Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom (143 page)

The average ob-gyn in this country has been sued for alleged malpractice at least twice. I am no exception. The emotional toll of this experience is heavy and has served, unfortunately, to put doctors and patients at odds. And it’s getting worse, which makes some physicians less willing to go against the standard treatment used in their communities, even when better and safer ones have been shown to work. One of the ways to get around this is for women to include a signed statement in their medical chart indemnifying the physician against any potential litigation should they choose alternatives to standard conventional care. (Malpractice insurance now costs many ob-gyns more than $100,000 per year—and in some states more than $200,000.) Though this is not an ironclad guarantee against a lawsuit, it helps many physicians feel more comfortable with approaches that weren’t covered in medical school. If we are to get to a partnership between doctors and patients, we have to start from where we are, and both sides have to be honest about their needs and fears.

Because of my willingness to help patients avoid surgery, I’ve had the experience of watching conditions such as ovarian cysts go away with such modalities as emotional and dietary change. I’ve learned many things about the female body that were not included in my training. My general optimism, coupled with the courage and forthrightness of my patients, has allowed us both to collect a body of clinical information that many gynecologists wouldn’t necessarily see. This is only possible, however, with patients who are truly willing to take responsibility for themselves and their choices. To create health we must all step out of the “blame” model.

5.
Hold up your end of the health care partnership.
I know how tempting it is to want someone to intuit exactly what is going on with you and to give you the precise prescription that will cure you no matter what your problem. Each of us harbors this childlike fantasy of finding a doctor whose advice we can unquestioningly follow. The bad news is that this outer authority simply does not exist. The good news is that each of us has a still, small voice within—our inner guidance and authority—that will guide us where we need to go if we are willing to do the disciplined work of gathering the information that our inner wisdom needs before it can help us make a decision or take action.

It’s true that it’s much easier to transfer responsibility for our health onto someone else rather than assume it ourselves. Blaming someone else for our problems is a default setting for many. But ultimately the rewards of trusting ourselves and knowing that we have the ability to get our needs met are much more satisfying than any fleeting relief that comes from forgoing responsibility and transferring it to someone else.

I was reminded recently of how deep the “trance” is that keeps people locked into the expectations that their doctors should be able to cure them without their participation. At a 2009 workshop in the Northeast, I shared with the audience all of the latest research on how to enhance bone health, including optimal levels of vitamin D, mineral supplementation, weight training, and so on. At the end of the workshop, during the question-and-answer session, a woman got up to say that every year, no matter what treatments her doctor prescribed, her osteoporosis got worse and worse. She wanted to know my opinion on an IV injection that she was now getting that wasn’t working, either. She was very concerned about this because her mother had died from complications of osteoporosis.

I asked her if she had ever had her vitamin D level checked. She said no, she hadn’t. I asked if she did any weight-bearing exercise. The answer was no. Then I asked if she took minerals. Again, she said no. I wondered if she had heard a word of what I had so passionately said earlier in the workshop. Her mentality (and physical stance) were typical of the victim who waits for some outside expert to hand her the next experimental treatment to save her. I told her that she needed to start by getting a backbone and learning how to stand up for herself. She needed to apply the information I had provided or at least vet it for herself. I also suggested that she call on her mother for support from the other side. Her entire body came alive when I made that suggestion!

It is crucial that you educate yourself about all your choices and then tune in to your inner guidance when it comes to making decisions about surgery, drugs, and procedures. I cannot stress this enough: No one is going to come from the outside and save you when it comes to your health. You must save yourself.

As you consider your options, understand that different physicians often have very different training and interests. As a physician who “walks between the worlds,” I see the good that can be done by a variety of approaches. If patients could listen in on the amount of disagreement even among the ob-gyns in a small city such as Portland, Maine, about how to treat a certain condition, they would appreciate how vital their own input is in creating an optimal outcome. Each patient must therefore become her own authority and learn how to assess information from various sources.

B
ECOME AN
A
DULT

Many people turn into little children in the doctor’s office, giving all their power away. I’ve seen this repeatedly. When a friend of mine was at the doctor’s recently, her blood pressure reading was high. Luckily, she had her husband with her. “Ruth,” he said to her, “you’re currently eight years old!” (Ruth’s mother was sick a lot when she was eight. Ruth didn’t have a voice then, although now, at the age of forty-five, she does.) As soon as her husband reminded her, Ruth became an adult and realized that the blood pressure was an indication that she was scared. This was a feeling she needed to acknowledge in the moment. She could then act like an adult and get proper care by asking the right questions.

Women have been taught for years not to make waves or rock the boat. When one of my friends had surgery, I asked her if she had talked with her anesthesiologist before hand and asked her or him to use healing statements (see the section on how to prepare for surgery) when she would be going under and coming out of anesthesia. She said to me, “No. I was too embarrassed.” Her statement summarizes a huge problem in health care: Women are too often afraid to ask for what they need. If this is a problem for you, too, take someone with you who will help you speak up when you find yourself getting caught like a deer in the headlights or acting like a child who can’t speak up for herself.

On a very practical level, it’s important for you to go to your health care practitioner fully prepared with a list of questions that he or she can reasonably answer in the time allotted to you. And be aware that you may need to schedule another appointment if your situation is un usually complex.

Changes in the medical system will come about as all of us begin to take responsibility for our own health. (After all, the vast ma jority of health problems are related to lifestyle choices.) And when, despite our best efforts, we do need help, it’s good to have a competent doctor with whom we can work in partnership.

6.
Use the law of attraction.
In part one, I mentioned the law of attraction. Basically, this powerful law of the universe states that we at tract to our- selves that which is like ourselves. This means that how you really feel deep inside determines what kind of experience you are likely to attract to yourself. For instance, if you believe that you will be able to get your needs met in any given situation, you will most likely attract to yourself what you need. There are no exceptions to the law of attraction, so please begin to make note of it in your daily life.

Having said that, I also acknowledge that far too many women’s health care needs have not been met well in the medical offices of this country. The end result of this—and of women’s waking up to it—has been a backlog of mistrust of health care professionals, particularly doctors, that tends to color the relationship between health care provider and patient from the outset. And, because of the law of attrac tion, this can create a kind of downward spiral that serves no one.

So before going to a new doctor, please ask yourself the following questions and answer them honestly:

In general, do I trust doctors? Do I feel that doctors, for instance, charge too much money and are just in this business to get rich?

Do I believe that doctors won’t listen to me no matter how I state my concerns?

Do I believe that drugs and surgery are inherently bad and that it’s always better to treat illnesses with alternatives to these modalities?
Am I afraid, ashamed, or embarrassed to ask my doctor to be a partner with me in my health care decisions?

Am I really willing to trust my inner guidance, even if it’s different from what my doctor suggests?

Am I willing to suggest a compromise position with my doctor so that I can have the advantages of her or his care while taking some responsibility myself?