“Ethan, we have to get you cleaned-” Mary started to beg as Ethan’s pace picked up. The rain was turning to sleet as a stormed moved in.
“NO!” He shouted, though he didn’t mean to. He would never yell at Mary. She knew that, she wasn’t offended. This was exactly what she had gone through when her squad had been ambushed, everyone dead but herself and Jack, who didn’t speak again for many years, a rare thing for an strong young man, a Marine, to experience. It had taken a long time for Mary to could come to grips with what had happened, the senselessness of it all. Somehow Mary coaxed Ethan into their truck and drove to the hospital on the edge of town. In silence they walked inside the last building that still had power. The clean warm air a distraction, but not enough to wake Ethan from his nightmarish reverie. He felt like there was a stage light on him, burning bright on a set he could not clearly see, the other stage actors nothing but shadowing figures on the edge of his vision. Everything was a copy, of a copy, of a copy. Ethan stepped through the doors of the emergency room. A crowd had gathered in the waiting area. No one spoke to him, word traveled fast.
The nurses and doctors didn’t make eye contact. There was no one in the ER, the trail of blood led to the morgue instead. The doctors had pronounced Keith dead on arrival. His body was now under a sheet in the frigid room, the medical examiner not yet able to sew the wounds back up for burial. Paula sat in a chair next to her lifeless husband, numb and unable to cry. Of all the shitty things that had happened to her, how could a merciful God have allowed something like this? Around her stood Lee, Lieutenants Rowe and Reynolds, and Mayor Kenly. Sabrina and Tammy had Serenity in the waiting room, the least they could do to shield the toddler from the nightmare surrounding her.
Ethan stood next to Paula in silence. He tried over and over to find the words, but his mouth wouldn’t move, his voice wouldn’t work, Ethan could barely breath. He felt compelled to say something, but what? Sorry I was walking on the right and not the left? It dawned on Ethan they had probably been aiming at him, he was the one who denied them weapons. On top of guilty, he now felt ashamed. Why couldn’t it have been him? Keith had been happy. Ethan just wanted the pain in his heart to go away. Death would have solved that problem. Mary was pretty enough to marry again.
Paula looked up at him, her head turning slowly. She took in the sight of Ethan covered in blood that used to belong to her husband. The petite girl had her husband’s blood all over her hands and face as well, the EMTs weren’t able to keep her from him. She stood and hugged Ethan so tight he thought he may never breathe again.
“You tried.” She said, not waiting for him to speak. “You tried so hard, I know.”
That wasn’t what Ethan had expected. He couldn’t understand it, it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted Paula to be as mad at him as he was. He wanted her to blame him and yell and curse and hit him as hard as she could. He wanted her to never forgive him. He had to be the bad guy. There was no one else left to punish.
Ethan pulled away, tears rolling down his face, re-wetting the blood caked to his face as he staggered backwards. He walked away from the emergency room, unable to stand his own company, let alone anyone else’s. He ran as he hit the cold air until he couldn’t breathe. He ran towards the highway, but not quite to it, finding out he was not in nearly as fit as he had once been. Ethan stood there and stared at the serpentine of derelict vehicles through a misty rain they desperately needed. The happy sounds of laughter and play, children enjoying the first clean rain in a long time even though it was late at night. The clatter of construction crews as they put the finishing touches on a reinforced guard house for the South Gate. Massive lights powered by scavenged solar batteries helped the men see at night, casting eerie cones of yellow as they reflected off the falling water, a stark contrast to the nearly dark town. His world had completely stopped. Why hadn’t everyone else’s? Why was the world not mourning their loss?
“Ethan…” Mary said from behind him. He didn’t turn around. She just nudged him towards the truck until he finally got in. They drove back to the police station in silence. He got to take a hot shower, shave and change his clothes. Mary took the bloody uniform away and burned it. Though no one made her be there, Mary sat in on the after action review while Lee, who was every bit as stunned and despondent as his brother, told the story. Kenly wanted to act less distraught, knowing that their fuel problem had been solved for a good long while and that such a political victory would ensure Jenny Kopland never saw office. But he couldn’t act like it was okay. Keith Brewer had been his friend as well, a man he greatly admired and propped up as a real hope for the future. Now he was gone. Was the myth dead as well?
“We still have four men at the National Guard HQ trying to get a few more trucks started.” Lee said, no heart in his voice whatsoever.
“We’ll need to send the convoy back for them.” Kenly agreed. “Just… Gun trucks only. I don’t want anyone getting out of the trucks anymore. I don’t care if it’s a kid on the side of the road bleeding to death, you don’t get out until the area is pacified. If they have guns, make them put them down. If the trucks break down have them radio in and wait for help…” Kenly took a breath before going on. “Anyone in this room not have a Secret Clearance?” Silence. “Good. We had our first probe today from what we suspect is left of the Federal Government.”
“How do we know?” Lee asked, but only because he had to. Kenly liked to play the guess what game, and then actually make you guess.
Mary spoke up. She had been acting Sheriff at the time, Allen’s concussion still a concern to many. Ethan briefly wondered where Allen was, but realized he was probably on duty if Mary was not. “They were posing as travelers just passing through, but they didn’t act, look, or smell like people who’d survived all this time on their own.”
There was no need to explain what any of that meant. People who were traveling usually encountered three things; zombies, gangs, and survivalists. To see an entire town with a functioning, well adjusted, democratically governed people was sometimes a real shock the last men on Earth. These travelers didn’t seem even slightly surprised by the town. Most people also looked like they’d been out in the wild for a long time. No one shaved, even fewer made the attempt to bathe, as Newton had so eloquently pointed out, people smelled much like they would have before the turn of the twentieth century. These guys smelled like Pert.
“They were clean shaven, didn’t stink, their car was a black suburban with tinted windows, and it was still in pretty good shape. Not even a brush guard bolted on. I know that doesn’t mean much, but they also weren’t very shocked to see us, at least not in the way we usually see. They wanted to know things like how many people were in town, what our government was like,” At that Kenly almost laughed. Almost. “They asked a number of relatively benign questions about food and fuel, for which they traded
gold coins
, but what got our attention was when they asked what our political affiliation, if any, was with Texas. Luckily, Deputy Broadwick is a clever guy and gave ‘em the runaround. He got their license plate and made note of a few stickers that were in the windshield as well, so we can pass that information on to the Texans.”
Kenly looked at Lee, and then at Ethan. “I’m sorry boys. Words just can’t…”
“We know, Sir.” Ethan said. Fighting the urge to cry again he found the courage to speak. “Thank you.” Kenly could see this was the wrong time for an AAR and dismissed everyone.
That night Mary brought Paula and Serenity to stay with them. Lee came over too, and as soon as he was off duty Allen burst through the door, almost clocking Bogey in the head with his boot. The dog could tell something was wrong, his head drooped and he didn’t move very fast, and begging for attention from anyone but Ethan was just not going to happen. Serenity and Samuel sat on the floor playing with blocks, surprisingly calm in all the chaos. The innocence of youth. Bogey laid down next to the children while Allen came to grips with the news, holding Paula’s hand. Ethan was his friend, Keith was his mentor. They all sat by candle light, no one spoke, the friends and family of Keith Brewer simply watched the candle burn down, and like the light of their lives, be snuffed out by a random gust of wind.
It rained during Keith’s funeral. Ethan had sworn that after his friend’s death in Iraq he would never again listen to the heart wrenching sounds of Taps, so help him God. But here he was, standing with his right hand to the brim of his campaign hat as Taps sucked the life and soul from him… again. Mayor Kenly waited until the preacher had finished, the casket lowered, the guns fired, and Old Glory was folded. He took the triangular flag and stepped up to Paula while Mary sat holding the children.
“I used to give these to widows in Vietnam… I used to think to myself how pointless it was for their husbands to be gone. What did they die fighting for? Why were these families made to suffer so? Well I’m not asking myself that now. I know why I’m handing you
this
flag, Paula Brewer. Your husband was sacrificed upon the alter of freedom, his passion was saving the People of the Nation he loved. To make this God forsaken world a better place. He put himself in danger to help those who needed it most. This town, and these people, will never forget his sacrifice.”
Paula took the flag as it was handed to her. She clutched it tightly, her eyes never leaving the casket as the crowd dispersed and the men poured shovel full after shovel full of dirt atop the gleaming silver box. As Keith disappeared for the last time, so did Paula’s composure. This was the breaking point everyone had been waiting for, walking on eggshells around her until it finally happened. Mary set the kids down and went to sit by her friend, though mostly to hold her back from jumping into the pit as well. Keith had saved Paula from a lot of things. Rapist gangs, Zombies, and even from her own demons. He’d given her a child, and now a second that he would never see.
Paula moved in with Ethan and Mary. She never went back to the house she’d shared with Keith. A new family moved into it, and the cycle of life went on.
14
True Story:
OIF VI: FOB 29 Stumps, Iraq.
Transcript of Mental Health Evaluation for Redeployment to CONUS
Subject:
SPC Cally, Ethan J. (HHC 23 BTSB, 2BAT, 3ID)
A
ttending Physician:
CPT Binkle, Emery B. (HHC 26 BTB, 4BAT, 3ID)
CPT Binkle
“
Good evening, Specialist. How are you?”
SPC Cal
ly “I got up… Sir.”
CPT
Binkle “I see. Do you understand why you’re here?”
SP
C Cally “Because Staff Sergeant Nastud told me to be, Sir.”
CPT
Binkle “I see. Well, this is the mandatory mental health evaluation for your redeployment to the Continental United States. You can speak freely here, Specialist. I’m not in your chain of command. Nothing you say here will get back to them. We’re just here to see if we can find Soldiers who might be in distress about going home. Sometimes family situations aren’t what they used to be, people change here. We’re hoping to find Soldiers experiencing anxiety and depression and help them as early as possible.”
SPC Cally “…I don’t like my job… So
… I’m just not going to do it anymore.”
CPT
Binkle “I’m sorry? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
SPC Cally “Well… I don’t like my job… So I’m not going to do it anymore, Sir.”
CPT Binkle “That’s not what I meant. This is a safe place. You can talk freely to me. Just pretend the uniform is a pastel sweater, or whatever helps. What do you mean?”
SPC Cally
“With all due respect, Sir, the mental image of an ACU gray, pastel sweater is just… awful. Promise me you’ll never actually do that. I’m joking, sorry Sir, inappropriate humor is just a coping mechanism. It’s just that I don’t like my job… or anyone I work with…
Don’t like
might even be an oversimplification. I waited in the shadows about a month ago for my assclown of an E4 team leader. Figured he’d be coming back from blowing his boyfriends at the gym, or whatever roid junkies do, I don’t know… I was planning to beat him to death with a tire iron I snatched off an MRAP. I mean, how have I sunk to that level? I used to be a seemingly decent MP, a real upstanding representative of the law, ya know? The people here are getting to me, and I don’t mean these so called Insurgents. They’re just doing what we would do if the situation were reversed. See, I don’t believe in the mission anymore, I don’t trust my own fucking unit, let alone the Army at large. I’m fairly sure the Army Values and MP Corps Motto are just hollow scribbles on pieces of paper. It was all a lie to begin with, my job, this war, all a poorly disguised scam to funnel tax money into Halliburton through KBR, both conveniently owned by Darth Cheney himself. All at the expense of thousands of American lives and a few billion dollars that would have gone to something useless, like education or healthcare.