With Love; Now & Forever (9 page)

he next morning Ana awoke shortly after dawn. Having only a few hours of sleep, she was pleased that she felt rested, refreshed and

even excited. She knew something special had happened between her and Rick and was anticipating the time they would spend together. She dressed carefully, taking her time to pick out a fun and flirty outfit, something she hadn’t done since Austin. It was almost seven when she quietly entered the kitchen to commandeer a cup of coffee. She gasped when a shadow from the corner stepped forward.

“Oh, God, Stavros! You scared the life out of me! I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here!”
“Neither was I.” He replied with just enough suspicion in his voice to make Ana blush.
“I couldn’t sleep and I thought Jennifer wouldn’t mind if I came into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee. I hope that’s okay.”
The corners of his mouth twitched up and he nodded. “I just brewed a fresh pot, the mugs are here. Please help yourself.”
Ana smiled and quickly fixed herself a cup with cream and sugar before sitting down at the beautiful butcher block table. Aware that Stavros was watching her, she turned her attention to him and cocked her head. “Please, join me?”
He hesitated a moment before he refilled his cup then sat down across from her.
“It occurred to me,” she started softly, looking out the window, “that you seem to be a very serious person, very reserved. I have never seen you genuinely smile and happiness never quite reaches your eyes.” she paused and then turned to look him squarely in his. “Until you look at Jennifer, then they are filled with this beautiful light and you actually seem to be happy. Does Jennifer know you’re in love with her?”
He didn’t say anything, stonily staring at her, anger building in his dark eyes and Ana began to wonder if she had made an error in broaching the subject. His jaw bulged one last time as he clenched his teeth then he slowly lowered his head to gaze into his coffee cup. “No, she doesn’t. But she doesn’t need to right now.” he said sharply. “She needs time to grieve and mourn for her husband, to be given the space to heal her heart before she can open it up to love again. I am patient, I can wait.” He said it with such determination that she realized he would be as enduring and tolerant as he said.
“Won’t it be hard, living here with all of the memories of Austin?” she asked, surprised by her depth of concern for his feelings.
He created one of his half smiles. “When she is ready, I will show her my house. Then we will make it our home and fill it with beautiful children, as many as she‘d like.”
“Your home? I thought you lived here?” Ana felt confused. She didn’t think Stavros made much money as a butler or servant, or what ever his title was, she was still unsure of that, but she couldn’t imagine he made enough money to buy more than a small flat. “I didn’t realize you had a place. Is it in London?”
“No, I have a castle, ten minutes from here. I know she will love it because she has seen it up on the hill when we have driven into town and she speaks of its beauty. I just haven’t told her that it is mine yet.”
“You have a castle?” Anna stuttered.
“Yes, my family estate, it’s been in the family for generations.” He stated matter-of-factly.
“But why do you work here? As a butler?”
Stavros shot Ana a glare. “I am not a butler! I am a personal investment adviser, hired by Austin to help plan for Jennifer and Austin’s future. He insisted that I stay here at the manor to see his work, see how he produced his art and advise him on the works he had completed. When he saw the friendship Jennifer and I developed, he encouraged it and I enjoyed being able to help out around the manor. I cook because it’s a passion of mine and it helps me clear my head.”
“Austin was never jealous?”
“Of course he was, but not for the reasons that you believe. Austin was jealous of the time I spent with Jennifer because it was time that he couldn’t. His work drove him, his inspirations would not let him rest. He trusted Jennifer and myself, knowing that neither one of us would betray their marriage vows. I do have honor, Ana.”
“I apologize if I offended you, it was truly not my intention. I haven’t been blessed in my life to meet such honorable people, please forgive my intrusive questions.”
Stavros softened and nodded. “It is forgiven. I, like Jennifer, find you warm and kind, almost childlike in your innocent but direct questioning. It’s easy to see, after one gets to know you, that you are truly oblivious in personal relationships.”
“Oh, er, I think I’m supposed to take that as a compliment.” Ana bristled slightly.
“Please do, as that is the manner in which it is said.”
“Hey guys! I thought we weren’t supposed to have brunch for another hour!” Jennifer’s cheery voice shocked both of them as they whirled their heads in her direction.
“Forgive me, Ana and I were lingering over a cup of coffee. If you are hungry, I will start on our meal now, I have some thinking to do.” Stavros stood and started towards the stove.
“Relax, please! I was only teasing. I figured since it was just the three of us, we could drive in to London and indulge in some scones this morning.”
“Just the three of us?” Ana asked, feeling her heart drop.
“Yep, didn’t Rick find you? He received a call early this morning about a problem with his publisher, deadline conflicts, I think. God knows they work him to death. Anyway, he had to take a flight out this morning.” Jennifer frowned at the clock. “I think his flight is taking off right now. Ana, are you okay? You look a little pale.”
Ana felt dizzy and sick, her thoughts jumbled and she was unsure of what to say.
“She’s fine, just a little tired this morning from last night’s activities. We can wait an hour if you’d like to go to your room and rest for a little while.”
Ana looked at him and smiled gratefully. “Yes, just a little bit, please. I’m still a little fatigued from last night.”
Jennifer looked at her, worry showing all over her face. “We don’t have to go today, we could do it another time and you can get some more sleep.”
Ana gave her a reassuring smile. “Absolutely not! I would love to go into London. I haven’t spent enough time in your beautiful capital. I’ll be ready in an hour, promise!” She squeezed Stavros arm and walked out of the room.
After Ana left the room, Jennifer looked at Stavros with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on her face. “Did I interrupt something between you two?” she playfully bantered, then saw a hurt look flash across his face.
“Positively not!”
“Hey! I’m sorry, I was just teasing. But it seems to me that you could do a lot worse than Anastasia Cassadine! She’s a wonderful woman.”
“Indeed she seems to be but as I have told you before, I don’t need to be set up. I have already found the love of my life.”
“Ah yes, the mystery woman. Not to offend you but if this woman is as fantastic as you claim, she would have realized what a wonderful man you are, marched you down the aisle and would be fat with your babies by now!”
“She just needs some time.” he replied patiently.
“Humph! Time! Life has no guarantees for time! She’s either stubborn or a little sick in the head when it comes to a good man, if you ask me.”
“Possibly a little of both!” he agreed, smiling.
Jennifer shivered, dazzled by the full beautiful smile he showered on her.

Ana couldn’t get to her room fast enough, hurt that Rick hadn’t found her and embarrassed that she had dolled herself up for a man who didn’t appear to be as affected by their kiss as she had been. She was angry at herself that she felt shunned and rejected. In all of her relationships, she always had the upper hand, retained total control and kept her distance, only her mother and Austin’s mother had ever rejected her and it was a feeling she vowed never to experience again. But now she was going through it again with a man she had known less than a week, what the hell was she doing?

She reached her room, trying not to slam the door behind her and leaned against it. She fought to control the sobs building in her throat that threatened to escape. Control. That’s what she had lost since coming to this beautiful countryside and she needed it back, control was comforting and familiar. These unfamiliar bouts of emotion were alien and unwanted, cutting into her heart as deeply as a surgical scalpel.

She took a moment to get herself under control before moving to the bathroom, it was then that she noticed the red rose on her pillow. There was a black ribbon tied to it and upon closer examination, a letter underneath. Tentatively, she picked up the rose and smelled it before setting it down to pick up the letter. She opened it up and knew it was from Rick although she had never seen his handwriting before, tears welled up as she read the letter.

Beautiful Anastasia, I’m sure by the time you read this you will be hurt and disappointed that I wasn’t there this morning, that I hadn’t sought you out in person. I ask your forgiveness for not finding you, knowing that if I had found you this morning I wouldn’t have had the willpower to leave you. It seems that so many have done so in your life with or without your consent, but I have obligations in my own life that I need to deal with right now, commitments I made before I met you.

Last night was beautiful and transformed my life and I believe it did for you as well. I believe that you have been given so much information in such a short amount of time that it became overwhelming and confusing. I know it was for me at first, but now I see all of the signs that were pointing in this direction all along. I’m comforted in the thought that when you are given enough time, you will realize that we are meant to be together. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and we were brought together for a higher purpose. You need to free yourself from the lie you have been bound to for so long, Jennifer is a good person and will understand. You need to release the guilt and anger that has held you prisoner and kept you from being the beautiful person that you are. You will know the true meaning of love and freedom once the bonds you have confined yourself with have been released.

When you have done that, I will be waiting for you with open arms. Jennifer knows how to reach me when you are ready, when your denial and stubbornness fades, we will be with each other again. I will think of you and count the days until we are. With all my heart, Rick.

Even as Ana read the letter a second time, she felt the old emotions of aching distress. Rick knew that she had been betrayed but did he truly know the circumstances of what her secret held? If he did, how could he honestly ask her to hurt so many people by exposing the genuine reason she left Austin?

Resentful and angry, she crumpled the letter up and threw it back onto the bed, unable to throw it into the trash. She stomped into the bathroom, splashed water on her face and began roughly scrubbing with soap as if she could scrub her emotions away with the foaming bubbles. Damn him! Damn him for leaving her, for making her doubt her emotions and her loyalty to Austin. It was best if she just forgot him, forgot this whole experience and got back to her life. She didn’t need him, and didn’t need his opinions or his love. She had been fine for the past twelve years and she’d be fine for the next twelve, even twenty years. He didn’t have a clue how much pain she could possibly cause Jennifer and her relationship with Austin’s family and Ana wasn’t going to risk Jennifer’s memories of Austin and what they had together just so she could be with Rick, she would rather stay alone. Control and her old life was what she needed. Damn Rick Montgomery for causing her to doubt that!

na was sitting in her office, trying to focus on her work but her thoughts reluctantly kept coming back to Rick and her time in London.

As hard as she tried to go back to the life she’d had before London, she found that life elusive and lost in the past. She glanced at her watch and realized she was supposed to meet Sally for lunch in twenty minutes. Ever since her return, Ana had tried to put herself forward one hundred percent in her friendship with Sally and they spent more time together as friends while limiting their work relationship to business hours.

Although she came home with a positive outlook on life, Ana still felt lost and guilty. She felt lost because she hadn’t seen or talked to Rick since the night of their kiss. She attempted to regain control of her life once she returned to New York but found herself searching for his face everywhere she went, she just couldn’t get him out of her mind. She felt guilty because she still hadn’t confided in Jennifer or Sally about the last night she had been with Austin. Ana and Jennifer had grown very close during the last week she was in London, acting like long-lost sisters instead of two women who had loved the same man. Jennifer had tentatively broached the subject, hoping Ana would open up to her but Ana couldn’t bring herself to release the burden she was now accustomed to carry. Jennifer gracefully dropped the subject, which didn’t help alleviate Ana’s guilt, if anything, it made it worse.

They stayed in touch and Jennifer arranged to fly over next month to visit. Ana genuinely cared for Jennifer and was looking forward to her visit but she could feel the small tension between them, the ghost of secrecy floating about.

Now, sitting in a quiet restaurant in upper Manhattan, Ana was quickly brought back to the present by Sally‘s nudge.

“Hey Ana, are you okay? I don’t think you’ve heard a word I said.” Sally stated.
“Sorry, my mind was wandering.”
“It’s been doing that a lot lately, ever since you came back and I know work isn’t what is plaguing you. Could it be because of a certain Rick Montgomery?” Sally teased.
She conceded to Sally, knowing it was partial truth that her mind kept coming back to Rick. “I see him everywhere I go. I just wish I could get him out of my mind.”
Sally, upon hearing of Ana’s adventure, had been thrilled to learn that Ana had met a man who actually intrigued and engaged her. When she found out it was the famous medium, Rick Montgomery, she had practically jumped out of her skin with excitement and much to Ana’s chagrin, found Sally planning her future dates with Rick. Ana had to finally reprimand Sally, reminding her it had been one kiss and then he had disappeared, abandoning her.
“He didn’t abandon you! He had to take care of his business! You, of all people, should understand that! Besides, he told you to contact him. Have you done that yet? No! Seems like its
you
that’s abandoned him!” Sally pushed.
Every day, at least once a day, they went round and round about Rick Montgomery. Sally was like a dog with a bone, she wouldn’t let it drop and today was no different.
Ana let her mind go numb, letting Sally argue in Rick’s defense as she gazed blindly around the restaurant. She felt a slight flicker of a smile cross her lips as she recalled the Peanuts teacher character talking incoherently, wha wha wha wha wha which reminded her of Sally right now. The smile froze on her face as she caught a glimpse of someone familiar across the room. It couldn’t be! Ana felt her heart quicken as she craned her neck to try and see through the crowd. That dark golden hair, the flash of a dimple, was it him? Could that be Rick at the bar?
Feeling unsure and unprepared, Ana excused herself to go to the restroom. She made it to the ladies room, pushing open the large door, and crossed to the mirror in the sitting room, staring at her reflection. Is this how it’s going to be? Part of her haunted by the ghost of the man she loved and lost and the other part haunted by the ghost of a man that was still here, still alive? She was seeing Rick everywhere, what was next? Having conversations with him?
She closed her eyes and tried to get herself under control. She could do this, she could keep it together. When she opened her eyes, she saw Rick’s reflection in the mirror, standing in the doorway. “Great, now I’m fantasizing when there’s no one around.” she muttered.
“You haven’t called me, Ana. I tried to give you your space but I can’t stand being apart from you any longer.” The hallucination moved towards her from across the room.
Ana turned, expecting an empty room but instead, found Rick standing right in front of her. He put his arms around her pulling, her close.
“Oh God, if I’m dreaming, please let me enjoy it a little longer!”
“You’re not dreaming. I’m here, I’m real and I need you, Ana. I’ve been in New York for three weeks, waiting patiently for you to call me. I can’t wait anymore. I need you now!” Rick’s mouth came down on hers, the desperation and need transferring from his lips to hers. His tongue teased hers and licked her bottom lip while taking it in his teeth, pulling and tasting before crushing his mouth to hers once again. He began to tug at the combs in her hair that held it back, running his fingers through her curls to free them before he started on the buttons on her blouse. As he unbuttoned one, he would kiss her exposed skin underneath, his tongue savoring her taste.
She groaned, knowing now that she wasn’t
hallucinating, it felt too good and the warmth that surged through her body couldn’t possibly be produced by an illusion. She ran her hands along his back, his hips and thighs, trying to absorb every movement, every touch. They were devouring each other, unable to break the contact for more than a fraction of a second, as if their lives depended on their touch. His hands were back in her hair, holding her head as if to ensure that she was real and not going anywhere. She felt like she could stay here forever with him.
When he felt her hands and arms encircle his shoulders, holding him as desperately as he was holding her, he lowered his hands down her body, gliding along her blouse, unwilling to lose their connection. He caressed her sides, moving up along the sides of her breasts before he reached under her arms and lifted her up, setting her on the marble vanity counter. She broke their kiss to nibble and nip along his jaw line, ear lobe and neck, wanting to ravage him as she felt the passion enveloping her.
“Rick, I’ve missed you so much. I can’t believe you’re here.” She whispered fiercely, “We should go back to my place before someone comes in.” although she truly didn’t care right now.
“I put a cleaning sign on the door, no one will bother us.” He mumbled while kissing her down the front of her neck to her breasts. “I need you now, Ana.”
He grabbed her buttocks and pulled her closer to his groin even as she wrapped her legs around his waist. She moaned as his strong hands moved along her thighs towards her hot center. She felt her hips involuntarily start moving, creating a rhythm that he matched with his own.
“Rick, I know it’s crazy but I…”
“Sshh, I know and I love … beep, beep, beep!”
Ana bolted upright, panting heavily and looked around the dark room. Growling, she slammed the snooze button on the alarm clock and fell back onto her pillow. It was Sunday morning, Rick had just left Jennifer’s manor yesterday. Left
her
yesterday. It had all been a dream, the office, her lunches with Sally, Rick…everything. “God, I’m losing it already!” she groaned.
He was only gone twenty four hours and already she was fantasizing about him. What the hell was wrong with her? She was glad she was still here, able to spend more time with Jennifer. Today was their girls’ day out. Stavros had Sunday’s “off” so Jennifer had suggested a day of pedicures, manicures and a few hours of shopping. Both women were trying to prepare for the reading of Austin’s will tomorrow and although there was no animosity left between them, it was still going to be hard. A girl’s day was just what they needed.
She had contacted Sally yesterday and had her change her flight plans. Sally was thrilled at the outcome of Ana’s trip and assured Ana that everything was under control at the office. She hadn’t heard from the Senator, which was good news. Three days into their vacation with no contact meant everything was going without a hitch. The other, smaller trips for clients had been handled easily, everyone knowing that Sally was Ana’s right-hand woman and to give her problems meant they were giving Ana problems. No one wanted that.
Ana eventually got up and took a leisurely shower, trying to wash away the remnants of the dream that seemed so real. She finally got dressed and was just finishing her hair when there was a knock on her door.
“Morning sunshine! Ready for our day out and about?” Jennifer’s singsong voice floated to Ana in the bathroom as Jennifer open the door.
“In here! Just finishing up my hair.” Ana came out of the bathroom to see Jennifer placing a platter of bagels, cream cheese and lox on the nightstand. A carafe of coffee was in her other hand, dangling dangerously between her pinky and ring finger.
“Good gracious! Let me help you with that!” Ana chastised her with a smile and took the carafe that was hanging so precariously.
“Got it! My years as a waitress gave me excellent juggling skills!” Then she laughed at Ana’s quizzical smile. “During my rebellious period, I refused to use any of my parents’ money and put myself through two years of college by waitressing and student loans.”
“Only two years?” Ana teased.
“Yeah, I eventually realized that I could use their money for the greater good. I let them pay the rest of my schooling with the agreement that I could use part of my trust fund my grandparents left me to help finance the art gallery. My parents had met Austin by then and seeing his work, knew that he was very talented and extremely marketable, so they agreed.”
“Wow! That’s incredible!” Ana was dumbfounded. She knew people grew up with money but because she had never experienced it, she never thought of the benefits or the strings tied to family money.
“Not as incredible as you! I can’t imagine being a selfmade business woman! I’m envious of you, in a good way. You are my heroine!”
They both laughed at Jennifer’s proclamation. Ana tenderly took Jennifer’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “You are
my
heroine. So strong and loving, I feel truly blessed and happy that I came here. Thank you for having me.”
Jennifer squeezed her hand back and they started laughing again, seeing the tears welling up in both of their eyes.
“Enough! This is a
fun
girl’s day! I figured the bagels will tide us over through the pedicures and manicures and then we can get brunch. After that, I would love to show you our art gallery. Then shopping, an early supper and a few chick flicks that Stavros won’t watch with me!”
“Sounds wonderful!” Ana replied, though she noted with sorrow that it was Stavros she named as having tried to watch movies with and not Austin. The more she heard about Austin through Jennifer’s voice, the less it sounded like the man she had fell in love with all those years ago. She felt sorry that Jennifer didn’t seem to know the Austin that Ana had known.
The day went by quickly and was filled with beautiful scenery and lots of laughter. The salon where they had their manicures and pedicures served them delicious mimosas and at brunch, because Devon was their chauffeur for the day, Jennifer insisted they indulge and have fun so they continued with bloody Marys. They went shopping at Harrods of Knightsbridge, Ana consciously aware that they spent more money in one stop than most people make in a month. They had a light supper at a café in Hayward’s Heath before going back to the manor.
Ana was giggling and laughing as they hauled in their loot from the day when she realized she had never had so much fun with another female in her life. She vowed then that she would make sure that the friendship she had with Jennifer wouldn’t end with the reading of Austin’s will.
Wanting to change into comfortable lounging clothes, they agreed to meet in the kitchen to raid the pantry for supplies before heading to the theater room. After deciding on some summer meats, brie and crackers, Ana headed to the theater room while Jennifer grabbed a few beers.
“I’m sorry but there’s nothing like a cold beer with crackers and cheese to end a wonderful day!” Jennifer stated and Ana wholeheartedly agreed. They started the movie, “Summer of the Traveling Pants”, as they both settled on the long velvety sofa placed at the center of the viewing screen. They laughed and joked about the antics of the day when the subject slowly deviated to Rick’s reading on Friday and the things that had been revealed. They both agreed that Jennifer’s painting was exquisite and should be included in the next art gallery showing, but as a private piece and not for sale.
“Have you come to terms with the things Rick spoke of?” Jennifer asked hesitantly.
Ana knew immediately what Jennifer was asking about and she felt the dread well up in her. She felt so close to Jennifer and didn’t want to hurt her but the feeling of guilt she had in her dream that morning almost gagged her and she choked on a bite of cheese, quickly drinking a swig of beer to wash it down.
Her instinctual response was denial, as she had done for so many years but then she remembered the feeling of freedom and fun she’d had during the past ten hours. Did she want to be free of the guilt that had plagued her all these years and risk the pain she would inflict on Jennifer or should she respect Jennifer‘s feelings and continue to keep her secret?
Torn, she stumbled, “I don’t want to hurt you. Believe it or not, you are becoming the best friend I’ve ever had and I fear that if I tell you everything, you won’t want to be friends with me anymore.”
“Oh Ana, I don’t think that’s possible! I’ve had the worst thoughts of you before you came, all these years, and you’ve shown me what a wonderful person you are! I was so wrong about you!”
Ana took another drink of her beer, feeling the panic well up in her stomach, she had never talked about that night and it almost felt alien on her tongue. She started the story slowly.
“It was going to be our first night together. His mother was over at her sister’s house and his father was closing the shop that night. Austin had it all planned out, he had cleaned up his room, made the bed and had candles going. I was only sixteen at the time but it was the most romantic night of my life.”
Ana nibbled on her cheese, trying to form her thoughts and Jennifer let her take her time, not wanting to rush the story she knew was so difficult for Ana to tell.
“She wasn’t supposed to be home for hours but then all of a sudden she was in Austin’s doorway, yelling at both of us, telling me to get out of her house and for Austin to get dressed. I remember crying, feeling so embarrassed and knowing it was going to take a lot to make it up to his mother. Austin was yelling back at her that I was the woman he loved and was going to marry, that she shouldn’t speak to me that way. So many nasty things were said that night between Austin and his mom, I kept trying to tell him it was alright, that I should go home and let everything cool down. He gave me a kiss before I fled down the porch stairs to my car, his mother calling me a no good whore.” Ana was crying now, though Jennifer didn’t think she was aware of it. “I got home and ran to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me which was a huge mistake because I woke up my mother, who came in yelling at me that I was rude and disrespectful. She didn’t even ask why I was crying, just that I needed to be quieter in the house. She left my room grumbling that she was going to have to go make herself a cup of tea to be able to fall back to sleep, I never heard the door. Next thing I knew Mom was telling me that Austin’s dad was on the porch and wanted to see me. I had always gotten along with his dad and I knew he would understand, but it didn’t stop the embarrassment that I felt. I went out to the screened in porch, drying my eyes and I saw him standing there holding a dozen long stemmed red roses.
I was so excited and happy, believing Austin had sent his father to give me the roses! Knowing that things were on shaky ground with his mother, I’m sure he wanted to let me know that he still loved me, no matter what. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts and assumptions that I didn’t hear what he was saying until I heard him say that he loved me. I remember looking at him, feeling confused, nodding my head that I knew Austin loved me, but then he was shaking his head no, that I didn’t understand. He knew his son was in love with me but so was he. He wanted me to run away with him, to forget everyone here and to start a life together. He grabbed my arms and pulled me to him, then he started kissing me and telling me how young and sweet I was, that I should be with someone that knew how to treat a woman. I tried pushing him away but he was so strong. He was groping at me, hurting me, completely oblivious to my tears and my struggles.