“Could you poke around and find out if she’s going out with anyone? Especially to the April dance?”
“Sure,” I said. “I’ll do what I can.”
The next week at school was Regents week. I was sick of all the studying, and was running out of gas. During the State Spanish Exam, Natalie Morales sat next to me. I’d never seen anyone look so good to take a test. She smelled like she just took a shower. The smell of bath oil was intoxicating. She was wearing tight black pants. I could see the outline of her thighs and was thinking that Natalie could easily be the most physically attractive girl at Stanton.
“Natalie, this should be a breeze for you…don’t you speak Spanish at home?” I said.
“I speak Spanglish at home…which is like Puerto Rican Spanish and English mixed. This test is like a Spanish grammar test and it is probably easier for you than for me.”
“What are you doing after the test?” I asked Natalie.
She paused, and it seemed like a month went by.
“Nothing. Why?”
“How about we go to Junior’s and get some cheesecake and coffee.” I waited for a response.
Natalie smiled and twirled her hair, dimples on full display. She glanced down, and didn’t say anything.
“Aren’t you dating Delancey?” she asked.
I laughed out loud. “I’m not asking you out; Delancey will be there too.” Natalie laughed as well, but I still didn’t get an answer.
“Don’t be the kind of girl who twenty years from now regrets not having tasted the best cheesecake in Brooklyn. After you graduate, it will be too late; the cheesecake won’t taste as good!” I blurted out with a sheepish smile. She still hesitated.
“Natalie, if you turn me down, then you’ll be responsible for why I fail this test, and you’ll have to carry that with you for the rest of your life.”
“Sure…why not? I do like cheese cake,” she finally agreed, with a cheek to cheek smile. “Just don’t give me a guilt trip again.”
“Life is so good,” I said out loud, placing my hands in a folded prayer position, and silently thanking God for my good fortune. I wouldn’t let John down. Natalie asked if I was nervous about the test.
“What test? I get to go to Junior’s with the two most beautiful girls in school.”
I spent the entire hour daydreaming what it would be like if John married Natalie and I married Delancey. I pictured us on double dates, hugging, and kissing. I envisioned us on the beach, and in restaurants, holding hands and drinking wine. I heard romantic music playing in my head, and in my daydreams everything moved in slow motion.There was a last minutes change of plans. Delancey had to meet with her guidance counselor, and could not join us, but insisted that we go without her. Delancey was very comfortable with this; other girls would have been jealous.
Natalie and I walked to Junior’s Restaurant. We talked about school and our teachers. Natalie was not looking forward to graduating. She was having a great time in high school, even though at times she was overwhelmed.
I asked her about her plans after graduation. Her parents were insisting that she stay home for college, and become a nurse. Natalie was great to talk to. She had a lot questions and a general curiosity about my life.
“You know, I know very little about you,” she said. “It’s so strange that I’ve known who you are for four years and we’ve only been acquaintances. High school is so odd that way. It’s like we’re fish in an aquarium, swimming around each other and never really stopping off to have cheesecake.”
“I hear fish love cheesecake,” I said.
“The one thing I do know about you is that you are funny and sarcastic. This was really nice; thanks for inviting me for cheesecake,” Natalie said. “How are things with you and Delancey?”
“Great.” I smiled.
“What about her father?”
“Haven’t really met him yet,” I said in a firm tone.
“Her dad can be a really scary dude. He has intimidated every other guy in school that has thought about asking her out. Why aren’t you afraid of him, given his reputation?”
“I’ve got nothing to lose,” I smirked.
I paid the bill like a real gentleman, like the characters played by Bogart or Cary Grant in those old movies. On our way out, I blurted, “I have to tell you, you look really different lately. Much better than before.”
“Is that a compliment…or…are you saying that I looked terrible before?” she asked with a confused expression.
“That did not come out right. I meant that you look beautiful.” I really had to be more careful. “Are you going to the April dance with anyone?” It sounded as if I was asking her to the dance.
“I think you are a really nice guy, and we could be friends but I don’t think that would be a good idea,” said Natalie.
“Natalie, I wasn’t asking you to the dance for me. I was asking for my friend John.”
She glanced down, obviously realizing the reason we had cheesecake was so that I could bring up John.
“Is there another guy?” I asked.
“No, not exactly.” She sighed, and her eyes peered to the left, and then to the right. “I just joined the GLBU and...”
“Did you just say the GLBU? Why would you join that club, everyone is going to think you’re a lesbian,” I said.
There was a new club at school called the Gay Lesbian Bisexual Union. There were a plenty of jokes about the club. I didn’t know anyone in the club, but I did laugh at many of the jokes that were going around school.
“Well, that’s the thing. I think that I am a lesbian.”
“Wow…all this time I thought you were Puerto Rican.” We both laughed. She seemed nervous, and I was in shock, but I didn’t want her to feel awkward.
“Well…good for you…” I playfully punched her on the arm, like I would with one of my guy friends. I was stunned and speechless.
“I hope you don’t think of me differently,” she said.
I had new visions of our future together. I daydreamed about us playing basketball, and arm wrestling, and fixing cars together. I snapped out of it.
“Well, you’re the first lesbian I’ve ever met. But I’d still like to be friends,” I said.
“I’d like that too.”
“Natalie, how do you know that you are a lesbian? You’re so young and it’s a big statement. Have you ever dated a boy?” I asked.
“I have dated boys before, though nothing serious. I just feel attracted to girls. My parents are freaking out; we’re Catholic and they want me to talk to a priest.”
“If you change your mind about John, let me know,” I said.
We walked to the subway, and took different trains. I gave her a hug good-bye.
“David…”
“I won’t say anything to anyone. That’s your business.”
January had come to a shocking conclusion. Later that night, John called.
“She’s not interested,” I said.
“Why not?” John asked.
“She’s out of your league, man…way out of your league.”
The next day, Delancey and I were walking toward the Subway. The psychic was standing outside and invited us for a palm reading.
“No thanks,” I was replied when Delancey interrupted.
“Sure! Let’s see how good you are.”
Reluctantly, I entered the psychic’s storefront. Delancey had already sat down. The psychic introduced herself as Delfina. Delancey’s face was full of hope and amazement, even before Delfina said anything.
Delancey placed her open right palm into Delfina’s hands. The curtains were closed; very little daylight entered the room. Several candles flickered. I sat skeptical.
“First I will tell you what I see about you. Then you may ask three questions,” said Delfina, in a low voice, just above a whisper, with a foreign accent.
The dim room was replete with statues from a myriad of religions, and small pictures of saints and demigods. The flickering candle light created hard to ignore shadows on the walls. An ominous feeling overtook the room. Delfina stared fixedly into Delancey’s palms.
“Listen, I don’t want to do this; its better if you leave,” Delfina said, releasing Delancey’s right hand.
“Why, is it bad?” Delancey asked. I rolled my eyes, but held my tongue. I figured this was how Delfina lured someone for more money.
“I really don’t want to do this…please just take your money and go home.” Delfina looked seriously frightened.
Delancey was unwilling to leave. She offered an extra twenty dollars. Delfina turned it down, and remarked that it would be better if Delancey did not know her future. Delancey offered more money, which Delfina rejected again.
“Listen, if you don’t read my palm, I will just find someone else who can. I know a very good clairvoyant in the East Village.” Delancey folded her arms, and stared at Delfina.
“Okay…have it your way,” Delfina replied.
Once again, Delancey placed her right hand in Delfina’s hands, and opened her palm.
“I see that you are a very head strong person, maybe even a feminist. You are independent, and you want to remain an independent person. I see lots of sadness in your life…are your parents divorced?” asked Delfina.
“Yes they are.”
“You are depressed…for a long time. You are very close to your father, but he is overbearing. He loves you very much, but he is very controlling and you don’t handle this well. You are more like your mother…you want to be free...There is pressure in your life, and you stay up late unable to handle it….tell me, what kind of pressure do you feel?”
A tear rolled down Delancey’s face, and her eyes welled up.
“I just…can’t deal.…I mean…. my father is very controlling, and he tries to make every decision in my life for me. I can’t choose the colleges I want to apply to, or even what I want to major in. I can’t choose what I want to eat for dinner….he’s worried I’m going to get fat so he orders a salad for me whenever we are out. It’s really a lot to deal with.” Delancey was crying. I remained silent, feeling her pain.
“You have a digestive problem?” Delfina asked.
“I was bulimic last year.”
Delfina asked if she should continue, and Delancey nodded.
“You are unable to sleep, and even when you do, you don’t sleep well. I see that you are afraid to disappoint your father; his expectations are very high for you. You come from a wealthy family, but you are not happy. I see that you are looking for an escape, and you drink or do drugs when you can’t handle the pressure anymore. You rebel by letting yourself get out of control…it’s how you cope with a controlling father.”
Delancey wiped her face, but tears continued to fall silently.
“You try to portray yourself as strong willed, an overachiever…but that’s not who you really are…you want to be a normal teenaged girl…more than anything else. You would rather be a normal woman, wife, mother, kids, married. You really don’t want to be an overachiever. Now you may ask three questions.”
“Will I get married? I’m just so worried that with all I have to accomplish in life, I won’t meet someone,” said Delancey, trying to compose herself.
“Yes, you will, sooner than you plan.”
“Tell something about the man I’m going to marry…” Delancey giggled, seeming much relieved.
“He’s someone who will go to great lengths to find you, and to bring you home. Someone that is not afraid to go anywhere just to see you.” Delfina glanced at me, just for a split second.
“Last question…what do you see becoming of my friendship with David?” Delancey glanced at me with a smile.
“It won’t last…you will leave after high school. And he is crazy in love with you, but he is not mentally strong enough to hold on to you.” We left the psychic’s storefront.
On the subway ride home we hardly spoke. I was disappointed and pessimistic…about my future with Delancey, and insulted that Delfina called me mentally weak. I decided not to bring up her bulimia or anything from the reading. There was no evidence that the psychic had any special abilities. It was just rubbish.
Chapter 13
I’d never liked the month of February - too much going on in too short a time period. February in New York is too cold for the gangs and street thugs. They don’t hang around in plain sight. Instead, they lurk like shadows in alleyways, housing projects, and of course the subways. February is also split in half – by Valentine’s Day, a much feared high school holiday.
The month began on a cold Wednesday, the weather calm; the real storm was brewing in school. By third period, news was circulating of two suicides. One was a girl named Amy. The other was a boy named Albert. It was disturbing, although I did not know either student personally.
It was rumored that Amy ingested the contents of an entire bottle of Tylenol. She left a note stating her life had not turned out the way she had intended, that she felt like a major disappointment to her family and school. Albert did not leave a note. Instead, he jumped in front of a subway car on his way to school.
At lunch, Sam was still bragging about all the fun he was having with his young girlfriend. The look on Carlos’s face was classic – he was fascinated and at the same time envious. I wondered if Carlos had his own brain. Still disgusted, I told Sam to end it. He refused.