Authors: Kelly Jamieson
Griff sat looking at Ainslie, his heart pounding so hard he could hear it in his ears. When he’d had this crazy idea, he’d had no idea seeing her was going to affect him this way.
She was still so fucking gorgeous. He would rather see her long, smooth, honey-blonde hair loose than pulled back into the low ponytail she wore, but her oval face was perfect enough even without hair framing it. Her turquoise eyes had the same ocean-colored sparkle, her high cheekbones tinged with peach, her full mouth still begging to be kissed. He felt himself hardening as he looked at her mouth and he looked quickly back at his empty beer bottle.
This wasn’t exactly going the way he’d planned.
“Go on,” she prompted him, her voice even more gentle and warm than he remembered. Her softness, her thoughtfulness, her caring were all things that stuck in his mind when he thought of Ainslie. Not to mention her lush, little body and how hot she’d been for him. Christ, nobody had ever been so hot for him. Ever.
He had to know if all those things had been real. Or—as he suspected—had his mind embellished the reality over the years? When he compared every other woman to Ainslie, was he being fair to them? Because nobody had ever come close to that kind of goddess-like memory.
Now she was sitting across the table from him, the slight breeze teasing tendrils of golden hair around her face, looking at him with eyes that were big and blue enough to drown in. He was having so much difficulty breathing he could be drowning.
He dragged in a breath and looked around for the waitress. This was going to be more than a one-drink encounter. He lifted a hand, and the girl smiled and was there in an instant.
“I’ll have another.” Desperation roughened his voice. “Ainslie?”
“Um…yes, please.” She sounded a bit desperate herself. He had to remember that, for her, this was not only unpleasant, but also out-of-the-blue shocking. At least he’d had the two hour drive up from LA to rehearse all the things he wanted to say. Not that it had helped a whole hell of a lot.
“Anyway,” he started again, “I ran. I was a coward. I know it. I just couldn’t deal.”
She looked at him, and the sadness in those eyes grabbed at something in his chest. “Yes. You were a coward. I was in love with you.”
“You knew I was leaving,” he protested, still trying to find some tiny shred of defense for himself.
“Yeah,” she said quietly. “I did know. You were graduating and you had a job. I just thought…maybe…we’d leave together.”
He stared at her. He’d had no idea she thought that. Which was surprising because she’d held nothing back about the way she’d felt about him. And that had truly scared the shit out of him.
“But you were just starting medical school,” he protested weakly. “You couldn’t leave.”
She showed him her beautiful white teeth in a humorless smile. “Right. And LA is so far away there’s no way we could have continued seeing each other.”
He winced at her sarcasm. He also knew she wasn’t telling him everything, but that was okay because he wasn’t telling her everything either. At least, not right now.
“I’m sorry, Ainslie. I was an idiot.”
“You were an asshole.” She sipped her wine.
He flinched. “Yeah, okay, I’ll take that.”
They looked at each other in silence for a few minutes.
“That’s it?” Ainslie finally asked. “You came all the way here after all this time just to apologize to me?”
“Well, not exactly. I…” He stopped. It was harder than he’d thought it would be to tell her this. It wasn’t easy leaving yourself open and vulnerable. He had a sudden, new appreciation for how she must have felt while they were going out. She’d always been open about how she’d felt about him, and he now knew how she must have felt—naked, exposed. He sucked in air. “I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind,” he said in rush. He looked up at her again, registering the astonishment on her face.
“You can’t possibly be telling me you still have feelings for me after all this time.” The words sounded like they were dragged out of her.
“No. Well, I’m not sure. It’s weird. All I know is you’re always there…I’m always comparing other women to you. I had to see you, to find out if I’m crazy. Maybe I’m trying to for once and all get you out of my head.”
Her eyes flickered at that comment, but she looked down at the table. Then she lifted her eyes. “I had no idea I was still in your head. I have to say, Griff, this is all kind of mind-boggling. You walk out without even saying good-bye, I don’t see you for ten years and then you show up and tell me you can’t get me out of your head. Maybe you should’ve done this nine-and-a-half years ago and saved yourself years of …craziness. Whatever.” She waved a hand.
“I know it sounds crazy, but I guess I wasn’t ready to deal with it until now.”
She looked at him, and he heard the unspoken question, but he wasn’t willing to answer it.
“So.” He forced a smile. “Tell me what’s happening in your life these days. I assume you’re a highly respected neurologist with a lucrative practice.”
She gave a slight smile. “Not exactly,” she said. “Life throws curves at us sometimes.”
He waited, then said, “Tell me about it.”
She shrugged and played with the stem of her wine glass. “I didn’t get accepted into the neurology residency training program, so I had to change my plans.”
What? How could that be?
Ainslie was so smart and had been so focused on her goals. She’d always wanted to be a doctor, but had been motivated to specialize in neurology after her father died from ALS. She was so determined, he was amazed it hadn’t happened.
“What happened? You had top marks. You took all the right courses. You still went to medical school, though, right?”
She smiled. “Yes. And I did well. But you learn things about yourself from the setbacks life gives you. I know I was never very good at blowing my own horn.” She grimaced. “And I never fully appreciated how much of a problem that was. When I applied to the program, the interview didn’t go very well. I was too...modest.
“They only accepted four students that year. The other four were all people I know and they all had the hugest egos.” She pursed her lips. “I’m not saying I should’ve gotten in over them, but I didn’t do a very good job of selling myself.”
Modest. She’d always been modest. She was gorgeous and super-intelligent and had so many other things going for her. Her caring nature, her quiet thoughtfulness…yet she’d never appreciated those things about herself. He could see how it had happened.
“I’m sorry.” That had been her dream. “It must’ve been hard to give up on that.”
She nodded. “But things happen for a reason, I always say. I changed my specialty to family and community medicine, and you know what? It was the best thing I ever did. I love it.” She gave a little laugh. “Not to brag, but I won the Gold Medal at graduation and I had job offers like crazy. I’m working in a great practice with three other doctors and I love it.”
“Why do you love it?”
She tipped her head to one side, eyebrows raised.
“What?”
She shook her head. “Are you really interested in this? Because this doesn’t seem like you to be sitting there listening and asking questions. Usually you’re the one doing all the talking.”
“Ouch. I guess I’ve learned some things about myself, too.” He made a face. “Like, the importance of listening. So, tell me. What do you love about it?”
She sighed. “I love the connection with my patients. I like developing relationships. I wouldn’t have gotten to do that if I’d specialized in other things.”
“Yeah. That would be important to you.” Ainslie had needed to be needed.
Speaking of needy…
“How’s your mother?”
“She remarried a few years ago. She’s doing great. He’s a nice guy and he looks after her.”
“Wow, I guess that took a load off you.”
“No kidding. But that was another adjustment. I got so used to being needed I kind of felt…bereft when she started getting involved with him. Nobody needed me anymore.”
Oh, man, for Ainslie that would be the end of the world. Obviously, though, she’d survived.
“Another learning experience.” She flashed her gorgeous smile. “I like to help people, but my co-dependent tendencies have been ruthlessly overcome. Now, enough about me. You’ve got me curious about you. What’s going on in your life?”
There were a million other questions he wanted to ask her. Like, was she married? Divorced? Dating? Children? He wanted to know more about the challenges she’d faced, who her friends were… “Um…well, I took that job in LA. I worked for Tagasha designing video games for a few years. Then I had these ideas for games they didn’t want to produce, so I went out on my own. I did pretty well. A few years later, surprise! Tagasha wanted to buy me out.” He shrugged. “So I sold the business to them, took my money and ran. I’ve invested in some other stuff and I’m kind of looking around for other opportunities right now.”
“And? What about marriage? Kids?”
He shook his head. “Nope. Haven’t felt ready for that.”
Until now.
He just needed to make sure he had the right woman. “You?”
“No. I’ve only been out of school a couple of years. I’ve been busy building my practice. I have been seeing someone for a while now—he’s a doctor, too—and we’ve been talking about marriage.”
Whoa.
That hit him like a punch in the gut. He did not like that idea one bit, which was strangely disturbing to him. He fought down the nasty feeling and forced a smile. “That’s great.” He realized his beer was empty and he glanced at his watch.
“Look,” he said, those million questions still buzzing in his brain, “why don’t we go get some dinner somewhere? I’d really like to talk to you more now that we’ve met up again.”
She just looked back at him, not saying a word, and he found it difficult to know what she was thinking.
After a few moments of silence, she said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Do you have plans? Of course you do. Duh. It’s Friday night and you have a boyfriend.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t have any plans.” Then she scowled and muttered, “Shit.”
He raised his brows at her. She shook her head again.
“Okay, so I’ll buy you dinner. It’s no big deal.” His voice softened. “Come on, Ains. We’ll just talk. We have so much to catch up on.”
She sat there across from him, so beautiful it made his heart pound, slowly shaking her head. He could tell she was almost ready to agree.
“This is crazy, Griff.”
“Yeah, but you know me.” He grinned. “I like crazy. Life is crazy. Come on. If your boyfriend is jealous, well…just tell him we’re old friends.”
* * *
Yeah, right. Just friends.
Ainslie almost laughed at the thought. She and Griff had been friends, sure. They’d had a lot of fun together, laughed and played together, but it was never platonic. Since the first time they’d met, there’d been a sparking sexual tension between them that was always there. Ten years later, it didn’t seem to have gone away, which was very disturbing, and the reason she did not want to agree to have dinner with him.
On the other hand, maybe he had the right idea. Maybe, after all this time of dreaming about him, thinking she’d seen him when it was just another tall, dark-haired man, comparing every other guy to him, it was a good idea for them to meet like this. Maybe when they talked and reacquainted themselves, she would discover he wasn’t that great after all. This might, once and for all, resolve things in her mind and help her make the decision Matthew was waiting for…the decision to marry him.
“Okay,” she said. “Can I at least go home and freshen up? I just came from work and I’m not dressed for going out for dinner.”
“You look beautiful.”
Heat crept up from her chest to her cheeks. He’d always been sweet with compliments.
“But sure, I’ll follow you, and we can go from there.”
No, she didn’t want him coming to her home. “Let’s just meet somewhere,” she suggested quickly.
“Why? We don’t need two cars. Come on, Ains, it just makes sense.”
“Oh, all right. I live on Fig Street. Up in the hills.”
He tossed some bills on the table to cover their drinks and stood, extending a hand to help her out of her chair. She ignored his hand and stood, still clutching her purse.
“You have a house?”
She nodded. “I just moved in a few months ago. I’m still paying off student loans, probably will be for the rest of my life, but I finally got enough money to buy a place of my own. I really like it.”
Matthew had almost convinced her to move in with him, but she hadn’t wanted to take that step just yet. She wanted independence, financial and emotional. She’d learned to be strong on her own, not depending on someone else for her happiness and not needing someone else to depend on her either. She intended to savor the feeling of strength and accomplishment that gave her.
“My car is in the lot behind the theatre. Our clinic doesn’t have much parking and we keep that for our patients.”