Worth the Fight (Accidentally on Purpose) (18 page)

I sighed and pulled my hand through my hair. “Don’t get me wrong, Sam has been…very helpful over the past couple of years, but did you have to call her here? She’s not our mom. Our mom is down the hall getting an MRI. Sam is Emmy’s mom. You can’t just steal her away when you feel like it.”

“Steal her away?” Lorraine snorted. “She hates her mother.”

“She doesn’t hate her,” I said quietly and looked over my shoulder.

Emmy was standing on the other side of the room looking out of the window. She hadn’t moved. I’m not even sure if she blinked. She didn’t seem to be focused on the here and now, but I wasn’t comfortable whispering about her as if she wasn’t in the same room.

“Their relationship is complicated,” I said to my sisters. “You’re not making it any less complicated.”

Lena was quiet for a moment as she studied me. She looked across the room at Emmy for a moment before turning her narrowed eyes back to me. “I will try to be more considerate,” she said quietly.

Lorraine made an exasperated sound and stomped away. Lena leaned in closely and said “Don’t fuck this up, Luke.”

I stood there stunned. How was she always able to figure out what the hell was going on in my life?

“You both have that just fucked look,” she confirmed with a smile she was trying to hold back. “I’m assuming
you just fucked
.”

She raised an eyebrow at me when I didn’t respond and walked out of the room. I stood there for a moment, silently looking at Emmy’s form against the bright light blasting into the room through the window. Maybe I misinterpreted her crying. Maybe it wasn’t that she didn’t want me. Maybe I was b
eing selfish and completely introverted by believing it was just about me. Maybe it was about her. I remembered our conversation from a couple of days before. She thought she was too broken to be salvaged. Maybe she was crying for the parts of herself she lost.

I walked across the room and joined her at the window.

“Are you okay?” I asked her. “You’ve barely said two words since we left for the apartment.”

She blinked as if she was just waking up and looked around.

“I'm sorry,” she said and turned around to face me. “Are you okay? How are you holding up?”

“I'm okay. I’m having a hard time accepting the fact that my mom is getting so old,” I sighed.

“It's funny. Your mom falls down the stairs accidentally, and I want to shove my mom down the stairs on purpose all of the time.”

I tried to smile, but it faltered and failed altogether. Even though I was very concerned about my mom, Emmy and I needed to talk. I needed to her to tell me how Kyle broke her. I needed to fix her, whether she would have me or not.

“I said I would wait until you were ready,” I said softly. “But...”

“You want to know what is ultimately keeping us apart,” she said with a sigh.

“You are ultimately keeping us apart,” I pointed out. “But I need to know why.”

I pushed her hair out of her face and cupped her face in my hand. I started to withdraw, but she pressed on the back of my hand, holding it to her face. Her eyes closed for a long m
oment and she exhaled slowly. When she opened her eyes, I was moved by what I saw there. She wanted me. I wasn’t sure how much of me she wanted, but she did. When she wrapped her arms around me and stood on her toes to kiss me, I expected a little peck at best, but her tongue slid across my lips and I gasped lightly before opening up to her and kissing her back. Nothing else mattered in that moment. Where we were or why we were there didn’t exist. Our past problems didn’t exist. Our present problems didn’t exist. The only thing that existed was us, holding each other, and comforting each other with a slow but passionate kiss.

Someone cleared their throat a couple of times, but we ignored it. The third time it was louder and more distinct. I knew without looking it was Lorraine. I reluctantly separated my lips from Emmy’s and glared back at Lorraine.

“Sorry to disturb you,” she said, not even trying to be modest about the big grin on her face. “But the doctor wants to talk to all of us.”

With a sigh, I took Emmy’s hand in mine and we fo
llowed my sister out of the room.

“Oh, that's embarrassing,” Emmy whispered.

“No less embarrassing than Lena’s weird sense of what we were doing before we got here,” I whispered back.

“What!”

I looked at her and nodded a confirmation.

“Oh, my god, I’m so embarrassed,” she said, covering her face with her free hand.

I stopped in the hallway about ten feet from where my sisters were standing and put my other hand on Emmy’s neck.

“Don’t be embarrassed. You didn’t used to be emba
rrassed about these things.”

“The circumstances are different,” she whispered, thro
wing a nervous glance at my sisters.

“We were together before, Em,” I said. “We made a baby together and now we’re raising him together.”

“But there was a lot of shit in between,” she argued.

“Yeah, there was,” I conceded. “And eventually, we’ll have to hash some of that shit out, but until then, don’t be e
mbarrassed. You love me, don’t you, Em?”

She nodded though her cheeks turned pink at the admi
ssion. I knew it was hard for her to say.

“Luke,” Lena called impatiently.

Ignoring my sister, I held Emmy’s face in my hands.

“I love you. You love me, and we both love our son. That’s all that matters right this minute. I don’t give a shit what anyone else has to say about it. Okay?”

Fear and uncertainty blazed in her eyes, but she nodded anyway. “Okay.”

I touched my lips to hers for a brief moment as Lena called me again. I took her hand and led her down the hallway where my sisters and the doctor waited for us.

“I’ll go sit with Grace while you guys talk,” Emmy said and started to pull away, but I held fast to her hand.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Lena said, rolling her eyes. She linked her hand into Emmy’s free hand.

I didn’t miss the little smile on Emmy’s face.

Chapter Seventeen

I sat on the couch watching as Emmy carried a load of laundry to the small washer and dryer unit next to the powder room. Focused on her work, she didn’t seem to notice me staring at her.

After she put a load of laundry in, she moved to the kitchen. I could hear her putting things away and the faucet running. She was just doing what she did every night, but it irr
itated me a little. I wanted her to let the dishes sit in the damn sink and not care about a couple of crumbs on the counter.

“Em,” I called to her.

“Be right there,” she called back.

“No,” I said firmly. “Now. Stop whatever you are doing and come here now.”

She didn’t say anything, but I knew that she was probably standing there feeling indecisive. I don’t usually command her to do anything. I sometimes speak firmly, and in the past I was downright mean, but I rarely commanded.

“Now,” I repeated.

A moment later she appeared in the doorway with a dishtowel in her hands. She looked at me apprehensively. I gave her a look that said “get your ass over here
now
.” She stepped back into the kitchen but only for a second and came out without the dishtowel. She stopped by the dining room table, crossing her arms and gearing herself up for a fight, but I didn’t want to fight – or start a fight by trying to have needed discussions.

I crooked a finger at her, keeping my face passive. After another hesitation, she moved to go sit down on the couch, but I quickly reached up and grabbed her arm. She let out a surprised yelp as I pulled her down into an awkward position on my lap. I took a moment to reposition her until she was facing me and straddling my lap. She blew hair out of her eyes when she let out an exasperated sound as she looked at me. She was waiting for me to talk, but I wasn’t talking.

I moved my hands up her thighs, slowly up her sides until they were touching her breasts. Without taking my eyes off of hers, I swiped my thumbs across her clothed breasts, searching for her nipples. Seconds later I felt her response through her shirt as her nipples quickly hardened and pressed at the fabric. Her lips sensually fell open as her breath hitched. I continued to rub her nipples with the pads of my thumbs while looking into her eyes. She didn’t dare look away as she began to lightly grind against me. When I began pinching her nipples, she winced at first, but didn’t look away.

Grinding harder and faster, Emmy began to moan softly as I continued to squeeze her nipples. Her tongue licked erot
ically at her succulent lips. Her chest rose and fell at an accelerated pace and her fingers dug into my biceps. When she bit down hard on her bottom lip, I knew she was ready.

“Don’t close your eyes when you come,” I said in a harsh whisper.

And she was gone, gripping my arms as if she’d die if she let go, crying out my name and shaking violently with her hot clothed pussy against my cock. But she didn’t close her eyes and she didn’t look away.

“Good girl,” I murmured and pulled her head down for a kiss.

She pulled away and looked in my eyes again while holding my face in her hands. She didn’t speak, but she let her eyes convey the words she had a hard time saying with her mouth. She was still scared and broken and sad, but only a blind man could miss the love burning in her eyes. I pushed her hair out of her face again.

“I love you, too,” I whispered and kissed her again.

This time when she pulled away, she shimmied off of my lap. She parted my legs and dropped to her knees while reaching for the fly on my jeans. With high anticipation, I helped her with my jeans and boxers until she was pulling them off and tossing them behind her.

“Let’s see if I remember how to do this,” Emmy teased, and holy hell did she tease. Her tongue flicked a glistening drop off of the tip of my cock, making me groan and drop my head back. “Keep your eyes open,” she commanded.

I grinned down at her, was ready to make a sarcastic comment, but then the head of my cock was slipping between her lips and her mouth was slowly gliding down my cock. I cursed instead and fought the urge to throw my head back again and close my eyes. She took me in deep, passing her tonsils and easing down her throat. She swallowed hard trying not to gag, but she kept going, trying to take in my full length. When she finally pulled back, she was gasping for air, but she had such a sexy, evil smile on her face, and she gave me another good lick before deep throating my cock again.

“Em,” I groaned her name as I pulled her hair away from her face. “You look so fucking hot taking my cock into your mouth.”

She released me again, but with a starving hunger, she started to suck me. Hard. Fast. One of her hands pumped my shaft as she sucked with a fury. It felt so good I thought I could seriously cry. No other woman has ever been able to turn me on like Emmy, and none of them were able to drive me crazy with their mouths like Emmy.

I pumped my hips in time with her sucking, hitting the back of her throat with every thrust. She moaned around my cock and her eyes were glazed over with lust and hunger. I wanted to come in her mouth, and I was getting close to coming in her mouth, but I wanted her on top of me, riding me.

“Em, stop or I’m going to come,” I panted, but she kept going. In fact she got more aggressive, sucking harder and with more fervor. I enjoyed it for a moment before grabbing the hair at the base of her skull and yanking her head away. Her mouth released my dick with a wet noise. “Take your clothes off.
Now
.”

She pouted a little and I had to try hard not to laugh and let her continue. She quickly pulled her clothes off and I pulled her to me. She climbed onto my lap and I positioned my cock at her entrance, but I sighed, knowing I couldn’t go again without mentioning the obvious.

“Emmy, we need to discuss something.”

“Now?” she asked in a high voice. She looked like she wanted to slap me.

“Yes, now,” I moaned as I rubbed my cock along her slit. “Are we trying to make another baby?”

Her ruffled feathers settled down. “Oh,” she said softly.

“Yeah,” I nodded, trailing my fingers over a breast. I couldn’t stop touching her, even if it would have meant my death. “You’re not on anything, right?” I asked with doubt.

“No,” she shook her head slowly. “But since I had Lucas, I’ve paid close attention to my cycle. I’m positive I’m not ov
ulating.”

“Are you sure?” I asked and again positioned myself at her entrance.

She nodded.

“What if you have miscalculated?” I asked softly.

“Even if I did, the damage is done.” She said, mirroring my thoughts from earlier in the day.

“What if you get pregnant?” I asked softer than before.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “What if I do?”

“Then we’ll have another beautiful baby,” I murmured and trailed my fingers down her cheek.

“I’ll bet you say that to all of the girls,” she teased as she rubbed herself against me.

I frowned. That was a little too close to home after what I had just gone through with Claire.

“You’re the only woman I’ve ever had sex with without a condom,” I told her, my expression serious.

“Really?” she asked and moaned as I again swiped my dick through her slit. “Why? Why me?”

I sighed with frustration. I was frustrated that she was pretending to be too dense to know that she was the only woman ever worth the risk. I was further frustrated because her question made me believe there were more than just two of us that she went bareback with.

“Do you really have to ask me that, Emmy?”

She stared at me with a stoic expression for what felt like forever before put her hands on my face. She shook her head gently and said “No. I don’t, because I already know the answer.”

She leaned in and kissed me while positioning herself over my cock. She pulled away after a moment and fixed her eyes on mine.

“This position is going to tear me in two,” she said, but began to lower herself onto me anyway. She hissed as she slowly took me in.

“I’ll put you back together,” I promised.

She stopped about half way, trying to get used to the feel of me even though she had just had me earlier in the day.

“Do it,” I said, with one hand on her neck and the other on her waist.

She bit her lip and then dropped herself sharply on my cock. She shouted an expletive, but didn’t try to move away. I moved her slowly, trying to stretch her and acclimate her with my length and thickness. She began to relax after a moment and move on her own. Our eyes were locked once again.

“You’re going to completely undo me,” I groaned.

She didn’t answer, but she put her hands on the back of the couch to brace herself. She eased up until just the tip of my cock was inside of her, and then she slammed down on me. We both moaned as she circled her hips. Then she was rising again just to slam down again. After a moment she was riding me hard and begging me to hold her closer. I wrapped my arms around her in a tight embrace as she rocked herself on my erection.

“Fuck,” I groaned as I felt my orgasm creeping up on me.

I didn’t want to let her go. I didn’t want this to end. We were connected on such a primitive level. I felt like my whole body, mind and soul was inside of her and vice versa.

“Emmy,” I moaned her name. “Em.” I couldn’t tell her what I wanted to tell her, because I was groaning and growling and near shouting as I began to come inside of her, still holding her gaze. Emmy let a string of curse words loose as she came hard, pulling on my hair and riding me without any control.

When she finally began to slow down, she leaned in and kissed me softly, but her eyes were open and so were mine and they were looking right into hers. Our eye contact finally broke when she tiredly rested her head on my shoulder. I lightly rubbed her back as we tried to catch our breaths. I could feel her heart pounding against me. Her skin was cool and sticking to mine. The last thing I wanted was for her to peel herself away from me, but after a couple of minutes she did, but she didn’t go far. She lay down on the couch with her head in my lap. She was looking up at me, but this time when I looked into her eyes, I hit a wall. She was already slipping away again.

“Maybe we should stop having sex,” I said. “I'm being a girl about it. My feelings just grow stronger every time.”

“Mine do, too,” she said.

“Not enough.”

“You don't know that.”

“If it were enough, we wouldn't be having this convers
ation,” I said, trying not to sound snappish, but Em knew me well enough to know that I was beyond frustrated. While we had made considerable headway, I was bitterly feeling that it would be all for nothing.

“I feel really fucked up inside,” she said after a long s
ilence. “I feel scarred and dysfunctional.”

I looked down at her, surprised that she had chosen to a
ctually say something real.

“Everyone is dysfunctional sometimes.”

“No,” she said, frustrated. “I feel dysfunctional all of the time. It's something that stays with me all day and all night, no matter what I'm doing or how else I feel. I always feel fucked up, and I feel like I can't be fixed. You want to fix me, but I feel like I'm a lost cause, and I don't want you to even bother trying.”

The old Emmy was so confident about who she was and her self-worth. While she didn’t lord it over anyone, she didn’t take a back seat to anyone else or try dumb herself down for anyone. She was powerful, confident, and unable to be broken. If something cracked in her façade, she fixed it. That woman would have never believed that she was too fucked up to be saved.

“What did Kyle do to you to make you feel so lowly about yourself?” I growled.

She gave me an exasperated sigh and got up. She looked back at me with irritation and frustration.

“Luke, stop blaming Kyle,” she snapped. “I did this to myself. I mean...he did a lot to contribute to it, but he didn't force me into anything. I made my own decisions. If this was all of Kyle's fault, it would be easy to just throw all of the blame where it belongs and move on, but it's not all his fault.”

“You're not a lost cause,” I said and stood up, too. “Yes, you made bad decisions, but you're not doomed. I love you, Emmy, scars and all.”

“Look,” she said and hung her head low. Her shoulders slumped, too. “I'm afraid I'm going to fuck up again. I'm afraid that I won't be able to ever give you what you deserve.”

What I deserved was her, and I was about to tell her so, but her phone rang and she wasted no time going to answer it so that she could abruptly end another conversation. I was ready to go snatch the phone from her and throw it away, but something in her voice made me pause.

“What do you mean it’s on fire!” she yelled so loud I was worried she’d wake Lucas. “What happened? What do you mean you don’t know!”

It took me a couple of minutes, but I was able to deduce that Emmy’s bar was on fire. I pulled on my boxers while she talked to Mayson. I handed her my t-shirt and her panties. She pulled them on as she fired off questions and apparently didn’t get many answers.

“I’ll be out there as soon as I can,” she said. “I’ll call you when I have a flight.”