Wreckless (21 page)

And all the while—the time, the picture, the party—they were all just to get him into some disgusting guys’ group.

I was an idiot.

I was
such
an idiot.

He'd pushed and manipulated me all night. Why should I be so surprised that he'd had an endgame that had nothing to do with making me feel better or keeping me safe?

I tossed his phone in my locker and slammed it shut.

At the end of the hall Tanner was coming toward me, obviously not sure what to do.

“Not a word.” I kept going, not ready to deal with another liar.

I almost made it to the girls' room before the tears started falling. I slammed into a stall, locked it, and burst into tears.

I hated him.
Hated
him.

I had never felt so deceived. Making me feel this way, coming back after me when he could have let it go... It was so cruel I couldn't believe it.

The Jake I knew at the end of the night had been softer, easier, protective. Nothing like the guy I'd gotten in a truck with at the carnival. Now I knew which one was the real him.

I gave myself until the first bell and then pulled it together. The last thing I wanted was to have Tanner or Leah think I was crying over them.

I headed to my last class wishing I were home. Wishing I'd never left. Wishing I'd kept all those rules and fences in place.

Chapter Seventeen

I stalled heading out to the parking lot. One scene a day was more than enough for me. Actually, one scene a lifetime would have been one scene too many.

The few people who were still hanging around didn’t point or whisper as I made my way to the curb, Jake’s jacket slung over my arm. My stupid heart did a flip when I saw him at the end of the sidewalk leaning against his truck waiting for me.

Every step, I heard,
mistake... mistake... mistake
... whispering in my head. And I couldn’t help but wonder if it was telling me it was all a mistake, or
he
was a mistake.

“Hey, darling.” He reached for me as soon as I got near him.

I dodge his arm and handed him the jacket.

“Oh. Thanks.” His brows came down over those formerly easy-to-read eyes. Confused. For once, he was the confused one.

It was probably because I looked like I could kill him for giving me his jacket.

“Actually, I have your phone, too.” I held it up.

“Oh. Great. I thought I left it at home.”

“Right. You got some messages today.”

I knew as soon as I said it there was no mistake. His face went to ash and his eyes dropped shut.

“You see, there was this beeping from my locker, and I thought it was my phone. But then, look! There was
your
phone. So I thought maybe you'd called or texted from someone else’s phone to see where it was, if someone had picked it up. So I open it and there's these messages.” His eyes were still closed, but I was willing him to open them and look at me. To face me. “You might want to call Mish. She's a little peeved you're out
toying
around still.”

“Bridget.” He opened his eyes then. He even tried reaching for me. “Let me explain.”

“Explain that you set me up? That you were
using
me? You told your football team you picked me up and that I had sex with you?”

I was really glad I'd waited until everyone had left, because my voice at that point could have competed with a dog whistle.

“It's not what you think.”

I should have just walked away right then, but I wanted that to be the truth so
very
badly that I let him keep talking.

“When I got back, I had no one. Not one friend. The team closed ranks to keep me out. They just... I got no field time. I was an outcast. It didn't matter that everyone knew I hadn't done it. They were just... And then Dave, he says, ‘You want in? Fine.’”

I stepped back, feeling sicker than after all those glasses of punch.

“The guys on the team, they have this players club. I thought he meant football players. So I'm like, yeah, whatever it takes. I'm in.”

I shook my head. I couldn't even deal with him. Couldn't even look at him.

“When you got in my truck, I wasn't thinking about anything like that. You looked sick. Like you needed out of there. I couldn't just leave you. I wasn't going to use you. I was going to tell them to screw off. Then Dave made that comment in the parking lot and I realized he thought I'd picked you up.”

Oh my gosh.

“I was still going to tell them to go screw. But then...”

“What? What, Jake? What happened that made you think telling a bunch of football players I'd gotten naked for you—for sex—was a good idea?”

“I don't know. It was just—”

“What?” I screamed it. I'd lost all sense of calm. “What was it?”

“Easy,” he shouted. “Alright? It was easy.”

I think my heart fell out of my body. I glanced at the ground, half-expecting there to be blood pooling around my feet.

I tossed his phone to him and walked past.

“Bridget, please. Let's talk about this. Please.”

I could hear him walking after me. I needed this drama, this mess to end for good right now. I couldn't let it drag out. It might kill me if it did.

I stopped so fast he almost walked into me.

“Don't call me, you jackass. Lose my number. My address. My name. Don't even think about me.”

I headed across the parking lot, ready to cut through the fields to town and see if I could find a ride out to my place.

“Hey.”

I turned around to see Tanner driving up alongside me.

“You've got to be kidding me.”

“I was waiting to give you a ride home.”

I glanced back at Jake, standing where I'd left him next to his truck, arms hanging limp at his side.

“Why would I get in a truck with you?”

“Because you need a ride.”

I hated the truth of the statement. I opened the door and jumped in the cab, actually glad at that moment I hadn't set his truck on fire.

“Bridget, I just—”

I turned the radio all the way up.

He turned it down.

“Bridget—”

“Do not talk to me. Just drive me home.”

Before he could say anything else, I turned the radio all the way up again. It would serve him right if I blew out his speakers.

The irony of jumping into Tanner's truck to escape Jake was not lost on me. It was making me sick, but it wasn't lost.

Halfway back to my house, he reached for the volume knob.

I wasn't dealing with him right then. My heart was gone, left on hot asphalt of the parking lot. I swatted his hand away before he made it to the dial.

We rode the rest of the way in silence. Really,
really
loud silence.

As I got out at my house, he turned the truck off and followed me toward the front porch.

“Bridget—”

“No. Really. I do not need this today.” I thought about it for a millisecond. “Actually, I don't need this ever.”

“Let me explain.”

I don't know what came over me, but hearing those words twice in fifteen minutes was too much. As Tanner reached out to stop me, I swung.

Granted, there wasn't much of an impact since I barely came up to his chin and couldn’t really reach his nose, but watching him fall back a step in shock as his hand slapped over his jaw was gratifying.

“Do not talk to me. Ever.”

My mother had opened the front door, her gaze locked on Tanner behind me.

Mama waited for me on the porch, a glare coming my direction I hadn’t seen since I’d stolen Billy Mannings crayons in kindergarten. “Bridget Anja Larson.”

“He slept with Leah,” I said, cutting off the lecture.

“Good enough.” She slammed the door behind me. “Let's get some ice on that hand.”

She pushed me into a kitchen chair as we listened to the truck peel down the driveway, kicking up gravel behind it.

The ice-filled dishtowel chilled my hand immediately as she cradled them between us, holding both in place.

“So...”

That was all it took. She ran her hand over my cheek as I cried, pulling me close and offering her shoulder like she hadn’t since I was little.

“Oh, sugar. I'm sorry about Leah.”

“Not Tanner?”

“Not really.” She laughed. “I always wondered what you saw in him. I figured it was just a first boyfriend thing. There was nothing wrong with him. He was just...”

She shrugged.

“I know.”

He wasn't Jake.

Jake wasn't even Jake.

I laid my head on my arm and sobbed, wrackings that hurt my sides and made my head ache.

“Did you talk to her?”

“Kind of.”

And with that, I told Mama everything. Starting from when Daddy dropped me off until she’d seen me hit Tanner.

An hour later, my head throbbed and my heart hurt worse. This
time
thing wasn't working so far. So much for the
it heals all wounds
myth.

“I thought he was…”

“I know sweetheart.” She brushed another tear away and I knew she understood I meant Jake, not Tanner. “Look at you. I lose track of you for one weekend and you grow up.”

Smiling at her hurt a little less than crying again.

“You're going to get over this. You're going to grow past it, and one day, you're going to look back and have a little smile about the boys who pushed you into being this amazing woman with their stupidity.”

I smiled, hoping she was right. But partially not believing her.

“Bridget, you've always been stronger than you thought. You've come through far worse than this.”

She was right. I'd get through this. I wasn't sure how or when, but I'd get through it.

“Also.” She squeezed my hand and smiled. “We're going to tell your father approximately two percent of that story, and if you ever lie to me again, I'll tell him the other ninety-eight.”

Chapter Eighteen

It had been a long week. I thought I'd cried myself out on Monday with my mother, but everything seemed to make me cry.

I missed Jake like part of me was gone. And, in a way, that was true. I wouldn't be the new me without him. I wouldn't be the person who didn't have all those fences and rules.

I'd be a mess. I'd be the girl who everyone pitied. I'd be not only that
Poor Larson Girl
but tack on the Leah-Tanner drama, and I'd be the most pitied person in the county.

But the person I was now—the person who stood up to Leah and was comfortable in her own skin—she wouldn't exist without Jake.

I hated that.

At night, I laid in bed wondering how much of that had been a game to him. Was he playing all night? Thinking
How much can I force this kindergarten teacher to do before she breaks?
Or maybe,
How much can I clean her up before I take her to the party?

I must have passed for him to walk me into Rayla’s house Saturday night.

But there’d been a surprise. Rayla had been a constant support.

And when I say
constant
, I meant my parents were going to be a little surprised when they saw the jump in texting on the next phone bill. I envisioned a new unlimited plan in our future.

The only thing I felt by Thursday was exhausted. The last of my energy slipped away at lunch as I watched across the table as Amanda's eyes went round and everyone else fell silent.

“Bridget?” Tanner stood to the side of me where I had to purposefully ignore him if I wanted him to go away. “I know how you feel about this, but could we talk for just a minute?”

My lunch just sat there, mocking me, since I wasn’t eating it anyway, so I picked up my bag and followed him out of the caf. Even the teachers watched us go, no one stopping us.

He glanced in the first empty classroom and held the door for me before pulling it shut behind us.

I sat on Mrs. Cleary's desk and waited.

“I never said I was sorry. I wanted to start with that…and also let you know I'm not trying to get you back.”

Nice opener. Nothing like hitting my ego.

“Don't get me wrong,” he continued, “I considered groveling to try get you to forgive me—even after you slugged me, which I totally deserved. But I'm guessing it wouldn’t work.”

Ya think?

He paced back and forth in front of me. I followed him, wishing he would stop moving. I was tired and nauseous from not being able to keep food down and just wanted this to be over.

He finally stopped and braced himself against the desk across from me.

“Bridget, I am sorry—so very sorry that I did that to you. When we started going out, I thought, ‘She's adorable and sweet. She's exactly the type of girl you should go out with.’ I liked being with you. You made me smile even as I didn't get a lot of stuff you did.”

I really wasn't sure where this was going.

“Actually, I wondered what you were doing with me. You never showed any interest in anyone, so when I asked you out, I expected you to say no. I couldn't believe it when you said yes. I mean, the nicest girl in the world said
yes,
to me.”

It was funny. I'd always been the one surprised he'd asked me out. I'd never thought about it from the other side.

Plus, for the last six days, I hadn't been feeling very nice.

“But when Leah was with us...”

All week I hadn't wanted to hear any of this. Part of me told myself I was over it. Another part said it was too painful. But now—now I wanted to hear it. I wanted to know what made me the girl you used.

“There was something about her that was just…” He stopped and searched for a word. “Indefinable. It was like you guys were two sides of a coin. Sweet and hot.”

He looked at me and shook his head. He actually laughed. I was sliding forward to hop off the desk when he said, “How I thought you weren't hot is beyond me. I was blind. But Leah... It started with little things like brushing against each other getting in and out of the truck. There was a zing. I don't know. Then small things that were on purpose—pushing the limits but not breaking any of them.”

“When exactly did you decide to sleep with my best friend?”

“I didn't.” He tugged at his hair, a nervous move I’d noticed from the sidelines whenever his coach was giving him directions. “I just didn't make a decision not to.”