Wraith (20 page)

Matt’s blue eyes twinkled
at me. Feeling a twinge of unease, I looked away. "I can’t believe how
tame the waves are tonight," I commented. "I guess it’s like this
most of the summer, though."

Matt shrugged. "The
North Shore goes pretty flat, yeah. I’ve seen it a lot flatter than this."

I saw Zane, then. He was
far away, body surfing on the open ocean, his khaki board shorts barely visible
in the moonlight. By his standards, the waves were offering no more than a
gentle float. But he would rather be there than here.

Matt put his arms around
me. He turned me toward him, raising my chin to look up at his face. "I’ve
never met anybody like you, Kali," he said softly. "I can’t wait till
you move here for good."

I felt myself seized with
a sudden, uncharacteristic panic. I didn’t want him to kiss me, and I didn’t
know why. Had I had not just asked him for a night walk on the beach, knowing
perfectly well what that implied?

"I’m looking forward
to it myself, now," I answered quickly, keeping my own tone light. "I
just wish my friends in Cheyenne could come with me, you know?"

"Are they
military?" he asked. It occurred to me that he knew nothing of Tara and
Kylee yet. Though I had told them plenty about him.

"No," I
answered. "Kylee’s stepdad has a civilian job on the base. Tara’s parents
are cops."

"Hmm," he
sympathized. "No convenient transfers, then."

"Afraid not."

I was stalling now, and he
seemed to know it. He sighed a little—a gesture that might not have registered
on anyone but me—and we began walking down the beach again.

"Did your parents
decide how much longer you can stay?" he asked.

I drew a breath. My eyes
scanned the ocean for another glimpse of Zane. I could barely see him; he had
drifted even farther away. "Not yet," I answered, unable to keep a
tinge of sadness out of my voice. "My mom said they have a few more houses
to look at tomorrow. I’m almost hoping they can’t make up their minds."

Matt smiled. "Well,
as long as you’re around for the weekend, maybe we could get together again? My
mom was talking about having your parents over to dinner. But even if they
don’t work that out, we could still squeeze in another hit of
kalua
pig
somewhere—if you want."

I smiled back. I did like
Matt, a lot. As did most everyone who knew him. The attention he was paying
me—particularly given Lacey’s claim that he didn’t fall for girls easily—would
have any female over the moon. I liked being with him; I liked holding his hand
and dancing in his arms. It seemed natural, comfortable. The whole idea of
having a boyfriend was wonderfully exciting.

We had stopped walking
again. He raised a hand and pushed a shock of curls from my eyes. Then he
leaned down and kissed me.

It was a very nice kiss. Gentle at first, then
growing gradually more intent—but never too demanding. The foam of a breaking
wave lapped at our bare ankles. A light breeze whistled around our ears.

He broke away himself, first. With a smile, he took
my hand again and led me back up the beach. We didn’t talk—the sounds of the
beach seemed too perfect to intrude upon. The subdued rush of the waves, the
calmest of winds. Only occasional engine noise from the nearby Kamehameha
Highway.

I scanned the ocean’s horizon for a glimpse of Zane.
He wasn’t there.

"We’ll set something up for tomorrow," Matt
said finally, as we reached my deck again. "I’ll text you. I hope my
mother does invite your parents over—it would be fun to show you around the
neighborhood. Julia lives three doors down, believe it or not, and Ryan’s only
a couple blocks the opposite direction."

"Sounds cozy," I said with a grin.
Cheyenne wasn’t a particularly big city, but my friends' houses were pretty
spread out. Just one more thing to like about Oahu.

Matt collected his shoes, kissed me once more, said
goodnight, and drove off.

I remained, sitting, on the deck. I stared at the
sliver of beach that I could see. I wondered what the heck was wrong with me.

The evening—aside from the whole knife-wielding
maniac thing—had been picture perfect. I’d never had more fun at a school
dance, and that was saying something. I’d never had as romantic an experience,
period.

So why was I so freakin’
sad
?

"Zane!" I called suddenly, standing up and
looking around into the shadows. There was an edge of anger to my voice, and I
didn’t understand that either. So he had taken off on me. Was that so terrible?
It wasn’t like I even needed a bodyguard anymore.

I wasn’t supposed to need
him
at all.

I was the one doing the favor, right?

Some job I’d been doing of that. Several times,
earlier in the day, I had tried to ask him about what he was remembering, but
every time he had changed the subject. Since the dance, I hadn't asked him at
all. The entire evening had been about me.

"Zane?" I called again, my voice
apologetic.

There was no response.

I let out a breath, slowly. The inside of the house
was dark, except for one light in the hallway. My parents had already gone to
bed. I might as well do the same.

I turned and put my hand on the knob.

"Yes?"

I whirled to see Zane lounging against the deck
railing, looking mellow in jeans and a soft Hawaiian shirt covered with green
palm fronds. His expression was inscrutable.

My spirits rose instantly. I reined in what would
otherwise have been a goofy smile.

"You’re back," I said stupidly. "I’m
glad."

He studied me a moment. "I never went very
far."

I took a step toward him. "I didn’t want to
leave things between us with what happened at the gas station," I
explained. "I know you were only trying to keep me safe. I really do
appreciate that."

His eyebrows rose. "I’m not sure you need me or
anybody else for that. You do pretty well on your own."

I frowned. His voice wasn’t sulky or bitter, but it
was unmistakably melancholy. "Everybody needs somebody watching their
back," I protested. "Tonight would have been a disaster without
you."

He smiled a little. But only a very little. He
shifted his position against the railing. I could see the neighbor’s grill
through the left side of his face.

"You don’t need me, Kali," he said softly.
"You were brilliant tonight. Really. I’m in awe of the way you read
people; your ability to stay cool in a crisis. You knew just what Rod needed to
hear, and you weren’t afraid to confront him with it. You’re amazing."

His eyes caught mine—or at least, the solid one
did—and my heart began to race. As much as his praise meant to me, I got the
feeling he was leading up to something. Something I didn't want to hear.

"Thanks for that," I said quickly.
"But don’t tell me you didn’t help. Matt and I would have walked right
into Rod back at the school if you hadn’t warned me."

Zane shrugged. "You probably would have sensed
where he was when you got closer. Even if you didn't, I doubt he would have
confronted Matt with you there."

"Then he would have confronted him after he
dropped me off at home," I insisted. "We would have had no idea Rod
was following us, and Matt would have walked into an ambush in my driveway. How
well would that have gone, do you think?"

Zane stared back at me, and the pain in his
expression hit my gut like a fist. After a long moment, he turned his gaze back
out toward the sea. Then he said the words I was dreading. "I think it’s
wrong for me to stay with you, Kali. You have a normal life—you need to lead
it. Whatever’s going on with me, whatever I need to do, I’ll figure it out eventually.
But it doesn’t have to be your problem."

My heart pounded harder. The fear that spread
through my veins was irrational, nonsensical. Worse than any threat I’d felt
from Rod and his knife.

"But I
want
it to be my problem!" I
practically screeched. "I want to help you figure it out. Selfish or not,
it’s true!"

Zane refused to look at me. He raised a hand and ran
it absently through his curls. "And maybe if I weren’t so selfish,"
he said quietly, "I’d be okay with that. But I can’t do this anymore,
Kali. I’m sorry."

"Can’t do what anymore?" I demanded,
rapidly losing what was left of my composure. "What do you mean?"

He faced me, his voice calm, but firm. His emerald
eyes bore into mine. "I can’t stand by and watch you fall in love with
Matt. I just can’t do it. It hurts too much."

My insides trembled. My outsides, too. My legs felt
like rubber.

"I know that sounds insane," he continued.
"You don’t need to remind me that I’m dead—that I’m of no use to you as a
human being, and never will be. I remind myself of that every second. It
doesn’t help."

He looked away from me again. He made a poor effort
at a smile. "Sorry to freak you out, but I thought I owed you the truth. I
didn’t want you to think I’d left you because I didn’t care."

"You
can’t
leave me!" I protested
again, my voice close to breaking. So much for the calm-in-a-crisis thing. My
entire body was dissolving into gelatin. "You just can’t. Not yet."

He swung his head back toward me, his expression
puzzled. "Why not? Does it really matter? There are plenty of other people
you can talk to, hang out with. Live people you can talk to without getting
stared at."

I made no response. None of the myriad thoughts
racing across my brain made any sense at all.

"I’ve been dependent on you because of your
gift," he continued. "But you don’t owe me anything. Especially not
when all I’d be doing for you is infecting your happy little romance with a
bunch of weird, negative vibes."

"I—"

He tilted his head to hear more, but I had nothing
else. The word had escaped of its own accord.

"I’m sorry you’re upset, Kali," he said
quietly. "I really didn’t think you would be."

"And I didn’t think—" The words came out
on their own again, but this time I knew where I was going with them. "I
didn’t think seeing me with another guy would bother you," I finished in a
rush. "I thought that… even thinking you might care would be just… well,
stupid. And conceited. If I had known I would never have—" Words failed me
again. "I’m really sorry."

"You don’t have to be sorry," he answered.
"You didn’t do anything wrong."

"Yes, I did," I argued, my voice
strengthening. "It was dumb and insensitive and I’m not letting you leave
me because of it. I’m just not. So you can forget about that plan right
now!"

His eyebrows rose again. The corners of his mouth
lifted a little. "Oh?"

I was in desperation mode. A million thoughts, some
uncomfortable, some anything but, were swirling in my head like a cyclone.
Later on, I would figure it out. But right now, I had one goal and one goal
only. To keep Zane around.

"Tomorrow morning, we’re going to work on your
problem," I announced. "We’re going to go through everything you
remember, we’re going to figure out who you were, and we’re going to get you
wherever you’re supposed to be. Just you and me. On Sunset Beach. No talk of
Matt or anyone else. Especially no talk of your deserting me when I least
expect it. Because that would make me really,
really
upset. Got
it?"

His mouth drew into a real smile this time. The
full-blown, dimple-showing model that made my knees weak even when they weren't
already wobbly. This one nearly undid me. I lurched and grabbed onto the
railing.

But his smile was short-lived, muted all too quickly
by the look of sadness that crept back into his eyes. "Are you absolutely
sure you want to do that?"

"Do I look sure?" I demanded.

He flashed another smile. I tightened my grip on the
railing.

"You’re a difficult person to say no to,"
he whispered.

"Then don’t." 

We faced off, for a long moment, in silence. At
last, he turned his gaze toward the beach again. "I’m taking advantage of
you, Kali."

I stepped around into his line of sight. If I could
have, I would have touched my fingers to his chin, turned his face back toward
mine. "You’re not," I said emphatically. "If you don’t believe
anything else I’ve said, please believe that. I’m not helping you because I
feel sorry for you, or because I feel obligated. I
want
to help you
because…"

The words wouldn’t come. I couldn’t fill in my own
blanks. Even as I stood there, my brain grappling for something coherent to
say, the rest of me pulsed its desire in no uncertain terms. I wanted to wrap
my arms around him. I wanted to bury my face in the curve of his shoulder, feel
the warmth of his chest against my cheek. I wanted to hold him. I wanted him to
hold me back.

But none of that was going to happen.

Ever.

Hot liquid swelled behind my eyes. I took a sharp
breath and swallowed. "I want to help you because I care about you,
too," I said mechanically, stepping quickly away from him and back toward
the door. "So deal with it. I’m going to bed now, and when I come out for
breakfast I want to see you here, ready to roll. All right?"

I dared one last glance over my shoulder. He hadn’t
moved, but remained leaning against the railing, watching me with a smile I
could afford myself only the briefest glimpse of, lest I crumble to the deck
right then and there—a quivering heap of raw, hopelessly confused emotion.

"Whatever you say, Beautiful."

Beautiful.

I wrenched open the door and stepped hurriedly inside.
I did not look over my shoulder again.