Without Sin (11 page)

‘Did they ever catch you?’ Jake’s life was ruled by the fear of getting caught doing something wrong. The threat of Isaac Pendleton was never far away. Even though he was at
this moment enjoying himself as never before in his young life, the day was marred by the thought of the punishment he would get if he was found out. And he was sure that he would be.

Suddenly, Meg clutched Jake’s arm. ‘Quick, turn round and keep walking.’

‘Why? What’s—’ Jake began but found himself being dragged round and propelled in the opposite direction.

‘It’s the mester.’

Jake turned pale. ‘Not – not Mr Pendleton?’

‘No. Mr Smallwood.’

Jake glanced over his shoulder towards the burly figure of the farmer, standing close to the rails. He was talking to two other men and they were laughing heartily.

‘But I thought you
wanted
to speak to him? You were looking for him at the farm.’

‘Well, yes. And maybe I will. Later. But if I speak to him now he’ll likely get us sent out of here. And I want to stay a bit longer.’ She thought quickly. ‘Look, if
anybody ses anything to us – asks us what we’re doing here, just tell ’em – just tell ’em that – that you’re stable lad for Mr Smith.’

‘Who’s Mr Smith when he’s at home?’

‘He’s one of the biggest owners and he employs a lot of stable lads. No one’ll know whether you’re really one of his or not.’

‘Wish I was,’ Jake muttered. ‘But what about you?’

‘Say I’m your sister and you’ve brought me along for the day.’ She grinned. ‘With Mr Smith’s permission, of course.’

Jake still looked doubtful, but he nodded.

Meg glanced briefly over her shoulder. ‘We’re out of his sight now, I reckon, and . . .’

She stopped suddenly and clutched Jake’s arm again.

‘I wish you’d stop doing that, Meg. You ain’t ’alf got a grip on you, for a girl. It hurts. Gerroff.’

Meg’s gaze was fixed on a figure walking towards them.

‘There, look,’ she cried excitedly and pointed with a trembling finger. ‘That’s mi dad.’

She plunged forward, dragging Jake with her. ‘Dad, Dad—’ she began.

Then suddenly she stopped. She felt as if someone had thumped her hard just below her ribs and knocked all the breath from her body. Her eyes widened in shock and she gasped. The colour drained
from her face and her grip on Jake’s arm slackened.

Jake pulled free and rubbed his arm where her strong fingers had dug deep. ‘Where? Which one is he?’ He followed the line of her startled gaze and saw a tall, thin man walking
towards them. He was dressed in what was obviously his Sunday best suit and he carried his cap in his hand. His light brown hair was ruffled by the breeze, but he was unaware for he had eyes for
nothing and no one except the person walking beside him. He had his arm around the shoulders of a fair-haired young woman and they were looking into each other’s eyes as they walked and
laughing together. The sound of the girl’s tinkling, flirtatious laugh reached Meg and Jake. The man bent towards the woman and touched her forehead with his lips.

Beside him, Jake heard Meg’s strangled whisper. ‘Miss Alice. It’s mi dad and Miss Alice.’

As if drawn by Meg’s intense gaze, Reuben Kirkland’s eyes met hers. He stopped and, puzzled, for she had not yet noticed Meg, Alice looked up at him. Then she too
saw what had caught and held his attention. For a moment, all four of them stared at one another and then Meg leapt forward, covering the distance between them in an instant.

She launched herself at her father and pummelled his chest, crying and shrieking. ‘How could you? How could you do this? And with her? Of all people, with
her
!’

Reuben caught hold of her flailing fists and tried to hold her, but her rage lent her strength and now Meg turned upon Alice. She grabbed the girl’s hair and yanked it from its pins as if
she would wrench it from her head.

‘You slut! You trollop, you – you—’ The vulgar names tumbled from her mouth until there was a small crowd gathering around them. Alice retaliated with a few punches of
her own, one catching Meg on the mouth and drawing blood from her lip. At last Reuben pulled his daughter away from Alice, who was now crying and trembling.

Jake did nothing. He certainly wasn’t going to help the man. If he’d done anything, he would have waded in beside Meg, but she seemed to be doing very nicely, thank you, on her own.
If the scene had not been so obviously traumatic for Meg, it was comical. In fact, several uninvolved onlookers were laughing.

‘Better than a peep show, this is,’ Jake heard one remark.

‘Aye, I like to see two women having a scrap,’ another agreed. ‘Much more fun than fellers.’

Holding the panting women apart, Reuben glanced about him. ‘Show’s over, folks,’ he said grimly. ‘Come on, let’s go somewhere quieter where we can talk.’

‘Talk?’ Meg screamed. ‘Talk? What is there to talk about? I see it all now. No wonder me poor mam seemed so – so defeated. All her spirit gone. She must have known and I
thought it was just ’cos she was expecting an’ . . .’ A bitter smile came to Meg’s mouth as she added sarcastically, ‘Oh, and by the way she had the bairn. But
you’ll be pleased to know it was born dead.’

Reuben had the grace to wince. ‘I never wished that on her, Meggie.’

‘Don’t call me that,’ Meg spat at him. Angry tears filled her eyes and there was a catch in her voice as she added, ‘Don’t ever call me that again.’

Reuben’s eyes were anguished. ‘Meg, please try to understand. Alice and I fell in love. We – we have to be together.’

‘That’s why you got the sack, isn’t it? Because of her?’

Seeing she was a little calmer now, Reuben relaxed his hold on his daughter and put his arms around Alice. Seeing his action, Meg felt sick. Alice clung to him, her blue eyes full of tears and
her hair wild and fluffy about her face.

‘They found out, Alice’s mam and dad,’ Reuben said.

‘And so they threw us all out,’ Meg added bitterly.

‘And me.’ Alice spoke up for the first time. ‘They threw me out an’ all.’

‘My heart bleeds for you,’ Meg fired back. For a moment she closed her eyes and shook her head, still hardly able to grasp the truth. ‘I thought you were my friend, Alice. How
could you do this to me? To all my family? To my mam and to little Bobbie? How could you stand by and see us put in the workhouse? You were my one hope. It was really you I came looking for today.
I thought if there was anyone who would try to help us, it’d be you.’

‘Like your dad says, we fell in love. I love your dad and he loves me and we want to be together, no matter what.’

Slowly Meg nodded. ‘No matter who gets hurt, eh? You don’t care about anybody but yourselves, do you? Well, I hope you rot in hell, the pair of you.’

Rage carried her through, held her up whilst she turned her back on them and marched away. With one last glance at them, Jake turned and followed Meg.

It wasn’t until they had reached and crawled through the hole in the fence that Meg sat on the ground. She drew her knees up, wrapped her arms around them and dropped her head, hiding her
face against her skirt. Her shoulders heaved with racking sobs.

Jake could think of nothing to say so he sat beside her and put his arms about her. They stayed like that until Meg’s weeping subsided. At last she raised her face, ravaged by tears, and
whispered, ‘I’ll never trust anyone ever again.’

A little later, Meg, calmer now, said, ‘We might as well go back. There’s nothing else to stay out here for.’

‘Suppose not,’ Jake agreed reluctantly. ‘But I was enjoying miself. At least,’ he added swiftly, ‘I was until that happened.’

Meg tried to smile, but it was a feeble effort. At this moment she felt as if she would never smile properly again.

‘Come on then,’ Jake said, scrambling up. ‘If we can sneak back in before dinner time, we just might get away with it.’

‘I needn’t sneak in. I had permission,’ she reminded him.

Jake wrinkled his brow thoughtfully. ‘Tell you what, I’ll go in through the hole in the hedge into the orchard and start working there.’ He grinned swiftly at her.
‘You’re not the only one who knows about holes in things to get in and out.’

There was no answering smile from Meg, but she did ask, ‘I thought you said you’d never been out before?’

‘
I
haven’t, but I know a few who have.’ He paused and then asked, ‘Do – do you think you could leave it a bit before you come back in? Just – just so
it doesn’t look as if we’ve been out together. If I have been missed, then—’

‘Course I will. I don’t want you to get another thrashing. I feel bad enough about the one you did get.’

‘Don’t.’ Jake grinned and squeezed her arm. ‘You’ve got more than enough to worry about without thinking about me.’ He bit his lip and looked at her
uncertainly, then away.

‘What?’ she asked, realizing that there was still something on his mind.

‘Look, Meg, would you mind . . . ? I mean, while we’ve been sitting here, I’ve been thinking—’

‘While I’ve been making a complete fool of miself,’ she said bitterly.

‘No.’ Jake’s tone was gentle. ‘You haven’t made a fool of yourself. You could never do that. Not to me.’ He pulled her close and for a moment she rested her
head against his shoulder.

‘Good job old Pendleton can’t see us now,’ Jake murmured as he bent his head. With the awkwardness of youth and the clumsiness of the first time, he kissed her. Startled, Meg
drew back and stared at him.

‘Sorry,’ Jake mumbled, his face fiery red.

‘No.’ Meg took his hand. ‘Don’t say that,’ she whispered. There was an awkward pause between them before Meg prompted, ‘What was it you wanted to ask
me?’

On safer ground, Jake’s embarrassment subsided. ‘I just wondered if you’d mind if I had a talk to Ron when he comes home tonight. See if there’s any jobs going at that
farm.’

‘Why should I mind?’

‘It just seemed – well – a bit unkind to be trying to get a job there when the only reason there might be one going is because you got the sack.’

Meg’s mouth was tight as she said, ‘Don’t you worry about that, Jake. You go ahead. Don’t bother about me or anybody else. You look out for yourself.’ Her tone was
icy as she added, ‘It’s what I’m going to do from now on. Me, miself and I – that’s who I’m going to look after,’ she declared and, as a hasty
afterthought, she added, ‘And mi Mam and Bobbie, of course.’

On her return to the workhouse, Meg worked with a fury. She scrubbed the stone steps of the staircases and the flags of the passageways until her knees were sore and her hands
bleeding. Her tears were gone. She refused to cry over her father ever again, but there was a heavy feeling in her chest as if a huge lump was stuck there.

When she walked into the women’s day room for her supper, she was surprised yet gladdened to see her mother sitting beside the fire. Miss Pendleton was bustling around Sarah, tucking a rug
around her knees and handing her some socks.

‘We have to do all the mending for the men. Not much use at that sort of thing – men. You’re not fit to do heavy work yet, but you can darn these.’ At that moment, Miss
Pendleton caught sight of Meg. ‘And look who’s here. Your girl’s back.’ She raised her voice. ‘Had a nice time out, Kirkland? Did you find yourself a job?’

Meg bit her lip and shook her head.

‘Ah well, not to worry. Tell you what,’ the woman added as a thought came into her mind, ‘next time you get permission to go out, go into the town to the tailor’s shop.
It’s owned by a Mr Rodwell. He’s walking out with a friend of mine – Miss Finch.’ The woman paused and laughed loudly. ‘Mind you, they’ve been engaged for five
or six years and there’s still no sign of wedding bells. Anyway, I hear he’s looking for a young woman to work in his shop. He’s started to stock ladies’ underwear and finds
a lot of his customers are too embarrassed to be served by a man. Tell him I sent you, Kirkland.’

Meg tried to smile as she thanked the matron politely.

Letitia Pendleton nodded. ‘You can sit and talk to your mam for a bit, but,’ she added, handing Meg a pile of socks too, ‘you can make yourself useful while you’re doing
it. And now I must see to my little boys.’

As she began to move away, Sarah looked up with pleading eyes. ‘Matron, how is Bobbie? Please – can I see him?’

‘Not today, Kirkland. You’ll see him tomorrow when the chaplain comes to hold the Sunday service in the committee room – your little lad can spend the rest of the afternoon
with you.’ Letitia’s eyes softened. ‘He’s a grand little chap. I’ve quite taken to him. Don’t you worry. I’ll look after him.’

As soon as the woman had left the room, Sarah whispered, ‘Meg, have you seen Bobbie? Is he all right?’

Meg shook her head. ‘No, Mam, not today. I – I’ve been out.’

Sarah nodded, ‘Yes, I heard the matron say so. You’ve been looking for work?’

‘Well,’ Meg said slowly, ‘not exactly. I – I went looking for Dad.’

Sarah seemed to slump in her chair and some of the socks slid from her lap. She closed her eyes and gave a low moan. ‘Oh, Meggie, I wish you hadn’t done that.’

There was silence and Meg bit her lip as she watched the anguish on her mother’s face. Sarah was silent, asking no questions. If she had been in her mother’s place, the questions
would have been tumbling out of her mouth.
Did you see him? Has he found work? When is he coming back for us? And when – oh, when – can we get out of this place?

But Sarah asked nothing and sat with her head in her hands. Now Meg was sure. ‘Mam? You knew, didn’t you? You knew about – about
her
?’ Meg couldn’t even
bring herself to speak her former friend’s name, so great was the hurt of Alice’s betrayal.

Sarah sighed heavily and admitted, ‘Yes, yes, I knew.’

‘How long has it been going on?’

‘I don’t know. I’ve known for about a month, but it must have been going on a lot longer than that.’ She paused and then whispered, ‘Oh, Meggie, I wish you
hadn’t found out. Don’t hate him—’

‘Don’t hate him?’ Meg’s voice rose and some of the other women looked up, but the girl was oblivious to their curious glances. ‘Oh, I hate him all right. And her. I
hate them both. But don’t you worry, Mam. I’ll get a job and I’ll get us out of here. You, me and Bobbie.’