Wishful Thinking (a journey that will change lives forever) (25 page)

“But we haven’t even been married six months …” Dara replied, despondent.

“Exactly.  So, wouldn’t it be better to get out now, while you’re both still young enough to get over it?  Dara, you married him for the wrong reasons, you know that yourself.  You married him because you thought you’d missed your chance with Noah and didn’t want to be left alone.” Ruth sat forward and her tone softened. “Look, despite the hard time I gave you about it, I
can
understand it.  Sometimes I feel the same way.  Don’t think I don’t get the same comments from my family, or the weird vibes from my married friends.  Yes, sometimes I’m tempted to settle too, but as you know I’m too much of a romantic, and stupid as it may well be, I’d prefer to keep living in hope.” She smiled self-deprecatingly.  “But that’s me.”

“I should have listened to you,” Dara said, meaning it, “but I honestly thought that Noah was lost to me, I thought I’d messed it all up. And I certainly didn’t think he’d come back, otherwise I wouldn’t have dreamed of marrying someone else.”

“I know that.  And look, while it wouldn’t be me, I can still understand why you did it.” Ruth shook her head and exhaled deeply. “But maybe, Dara, just maybe you made an awful mistake.”

Dara looked at her, a mixture of guilt and confusion in her eyes. “But Ruth, if I did make a mistake, then how the hell am I going to get out of it?”

Chapter 20

Fiona shook her head and tut-tutted as she read the headline on that morning’s
Irish Independent
.  She and Louise were on their morning break, but as both were hung-over from yet another night out socialising, neither was in the mood for talking.  Despite her protestations, Fiona had dragged Louise out to help her pursue yet another guy she was interested in.  Unfortunately, the same guy had a penchant for pub-crawling, which meant that, rather than the ‘quiet night’ Louise had envisaged, the two girls had stayed out a lot longer and drank way more than intended.  And in the end, Fiona hadn’t managed to nab her man, the same one seemingly unaware that she even existed.  It had been a huge waste of time – or more aptly for Louise, a huge waste of money.  Fiona’s pleading didn’t stretch to financing her exploits, and they were each forced to cough up for a fresh round of drinks every time the object of Fiona’s affection moved premises. 

Louise found that lately she was tiring of all the drinking – she was tired of this continuous ‘let’s go out and get blotto’ aspect of her social life.  Yes, it was lovely having
such great friends and having such fun with them but she wished they could do something else occasionally.  She wished they could go to the cinema and watch some of the latest releases, or for once forget about the up-to-the-minute designer clothes, throw on a pair of comfy pyjamas, and just sit in and have a good old chat over a Chinese takeaway and a DVD.   That was what the fancy surround sound system in the apartment was for after all, wasn’t it? But she didn’t think it had even been used – again it was another example of Fiona’s obsession with ‘the best’.  

It must be lovely not to have any money worries, though.  Fiona must owe just as much on her credit cards as Louise did, but she didn’t seem to care.  Her motto was to live life to the full and to hell with the consequences. 

Louise wished she possessed the same devil-may-care attitude but she’d been brought up differently.  Not to mention that she’d practically grown up with this huge immoveable debt. 

But hopefully all that would be sorted soon, and maybe then Louise could stop worrying so much and for once she might be able to relax and enjoy herself instead of feeling guilty every time she spent beyond her means, which was basically all of the time.

“Disgraceful,” Fiona was still shaking her head at the newspaper article she’d been reading,  “bloody disgraceful.”

“What is?” Louise angled her head to get a better look. The headline was
‘Irish Woman Secures Massive Payout after Fall in Supermarket’ 

Apparently the woman had slipped on a spill in one of the grocery aisles and had damaged her hip and broken her ankle.  She’d sued for damages and had been awarded a large sum in compensation.

“This country’s gone crazy,” Fiona tut-tutted again. “Raise your voice to someone these days, and off they go looking for a big hand-out.  Bloody disgraceful.  Why didn’t the silly cow look where she was going?”

Louise felt her skin go hot all over.  Fiona didn’t know about her upcoming suit and judging by her reaction to this poor woman, who according to the article seemed to have suffered genuine injuries, it wouldn’t go down too well.  Fiona knew a little about her accident and she’d seen her scars that time on holiday, but for some reason Louise had never told her about the case her solicitor was taking.  Probably because deep down she felt the same way as Fiona did, that she didn’t really deserve it, that she was just looking for a handout.  But she felt bad enough about it all as it was, without admonishment from an apparently unforgiving Fiona.

“I mean, whatever happened to personal responsibility?” Fiona was saying.  “What happened to watching where you were going?  If I was stupid enough to fall over in a supermarket like that, firstly I’d be so embarrassed I wouldn’t be able to get out of there fast enough, and secondly, isn’t it my own bloody fault for not looking where I was going?  But no, these people see an opportunity, down they go, and then quick as you like, they have you up in court whining about how their lives have been ruined for good!”

Louise nodded absently, not wishing to offer an opinion one way or the other. Still she couldn’t help but stick up for the woman. “She broke her hip though, Fi – she couldn’t exactly get up and run out of there, and I’m sure she suffered afterwards.  A broken hip is no joke.”

“Suffered my ass! Louise, you can be so gullible sometimes – always seeing the best in everyone! Look at the smirk on her face in that picture!” Fiona cried, pointing at the accompanying photograph, which showed the injured woman leaving the courthouse. Louise had to admit that he woman did look quite pleased with herself all the same but that was no reason to suspect –

“The solicitors are worse,” Fiona went on.  “I remember reading about some law firm who used the same doctor in every single case.  The guy was as bent as an S hook and he falsified reports, exaggerated injuries, used every trick in the book to get a big payout. And of course the judges always fall for it.” 

“But some people must be genuine, surely?” Louise said, swearing to herself that she would never ever confide in Fiona now.  She drained her coffee mug and checked her watch.  It was time to go back to work.

“Maybe, but these days it doesn’t matter – certainly not to the solicitors anyway,” Fiona replied, closing the newspaper.  “They’re making as much money out of it as their so-called injured clients.  It’s one big money-making racket if you ask me.”

She and Louise left the canteen and took the stairs down to their office floor.  “If I was any good, I’d get in on the act too, maybe take an ‘accidental’ tumble down these steps one day,” she said.  “But, I’ve more respect for myself.  It’s nothing but downright fraud in my opinion, Louise.  Nothing but downright fraud.”

                                             *******

“So, what’ll we do tonight?” Sam asked her later that evening.  “Do you fancy the pub, a movie, something to eat …or,” he added, nuzzling the side of her neck, “should we just stay in?”

Louise jerked uneasily.  Fiona and Becky had already gone out for the night and Sam had called over shortly after they left.  It had been his first visit and he’d been mightily impressed by the apartment, as Louise had known he would.

“Wow, some pad!” he’d enthused, taking in the state-of-the-art Bose stereo Fiona had insisted on installing, the huge wide-screen TV and the understated but chic décor.  It was fabulous and, as that beer ad went, ‘reassuringly expensive’.  The rent was crazy really, twice as much as she’d paid on her old place, but still it was so much nicer and the three of them had so much fun together. 

Well, they did when Fiona wasn’t in one of her funny moods, or when Becky didn’t hog the TV.  The girl was addicted to soap operas, there wasn’t one on any channel that she didn’t watch, and while Louise enjoyed
Corrie
as much as the next girl, she wasn’t really interested in the
Platt Family Special
or
Coronation Street –
Hairstyles through the Years
, or whatever special they showed from time to time.  But Becky was enthralled, which Louise thought didn’t really suit the sophisticated fashionista image she too tried to project.

But Louise said nothing about the TV-hogging, or the mood-swings, untidiness or the fact that she had been landed with the tiniest bedroom.  It was little more than an airing cupboard really, but she supposed that didn’t matter so much, particularly when she’d been used to living in one room, and the apartment was so big. 

Still, there were times when she missed doing what she liked, eating when she liked and watching what she liked on the telly.  But not to worry, the girls were still getting used to one another. Give them a few more weeks together, and she was sure everything would be fine.

Sam was still nuzzling her suggestively. They hadn’t slept together – yet.  Louise was mad about him, she really was, but they’d only been together a few weeks, and she was an old-fashioned girl at heart.  Not that she wasn’t tempted – she had been many times, particularly when he was such an amazing kisser and could do fantastic things with his hands.

No, the real truth of the matter was that Louise didn’t want him to see her naked, to see her ugly skin grafts and slash marks.  She hadn’t told him about her accident. She hadn’t told anyone really – because it was such a long time ago, she hadn’t seen any reason to.  But now with case coming up, and the fact that she and Sam were getting more and more intimate, she did feel as though she should say something.  But again, she was afraid that if Sam knew the real her, the real boring ordinary Louise, that he’d lose interest.  And, to be honest, talk of broken hips and shattered pelvises wasn’t terribly glamorous, or indeed sexy.

But she supposed she’d better say something, otherwise Sam would think she was frigid, which, Louise thought with a grin, definitely
wasn’t
the case.

“We could stay in, if you like,” she replied, turning to kiss him. 

“I didn’t think girls like you liked sitting in.” Sam put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him. He kissed her softly on the lips.

“I’m not that much of a party animal, you know.”

“Oh? You could have fooled me,” he laughed softly and bent his head towards hers.

After a short while, they moved to the sofa, and Sam’s kisses deepened.  

Her heart raced.  Right, she had to say something now, didn’t she?  Otherwise he’d get some shock when he … although, she could just turn off the lights and maybe he wouldn’t be able to see anything, but no, that wasn’t fair.  She should be straight up with him before anything happened.  He was bound to spot it sometime, wasn’t he? Louise couldn’t hide her body forever. 

“Sam,” she began, breaking the kiss.  “Um, this is a bit embarrassing but …”

He gave her an odd look. “What? This?”

“No, no, this is fine – very fine, actually.” She smiled sheepishly.  “It’s just, well, something happened to me a few years ago, and it kind of affects how I feel about all this … ” She trailed off when something in his face changed.  Then she thought about how it all sounded.  “No, don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean something happened to me that way – I wasn’t attacked or anything.”

His expression visibly relaxed, and Louise felt a little guilty. Typically she was going about this all the wrong way.  She sat up, brushed her hair away from her face and turned to look at him. Sam sat up too, sensing that this was important.  “Back when I was still living at home in Cork, I was involved in an accident.”

His expression didn’t change. “What kind of accident?”

At this, Louise felt embarrassed, although she wasn’t quite sure why. “I was going along one day minding my own business, when I was knocked down by a car,” she said airily, as if telling him she liked sugar in her tea.  But she was trying her best not to make a big deal out it. “The driver went through a red light,” she explained.

But when Sam showed no reaction, Louise began to feel a bit worried.  This wasn’t how most people behaved after an admission like that.  Most people came out with the usual ‘You poor thing! Are you OK?’ but Sam looked as though she’d told him something particularly outrageous. “Ah, he was probably in a bit of a hurry,” she added, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Well, I really hope they got the bastard,” Sam said vehemently. “Nobody should be allowed get away with something like that!”

Louise realised then that he was one of those strong silent types, repressing his concern on the outside, while on the inside burning with fury.  She swooned, secretly delighted by his evident concern for her wellbeing.  She nodded.  “They did. In fairness to him, although he knew he’d be done for drink driving, he stayed at the scene and called me an ambulance. But anyway, I was pretty banged-up,” she continued, trying to return to the most pertinent aspect of it all. “I broke my hip, an arm and shattered my pelvis.”

“The prick! Why would anyone
do
something like that?” Sam went on, and Louise wished he’d concentrate less on the accident, and more on the injuries. 

“Well, look, maybe it wasn’t all his fault.  I probably should have checked that there was nothing coming anyway, but sure you know me,” she said rolling her eyes, “I was off in my own little world somewhere.”

“But you just said he went through a red light!”

“Oh, yes, yes, he did – at least that’s what the guards told me afterwards. But look, we got him, so don’t worry about that.  The thing is, I had to have a lot of operations so – ”

“Well, I really hope they locked him up, and threw away the bloody key!”

Louise felt exasperated.  Could he not just listen to what she was trying to tell him?

“As I said, I had to have a lot of operations – ”

“But he had insurance, surely.  Oh, don’t tell me,” he went on when Louise looked sheepish, “don’t tell me it was one of those boy-racer gurriers, and the insurance company wouldn’t pay out?”

Louise waved him away. “No, no, no, the insurance company did pay out, that was all sorted. The thing is though,” she tried again, “the thing is that as a result of all these operations, well, my skin isn’t as, well, let’s say as unblemished as I’d like it to be.”