Within the Hollow Crown (36 page)

Read Within the Hollow Crown Online

Authors: Daniel Antoniazzi

And that’s the end of the story, for now.
The adventure continues in “A Dagger of the Mind”, available… as soon as I finish writing it. For now, thanks for reading. Tell your friends. Write a review. Write a blog. Stand atop a mountain with a bullhorn and announce that this is the best book you’ve ever read. I mean, only if you really feel that way.

 

Until next time,

Daniel Antoniazzi

Defenestration (noun) – the act of throwing a person out of a window

 

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Or
achieving peace and quiet on a Sunday afternoon during yodeling season.

 

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Red
dirt was the sort of sand you found at the edge of the water at the beach, except in Arwall, where you could find it just about anywhere.

 

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Slurve was that kind of mud that stuck to your boots, but that fell off as a light brown powder when it dried.

 

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Worm-glue was the kind of mud that made a kissing sound every time you picked up your foot.

 

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Misspell” is one of the most misspelled words in the English language. Alanis Morisette once wrote a song about irony that didn’t include any irony. You know what I’m saying?

 

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Turcle: It’s another kind of mud. Do you really care?

 

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I know, I know. I started you off with an assassination and then went straight for the scholars. Well, they’re important to the story. And before the tale is finished, we’ll be dealing with life, death, love, magic, swords, kings, jesters, and dragons. If you’re from the MTV generation and have the attention span of a flea, then hopefully these footnotes will keep you happy until people start dying. Otherwise, may I recommend a Michael Bay movie instead of this book?

 

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Yes
, yes, we’ll be using the metric system, you uncultured Americans (of which I am one.) Live with it. If you need a point of reference, 53 kilometers is about how far you’d travel in an hour if you were going 53 KPH.

 

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Though
Vye had other four-letter words she preferred to use for him.

 

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And
, therefore, Vye.

 

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And
they lost those fights. Vye wouldn’t have been so angry with them if they had won.

 

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There’s
a reason he spent his youth pitching tents (*ahem*) alongside armies of young men.

 

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cap-a-pie
- from head to foot

 

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Her
limit when she began training. A pedestrian number, as Tallatos commented.

 

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The
best of any of Tallatos’ students. Ever.

 

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When
asked who your favorite King is, your answer is supposed to be the one you’re talking to.

 

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Chosen
as a symbol of wisdom. Get it? I suppose if you got it, you would have gotten it. And if you didn’t, then you wouldn’t have.

 

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Mostly
.

 

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For
the uninitiated, “Wyrm” here is archaic for Dragon. So, you know, don’t picture a really big earthworm. We’re not going fishing here. It’s a fucking Dragon.

 

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The
citizens of Rone would likewise find themselves shutting these four out of their homes, without so much as a cup of tea.

 

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Though
much closer to the Turin side.

 

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That
was something else the Turin never understood. When so many of the southerners seemed intent on killing the defenseless Turin, why was there always one who insisted on waving around a stitched blanket?

 

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Though
, I guess, if that’s your thing, go for it. Who am I to stop you?

 

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Inbreeding
usually ensues.

 

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Except
that Rutherford kept calling Lady Caroline, “Marisa.”

 

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Especially
in the conspicuous and grossly unsuccessful way in which he seems to go about it.

 

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The
Spicy Kangaroo was one of dozens of taverns that littered the Deliem River. The problem was that taverns all used the same formula for names: The Adjective Animal. The Gold Dragon. The White Horse. The Hungry Lion. The sort of names that made you feel like you were on an adventure, even if you were just trying to sell horseshoes.

But with so many locales, confusion arose when too many taverns chose similar names. After the White Horse, there was the White Pony. Then, the White Stallion. The White Steed. The White Knight. The White R
ider. The White Equine.

So, the Trade Commission of Taverns and Inns had to develop a code that would reduce this confusion. Each adjective could only be used once, and each animal only once. The Taverns all had to register their names. Many, many taverns registered their names before the owners of the Spicy Kangaroo. There weren’t many options left.

As it turned out, business did well as a result of this name. People could easily remember the name of the Tavern, and if someone wandered into town and was looking for a place to stay, they might ask a local. And who really wants to remember which tavern is which? Is it the Flying Eagle and the Charging Stag or the Charging Eagle and the Flying Stag? Oh, never mind; just go to the Spicy Kangaroo.

 

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or
enjoy, or delight in

 

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or
fields

 

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or
singing, or serenading

 

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or
glowing, glittering, star-like, dazzling, radiant, resplendent, incandescent, or shimmering

 

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also
possibly joy or mirth

 

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abide
, bide, bunk, continue, dally, delay, dillydally, endure, halt, hang, hang about, hang around, hover, lag, last, linger, loiter, nest, pause, perch, procrastinate, remain, reprieve, reside, respite, roost, settle, stick around, stop, or tarry

 

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or
field

 

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And
, like, thirty other people. But if you asked her who she spent time with during the day, she would innocently say, “Count Michael.” And your heart would melt. For no good fucking reason.

 

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Remember
him? He died in the prologue. He’s alive now because we’re doing the ol’ flashback thing. He’s not a zombie. You didn’t miss anything. We just haven’t gotten back to the scene in the prologue yet. I’ll let you know when we get there.

 

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Actual
Noblemen. Not men named “Noble.”

 

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You
only needed one part death for it to count.

 

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If
you were still keeping track, we’ve now caught up to the prologue. If you want a detailed description of King Vincent’s fall from the North Tower, please go back to the beginning of the story. But remember to skip to here right after, or you’ll end up going through the first thirteen chapters of this book in a Groundhog’s Day-like loop.

 

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Sommelier (n) - w
ine steward, or wine specialist. Come on. You didn’t know what a sommelier was? It’s not like I had to ask a friend who had that job and then look it up to get the spelling right.

 

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Oh
, and if you’re still keeping track of when it was that Vye regretted not dressing with her sword, it was right at this moment.

 

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“Well,”
Vye thought, “Countess Sarah now.”

 

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Indeed
, if Vye had only trained in Rone, she would have been no match for him.

 

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Really
, it was a small miracle it hadn’t done her in before now.

 

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Really
? You’re laughing because I said balls? Fine, if you want to play it that way...

 

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Hey
, you asked for it.

 

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Flopson
had a personal mission to collect the bootlaces of noblemen. Not while they were sleeping. That would be too easy. He only found it fun if he took the laces while they were wearing the boots. To date, no one had caught him in the act.

 

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