“He said he couldn’t be seen with…a freak. He suggested we get back together. I told him to go to hell, and he…he just laughed. When I tried to leave…he grabbed me—”
“Dammit, you should’ve come to me!” The look in her eyes shamed him. “Or gone to the police,” he amended. “You let the slime ball get away with rape!”
“So did you!”
He felt the blood leach from his veins. His legs gave way underneath him and he sagged onto the bed.
She immediately grasped his arm, her face twisting in remorse. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it.”
Weak with guilt and self-disgust, he waved her away. “But you’re right. I deserved that and more.” Thinking about it made him want to flay himself.
Tears sprang into her eyes. “No you didn’t. You saw something and interpreted it one way. You knew Ian and I were friends and, as you said, he was engaged to your sister. The last thing you’d have thought of was…was that.”
His fists clenched. “Hell, I knew I should’ve gone with my first instinct.”
“Which was?”
“Grab him by the throat and throttle the living shit out of him.”
The look in her eyes said she wished to God he had. Pain chomped on his gut.
“I guess that clarifies one thing,” she said huskily.
“What?”
“Why you broke off our engagement without explanation. I thought it was because of my part in the accident, but it wasn’t, was it?”
Shame made him glance away. God! That was something else he had to live with, on top of everything he’d done to hurt her.
“Lexi, I'm...
Jesus
, I'm so sorry—”
She cut him off with a feeble wave. “What were you doing there?”
His lips tightened. “Cara asked me to return her engagement ring and his keys. I knew he was home, so when he didn’t answer the door, I let myself in. I’d decided to have a man-to-man talk with the little shit anyway, give him a few pointers on how and when to break up with a woman. But—” he cursed.
“But?”
He exhaled sharply. “Seeing you there, spread beneath him, thinking you’d both been so into it you hadn’t heard the doorbell... God, I knew if I took a step into the room, I’d be hauled out of there with both your blood on my hands. Cara needed me; I had to keep a level head.” He raked a hand through his hair. “But I let you down instead.”
“It’s all right. You didn’t know, Enzo.”
“No, it’s not all right! Stop trying to let me off the hook.”
“Maybe it’ll help you forgive yourself.”
“I’ll never forgive myself, never!”
“Remember what you said to me just before Cara called? Carrying that sort of guilt around would just end up eating you alive--take over your life and not in a good way. Take it from someone who knows.”
“The accident wasn’t your fault, Lexi.”
“Maybe not entirely. But if I hadn’t had that drink, maybe—”
He got off the bed, dropped to his knees in front of her and placed a finger over her lips. “Shh. Let it go—”
“But how can I? That one drink was the equivalent of three shots of vodka, did you know that?”
His gaze rested on her. “No, did you?”
She paused. “No. Cara told me she asked the bartender to make that last round of drinks stronger, because he’d been watering them down all night.”
“See? It was just a horrible mistake.” He ran his hands down her arms, tracing her scar before he bent to kiss it. Goose bumps washed over her skin. “Baby, we can’t live our lives by ifs and maybes, you said so yourself—”
She shuddered. “I
hate
that name,” she said vehemently.
He frowned. “What name?”
“
Baby
. You started using it when we…”
He stopped her words with a finger and replaced it a second later with his lips. When he eased back, he saw fresh tears in her eyes. “I’ll never call you that again. I promise, Lexi. Is that better?” He’d do anything,
anything
to make her feel better.
She nodded. “Much.”
“And I’ll never let any harm come to you, ever again. I’m sorry I left you with that bastard, Lexi. So, so very sorry.” For the first time in a very long time, he felt the sting of tears. He wanted to curl into himself and bawl like a baby for the hurt he’d caused her. But he had to remain strong.
He felt another shudder rip through her as her tears fell. Gathering her in his arms, he let her cry, hoping it would ease her suffering. “I’m sorry, darling. Oh, God, I’m so sorry,” he said over and over, kissing her between pleas.
When she had cried herself dry, he settled her back on the bed. “Stay here.” He went to his wardrobe, rummaged around, and found what he wanted. Coming back to the bed, he started to pull his T-shirt over her head.
She pulled away. “No. I want my own clothes. I want to go home.”
“No, you’re staying right here. The last thing you need is to be alone tonight. I’m glad Pulbrook never reached you this time.”
“I—I think he tried.” She told him about the hoax calls. He swore hard. “It’s all right, Enzo. I can take care of myself.”
“You’re staying here. At least until that nut job is behind bars for good.” He needed to know she was all right. He also had to convince her to give them a chance.
Slowly, she pulled away from him, her eyes beginning to gleam with a determination that struck a whole different emotion inside him.
He tried to swallow around the fear clawing up his chest. “What are you thinking?”
“I'm thinking I've let Ian rule my life for far too long. It's time for that to change.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“You okay?” Enzo asked, his hand on her arm as he escorted her down the steps of the police station in Santa Monica.
The three hours she’d spent there had been the most grueling of her life. But as much as she’d hated recounting the attack, the cathartic effect was immeasurable. She felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
She smiled at Enzo to ease the worry in his eyes. He’d stayed with her throughout the interview, and she knew hearing the details of the rape had been just as hard on him. Harder, if possible, because of the guilt he carried for walking away that day. The grim lines around his eyes and mouth told their own story.
She stopped, leaned up and kissed him. “I’m fine. Thanks for coming with me.”
“Don’t thank me. It was the least I could do. I—” He clenched his jaw, as if bracing himself. “Hell, Lexi, I didn’t know Pulbrook threatened you for so long after it happened.”
“I think he was terrified I’d change my mind and report him. The phone calls, the vicious text messages and emails were just his way of ensuring I stayed quiet.” Thank God she hadn’t erased them from her old cell phone. According to the police, that evidence would go a long way to nail Ian.
“Was he the reason you left London?”
“Partly.” The other, larger part had been because of Enzo. But she couldn’t tell him that. She resumed walking as he led her to his car. “There was also my job.”
“Yeah. Of course.” Why did he sound disappointed? She looked at him but the sun’s rays on the hood distorted her view of him as he walked to his side. His face, when he started the car, was still grim. “With any luck, Pulbrook will receive the punishment he deserves. With your testimony added to the two who’ve already come forward, I’d be surprised if he ever sees the light of day again. Thank God he hadn’t reached this level of violence when he assaulted you.” He shuddered and she knew he was remembering the horrific pictures of Suzanne Baines the newspapers had leaked this morning.
She put a hand on his arm. “Don’t think about it, Enzo. It’s in the past now.”
He hesitated before starting the car. “So, what now?”
“I’ve got the rest of the day off, but I’d like to go home now, if you don’t mind.” She wore clothes she’d borrowed from Cara’s wardrobe, and she was in desperate need of a shower.
“I—I meant, what about us?”
Her heart jumped into her throat. “Us?”
The look he turned on her was intense, scorching. “Yeah, us.”
“I—I don’t think there’s much of an us left, Enzo.”
Shock replaced the gleam in his eyes. “What the hell are you talking about?”
She took a deep breath. “I’m going to New York on Monday. David Mancini’s making a mess of things there. From there, I’m returning to London. For good.” Now that the nightmare with Ian was over, she could finally return home and rebuild her life. Whatever was left of it.
His hands curled over the steering wheel, his knuckles white. “You’re ending this? You’re leaving me?”
The starkness of his words ripped her apart. “I think it’s for the best.”
“No, it's not,” he said. With a vicious twist of the key, he gunned the engine, and put the car into gear. “You know that talk we’ve been trying to have? We’re going to have it.
All of it. Right now.
After that if you want to leave...well...” His voice drifted off and a bleak look that shadowed his face made her heart twisted with pain and hope.
Tires screamed over asphalt as he accelerated out of the car park. Safety cautioned her not to speak as he drove toward his apartment.
He parked and yanked the key out of the ignition. “Out.” His voice was curt, but his hands were the gentlest she'd ever know them to be as he helped her out.
They rode up in silence. Once inside, he kicked the door shut and turned to her.
“Please don’t tell me you’re dumping me. Dumping us?” His voice held a dark desperation.
Lexi fought not to react to it. “I told you, there is no us. There hasn’t been for a very long time.”
“Bullshit. What about the past weeks? Has that meant nothing to you?”
“Has it to you?” she threw back, determined not to be the only one caught in the emotional backlash. If he felt so strongly about her leaving, he could damned well tell her why.
“Of course it has. I’ve been going crazy getting you to talk to me, and all the time you’ve been avoiding me. And now you’ve made plans to go to New York?”
“You knew about those plans. You’ve known about them for weeks.”
“But you didn’t tell me you were dumping me, did you? And you sure as hell didn’t tell me you were planning to return to London,” he said. He clawed a hand through his hair. “Jesus, Lexi. What do you expect me to do here? Tell me and I'll do it.”
Her heart hammered. “I...don't know. I really didn’t think it would be a big deal.”
“Well, it’s a big fucking deal to me. It’s the biggest fucking deal since you turned up in LA.”
“Why? It was only ever about the s—”
One vicious hand slashed through the air. “Don’t you even
think
about telling me it was only about sex.”
He was really angry now, livid in fact. Somewhere deep inside, a small bubble of hope grew. Remembering how callously Fate had snatched her happiness the last time around, she tried to smash it down. But like a nagging toothache, she needed to prod it a little bit more.
She affected a casual shrug, even as her heart hammered an urgent appeal. “That’s what we agreed to seven months ago.”
He shoved a hand through his hair and glared holy fire at her. “Seven months is a hell of a long time. A lot can happen in that time.”
“Like what?” Again, fear kept hope from breaking through but the new gleam in Enzo’s eyes made her foolish heart race faster.
“Like forgiveness, trust, justice.” He swallowed. “Like love,” he said huskily.
Her shocked gasp echoed in the room. Had she misheard? “Love?” she whispered around a throat gone bone dry. “Did you say,
love
?”
He nodded. The dark storm had receded and his eyes held hers, steady and sure. “Yes. Love. Mine, for you. We’ve made mistakes in the past year, mistakes we both regret but have learned from. To walk away now would be to let it all go to waste. We were meant to be together, Lexi. I've fucked up badly. I know that now. But it's not too late if you want this as much as I do. I'll...I'll come to New York with you if you need time to make up your mind. But don't walk away. Please, I'm begging you.”
The torrent of words made her dizzy. With happiness, joy, fear. “You'll come with me to New York?”
He nodded. “If that's what you want. I'll do anything it takes for us to put this past year behind us.” He came to her and cupped her cheeks in his warm hands. “We can do it, I know we can. All I ask is that you give me a chance. Love has a great way of taking all pain away, even the darkest ones.”
“But—but how can it work when you can’t forgive me for the pain I caused?”
“I forgave you a long time ago. I hung on to what I thought was anger as an excuse to be close to you. I was afraid of admitting to myself I hadn’t stopped loving you.”
A sob caught in her throat. “Oh God. Please tell me you mean that!” Hope was breaking through. Her heart had sprouted wings, ready to fly, but it’d been hurting for so long she couldn’t let go of the leash just yet.
“I mean it, I swear. I love you.
Shit
, Lexi, don’t cry.” Panic flared in his voice as he clasped her to him.
She clamped her arms around him and breathed him in.
“I thought you hated me. That you’d never forgive me for what I did to Cara.”
“Sure, I was upset when I found out you had a drink that night. But I very quickly realized you wouldn’t deliberately drink and drive.” He eased her away and looked into her eyes. “Did something happen?”
“Yes. I was stupid. And in a rush to get back to you.”
His jaw clenched. “Because I told you to hurry.”
She reached up and laid a hand on his cheek. “Because I loved you, you were my life and I wanted to be with you. I still do.”
“You want to be with me?”
Fresh tears filled her eyes, this time tears of pure joy. “Always. I love you. More than I did a year ago.” The words she’d been yearning to say again for twelve long months broke from her lips and finally set her heart free. “I love you more than words can adequately convey, Enzo,” she added for good measure, resisting the urge to scream it out loud.
“So can I convince you to stick around? Say, another sixty years or so?”
She smiled and wound her arms around his neck. “With the right incentive.”