Wishful Thinking (30 page)

 
“It must be pretty scary sometimes.”

“Sometimes. More so after my mom left, she couldn’t handle it.” Claudia stared down at our hands. “So,” she added.

“So,” I said back, "Crazy day, huh?"

“I knew something was up when your dad showed up at my house at three in the morning. I just didn’t think …”

“It’s all because of our dads and that accident isn’t it?”

She lifted her hand to her mouth and started chewing on her thumbnail, “I think so. Sometimes I wish I remembered it maybe then I wouldn’t have nightmares.” Claudia looked at me, “I’m gonna go get a soda or something want one?”

“Yes, please.”

We were both avoiding it, the elephant in the room. What and who exactly was Joey referring to when he said your mother. Was it me? Was it Claudia? I needed to ask my dad but I was terrified to. This time my dad would be honest and I didn’t know if I could handle the truth.

Claudia gave my hand a squeeze and then left the room without a sound. I’m not sure how long she was gone but as soon as the door shut behind her it was lights out for me. Depletion of adrenaline and being up all night hit me at once and I fell asleep.
 

I have no idea how long I was asleep for but when I opened my eyes again, my dad was there. A bandage over the bridge of his nose, bruises around each eye and two butterfly stitches covered a slit on his chin and right eyebrow.

“You look like shit," I croaked.

“Junior, language,” dad said. He scooted his chair closer to my bed. “How are you feeling?"

“Like shit, like I was shot."

“Language.”

“Fuck my language I got shot.”

“Okay, maybe you’re right … but only for tonight.”

“Shit right.”

Dad cocked his brow.
 

“Sorry. It’s all out now.”

“I’m sure you have a hundred questions and―”

“Actually, I have just one … am I adopted?”

Dad exhaled hard and took my hand in his. “No.”

I swallowed. “You cheated on mom?” I couldn’t help the accusation in my tone. Even if my mom wasn’t the best mother ever, she was the only mother I ever knew.

“No, your mom,” he let go of my hand and stood up, “no your mom saved us, and I will owe her for that, forever."

I remained silent, not sure what to ask, not sure how to feel.
 

Dad started pacing around my bed, “Buzz Malone used to be a client of mine. I was so young and stupid then, still wet around the ears and thirsting to prove myself. One day Buzz sent his young wife, Lorelei, in his place. It was love at first. She was an amazing woman, smart, sophisticated, beyond beautiful. I couldn’t understand what a woman like her was doing with a man like Buzz what she saw him.
 

“When Lola got pregnant it was a shock to say the least and when she found out it was twins she was ecstatic …” twins? “… but she didn’t tell me until after the birth when it was obvious Buzz wasn’t the father. By then I was with your mom, I was resentful and so I sent Lola away, but with your mother at my side, said I’d fight for custody of our kids, although, I didn’t know I wasn’t the only one fighting for custody of you two. Apparently Lola loved a few men.

“Then there was the accident. Lola had you and Chloe, sorry Claudia, in the backseat of her Range Rover, it was raining real hard and a car pushed her off the road. You all managed to get out okay but someone was waiting, stabbed Lola, and chased you two down with his car. When I saw the article about you in the paper, your mom and I rushed to the hospital. Rex was there waiting too, he was one of the few. A paternity suit was ordered to prove who the father was and, uh it turned out you’re my son."

“But Claudia’s my sister?”

“Yes, she is, and when you came out of the coma, you didn’t remember anything, neither did she and the doctors told me that the memories would either return on their own or they wouldn’t but we shouldn’t force them. With Lola dead, and her assailant out there somewhere I feared for your safety. I knew he’d be back, which is why I married your mom, and we both took her last name and then moved away, same as Simon.”

My head started to hurt and I couldn’t make heads or tails of what my dad was saying, it sounded absolutely ridiculous.

“But Claudia’s my sister, why didn’t you take her with us?”

“Because she’s not my daughter.”

That made zero sense but I was to exhausted to argue.“I’m tired,” I replied. It was the only thing I could focus on at the moment.

Dad looked relieved for the reprieve. “I’m sure you are. The doctors say you can go home now, so how about we do that?"

“Yeah, okay,” I said.
 

With that my dad helped me from the bed and we left.

May, 2

Let’s see, how would I recap the last few weeks?
 

Crazy?
 

Insane?

Fucking stupid? Yes.

Not to be believed? Bingo.

I wish I could say life was back to normal, but that’s a stretch. My life wasn’t that normal to begin with, but now it’s a sick hot mess.

Still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Claudia is my sister. My twin sister. Heteropaternal Superfecundation is the only term to describe our birth and I can say this, you have a better shot at winning the lottery than having twins with different fathers. My theory on us being jinxes is definitely correct.
 

As you can imagine life is a little chaotic at the moment. Graduation is two weeks away and I’m not going off to college, not yet at least. I decided to wait until next spring to go to college (Cambridge here I come) and figure some things out. Believe it or not so has Dean, he’s also going to Cambridge, which is good because then I can keep an eye on him. Still waiting for the I didn’t get in to MIT total meltdown.
 

Dean and Claudia got together. My sister and my best friend, can you believe that?
 

My sister.
 

Still feels like foreign words but they get a little less strange to say day by day.
 
Claudia and I have also started seeing this Graham of hers together. I like him, a lot, he doesn’t take bullshit, but I still give it to him anyway. I also see Dr. Patterson alone and with my dad, at this point with all the weird that just came crashing into my life you can’t have to much therapy. Dr. Patterson is helping me and my dad to embrace our nuclear family.
 

I never did have that conversation with Nate about Emily but it looks like they went ahead anyway. News of them becoming a couple almost trumped my getting shot, almost. Of course, when you throw in the whole Claudia’s my sister thing, well nothing can top the gossip about us.
 
As a graduation present Nate’s dad is chartering a private jet to fly us all to Honolulu for a week. We get to stay at a beach house they have there. Looking forward to that.

And then there’s Summer. Beautiful, crazy Summer, who’s brother is looking like he might just
 
make it, told me yesterday she loves me. Pretty sure my heart stopped when she said it. Positive hers did when I told her I loved her back. After which we had great sex, lots of it. Thank you stitches. I’m trying to do as Graham suggested and simply take it one day at a time.
 

Thank God for rugby.

―James