Wrath (24 page)

Emma

I met her outside of a little cafe in Mt.  Pleasant. 

The drive had taken a little over an hour for me, but it was a place she could walk to from her halfway house.

A part of me felt guilty for not going and meeting her when she got out of the hospital.

But the rest of me didn’t care.

“How was the drive?”  she asked as she opened the door for me.

It was almost like a dream, seeing here there.  She looked… Familiar.  A little like the woman I remembered bringing me birthday cake so long ago. 

It was so surreal.  She was wearing a clean set of clothing, a pretty skirt and a modest top.  Her hair had been short when I was little.  Now it had grown out.  It was thinner than it had been once, but she had combed it out and tried to make it look pretty.  The end result was a woman who looked like a strange mockery of my mother.

“Emma, I am so glad you called.”  She smiled at me as she pointed to a table outside the cafe.  “How about there?”

“Sure.  Do you come here often?”

“I try to.  They have pretty cheap tea and it gives me a place to read the paper in silence.”  She gestured to the days papers that were on the tables.  “It’s free.  We can’t have electronics in the house anyways.”

I nodded.

For the first time it occurred to me that my mom was - well, that she was like me.  She was an adult that makes mistakes.  One who was vulnerable.  Of course, her mistakes had torn apart her life and her vulnerabilities were never going to go away, but she was a person…

“I didn’t know if you would want to see me again, because of last time.”

“Oh, momma.  No.  I did.  Samuel, well, you were not lying.  He was mad because you wouldn’t see him anymore.”

I thought because she was my mother that she should’ve known better, but I realized when I was looking at her that she wasn’t that much older than me, not really.  She had been seventeen years old when she had me, just a kid herself.

Add all her issues, and what she needed was someone to help her get to a better place.

“Did he do that to your face?”  She gestured to my cuts and bruises.  They were healing, but they weren’t all the way there yet.  I’d had the staples taken out, but I had a feeling I was going to have a few scars. 

I could deal with it, but my mother became deeply distressed.  Her breathing grew unsteady and her hands clutched the rim of the table.  She kept her eyes on the table, her brow all knotted up with confusion and pain.

I nodded.  “He did, but it’s been taken care of.  He won’t hurt me again.”

I thought I would see relief on her face, but instead I just saw more concern.

“I just, I want you to stay safe.”  She nodded, then stood.  “Would you like a coffee or a tea?” 

“Oh,” I reached for my purse but she shook her head.  “I got this one.”

“Oh.  Okay.  A tea, please?  Mint, if they have it.”

“That’s what I like to get, too.” 

She smiled and I tried not to shrink at the awkwardness of it.  I didn’t know my own mother, not really, I knew the person she used to be, but that had been years ago.

The woman before me was more like me than the woman I remembered had been.  Or maybe we were both seeing the real her for the first time.

When she came back, I smiled at her and tried to clear away all the building resentment in my mind.  Why couldn’t she be like this when I was growing up?  Maybe then things would be different.

She didn’t know, and she hadn’t been medicated.  So I kept it to myself.

“So, how is school going?”  she asked.  ”You are in college, right?”

“Yeah.”  I took a sip of the hot tea and nodded.  “I’ve got a couple more years, but it’s going well.”

“And what will you be doing?”

“Physical therapy of some kind.  Depends on if I go to graduate school or not.”

“I am so glad you are making something of yourself.  I didn’t do that, you know.  And I really regret it.”  Another awkward silence passed between us.

“How are you doing here?”

“Oh, very well.  The halfway house is helping a lot.  And I’ve started a job training program.  I’m a little nervous, but they say I’m doing really good.”

“What will you be doing?”

“Oh, I think I’ll be working with a packing company?  Or something.  It’s physical work, but they are willing to accept people with criminal records.”  Another long silence.

“I want you to know something.”  She put her tea down.  “None of this was your fault, Emma.  You did the right thing.  All those years ago I was in bad shape.  I needed help.  That was on me.  I’m sorry.”  She cleared her throat and I could tell at that moment that she was trying to clear the tears from her eyes.  “I never wanted the life we had.  I just kind of fell into it.  And a part of that was my illness.  But I’m getting treatment, and I’m working hard to make a life.”

“I’m glad.”  I chewed the inside of my lip and tried to think of what I could say to her.  I didn’t know, really.  It was a lot to take in.  “Look, I don’t really know you - uh.  I mean…” I stumbled over my words.

“Diana.  Call me Diana.  Please.”  She reached out and touched my hand.  “I wasn’t a good mother to you.  In fact I wasn’t a mother at all.  But I would still like the chance to get to know you.”

I didn’t argue with her.  I didn’t point out who she had been before.  I didn’t remember those years well.  The only memories that had stuck were the bits I recalled by comparison.  So I just nodded and said, “I’d like that too.”

I wasn’t going to forgive her for all the things she did in the past, but the woman sitting in front of me was not the same.  She was trying.  I wanted to get to know her.  I needed to.  Doing this was going to help me take control of my own life.

And it would bring me some peace.

By the time we were finished with our tea I was ready to let the hurt and resentment go, a little bit.  Just a little at a time.

“Do you think we could meet again in a month or so?”  Diana asked, her hope rising carefully.

“I think that would be very nice.  But I’m buying next time.”

“I heard you got a job.  And a boyfriend, too?”

“I do.”  I answered.  I wondered who had told her.

“That’s nice.  It sounds like you are setting up a nice life.  I just… I want you to know, though, that men are not always what they seem to be.  I learned that the hard way.  I don’t ever want a man to tell me how to live my life.  I never want to see one hurt you like that, either.  I- I know I wasn’t the best example, but I hope you are relying on yourself.”

The comment was a bit out of bounds but I could tell by the desperation in her voice that she meant it. 

“Samuel ruined my life because I was too young and too desperate to make my own decisions.  You, Emma, you are stronger, and I know you can handle yourself.  I can see it in your eyes.”

“Thank you… Diana.  That means, well, a lot really.”  I never expected my mother to come out of that place and be anything other than who she had been.  Just seeing her trying to create her own life, it gave me hope.

We didn’t have to be a product of our environment.  Not any of us, and we could all change.

That was the belief I had clung to get me through all those years.  I was starting to see how it applied to others.

Not everyone made it out, but my mother was proof that they might.  Just as I walked out of the cafe my phone rang.  I grabbed it, answering without even looking.

“Hello?”

“Emma?  Where are you?”  Layla sounded breathless.

“What’s wrong?”  I asked, my heart beating hard.

“You need to get here, now.  Shit is about to go down at the club and you need to get here.  It isn’t safe anywhere else.”

“Is Aidan okay?”

“He is, but you need to come home.”  Her breathing was steadying but I could hear the concern in her voice. 

This was serious.

“I’ll be right there.”  I jumped into my car and turned it on.  I needed to get to him.  Now.

The Tempo was all fixed, but was it fast enough?

***

“What’s going on?”  I walked into the club and made a beeline for Aidan, grabbing him and pulling him into me. 

“Getting ready to go, baby.”  He dipped down and kissed me.  “You got Layla’s message?”

“Yes.  Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.  Just got word from Strike.  Some shit went down.  They’ve got Hawk.  We’re heading out.  Tonight.”  He pointed at the conference room.  It was filled with fire arms.   Rage was talking with a very pissed-off-looking Strike.

“Fuck.  Hawk?”  He’d already been seriously hurt, his face totally scarred and now this?

“Yeah, shit is serious.”

“Why?  Why are they doing this?”

“I’m just a soldier, baby.  I don’t read minds.”  He looked around and then dipped down and growled into my ear.  “I’ve been thinking about you, all day.” 

I was worried and all too aware of the emotional roller coaster the next few hours would be – for both of us.  Somehow, the rush of it left me ready to go, and I tugged him closer, whispering, “Now?” 

He was dead fucking serious.  “Now.  Shit’s serious.”  He didn’t have to say anything else.  “Come on.”  He grabbed me and pulled me into him his hands dipping down to my ass and pulling me against him.

I panted, my body immediately hot.  He wasn’t saying it, but I knew the truth.  I knew it as soon as he said he was going out on a run.  It could be the last one.  The last fucking time.  His need for me told me that this time, he was aware of it, too.

This new reality left me scared and angry, and the only thing I knew to do was tell it to fuck off in the last way we had left.  By living.

I wanted more of him, more then I could ever possibly hope to have.  I was going to take whatever I could get.

“Where?”  I asked staring at him, my eyes wide.  “Your room?”

I was already on my way there when he picked me up and carried me into the little back room behind the bar, closing the door and throwing me up against it.

We didn’t waste time undressing, just ripped off our pants.  I jumped into his arms and he pressing me flush to the door, sliding into me.   I spasmed around his cock, terror and desperation enhancing the thrust.

One thing about doing it against the door: I had no leverage.  The flimsy wood just didn’t have the support, and I had nothing to grab ahold of.  My hands scrabbled at the sill of the doorframe, seeking some way to shift and drive him deeper, but I was almost entirely dependent on him.

I got vocal about it.  “Please, Aidan.  I need you to fuck me harder.  Now!  Now!” 

He rose to the call.

I cried out has he slammed into me again and again, and I clung to the frame, and his cock was driving into me, over and over, slamming my body up against the door each time. 

It was so fucking loud, every crash sending a thrill through me.  My screams rose over the pounding, but I didn’t care.  Let the whole world hear.  Let them think whatever the hell they wanted.

If I never got to have him again…

No.  That thought wasn’t going to cross my mind.  He was a capable man, and he had been through worse.  I was sure of it.  Even if he wouldn’t share that part of himself with me.

Fuck.  I grabbed ahold of his shoulders and let him bang me harder.  He was so fucking hot, and I wanted more of him.

“Emma, I love you.”  He brushed back the hair from my face and kissed me, his lips trailing along my skin.  “I love you so much.”

“I love you, baby.  I do.  Yes.  I do.  I do.”  I was at the edge, my body shaking.  He sent me into that next plane of existence as I screamed out into the universe, my body shrieking as I moaned and thrust up against him. 

He came inside of me his hot sticky seed coating me before he pulled out.  Fuck.  Even after I got him I wanted him again.  It was too short a time to be with him.  I clung to him, slowly releasing the frame and letting him slid me back down to my feet.

I could hardly stand.  He had to brace me against the door until I could catch my breath.  We both laughed until reality sank back in. 

He climbed back into his pants.  They were waiting for him.

“Baby, I gotta go.”  He kissed me softly.

“I know, but I don’t want you to,” I breathed.  I didn’t mean to pout but that was exactly how it came out.

“I know, but this is the life.”

“This is the life,” I echoed wryly.

And with that he opened the door and walked out.

I couldn’t look at anyone, and pushed the door till the bolt clacked against the brace.  I just sat there in the ugly light, alone, my body tingling and an ache tearing at my heart.

I couldn’t make this stop.  When everything was going strong, I was always so sure we would make it.  And then there were these times, when I was certain someone was ripping a hole in my chest.

What the fuck had I signed up for?