Witch Is Why The Laughter Stopped (A Witch P.I. Mystery Book 14) (3 page)

“I didn’t really have any choice.”

“What are you going to tell her?”

“I don’t know. Do you think I should talk to Blake? Should I tell him that Jen’s been to see me?”

“That’s a difficult one. If you do, you’re betraying the trust of Jen, but then again if you don’t, you’re being unfair to Blake. There’s no good answer, but my gut feeling is that you should tell him. You’re both sups, so he’ll understand, and maybe there’s something he can do to alleviate Jen’s worries.”

“I think you’re right. I’m going to have to talk to him.”

I’d finished my drink and muffin, and was just on my way out when Alan and William walked in.

“Ah, Jill, I’m glad I caught you,” William said.

“What can I do for you?”

“Is it right what I’ve heard? Are you an elder now?”

“Do I look like an elder?”

“You know what I mean. Are you on the board of the Combined Sup Council?”

“I haven’t been to a meeting yet, but yes, I’m hoping I’ll be able to make a contribution.”

“Good. It’s time they had some new blood on there. There’s something that we’d like you to put forward.”

“What’s that?”

“Can you get them to stop blocking the introduction of the internet in Candlefield?”

“I didn’t realise it was the Combined Sup Council who have been blocking it.”

“In theory, there’s nothing to stop us having the internet here, but every time it’s proposed, they come out against it. Even though they don’t have any real power, nobody wants to go against their wishes. At this rate, it’s never going to happen. It’s doing our heads in—we have to go to Washbridge just to get online—it’s crazy. Will you see what you can do?”

“I can’t promise anything. I need to check out the lay of the land first. But yeah, if the opportunity presents itself, then I’ll certainly push for it. I think it would be a great idea.”

“Thanks, Jill. We knew you’d understand.”

Chapter 3

“But, Jack, I’ve got stomach ache and I feel nauseous.”

“No, you don’t, Jill. You’re lying.”

“How can you say that?”

“Easily. This is all because you don’t want to go.”

“Of course I do.”

“No you don’t. You’ve done nothing but moan about it ever since Kathy booked the tickets.”

“But who in their right mind would want to see ‘Ultimate Factor Live’?”

“Me, for one. And Kathy and Peter. We promised we’d go, and that’s what we’re going to do. You’d better hurry up and get ready because they’re coming to pick us up in thirty-five minutes.”

“But—”

“Go and get changed, Jill.”

“You really hate me, don’t you?”

I stormed upstairs. I’d been dreading this night ever since Kathy had told me she had the tickets. Ultimate Factor Live? Those TV talent shows were terrible; all of the acts were awful. To make matters worse, the top of the bill was none other than my old friends, The Coven. They’d once offered me a place in their dance troupe. All I’d had to do was learn a bit of a dance routine, and say the ‘The.’ If I’d said ‘yes,’ I’d have been famous by now, and would have made a small fortune. Kathy, Peter and Jack would have been going to see me tonight. Instead, I was having to pay good money to watch The Coven, and the other no-hopers.

I got changed slowly, hoping for some divine intervention, but half an hour later Jack shouted.

“Peter and Kathy are here. Are you ready?”

“Nearly. I still don’t feel very well, though.”

“Get your backside down here, quick.”

Some people have no compassion.

Peter drove, which left Kathy free to give Jack an ear-bashing all the way there.

“It’s going to be great,” she said. “I can’t wait to see The Coven.”

“Yeah, me too.” Jack nodded.

I was beginning to have serious doubts about the man.

“Did you know that Jill had a chance to be in The Coven?” Kathy and her big mouth.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He laughed.

“It’s true,” Kathy insisted. “Tell him, Jill.”

I shrugged.

“Ignore her. She’s being a misery guts as always,” Kathy said. “If she won’t tell you, I will. The Coven offered Jill the chance to be the ‘The’, but she turned it down.”

Jack turned to me. “Is that right?”

I shrugged again.

“You turned down the chance to be in The Coven?”

“Yes, I turned them down. So what?”

“You would have been rich and famous. We could have had a great big house somewhere out in the countryside.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t care.”

“She does really,” Kathy said. “She’s still kicking herself. Anyway, I sent them an email.”

“Sent who an email?” I didn’t like the sound of that.

“The Coven, or at least their management.”

“What do you mean you sent them an email?”

“I told them you’d be coming tonight.”

“Please tell me you didn’t.”

“I did, why not?”

Great!

“I shouldn’t worry about it,” Peter said. “They must get tons of emails; they won’t take any notice of it.”

“They’d better not. If you embarrass me, Kathy, I’m going to kill you.” It was time to bring up Kathy’s favourite subject. “When’s Megan Lovemore coming around, Peter?”

“Yes, Pete.” Kathy spat the words. “When
is
Megan coming around?”

“Tomorrow, actually,” Peter said. “Thanks for stirring it, Jill.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, all butter-wouldn’t-melt like. “She only wants some advice on her new business plan, doesn’t she?”

“She’d better not think she’s going to stay for long.” Kathy was still glaring at Peter.

“There’s a lot of stuff I have to go over with her,” he said.

“Yeah, well you’d better talk fast. I’m going to be sitting in there with you, stopwatch in hand.”

“There’s no need for that, Kathy. Surely you trust me.”

“I trust
you
, Pete, I just don’t trust
her
.”

Ultimate Factor Live was every bit as good as I’d expected it to be. The first act was a man with a performing donkey. And if I tell you that was the highlight of the show, it will perhaps give you a flavour of what I had to put up with. But it seemed I was in a minority of one because everyone else in the Washbridge Arena seemed to love it. They laughed, they clapped, and they shouted for more. I shouted, ‘Get off,’ but nobody could hear me. The whole thing was supposed to last for three hours, but I felt like I’d already been there for the best part of a month, and the top of the bill was yet to come on stage.

“It’s The Coven next,” Kathy said.

“Yeah, yeah. So what?”

The three women, led by Brenda, walked onto the stage. If I wasn’t mistaken, they’d invested in slightly more upmarket leotards. They went straight into their first number. Even I had to admit they’d improved since I’d last seen them. Their dance routines were a lot slicker; perhaps they’d invested in a choreographer. Don’t get me wrong, it was still absolutely terrible. It just wasn’t
as
terrible as before. When it came to their finale, the crowd was absolutely buzzing with anticipation. The three women got down on one knee, and then jumped up one by one.

“We. Are. The Coven.”

The crowd shouted, screamed, and waved their hands about. They couldn’t get enough of them.

“That could have been you.” Kathy nudged me.

“Shut up.”

When the applause finally died down, Brenda stepped up to the mic.

“Thank you. Thank you. You’re all so kind. We’ve come such a long way in such a short period of time, and we owe it all to you. You’re the ones who voted us through week after week. Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine we’d be here tonight. But before we go, we want to mention someone very special who’s in the arena tonight.”

Kathy looked at me. Peter looked at me. Jack looked at me. I prayed that the floor would open up and swallow me.

“We want to give a big shout out to Jill Gooder. Please, put the spotlight on her.”

Oh, no! The next minute I was blinded by the beam.

“Most of you won’t know Jill,” Brenda continued. “But we owe her more than you can ever know. Jill, we just wanted to say a big thank you for TDO.”

With that, the spotlight went off, and The Coven left the stage. Everyone was staring at me. I just wanted to get out of there, and quickly.

“Come on, let’s go.” I led the way out.

When we eventually made it back to the car, Kathy began with the interrogation. “What was that all about? What’s TDO?”

“Err—TDO? Oh yeah, they asked me for some advice—about their dance routine, and I suggested Total Dance Optimisation.”

“Total what?”

“You wouldn’t understand, Kathy. It’s very complex.”

***

Jack was a good cook. At least, he was a lot better than me. But the man simply could not make toast. It was either white or burnt to a crisp. This morning, it was the latter—black.

“Do you think maybe you overdid the toast, today?”

“I like my toast crispy.”

“This isn’t crispy. It’s practically charcoal.”

“You know where the toaster is if you think you can do any better.”

“I don’t have time.”

“You’d better eat it then.” He joined me at the breakfast bar. “I still can’t believe you never mentioned The Coven to me.”

“There was nothing to tell.”

“What do you mean nothing? You were offered the chance to join the UK’s premier dance troupe.”

“They weren’t the UK’s premier dance troupe when they approached me. They were a little known dance troupe taking part in talent contests in and around Washbridge.”

“Even so, you missed a golden opportunity.”

“I’d rather you didn’t keep reminding me.”

“Is there anything else you haven’t told me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Any little secrets in your life which you’re keeping from me?”

Little did he know that there was a whopper of a secret that I could never share with him.

“No. You know everything there is to know about me. I’m an open book.”

Jack left for work, and I followed a few minutes later. As I stepped out of the door, someone called to me. It was Megan.

“Jill, have you got a minute?”

“I’m on my way to work.”

“It’ll only take a second.”

“Okay.” I walked over to the fence.

She was dressed in vest and shorts, which seemed to be her outfit of choice in and around the house. As always, she looked stunning.

“I’m going to see Peter today,” she said.

“Jack and I were out with him and Kathy last night.”

“I’m really grateful to you for arranging it.”

“No problem.”

“I feel like I’m taking up a lot of Peter’s time, and I’d like to do something by way of a thank you. Is there anything I could get for him? As a token of appreciation?”

“If I were you, I’d buy a nice bunch of flowers for Kathy. She’d like that, and I think Peter would appreciate the gesture.”

“That’s a great idea, thanks.”

I was just about to get in the car when I noticed Jen driving up the road. She spotted me, and waved as she drove past.

Blake’s car was still on the driveway. It was an ideal opportunity to have a quick word with him, so I walked over and knocked on the door.

“Jill?” He seemed surprised to see me. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah—no—I think so.”

“Do you want to come in?”

“No, thanks. I don’t have time. I’m on my way to work. Look, I’m not sure whether I should tell you this or not.” I hesitated.

“You have to, now that you’ve started.”

“You mustn’t mention it to Jen.”

“Mention
what
to her?”

“That I’m telling you this. She dropped by my office yesterday. She’s concerned about you.”

“Why would she be concerned about me?”

“She came over to my place the other night while you were away on business. She said she thought you might be hiding something. Maybe even seeing someone else behind her back. Then yesterday, she popped into my office, and asked me to follow you to see if anything was going on.”

“Wow! She must really be worried. But what can I do? If I tell her I’m a wizard, she’ll think I’m crazy. And if I proved it to her by doing magic, I’d leave myself open to being taken back to Candlefield by the Rogue Retrievers.”

“I understand your dilemma, believe me. But you need to put Jen’s mind at rest somehow. She’s obviously got a bee in her bonnet.”

“You have to help me, Jill.”

“What can I do?”

“It’s lucky she came to you. She could have gone to another P.I. Why don’t you pretend to follow me for a few days, and then report back to her? Confirm that I’m not doing anything behind her back, and that I’m not seeing anyone.”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right.”

“There’s no other way to put her mind at rest. Please, Jill, will you do it?”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

***

Jules was behind the desk today.

“Jill, you have to do something about that stupid thing.” She gestured to the cuckoo clock.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s driving me potty. Every hour, on the hour, it pops its little head out, and starts making that stupid cuckoo noise.”

“That’s what cuckoo clocks do, Jules.”

“I know, but who has a cuckoo clock in their office? How am I meant to focus on my knitting with that thing cuckooing all the time?”

“There isn’t much I can do about it. It belongs to Mrs V; it was a present from Armi. I can hardly tell her to take it down, can I?”

“Can’t you just hit it with something?”

“No, I can’t hit it with something. How would I explain that away? ‘Oh, sorry Mrs V. I accidentally hit your cuckoo clock with something’.”

“I suppose you’re right. I’ll have to bring my iPod to work, and listen to music.”

“Just make sure you can still hear the phone ring.”

“By the way, Jill, did you find out if those two guys who work for your brother-in-law have girlfriends?”

“Not yet, but I will. I promise.”

“Thanks, Jill.”

When I walked into my office, there was what looked like the remains of the cuckoo on the floor. I couldn’t see Winky, but I could hear him. He was working behind the screen.