Woman of Courage (6 page)

I need to say something over Harvey’s grave
, she told herself, rising slowly to her feet.
He deserves that much
. Amanda winced. Unless Harvey had gotten right with the Lord before his death, which seemed unlikely, he had not made it to heaven. “It’s my fault,” she whispered. “I feel like a failure. I should have told Harvey more about God and the Inner Light. I’ve proclaimed myself to be a missionary, yet I haven’t led one person to the Lord. If I had known Harvey was going to die, I would have said more.”

Removing her Bible from her valise, Amanda stood beside Harvey’s grave and read the Twenty-third Psalm: “ ‘The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters….’ ”

When she came to the sixth verse, she nearly choked on the words. “ ‘Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.’ ”

Amanda stopped reading. Without Harvey as her protector and guide, she was in the shadow of death herself. Was her faith strong enough to believe that God would provide for her in this seemingly hopeless situation? Did she have the nerve to go on?

She swallowed hard and offered up a simple prayer: “Heavenly Father, please show me what to do and then give me the strength and courage to do it.” She thought of a verse from the Gospel of Luke:
“Ask, and it shall be given you, seek, and ye shall find: knock and it shall be opened unto you.”
If she could muster up enough faith, then surely God would answer her prayers. After all, the Lord had saved her from the Blackfoot warriors, so He could certainly show her the way through the mountains ahead.

It was already growing dark, and Amanda knew she could not spend the night next to a dead horse and its master’s grave. Besides, the trail they’d been on was narrow, with no adequate place for setting up camp. She secured the pack mules to her father’s horse, mounted her own mare, and rode on.

Sometime later, Amanda came upon a small clearing where she set up camp and built a fire. At least she knew how to do that much. After her recent ordeal, Amanda really had no appetite for food, but if she was going to keep up her strength, she needed to eat. She would change out of her wet clothes and cook supper. Maybe then she could think more clearly and decide what to do.

Once the fire had died down some, Amanda set a kettle of water on the burning coals to cook some dried rabbit she’d found in Harvey’s pack. It wasn’t much of a supper, but it would have to do. She’d already watered the horses and mules and tied them out to graze on some tall grass, as she’d seen Harvey do whenever they stopped for the night. But what about all the things she didn’t know how to do? She’d never handled a gun or dressed wild game.

Amanda wasn’t sure how long her supply of dried meat, beans, and grain would hold out. They’d finished their fresh vegetables a couple of weeks back. And even though she was feeding only one person now, eventually she’d need to find a food supply or she’d run out of things to eat.

Amanda’s thoughts turned from food to travel. She could either stay put, hoping someone would come along and escort her to the Spaldings’ mission, or she could make an attempt to get there herself.
Maybe by morning I’ll know what to do
, she decided.
Perhaps God will speak to me during the night and give some direction
.

Bedding down on her mat was pure torture. The night sounds and pitch-black sky created an eerie, nerve-racking scene, and Amanda felt the cold chill of fear sweep through her. She’d never spent a night by herself, much less in the wilderness, where all kinds of dangers posed any number of threats.

Earlier, the clouds had parted, and now, gazing up from her bedroll, Amanda felt small in comparison to the vastness of the star-filled sky. In her exhaustion, she didn’t bother to put up the tarp cover, hoping there would be no more rain. When she’d first slept on the Plains, she’d felt so confident about her decision to go West. Now, staring at the stars, she questioned her intentions. Instead of making a snap decision to leave New York, she should have prayed about it more, seeking God’s will. Well, it was too late for that. She was here by herself, and Papa and Harvey were gone. Nothing could change that, no matter how much she wished for it.

Amanda sighed and tried to relax as she huddled under her blanket. She’d put a few extra logs on the fire before lying down on her sleeping mat, remembering that Harvey had said once that a good fire would keep wolves and other animals away from the campsite. But what if some not-so-friendly Indians happened upon her? Other than Harvey’s gun, Amanda had no protection.

As Amanda lay awake, listening to the night sounds, she had the strange feeling that someone was watching her. Whether it was her imagination or the truth, Amanda prayed that whoever was watching would remain simply curious and leave her alone, unharmed.

The fire felt good as its warmth spread toward her. She clutched her blanket closer, watching as sparks floated higher into the darkness. The wood snapped and popped as it burned steadily, and Amanda’s eyes grew heavy. Just before falling asleep, she reached inside her valise and pulled out the Bible, which she knew offered words of wisdom and comfort. “Thy Word will protect me, Lord,” Amanda whispered, clutching the Bible tightly to her chest. “I must have the faith to believe that. Oh Lord, help Thou my unbelief.”

A
manda sat up with a start, unsure of what had awakened her. Had she heard a noise? Had she been dreaming? Could it have been God’s voice?

She propped herself up on one elbow and glanced cautiously around. As far as she could tell, she was alone, just as she had been the night before, and the night before that. It had been two full days since Amanda had buried her guide along the trail, and from the time she had begun traveling by herself, she’d prayed for a miracle. Amanda had come to the conclusion that she had no other choice but to keep moving because so far no one had come along to help. It was either travel on, or sit and wait to die. She just hoped and prayed she was heading in the right direction.

Amanda knew that the sun set in the west, so when the sun rose each morning, she traveled in the opposite direction. Of course, she had no idea how far it was to the Oregon Territory, or how she would know she was there, if and when she reached her destination. God willing, she would find a band of Nez Percé Indians along the trail. If she could communicate with them, they might show her the way.

Why am I thinking such foolish thoughts?
Amanda berated herself.
I wouldn’t know a Nez Percé Indian from a Blackfoot, even if I rode into one of their camps. I cannot believe how unprepared I am for this trip
.

She released her breath in a moan and forced her aching body to stand, stretching to get the kinks out. Her stomach rumbled, but she was in no mood for another breakfast of dried meat and biscuits. What she wouldn’t give for a decent meal, a nice hot bath, some clean clothes, and a soft bed. Nothing Amanda had imagined about making this trip had come close to what she’d experienced. The wilderness had taken Papa and Harvey, and short of a miracle, it could very well take her—if not due to some freak accident or Indian attack, then from lack of proper nourishment.

Amanda’s thoughts went to the band of Blackfoot Indians who had confronted her and Harvey a few days ago. She had never been so frightened. Somehow she’d managed to conceal her fear, even though her heart had felt as if it were beating louder than thunder.

How proud and stoic those Indians had stood. They had showed no real emotion, other than to glare at her and Harvey as if they were intruders, traveling through land the Indians thought was theirs. In a way, Amanda felt sympathetic toward the red men. After all, they were here first, but white people were encroaching on the land the Indians had previously shared with only God’s creatures.

When they had first left Fort Laramie, Harvey had tried to explain that Indians were one with the land. They blended in with the nature surrounding them and respected Mother Earth. They were not constricted by material things many white people felt they couldn’t live without. Nowhere in this Indian territory had Amanda seen trash strewn about or the land and animals abused by anyone other than the white men who had already ventured through here. No forest had been cleared by the red men. The land seemed to be untouched, as if God had just created it.

Amanda hadn’t missed the way the Blackfeet had eyed her. If they could have communicated, Amanda wondered what they would have said to her. She especially wished she’d known what they’d thought once her Bible had been revealed. At that moment, she’d known for certain that God was with her, for she could only imagine what might have happened if His Word hadn’t tumbled out of her valise.

Amanda closed her eyes, lifted her gaze toward the rising sun, and whispered a prayer.
Dear God, please give me the strength and courage I need for this day. Be with me and calm my anxious heart as I continue this journey
.

From the time she’d awakened, to the time she prepared for bed that night, Amanda had carried an uneasy feeling. Was it just her nerves, or was it the fact that she was all alone in a dense forest at the bottom of a steep trail?

No, it is more than that
, she decided. There had been no evidence to cause her to believe so, but for some reason, she still felt as though she were being watched.
Perhaps it is God, watching over me. Oh, how I hope that is the case
.

Tucking a blanket beneath her chin, Amanda held Papa’s Bible firmly to her chest. It gave her a sense of peace to have it with her—especially when she slept. It was difficult to close her eyes at night, knowing anything could happen during those long, dark hours. So she tried something different and erected the tarp as a makeshift tent. Maybe with this little shelter overhead, she would feel safer.

A good night’s rest is what I need
, she thought, yawning and barely able to keep her eyes open. Amanda lay listening to the hoot of an owl and the soft nicker of one of the horses and allowed the sounds to relax her. “Things will look better in the morning,” she mumbled softly as her eyes finally drifted shut.

Amanda came off her sleeping mat as though she’d been stung by a hornet. A terrible racket outside her small shelter could have wakened the dead. She threw her covers aside, crawled out of the small enclosure, and clambered to her feet. If someone planned to kill her, it wouldn’t be while she slept. No, she would meet the intruder face-to-face, no matter what the outcome.

Fully prepared to see a band of hostile Indians, Amanda was surprised to discover two bear cubs running through the campsite, making a shambles out of everything. They had ripped open all but one of the packs, and everything—from Amanda’s clothing to her food staples—was strewn about in the dirt.

“Oh no!” Amanda gasped. She snatched up a piece of wood and began chasing the mischievous cubs. “Get out of here! Leave my things alone!”

The cubs continued to frolic, which caused the horses to whinny and the mules to bray. At wits’ end, Amanda picked up some small rocks and heaved them at the bears, shouting, “Get out of here, right now!”