughtful. “Visitors would want local charm, but city amenities. Frankly, I could go for some of those too. I can’t imagine Starbucks would open a chain here. But it’d be great if I didn’t have to go all the way to Duluth to have a fix.”