With the Father (22 page)

She gasped. “Do you
think there’s another policy out there with her listed as the beneficiary? Is
she sitting on half a million dollars right now?”

I leveled my gaze
on her. “I don’t know. Surely he wouldn’t have been that stupid.”

“He was stupid
enough not to erase his phone.”

“True,” I said,
rubbing my temples. I could feel a headache brewing. I was on information
overload, and my head threatened to explode. “You know what? I don’t even care.
If she profited off his death, she can have it. Besides, she has his son to
raise now. I’d be willing to bet there is a policy with Jackson’s name on it
too.”

“What?” Kate’s wide
eyes reminded me that I hadn’t told her about Jackson. They say a picture is
worth a thousand words so I showed it to her. I didn’t have to say anything
else. She looked at me in shock. “You have to be fucking kidding.”

I tossed the phone
on the bed. “My thoughts exactly.”
 

She narrowed her
eyes at me. “Why are you so calm? I’d be losing my mind right now if I were
you. I
am
losing my mind right now
for
you.”

“I think I’m just
numb to it all. Or maybe I don’t care any more. I wanted answers, but now that
I have them, I’m not sure that I even need them.”

She reached for a
bank statement lying near my feet. A few highlighted yellow lines glared at me.
“Well, I do! I need answers. And Jackson being Jonathan’s son explains a lot of
things.”

“Like what?”

“I went through
your bank statements while you were sleeping. Only I didn’t just go through the
last few of months. I went back an entire year. You said that he paid for the
kids’ school twice one month. But, I looked, Grace, and he paid for the kids’
school twice every month during that entire year. But just like you said, the
second payment was always half.”

I shrugged. “He was
paying for Jackson’s, too.”

“Exactly.”

“And the fifty-five
dollar checks that he wrote every month?”

“Yeah.”

“I found one where I
could read the signature on the back. Steve Knight signed it.”

Steve Knight owned the only karate studio in
town.
 
“Our kids didn’t take
karate,” I muttered.

“Right? But does Jackson?” Her brown eyes were dark
and ominous.

“Yes.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “He had another child
that he was paying for, and he didn’t even really try to hide it.”

“It was hurting us though. Our bank accounts were down
to next to nothing when he died.”

She reached for a different statement. “No, he was
transferring everything to a different account. Look at this. On the fourteenth
of January, he transferred five thousand dollars out of your joint account.
There’s another transfer for three thousand the month before that. I think he
was siphoning off money for when they ran away together. I don’t know.”

She was silent for a moment while she processed
everything we’d figured out. “So what do you think they had planned? They were
going to kill you and run away together with all four kids? That’s so crazy.”

 
“As the trustee of my money, he would
have had all of that, too.”

“Do you think
Coleman knew?”

“About Jackson? No.
There’s a text where he asks if Coleman knew about everything, and she said,
‘No. Just us.’”

I mentally ran
through everything I’d read. Arden’s text message to Jonathan rattled around in
my head.
I can’t call it off. He’s already in place.
 

“Holy shit, Kate! A
man attacked me the night of the fire. I was late getting home from the kitchen
because I was mugged in the parking lot. He had a knife and took a swipe at me.
It nearly scared me to death.”

“And you’re just
now telling me?”

“It seemed
inconsequential after everything that happened that night.” It didn’t seem so
inconsequential now, and I recounted the attack to her in as much detail as I
could remember. “When I got home, he was visibly upset – drinking, which
he never does. I just thought he’d had a bad day and was mad at me for being
out late. But now, I think he wasn’t expecting me to walk through the door.”

She’s at the
kitchen now. I’m coming over.

I wrung out my
hands. “There was a glass of wine on the coffee table. He handed it to me, and
I
thought it was for me, but I remember complaining about our crappy dishwasher
because there was lipstick on it.”

“Do you think she
was there before you got home?”

“She had to be. Her
text said that she was on her way. She was at my house.” I shuddered.

She leaned back and
threw her hands in the air. “Lying cheating assholes! Too bad nothing worked
out the way they planned, huh?”

“No,” I agreed
though I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe
everything would be different if the man in the parking lot had done the job
that I now assumed Arden or maybe even Jonathan had paid him to do.

“So Paul saved
you?” she said.

“Yeah. When I told
him I was glad he was there, he said, ‘I’ll always be here for you, Grace.’”
Despite everything, I couldn’t stop a smile from creeping up on my face.

She grinned. “Do
you need him to save you now?”

I thought about it
for a second. “You know what? I don’t think I do. I am going to go see him
though.” I moved to get up but stopped when I remembered something. “What about
tonight?”

She snorted. “Do
you want to confront her?”

I laughed. “I’m not
having dinner with
her
. She’s not getting another minute of my time or
energy.” Whatever she thought she had on
me and Paul,
I had more on her and Jonathan. I picked up my phone.

“What are you
doing?” she asked, a mischievous smile lighting up her eyes.

“She likes text
messages. I’m going to text her to tell her we aren’t coming.” I pulled up
Arden’s text string on
my
phone.

“What are you going
to say?”
Kate,
said bouncing on the bed and causing
the papers around us to shift and shuffle.
 

I typed my message.
It was short and sweet and to the point.

Sorry but
something’s come up and I can’t make it tonight. You know I’d rather be with
you.

I hit send and
handed the phone to Kate so she could read it.

She laughed, her
laugh fringing on the edges of hysterical. “Oh, wait,” she said, throwing my
phone back on the bed and grabbing Jonathan’s instead. Arden’s last message was
still on the screen.

Kate typed
furiously and then handed the phone to me, her laugh now crossing firmly over
the line into maniacal.

And they say, dead men don’t tell tales.

GRACE

I couldn’t take my car to Paul’s. I didn’t want someone to see it
parked in his driveway or even around the corner. I didn’t use the front door
either. Like a criminal, I snuck around the side of the church parsonage and
knocked on the back door.

“I’m sorry to surprise you,” I blurted before the door was even all the
way open. “But I just needed – ” My thoughts and words were cut off by
the sight before me.

Paul stood in the open
doorway, wearing nothing but athletic shorts, tennis shoes, and a smile. “You
don’t need an invitation, Grace.”
 

I blinked up at his
marvelousness. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on the man. Oh, how I loved a
runner’s body. “Been running?” I asked, though there wasn’t a drop of sweat on
him. How did I know?
Because I was looking.
Or
more accurately, gaping
.

“No. I’ve been
working in the house. Come in and I’ll show you what I’ve been up to.” He held
the door open so that I could pass through. When I did, my arm brushed his
smooth, solid stomach.

It wasn’t an
accident. I’d lived my entire life, always playing it safe, doing what everyone
expected of me. I was done living like that. From this point forward, I was
going to be braver. I was going to take chances. I was going to treat every day
like it might be my last, knowing that it very well could be. A small smirk
appeared at the corner of his
mouth,
as if he knew I’d
touched him on purpose.

He grabbed my hand,
leading me into a small kitchen. The linoleum floor was a little dingy, in need
of replacing, but the rest of the kitchen was probably average as far as church
parsonages went. There was certainly nothing fancy about it.

 
“Just give me a second to find my shirt.”
The lean muscles in his shoulders and chest rippled and strained as his head
swiveled to look for it.
 

‘You don’t have
to,’ I wanted to say. However, even the new, braver Grace still had some
growing to do.

“Maybe it’s in the
living room,” he said pulling me down a long dark hall towards the front of the
house. Spotting his shirt, he let go of my hand. “There it is.”

My feet suddenly
felt like lead, preventing me from following him into the room. The room was
full of boxes. Boxes piled on top of boxes. Each one marked in Paul’s scrawled
writing. Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. Hall closet. Every room seemed to be
represented.

The one sitting in
the middle of the room was marked ‘Donate.’ A roll of packing tape and a
permanent marker sat on top of it.

My heart sank, my
excitement to see him and tell him everything I’d learned earlier that day
dissolving into nothingness. “You’re leaving,” I said breathlessly. My heart
rate beat faster than a runaway train.
Had he heard the rumors, too?

Fully clothed
again, he sat down on the couch and casually threw his arm over the back of it.
“I kind of have to. Come sit by me, Grace.” He patted the chair beside him,
reminding me that someone was conspicuously absent.

“Where’s Chubs?”

“He’s locked in the
bedroom. The boxes were making him nervous.”

I could relate.

I had a million
questions, but one was more immediately important than the rest. “So where are
you going?” I dreaded his next words. If he said Boston, I didn’t know what I’d
do. Would I follow him? Would he want me to? Our relationship was too new for
me even to guess.

“Third Street. I
rented an apartment in The Commons.” Third Street was only three blocks from my
father’s house. My heart was beating again, but it was doing so with the rhythm
of a runaway train. “I have to be out tonight because my replacement gets here
tomorrow.”

“Your replacement?”

“Why are you still
over there? Do I smell or something?” He sniffed at his t-shirt, but his
playful grin did nothing to alleviate my worries.

“No,” I said,
remembering how I’d gotten here. “But I probably do. I ran all the way over
here.”

“Why?” he asked,
suddenly concerned. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes. No. Well, now
I don’t know.” All the things I’d wanted to tell him now seemed unimportant.
“Can you please tell me what’s going on?”

 
“I’ve been in discussions with the bishop
all week.”

I gasped. “Did he
kick you out of the church? Because of me?” Funny, how out of all things I’d
learned today, the thought of Paul being removed from the church or, worse,
being excommunicated was by far the hardest for me to digest.

“Calm down, Grace.
It’s not like that. And it’s not because of you though you’re a part of it. I
tried to keep your name out of it. I really did. But the Bishop needed to know
everything so he could determine my level of wrongdoing.”

Everything
. The Bishop knew everything.

Realizing that I
wasn’t budging from my spot across the room, he stood again. However, he still
didn’t make a move to come closer to me. “
You’ve
done nothing wrong,
Grace. But
I
have, and now I’m in the process of fixing things. That’s
why Russell was here.”

“He told you this
is wrong?” After meeting him and the things he’d said to me, I really couldn’t
imagine it.

“No.
Quite the opposite, actually.
He thinks
that he’s done me a terrible
disservice, that
he led
me astray from whatever life was meant for me. He’s always told me that his
influence and my Irish guilt were a dangerous combination.”

I stared at him, motionless and silent.

 
“All those years ago, when I said I
wanted to enter the priesthood, he tried to talk me out of it. He told me I was
doing it for the wrong reasons. But I couldn’t hear him because everything he’d
done and the church had done to save me was talking so much louder. If it
weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have had a life at all.” The emotion in his voice
made his accent thicker.

“He was there for
me then, and he was here for me last week. I didn’t ask him to come, but I
guess I needed someone to help me sift through the mess I’ve created and figure
out how I can fix it.”

“Am I part of the
solution or the problem?”

The smile slipped
off his face. He took a step toward me. “Are you sure you’re ready to do this
now?” he asked. “It can wait. If you’re not ready
 
- ”

I knew now that I
was far stronger than I’d ever believed. Whatever it was he was going to tell
me, I could handle it. And I had things to tell him, too.
Things
that were now pressing so heavily on my chest that I felt I would suffocate if
I didn’t get them out.
“I want this.” I meant the conversation. I meant
him. I meant everything.

He looked anxious,
but took another step in my direction, approaching me as if he thought I
were
a timid deer that was going to spook at any minute.
“The way I feel about you, Grace. It
was
wrong.”

I’d been telling
Kate the same thing, but hearing him say it was even more difficult than saying
it myself. I didn’t want it to be wrong. I wanted him to want me without guilt
or consequence.

“Did you know I
watched you, Grace?” He paused as if he actually expected me to answer so I
shook my head. “I can tell you where I was when I saw you the first time. I was
new to town. You were reading at the coffee shop and were so engrossed in your
book that you were oblivious to everyone around you. It sounds sort of creepy
when I say it now, but it didn’t feel that way at the time. You were
captivating.”

I stared at his
perfect mouth as he spoke and felt my pulse quicken with every word that came
out of it.

“It wasn’t because
you were beautiful – though you are, of course. I could just tell that
there was something different about you. Something special.”

I held my breath
until he continued. After spending the day reading about my faults, comparing
myself to Arden, and thinking that I hadn’t been enough, Paul’s words were like
a soothing balm.

“I never believed in
love at first sight. I still don’t,” he continued, “but
I
 
think
I knew then – without
even knowing your name, without ever having spoken to you – that I could
love you some day – if you would let me.”

Everything in the
room spun as the gravity of his words hit me. I wanted him to repeat them so
that I could make sure that I’d heard him right, but I didn’t dare ask him to
do so.

“It wasn’t until I
started working at the kitchen with you that I knew I was in too deep. But even
then I wasn’t ready to admit it to myself. It was just a ‘what if.’ Spending
time with you the last few weeks has shown me what could actually be, and it’s
so much better than anything I imagined. I’ve fallen for you, and I’ve fallen
hard.”

“But you said at
the dog park that you’ve never been in love.”

“I stand by that.”
The perplexed look on my face urged him on. “I love you.
 
Probably always have. But I wasn’t
in
love with you until you could love me back.”

His words were
crushing. I never wanted Paul to feel unloved. He was one of the most beautiful
human beings I’d ever known. “But – “

He cut me off,
“It’s okay. You couldn’t love me – you couldn’t even see me that way
– because you were
in
love with your husband, and that was the way
things were supposed to be. I told myself that my feelings weren’t wrong
because I knew that it could never be anything more. I told myself it was
enough to just be around you. But I was wrong about that, too.”

He reached out and
picked up a piece of my hair that had fallen over my shoulder, but his eyes
never left mine. “It was wrong because when your hair fell over your face in
that coffee shop, and you brushed it away, I wanted to be the one that did that
for you.” He brushed my hair over my shoulder before resting his hand there,
causing electricity to hum through my body.

“When we would do
inventory at the kitchen, and you would do that thing you do with the cans, you
would bite your lower lip in concentration, and I wanted to do this.” With his
other hand, he brushed his thumb against my lower lip.
 

“But the truth is
that I shouldn’t have wanted to touch you. I shouldn’t have volunteered at
Karen’s just to be near you. My desire for you was wrong because my heart was
supposed to belong to Him. It was forgivable, of course, if I’d asked. But I
didn’t ask – not in any meaningful way – because if I was broken, I
didn’t want to be fixed. I wanted you instead.”

“And then you
kissed me in that vet’s office …” He shook his head, and a faint smile tugged
at his lips. “Once I had that small taste of you, I knew that I needed all of
you.”

“I could fool
myself. I could fool the bishop, my congregation … even you … but I couldn’t
fool the one that counts the most. You filled a loneliness that I never knew I
had. He knew that you had worked your way into my heart and that I’d already
tucked away a piece of it for you. It belonged to you. Like Him, my love is
irr
- ”

“What are you
saying, Paul?” I asked, cutting him off.
Was he saying that he wasn’t a
priest anymore?

He smiled broadly.
“Irrevocable,” he finished, as if I hadn’t spoken. “My love for you is
irrevocable.”

The tears were
flowing freely now. He
did
love me.

“I’ve asked for
dispensation. It will take some time, and I don’t really expect you to feel the
same way I do, but I know it’s the right decision. Even if you decide not to be
a part of my life, it’s the right decision.”

“I want to be a
part of your life,” I said, the words pouring out of me as fast as I could get
them off my tongue.

Paul cupped my
cheeks in his hands, and I could feel his touch all the way down to the tips of
my toes. “And I want you to be a part of mine.”

His mouth covered
mine. With no reluctance whatsoever, I knew I could give my heart away, knowing
that this man would protect it as if it were his own. He would love me
completely and wholly because it was the only way that he knew how to love.
Even though I hadn’t said it back to him, I knew that I could. I could love
him, too. He had nestled his way into my heart when I wasn’t looking and captured
a piece of it.

With Paul, I could
find happiness again. Despite the fact that the people I’d trusted most had
betrayed me, I could find happiness and welcome it, knowing that I deserved a
second chance. He could make me as happy as I’d ever been.
Happier
even than I’d been with Jonathan.

I looked into his
eyes and saw everything that I was feeling reflected back at me, and time
seemed to stand still again…

The heat of the
flames and a deep breath of smoke snapped me back into the moment.
 
I looked into the fire unsure of why or
how I’d gotten this glimpse of what could be.