“D
ID YOU JUST HUSTLE
me?” he asked, leaning his back against the tiny blue car. We had left the bowling alley an hour ago. Christian and Ava took off in her car to go home, and Connor and I were now outside my house. I checked my watch in the street light. I had eight minutes until curfew.
“No.”
“You just schooled me and everyone else in bowling. How did you do it?”
The truth? I had no idea. I’d only bowled once before in my life but tonight I had kicked bowling butt. A fluke, but I didn’t plan on confessing that. “I’m afraid I can’t share my secret bowling skills.” I offered him a patronizing smile. “Sorry.”
He took a false menacing step forward. “I could make you tell me.”
I couldn’t even pretend to care. Every time he touched me, the swoony, silly girl in me got worse. I was starting to think he took every opportunity to make contact. I lifted one of my hands, and made a motion. “It’s all in the wrist.”
Connor half-laughed, half-coughed. “All in the wrist, you say?”
“What?” I asked.
His eyebrow arched and caught my hand in his. “Something to remember, I guess.”
Realization dawned on me and I slipped from his grasp. “Are you being perverted?”
Shaking his head, he took another step closer and pushed my hair behind my ear. “I like it when you smile.”
I liked seeing him smile, too, and tonight with Ava and Christian was the most relaxed I’d seen him. Once he’d convinced me, with that very real (and hot) kiss, that we were on a date, I shook off my nerves and had a good time. The boys were goofy and fun to watch and Ava and I always had a good time together. It had been a perfect night.
“I think my time is up,” I said, motioning to the light that flicked on and off once in an upstairs window. Connor followed me up the steps, hands and body hovering close to mine. At the top, I turned so we were eye level. “Thanks for tonight. I needed it.”
His hand moved from the railing to my hip. “Me, too.”
Connor tilted his head, causing his hair to brush across my forehead, and kissed me. It was softer than the first time, although his fingers switched from tentative to firm on my hip. My hands moved around his waist, clasping on his back, and he rested his forehead on mine. He was so close. He smelled so good.
“Are you nervous about tomorrow?”
“A little,” I confessed. “So, Mrs. Crawford gave you a permission slip?”
“Yeah, she called, too. I think they were a little worried about my record but she persuaded them to let me come with you.”
“She likes you.”
He shrugged. “I told you. I can be charming. Even Mrs. Crawford isn’t immune to my powers.”
“I’m sure that was it.” What I wouldn’t give for an ounce of his confidence.
“No, I think she likes the idea of me doing community service there and giving back. It’s not such a bad idea, considering.”
“Ava’s picking me up at ten. Meet us there?” I asked, slipping out of his arms. I needed to go in before someone came out and got me. Connor’s fingers grasped one last time at the waist of my jeans, but I tugged out of reach.
“Night,” I said, with my back to the door, fumbling with the knob.
He smiled, cute and confident, the smile of a boy who just scored a kiss. I forced my way inside, and latched the door behind me. My heart pounded wildly in my chest, and I leaned back on the door to catch my breath. In the dark foyer I forced myself to twist the lock before I went back out and gave him another kiss. I wanted to go out there. I wanted to hold on to the moment, the kisses and the laughing and good times with friends. Tomorrow we were going to the shelter, and I was afraid to let him enter that world with me. I wanted us to stay good and not be tainted further by the reality of our situation. Connor’s car started up with its usual commotion and I turned off the porch light before heading upstairs.
Halfway up to my room my phone vibrated in my pocket. There was no way he had even made it off my street yet.
did u have fun?
My phone glowed in the dark stairwell as I typed my reply.
Yes
Is it lame or creepy that I miss you already?
I sighed with relief. I was glad it wasn’t only me. Creepy? Yes. Lame? Totally.
Can I pick you up tomorrow?
Yes-I’ll tell Ava
Goodnight, Jane
I climbed the final steps to my room and texted my own goodnight, forgetting my worries about the next day.
S
ITTING IN THE MIDDLE
of the utilitarian, lunchroom style table were two giant, handmade cards and a sloppy but endearing cake. Both cards had the words ‘thank you’ emblazoned across the front in glitter and marker, while the cake had thick chocolate icing with rainbow colored sprinkles scattered over the top.
I looked at Ava and smiled. It was too much.
“Everyone! Can I have your attention?” Stephanie commanded from the center of the room. Most of the children and adults quieted and listened to the director. “We wanted to thank Ava and Jane for coming over the holidays to help the kids make crafts.” She gestured in our direction and dozens of eyes landed on us. I hated being recognized.
Safehaven was different than the last time we were here. Last time we came it was a weekday, over school break, so there had only been children and staff around the facility. Today though, it was mid-Sunday afternoon and there were mothers and children filling the game room. More adults prepared snacks for the little party in the kitchen. Connor stood with his back against the far wall next to the door. After last night, I was happy he insisted on coming.
Stephanie said a few more complimentary things about us before she cut into the cake, which prompted squeals of delight from the younger children. She and several other workers doled out hunks on small paper plates for the children to pass around to the adults in the room. Jasmine, the little girl I met the first time, came over and gave me a large piece.
“Thank you!” I said, dropping to one knee.
“It’s chocolate,” she said, pointing at the cake.
I swiped the icing with my finger and popped it into my mouth. “Yum, I
love
chocolate! Where’s your cake?”
She whipped her head around, causing her braids to swish across her back. “Over there.”
She pointed to two women at a table with several other children who were already eating cake. I assumed the dark haired woman was Jasmine’s mother, since the other woman had blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail and had two blonde girls next to her.
“Well thank you for bringing me the cake,” I said, tugging on a braid.
Jasmine giggled, her eyes lit up and she said, “We’re going home tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? I bet you’re excited.”
“Mama says I can have my own room this time and not share with Xavier.”
“That’s great!” I remembered Evan left the shelter once, too, but maybe things would be better for this little girl. Connor appeared over her shoulder with two bottles of water clutched in one hand. I stood and took one. “Connor, this is Jasmine.”
“Hey, Jasmine,” he said, before twisting off the cap from his water and putting it to his lips. As usual, he was completely at ease in this new, different environment. Nothing seemed to faze him.
She gave him a wide gap-toothed smile. Looking between us she said, “Is he your husband?”
I laughed and Connor choked on the water he was swallowing. “No, we’re not married. I’m only seventeen. I’m too young to have a husband.”
Her tiny dark eyebrows furrowed. “My mama had my brother when she was only fifteen.”
Again, Connor drank from his bottle. Chicken.”You should probably go eat your cake before someone else does, okay?”
Jasmine’s brown eyes grew wide, and she gasped at the thought before running back to the table. I turned to Connor, pretending that horrifying moment hadn’t occurred, and held up my plate. “Cake?”
Connor picked up the fork and stabbed a huge piece, shoving it into his mouth. “At our wedding, can we have vanilla icing? That’s my favorite.” He laughed before the words were all the way out of his mouth.
I rolled my eyes. “Shut it.”
Ava came over and said, “Did you see that little girl who came over to me?” Connor took the empty plates from the two of us and slipped to the trash can. I saw him snag another piece of cake from the table, giving Stephanie a charming grin.
“No.”
“That little girl over there—with the curly hair. She said she missed our last project and wanted to know if we could come back again.”
These kids. They shouldn’t want to be here. This place shouldn’t be better than home. I tried to get a better look, but all I saw was a mass of hair. “That was sweet.”
I did see Connor, though, cramming cake in his mouth. He detoured over to the photos on the wall, licking icing off his fork. I felt a sharp pinch on my arm. “Ouch!”
“Sorry,” Ava said, in a voice that implied anything but. “I was surprised to see Connor with you today.”
I shrugged it off. “He wanted to come.”
“How did he get permission? You know they’re secretive about this location. It’s dangerous for the women.”
“I know. He went to Mrs. Crawford and got a letter from her and clearance to do service hours here with us. I guess they have some arrangement with the school.” I’d wondered this myself and thought it would be close to impossible for him to come with us, but as usual, Connor seemed to have persuasive powers. I suspected it was his eyes. I was pretty sure they could convince me to do anything.
“Plus he wanted to be with you…again.” She winked.
I rolled my eyes. “I doubt it. I think…” I stalled, thinking of something plausible. “I think he feels bad about his behavior last year and all the trouble he got into. He feels guilty, and I told him how great it was here and he wanted to see for himself.” It wasn’t a complete lie. Okay, it was mostly a lie.
Ava seemed to take that in for a moment. “So how did your date end last night?”
“It was good.” I focused on the boy in question. He wore double layers of T-shirts, gray over black, with the sleeves pushed to the elbows. I couldn’t help but notice the way his neck and jaw tensed as his eyes roamed the bulletin board, though. “What about you?”
Ava grinned. “Good.”
“Yeah?” I asked, wondering what
good
meant to Ava. I knew what it meant for me, but she and I may have a different level of measurement.
“Yeah, he already called me today, and texted me.” She pulled out her phone and checked the screen, turning and waving it in my direction and doing a little dance. “He wants to come over tonight.”
“Sounds like it did go well—for both of you.”
Ava didn’t even try to cover her grin. “How about that one?” She pointed to Connor.
“How about what?”
“I bet he’s a fantastic kisser. You can tell.”
“Ava!” I shouted but recovered, lowering my voice. “You cannot!”
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. He’s all broody and artistic. Passionate. We already know he has a bad side.” She lifted an eyebrow. “So, how was it?”
I blushed furiously, hating how blunt Ava could be. Regardless, it was nice to have someone to talk to, someone who understood what it was like to be a seventeen year old girl. “He’s good. Too good. A total player. I’m doomed.”
Ava’s frowned. “He’s not playing you. He likes you. Even Christian was impressed, and he doesn’t notice much.”
“I know he likes me, it’s just…” I floundered for words. “He’s just so confident. When I’m around him, I feel all mushy and clumsy and like my tongue is too big or something. I don’t know. It’s ridiculous.”
She giggled, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and squeezed. “It’s not ridiculous and I can relate. I changed outfits six times yesterday before our date. Christian, of course, showed up in dirty jeans and a T-shirt. And looked amazing. They make us stupid.”
I groaned at the absurdity of it all.
“You guys ready to go in a minute?” Ava asked. “I have a paper due tomorrow that I need to work on if Christian comes over tonight.”
“I’ve got a bunch, too.” Connor should have had enough time to look around and check the photos out. “Let me throw this trash away and get him.”
I passed Jasmine and her mother on my way to the trashcan and winked at the little girl. She giggled and waved her spoon at me. I dumped my trash and Stephanie grabbed me by the arm and waved Ava over to the cake table.
“Girls, I want to take your picture before you go.”
Stephanie posed us near one of the large cards the kids made, and I saw Jasmine’s mother and the blonde woman she’d been sitting with earlier. They cleaned the table, stacking plates and napkins to carry back to the kitchen. The blonde turned and I saw the imprints of long fingers wrapped around her neck, deep reddish-purple bruises. Someone had tried to strangle this woman. I attempted to force my eyes away, but Evan’s story was stuck in my head. I’d never seen anything like this up close.
Stephanie’s voice pulled my attention away. “Ready, girls?”
“Yep!” Ava said, slipping her arms around my waist and crushing me into her side. Stephanie took the photo and I pretended my heart wasn’t breaking.
How did these women do it?
Once again, my visit here became overwhelming and I knew it was time to leave. I scanned the room for Connor but when I found him by the photo board I couldn’t help but notice a deep furrow on his forehead.
“I’ll be right back.”
I walked over to Connor and brushed the back of his hand with my finger. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t find the picture.”
“No?” I asked, scanning the board. I moved my finger over the rows of pictures, trying to pinpoint where I had seen it last time. “It was around here.”
“I’ve been searching for Evan but he’s not here. You said he looked about the same?”
I nodded, “Yeah, he died just a little while later. He had on those pants and shoes he wears now.”
Connor rubbed his hand over his head in frustration. “It’s not here.”
“Wait—that one!” I said pointing to a picture. “That’s his…,” I trailed off. “Oh, no!” My hand flew to my mouth.
“What?”
I studied the photograph. “That’s his mother, Ellen, and sisters. This picture is new.” I spun and looked around the room. “I’m such an idiot. I was standing right next to them. Ava was talking to his sister!”
Connor’s hand rested on my arm. “Calm down. Where is she?”
I couldn’t see her. The girls played a game on the floor with some other kids, but Ellen was nowhere to be found. I reached for Connor’s arm and pulled him down so I could whisper. “She was bruised. Badly. I didn’t see her face but I know it was her. There were,” I swallowed and lowered my voice further, “horrible marks on her neck.
He
did this to her.”
My eyes scanned the room again and I found her walking out of the kitchen. My fingers tightened around the fabric of Connor’s shirt. “Oh, my God.”
I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. Ellen’s face was bruised. One of her eyes swollen and discolored. It was definitely the woman I had seen in the doorway behind John, but she didn’t look like that then. He did this to her after my visit. I knew the truth. It happened because of the visit.
I
did this to her.
A surge of vomit rushed up my throat and I tugged out of Connor’s grasp, running down the hall. I barely made it to the bathroom on time, pushing the door open and lunging for the toilet. Holding onto the cool tile walls, I retched twice more while gagging and blinking back tears.
Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop.
My mind raced. I knew this was my fault. Those bruises were not there four days ago when I went to the house.
I unraveled some tissue from the roll and blew my nose.
What a mess
. Moving to the sink I turned on the water and looked in the mirror. I needed to go home, to find Evan.
How was I going
to get out of here without looking like a total idiot?
I splashed water on my face and dried it off with the hem of the T-shirt I was wearing under my sweater. I grimaced at the reflection of my puffy, red eyes in the mirror.
A soft knock tapped against the door. “Jane?”
I pressed my head against the mirror. “I’m okay.”
I heard the door squeak open. “Are you sure?”
Connor’s reflection appeared in the mirror. His blue eyes were filled with worry and I shook my head. “No.”
Connor’s boots shuffled across the tile floor. He hesitated a moment before closing the distance, placing an arm on each side of me and resting his hands on the tile counter. I was effectively trapped between him and the sink. His face peered around my head and we locked eyes in the mirror.