Wisdom's Kiss (43 page)

I dont know what to say Im trying to figure out
—

I have never in my life cared for anyone the way I
do
care for you. You always say
Im all you have
.
But for my entire life, youve been all that I did.
You had a mother at least who loved you, but my father + brothers never loved me at all.

Without you Id have
nobody
no one—not just these past six years, but ever since I can remember. There have been so many times when I was alone—or worse when some girl
or lady or gentlewoman
was begging for my company—offering coins as if I were a carnival ride!—+ it was only you, + the memory of you, that kept me from despair.

I never told you about
the circus
Circus Primus, + I feel so
bad
awful about that.
I know
Felis
said
told me not to but its not his fault, its mine. I didnt
trust
have enough faith in you. More than that, I was afraid if Hans + Jens found out, I wouldnt be able to forgive you.

But now I know I was wrong.

Dizzy
Wisdom—I know you dont want to hear about her + I dont blame you one
wit
whit—but I
have to explain
must try to explain at least. Because for the last day Ive been mad with grief + heartache. From the moment I saw the princess, I was in love. Even before she spoke! I dont know why! Except that I noticed
the very first thing
she is not proud.

I so
dislike
hate
pride! Its a
problem
—its a
sin
—in far too many people—+ not just noble-born. You + I have both met beggars in tatters + rags who live only to lord their rank over the beggar beneath them. My brothers put as much energy into
lowering
themselves as many gentlemen put into promotion, claiming they are "common born " + "not with airs"—+ it is so clear that they do this not out of love for equality, but from envy + hatred +
pride
!

But Dizzy accepts every person she meets, + if she judges it is for ability + enterprise, not position or birth. She cares as much for the lowest roustabout as she does for the emperor—I
obzerv
saw this myself during rehearsal, when his majesty appeared
and she alone did not rush to greet him but stopped to thank two stagehands for their efforts and ask them to demonstrate their machinery, with no thought of the
emperor
and how she should be fawning over him as everyone else always
does
seems to—she so clearly has no interest in rank, and what a
joy
relief that is!

Its not just that either. Ive always thought I could find contentment in every situation, + Ive
prided
—well, there it is, I have pride too! much as I try to avoid it. I have
prided
myself on this skill. But Dizzy outdoes me. She finds more than contentment—she finds happiness. Even hanging ½-smothered from a cable while they worked hours on spotlights she was laughing +
I know I sense
I can tell she would face any horror to find the bliss inside it.

+ she is brave! Braver than most men, + she doesnt even
know
show it. Once the cable slipped + dropped her ½-way to the stage, + she didn't say a word.

I dont pretend to know
true love
—Felis talks of it all the time, + has been married twice just since Ive known him—+ yet his
eternal bliss
lasts only a few weeks. Romance has no guarantee of forever!

But family—loving family—that survives time + broken hearts + any length of distance.

You are my family—before + now + always.

I am so sorry for what Ive done to you. For the truths Ive kept from you, + my lack of faith in you. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you cant.

With all my love forever,

Your family,
Tips

Any Soul Who Contemplates Even Glancing
at the Pages of this Volume Will
Be Transformed into a Toad
Suffer a Most Excruciating Punishment.
On This You Have My Word.

Saturday—

I am being fitted—three seamstresses toil even as I write—I shall make a v. presentable bride if not a willing one. Escoffier sits in my lap tho I suspect he wishes mostly to coat my gown (gift of Wilhelmina) in cat hair—his own small attempt to cheer me. With each minute the wedding draws closer as the scaffold approaches a doomed criminal—or is it the criminal approaches the scaffold? It does not matter—suffice to say that it is bad!

Trudy has departed. I cannot say I blame her—she returned to our suite last night to find me pacing—the explanation that I was "awaiting Tips" she misunderstood & she refused to believe Tips originally came to our rooms to see her. I had no idea he mattered so much! Nonna begged her to stay but the girl insisted on returning to Bacio...

And then Tips returned with a letter to give her but she was already gone.

And now so is he.

I am so scared.

Terrible news!

The Gentle Reflections of Her Most Noble Grace, Wilhelmina, Duchess of Farina, within the Magnificent Phraugheloch Palace in the City of Froglock

Terrible news!

The witch's " lady-in-waiting"—a vain little tramp who clearly expects her hair to forgive her low birth; Handsome has far bluer blood than she ever hopes to—has fled Froglock! Eastward!

If that fool by some miracle of competence manages to reach Montagne—this cannot be allowed!

As I told my most brilliant agent—at the time speaking of Montagne, but the dictum applies generally—petty laws are designed for petty men; those who would achieve greatness must act greatly.

I myself—a gentlewoman of impeccable breeding—could never condone anything so vulgar as
murder
.

Yet not only Farina but Montagne, and indeed humanity as a whole, would benefit from the removal of one empty-headed young woman.

Or several, should the situation warrant it.

We would not be the first to barter a soul for a throne, and while such a decision is most certainly burdensome, it is not without ample reward.

Ample reward indeed.

FELIS EL GATO

Impresario Extraordinaire ♦ Soldier of Fortune
Mercenary of Stage & Empire

LORD OF THE LEGENDARY
FIST OF GOD
Famed Throughout the Courts and Countries of the World
&
The Great Sultanate
*
THE BOOTED MAESTRO
*

W
RITTEN IN
H
IS
O
WN
H
AND
~A
LL
T
RUTHS
V
ERIFIED
~
A
LL
B
OASTS
R
EAL

A Most Marvelous Entertainment. Not to Be Missed!

***

I
AWOKE
brimming with satisfaction at my excellent performance the night before, both onstage and as counselor to young Tomas. All of Froglock was abuzz over the duke's wedding, the imminence of the event adding a piquant urgency to the day. The emperor contributed further spice by ordering the Globe d'Or transported outside, beyond the protection of the great circus tent, that he might observe the couple's reception procession from the air. Naturally it was well within my authority to point out the imbecility of such a demand, for every fool in Lax knew that this most precious and delicate object had never once been exposed to the elements and would moreover be snatched away by the first gust of wind; only a suicide would take flight in that perilous basket, its coals poised to spill fiery death, its anchor line sundering at any moment, sending vessel and rider drifting away as helpless as a dust mote, impotent against the merciless heavens. Yet this dictate came not from just any fool but from the emperor himself, and I am far too faithful a servant ever to question His Majesty's judgment.

Thus I diligently toiled, chiding the roustabouts whenever they criticized the great man's faculties, and with no little effort did we extract that golden sphere from its sanctuary. I myself tied the three—note the number, dear reader, my prescience once again sensing the catastrophe to come—
three
cables that secured the Globe d'Or to terra firma. Heartened that I had done everything possible to assure the safety of Rüdiger IV—and to this day I comfort myself that my considerate actions played no role in the subsequent tragedy—I returned to my chambers that I might prepare myself for the upcoming nuptials.

While the gray day may have dampened the enthusiasm of some of the arriving guests, I myself have far too much regard for the establishment of wedlock ever to allow a few lowering clouds to dim my keenness for a wedding—certainly my many unions were every one of them a day of great celebration, though I cannot speak as positively about the months then ensuing.

Given that the emperor himself would lead the service, I could don naught but my best, and quite a dashing figure I cut when at last I had luxury to examine myself in the full-length glass that accompanies me always.
The slashed velvet doublet and hose of lilac and indigo contrasted most pleasingly with striped stockings of mustard and jade, while my cape's scarlet lining flashed delightfully whenever the polychrome brocade fell open.
>
The peacock plume in my toque—a well-deserved gift from the sultan of Ahmb—highlighted further the iridescence of the ensemble, and I must say I could scarce draw my eyes from the magnificence before me.

Imagine, then, my surprise when I discovered Tomas still abed! And my stupefaction when he informed me that he had no wish to attend the wedding! When I probed most gently into the outcome of his nocturnal parley with Trudy, he retorted only that he was "done with love"! Perhaps their conversation had not proceeded as artfully as I had predicted. I implored him to arise from his cot and dress, for the wedding was not an hour hence and the emperor expected his most cherished performer (here taking the liberty of certain hyperbole, as certainly
one
other member of the cast was more valued than Tomas) to attend the blessed event. He could not allow his infatuation with the princess to cloud his judgment, and his future.

Untouched by my pleas, he refused. Not even my offers of coins—of the show's finale—swayed him, and he expressed not a modicum of sympathy for my fate should he abandon his responsibilities at this most consequential moment.

I had lingered as long as I dared. Devastated as I was by this turn of events, my long career had hardened me to such slings and arrows, and I accepted with worldly toleration the pain that would crush another man. Imploring him one last time to reconsider his impetuousness, I departed, as disappointed in his rash juvenility as in the fact he had not offered one word of praise on my attire. So it was that I hurried, alone, to the cathedral.

***

Volumes have been penned on that pivotal ceremony, sovereigns and scholars and common men pondering its every nuance, the significance and consequences of the vows—the toast—the kiss ... It is therefore only fitting that I improve upon that wealth of speculation by providing the world an unbiased chronicle, for I was—I state modestly—a superlative if not perfect witness, observing unblinking every detail of that event, from commencement to tragic conclusion, with an informed and learned eye.

Experienced as I am at the performance of matrimony, I delighted in the setting, for the Froglock cathedral is a magnificent edifice, its marbled chapels and gilded statuary incorporating the full spectrum of architectural styles and artistic décor. The duchess's servantry had toiled through the night to-gather every available Froglock blossom, which they to the best of their ability presented in vases and garlands about the altar and along the aisles. Banners emblazoned with the duchy's coat of arms hung from every column, and it was perhaps in response to this that the emperor hung his own seal on a curtain behind the altar. I confess that I studied this display with a certain pang, for—and I write these words in full acknowledgment of Rüdiger's ability, and his many years as showman and ruler—the effect was not as artistic as I would have achieved, the imperial indigo needlessly darkening the sanctuary (or "stage," if I may introduce so temporal a word into a place of worship) wherein the ceremony would take place.