“Who is Silas?” I asked, finding myself mesmerized by the glow I could swear I saw behind the alluring color of hazel in his eyes.
“A witness.”
“What do you witness?” I mumbled, aching to see him, to know everything about him.
He smiled slightly as his eyes fell into mine. “Right now…you.”
I could feel my heart wanting to beat out of control, my anxiety wanting to take over my body - but the calm I felt surrounding him wouldn’t allow it.
Silas smiled slightly. “You really have grown dependent on that emotion, haven’t you?”
“What emotion?” I asked boldly. At first, his words didn’t even catch me off guard. I was used to Madison always referring to emotions, the way others felt both alive and dead.
“Fear…you’re fighting the peace…and I don’t know why.”
“How do you know that?”
“I see it,” he whispered as his eyes gently glided over my confused expression.
“You can see?”
His gaze captured mine, and I swear I felt my soul reach for him.
“Every part of you,” he answered quietly.
“Why do I feel like I know you?”
I saw a sadness come to his flawless features, dimming the glow of honey in his eyes. “You do…”
“How…how come I can’t see you?”
“Because…right now…it would terrify you…and I don’t want you to be scared,” he said as his eyes drifted to the stones before us.
His words gave my body reason to let my heart beat faster. Was he bad? Playing some kind of mind game on me? Was this peace I felt just bait? Had I just walked into a trap?
Silas reached for my hand, and in that moment the anxiety that was breaking through subsided. “What have they done to you…?” he asked quietly as his eyes moved to mine once again.
“Who?” I asked, unconsciously holding his hand tighter. I wanted to fall into the calming bliss I could feel pouring from his skin.
“This life.”
I furrowed my eyebrows to question his words, and he let his eyes fall from mine once again. “I’ve been looking for you…I’d almost given up hope…but then finally, a few months ago, I saw your light. I followed that path, and I’ve been waiting for a moment alone with you.”
Silence took over as I watched him carefully choose his next words. My mind was racing as I tried to remember what could have happened a few months ago…then my accident, the night I almost died and demanded that the dead defend not only me but also Draven – it all came to mind. I didn’t understand how Silas could have seen that or even why he’d been looking for it.
Silas bit his bottom lip just before he spoke. “I didn’t want you to see me the way you did last night – as your protector. I didn’t want to walk you back to that truck…I wanted your eyes to find mine in a crowd…for you to feel a pull to me, and…remember.”
My hand was squeezing his for dear life. I didn’t want the anxiety I should be feeling to have the power to surface. I knew I had to stay calm if I had any hope of understanding what he was saying.
He squeezed my hand back, then looked into my eyes again. “Breathe,” he whispered.
I let out the breath that I didn’t know I was holding.
“I don’t understand…show me what you’re saying.” I stared into his eyes, letting that plea play over and over in my mind, hoping that I’d find a way to see him.
“Not yet…it would be too much…they have suppressed the best part of you, and I will not make you weaker by telling you…you’re going to have to remember.”
I moved my head from side to side, thinking that Britain or Bianca had to have taken more of my memory than I realized. That somehow the memories of this breathtaking person were just under the surface. That because no one had given them cause to be remembered, they remained lost.
“I thought I had my memories back, that I’d broken the spell they put on me - but I guess I was wrong. You’re gonna have to help me. Draven brings my memories back with music…Madison brings them back with art…what can you do to bring them back?”
As he stared at me, I felt my soul begging to be set free. It felt like I was fighting to take my first breath – that I could see the purpose of my life just on the horizon. His eyes gradually fell from mine to my lips, then he leaned closer. My thoughts were screaming at me to back away, to move, to not look like I wanted him to kiss me - but I couldn’t move. My eyes closed against my will, and I felt his warm, tingling lips gently rest on mine. It was not a kiss filled with passion - not the way Draven’s touch always felt. It was also not a kiss that seemed to make me feel weak or guilty, the way Britain had made me feel in the past. It was a kiss that was full of an indescribable emotion, one that was innocent, complete…full of peace; like this was the only place I could truly exist. Even though I didn’t respond to the tender movement of his lips I felt an annoy of guilt swarm deep in my gut.
When the tingle of his simple, innocent kiss left my lips, I slowly opened my eyes to find him staring compassionately at me.
My head began to spin out of control, as flashes of light started to invade my vision. I felt warm and dizzy all at once. I leaned away from him, then stood and began to try and walk slowly away. I made it to the arched doorway before I lost the will to walk further. I could hear voices – echoes of a past. There was laughter, whispers…every emotion, a thousand different ways. The flashes of light grew more rapid, and on their surface I could see images of a past – a past that was layered in every era of time…there were images of me fighting battles that I knew I didn’t have the courage to face. Flashes that showed a life with a soul I loved….that showed lives with Silas. I slowly slid down the post that was balancing me. I felt like I was having a psychotic break…this was wrong – there was no way – no way that this was real. I couldn’t handle the images, so I squeezed my eyes closed. When I did that, the visions became clearer and the voices were easier to understand. I had to stop this – stop whatever was happening to my mind. I focused on the song I always hid behind – the one my father had taught me to play. Once the music came to life in my mind, images of Draven came to me. I saw his eyes staring into mine, heard him tell me that he loved me, felt the hum of his touch. The visions and voices subsided as I held my focus on Draven.
Guilt was the only emotion I could feel. I couldn’t believe I just sat there. I let this happen - I let someone kiss me...I wanted someone to kiss me...how could I be so cold?
I heard the wood of the gazebo creak and felt Silas slowly sit down next to me. I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t; my guilt wouldn’t let me.
“I’m…I’m in love with someone…I shouldn’t of…I shouldn’t of just let that happen.”
“Are you…?” he asked quietly.
I bravely turned to my side and let my eyes fall into the glow of his. “What did you just do to me? What did I see?”
“A glimpse…into everything we have witnessed.”
“There is no ‘we’…I told you I’m in love with someone,” I argued weakly as the pain in his eyes tore my soul into.
“Our souls are meant to love everyone; I’m not mad at your for that emotion. You are a victim of this life. The devil himself twisted your intent, and now we have to find a way out of this – a way to give you what you want without sacrificing who you are.”
“And you know what I want?” I asked bleakly, knowing that I wasn’t even sure what I wanted.
“End the darkness – set the damned free.”
My eyes fell from his and gazed out at the gothic stones before us. “I don’t suppose that’s a secret. You know who Britain is, therefore you must know what he thinks I am…some kind of light.”
“Britain was your first attempt at this new plan of yours, and it failed.” I felt his body tense next to mine. “I should have ended him then – but you wouldn’t let me…I listened to you.”
I quickly looked to my side to find an anger engulfing Silas’ strong profile. “What are you talking about – ended him? When – like a few months ago?”
His eyes met mine. “No…long before that.”
Madison’s theory of past lives – the way she thought that escorts lived over and over and were born into the same family – was racing through my thoughts. “He’s lived before,” I mumbled.
Silas furrowed his eyebrows. “Now…that doesn’t make sense, does it? Living before – because we never really die.”
My eyes grew wide. “No way...no way this is real.”
“That is our issue now – you have made this real. You have submitted to the course of life, to the idea of living, then dying. You have forgotten who you are, why you chose to live this life. You have taken this notion too far - and now it’s destroying you.”
“What notion?”
“To save them.”
“Who – the damned?” I said with a tinge of anger in my voice. I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me those souls didn’t deserve to be saved, especially someone I barely knew.
“No…the ones that use the damned for power.”
“The escorts?”
“Is that what you are calling them?” he asked as his eyes almost playfully questioned me.
“That’s what I was told they were called. That they escort bright lights through life, taking their impact on this world away – creating more darkness.”
He nodded slightly. “That’s them; definitely a more approachable name.”
“What do you call them?”
“The enemy.”
I slid further away from him. Fear was all I could feel; fear for Draven. I was right last night: Silas is some kind of vigilante. I was terrified that he wouldn’t see that Draven was good and fighting to stay that way.
“Don’t hurt him…please don’t hurt him,” I plea-fully whispered.
His eyes grew solemn. “I won’t…not until he gives me a reason to.”
“What reason?” I asked, knowing I would do everything in my power to keep Draven from crossing that line.
Silas stood in front of me and looked down compassionately at me. “Hurting you would be my only reason.”
I moved my head from side to side. “He would never hurt me…he loves me.”
My words dimmed the glow behind his hazel eyes. “That thought process led us here – trapped you in this life, this darkness. I promised you that I would never let anyone hurt you…and I will not break that promise.”
I stood slowly, holding his gaze. “Promise me you’ll never hurt him. It’s not his fault that he sees the way he does – that this darkness is calling him. He’ll fight it; I know he will.”
Silas looked down as he reached for my hand. I didn’t pull it away. I wanted to feel his peace – the calm that was emanating from him. “You have said these words before…you followed him here – to protect him. Now, we will see who was right or wrong…I couldn’t care less because I know that even though you have given this body to him – your soul is one with mine…that I will not let anyone hurt you…if he even poses the thought of taking your light for his own power – I will end him and every one of the enemies we share.”
I opened my mouth to argue my point, but before I could utter a word he leaned forward and let his lips rest on mine. As I felt his warm skin against mine, the flashes of light, the echoes of a past - they all began to invade my thoughts once again. I felt his hand fall from mine, then the warmth of his lips vanished. I opened my eyes to find him gone…he had vanished. I stepped forward, trying to see if I could follow the calm that was always around him, but it was if I were standing in the center of it.
The visions and voices began to intensify, and I felt my knees begin to buckle. I stepped back and let myself fall onto the step as I started forward and tried to understand the images I was seeing, the voices I was hearing. As I sat there, I witnessed countless battles between the darkness and light. I watched as Silas defeated innumerable escorts – his enemies. I watched as I helped him, as I encouraged him to do just that. They were hurting the world, dimming the light, pulling darkness into a living nightmare, breeding compliance – hatred for a life that, in essence, was meant to be loved.
I watched as the battles began to weigh on my soul, and I began to see how we were not making a lasting difference. I began to question who and what the escorts were, if they could be saved, too. Just as I understood that desire, the vision of what I was seeing - they began to fade, and the voices became quiet. I stared forward, replaying what I saw over and over. I don’t remember when the calm I felt left me…anxiety and fear were emotions that were common to me, so to have them return at full force wasn’t alarming.
The day had aged, and the sun was beginning its descent. I thought about making my way back to my car, but I couldn’t make my legs move. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to go to Draven – for him to see what had happened to me today, to see Silas. I didn’t want to go home and listen to Kara tell me that mom was working hard and dealing with what was happening to me the best she could. That was a lie...she knew...she knew all along that this fate was coming for me. I didn’t want to face Madison; I knew she’d want to help me understand who or what Silas was, but I knew that was impossible…he didn’t fall into the world I lived in. I thought about finding a way to get Austin’s attention, to have him come back for us so we could run – run from all of this. I simply couldn’t hold a thought long enough to figure out who I needed to be angry at, who I needed to be afraid of, who I needed to ask for help. There were too many variables to consider. I felt like if I made one wrong move, said one wrong word, life as I knew it would crumble around me…I couldn’t let that happen.