Xone Of Contention (21 page)

“Look!” one screeched. “Men!”

They flocked to gawk at Edsel and Justin. Pia realized that harpies. having very few males of their species, must be very hungry for male company. That was probably why Handi had been so nice to Justin. But these ones were so foul-mouthed and filthy that thet would drive away most males of any species.

“Beware,” Justin cried. “We have found a nest of sting-rays.”

“You're bluffing.” a harpy screeched. She hovered, evidently about to fly at him. Pia wasn't sure what the dirty bird would do when she reached him, but strongly suspected he wouldn't like it. Any more than the average girl liked being sexually harassed by men.

“Perceive it for yourselves,” Justin said, gesturing at a large glowing hive.

The harpies retreated. Evidently this was an effective threat.

“What's a sting-ray?” Pia asked, knowing that it would not be the same as the sea creatures she knew of.

“A crossbreed between a bee and a sun ray.” he explained. “Thet sting with laser beams, so can't be readily avoided. An aroused nest is a thing devoutly to be fled.” He stood by the nest, holding a stick.

Pia pictured a swarm of angry bees. These might well be worse. They would surely rout the harpies, but what would happen to the humans? She hoped the harpies did not call Justin's bluff.

“How could a bee and a sun ray interbreed?” Edsel asked

“Remarkable things occur at love springs.”

That must account for all the crossbreeds of Xanth. Pia made a mental note, be wary of love springs.

Then she thought of something else. “You know, those harpies could be useful.”

“Not in any way I know of.” Breanna said.

“We need to cross the chasm, and we can't find the bridge. They could carry the boat across.”

“And us in it,” Breanna agreed, catching on. “But it would be one stinking trip.”

Pia glanced at the daunting crevasse. “Maybe we could stand it, for a while.”

“Excellent point,” Justin said. Then he called to the harpies. “We would like to make a deal.”

“Are you threatening us?” a harpy screeched.

“By no means. We wish to cross the Gap Chasm, and we haven't found the bridge. Could you carry our boat and us across?”

Several harpies spun about to stare at the boat. “We could. Why should we?”

“What would you like in return?”

There was a briei hubbub. “A million kisses.”

Justin was ready for that. “My fiancée would object to that ” Diplomatically phrased: the harpies could assume that it was jealousy.

The dirty birds reconsidered. “We're going to the cir-cuss.” one screeched. “But it moved and we can't find it.”

Justin smiled. “As it happens, I know its schedule. I can tell you where it is this year.”

They distrusted this. “This isn't the kind of thing you clean folk like. We have our cussing contests there.”

“I am aware of that It is where you and the goblin males settle who has the foulest mouth in Xanth.”

“That's it,” she screeched in agreement. “The fowlest mouth.”

“Carry us across, and I will direct you to it.”

“No you don't.” the harpy screeched cannily. “Tell us where first ”

Justin considered. “It is not inordinately far from our destination Carry us, and I will show you where. Then you can set us down and we shall go our way.”

The harpies exchanged a dirty glance “Done!”

The humans got into the boat, and the harpies settled along its sides, their soiled talons taking hold. It was a good thing the wood didn't have nerves, Pia thought. The smell alone was bad enough. The creatures spread their dungy wings and heaved upward. The boat lurched into the air and out over the precipice. Pia fixed her eyes on the boat's floor, not wanting to see just how precarious their situation was.

But after a while she nerved herself to look. They were high over the depth of the chasm. Maybe the smell was numbing her wariness of heights, because she found she could handle the view. It looked clean and fresh. “What's down there?” she asked.

“The Gap Dragon,” Justin said matter of factly. “He eats most creatures he catches, and he catches most that venture into his domain.”

“The Gap Dragon.” Pia repeated weakly.

He took this for a request for more information. “He's Stanley, a steamer. He breathes steam rather than fire or smoke. That cooks his meals before he chomps them. He has six legs and vestigial wings. He's Princess Ivy's pet.”

“Her what?”

“It is a long story. Briefly, he was youthenized when they met, and they became friends.”

“Is that euphemized or euthanized?”

“Youthenized. Or youthened. Made younger, because of an overdose of youth elixir. He was a baby dragon. So they grew up together: it's one of the better friendships of Xanth. He won't eat anyone she asks him not to.”

“This princess sounds like quite a girl.”

“Oh, she's a woman now, with triplet daughters."

There was a jolting crash, as if they had stuck a barrier. Pia clutched the seat, gazing wildly about—and seeing nothing. “What happened?”

“We hit a wall,” a harpy screeched.

“In the air?” Pia demanded.

“A wall of air. We're trying to fly around it.”

“I know of a couple called Waller and Wallette,” Justin said. “They build walls, and their daughter Wallnut makes wallpaper. But I hardly think they would be working up here.”

There was another crash, on the other side. Several feathers flew. “Another wall!” a harpy screeched indignantly.

“Now I think I know what it is,” Justin said. "It's an air compressor.

The walls of air squeeze things between them, and drop them into the Gap."

“Now he tells us!” a harpy screeched. “What can we do?”

“Drop down as it squeezed out.” Justin suggested. “Then fly again when free of it ”

“Dead stick landing!” a harpy screeched. Suddenly they all folded their grimy wings, and they and the boat plummeted. Pia felt as it she were floating, and she hated it.

“Not too far.” Justin cried.

“Spread wings!” a harpy screeched.

Together they spread their wings. Suddenly the boat was braking. Pia's stomach sagged down toward her feet. But it was better than crashing.

“Forward!” another harpy screeched. The boat surged ahead. Pia waited anxiously for another crash, but it didn't happen. They must have dropped free of the air compressor.

She pried open an eye—and almost wished she hadn't. They were flying toward a nearly vertical cliff. It was the far wall of the Gap. They had descended into the chasm.

The wind of the harpies’ wings dislodged a small object rolling along the brink. It dropped down into the boat and danced about as if hyperactive. It looked like a small tin can. “What's this?” Pia asked, for the moment distracted from the menace of the looming cliff lace.

Breanna looked. “Oh. that's a teenage can.”

“A what?”

“You know, a canteen. Throw it back.”

Oh.

Then the boat lifted, clearing the edge. They were out, and back over normal land. Pia picked up the little can and tossed it to the nearby ground. She was relieved to be across the chasm. “Where?” a harpy screeched.

“South.” Justin said. “Go toward the Good Magician's castle.”

“Just how good’s this Magician?” Pia asked.

Justin smiled “He is not a Magician in the sense you may believe. He is called good as contrasted to evil He's the Magician of Information. He has a big Book of Answers that can answer any question.”

“Well. I hope he can answer ours.”

“One problem is that his answers are not necessarily intelligible at first. They arc always correct, but sometimes a recipient does not understand until his adventure is over.”

“And for that they pay a year's service?”

“After struggling to get into the castle.” he agreed.

“Why does he make it so difficult?”

“It is his way of discouraging frivolous inquiries. He prefers not to be bothered.”

“Maybe we're wasting our time, going there.”

“No, I suspect it is the only way. Ordinary mortals are unable to deal with a surly demon.”

She remembered the Demon CoTwo, and had to agree

“And there is the castle.” Justin said, pointing ahead. Then, to the harpies: “Just south of here. You will see the burnt foliage of the swearing-in ceremony at any moment.”

Sure enough, a blighted section of forest appeared below. The harpies descended.

“How can they cuss so villainously, when our bad words get bleeped?” Pia asked.

“They are largely immune to the Adult Conspiracy.” Justin said. “In any event, they are all adults, so have no reasonable limits ”

“But I'm adult, and I can't say bleep.”

“You have the body of a sixteen year old girl, which may affect you. and you are in the presence of a true sixteen year old, so can't speak with complete freedom.”

Pia nodded. She had been speaking rhetorically, having already caught on to this particular idiocy. It made a certain nonsensical sense, but she still preferred to argue the case.

“But I've been telling you how to test the limits of the Conspiracy. Why am I not slopped from doing that?”

“The Conspiracy is very literal. To a considerable degree, words are more important than actions. So there are things you can do but not speak.”

He was echoing what she had told him that morning, perhaps having forgotten in his distraction So she argued the opposite case. “That's ludicrous! Actions have to be more important than words.”

“Breanna shares your sentiment. She feels that the Adult Conspiracy is a vestige of idiotic misguided censorious foolishness But it has the staying power of almost universal acceptance, so can't be ignored ”

“For sure,” she said, smiling. He had now almost openly questioned the validity of the conspiracy. Breanna would follow that up with a vengeancc, tonight.

The harpies landed The boat bumped on the ground. “Thanks. chumps,” one screeched.

“You are indubitably welcome, fair creatures,” Justin called back as they took off.

“Do they understand irony?” Pia asked

“If they don't, they will be truly annoyed, because beauty is no compliment to a normal harpy.”

“But they did help us,” Edsel said “And they're not bad birds. They could have dropped us when we had that trouble over the Gap Chasm ”

Pia hadn't thought of that. “Not bad birds,” she agreed weakly.

Para knew the way, and was heading north toward the nearby castle. “I guess it will be up to me to get into that castle.” Pia said. “Since it's my quest.”

“It is true that Breanna and I are otherwise engaged, as your Companions, and have already been there,” Justin agreed. “In fact that is where we first met.” He rolled his eyes reflectively “What a dear girl.”

“What kind of challenges did you face?”

“Mare Imbri put us together, my mind joining hers in her body, and we tackled them together. We used parallax to locate the castle itself, as it was concealed by illusion. Then we navigated a sticky situation, answered some awkward questions, and rescued Mare Imbri from a dream catcher. The main challenge was figuring out the actual nature of the challenges we were encountering ”

“But I gather they won't be the same challenges this time.”

“That is true. There are always three, of different natures, tailored to the querent.”

“Querent?”

“The person or persons seeking an answer to a question.”

“Querent,” she agreed. “Since I'm Mundane, just about any magic thing will be a considerable challenge to me. Will I be able to get through?”

“They are orated to be possible to pass, but they arc never easy. Wits rather than power seem to be the operative factor.”

“I'd better have Edsel along: he's sharp with puns and riddles.”

“We will all come along, including Para. But the challenges will surely be directed at you.”

The boat approached the castle. It looked conventional as such things went, with a cleared region, a moat, and an inner wall. “It looks peaceful enough,” Pia said.

“That would he deceptive.”

A toothy head on a serpentine neck rose from the water of the moat. “Oh. look!” Breanna cried, delighted. “The moat monster.”

“You like moat monsters?” Pia asked her.

“Sure; they're an endangered species. There are only three castles in Xanth with ional moats, and one of them is Castle Zombie. which isn't suitable for a living monster. So it's between Castle Roogna and the Good Magician's castle. Soufflé shuffles between them. But this is a different one. Probably because I know Soufflé wouldn't really eat a person, so the moat wouldn't be secure.”

“This one will eat a person?” Pia asked, feeling slightly unwell.

“For sure. Isn't it great?”

“Breanna favors the classic elements.” Justin explained. “So much is changing in Xanth that it's nice to see some old conventions retained.”

“Like people getting eaten by moat monsters.” Pia said, with attempted irony.

“Precisely. This merely means we must not venture into the moat.”

"The drawbridge is down.” Pia said.

“Yes, that is the obvious crossing point.”

“So something will stop us from crossing it?”

“That seems likely.”

“I wish we had a handbook with instructions,” Pia said.

Edsel reached out to pick something up. “Maybe this is it.”

She looked. It was a book—made of hands. There was no print in it. She opened her mouth.

“I know,” Edsel said quickly, setting the book down. “Sick joke. Can't read it. I guess it makes me an ill literate.”

She had to smile It was hard to stay mad at him. “Well, let's just keep going and see what stops us.”

Para advanced toward the bridge. But then a barrier of sorts appeared It seemed to be a low table with plates and bread set on it. The butter knives were yellow. In fact they seemed to be made of butter. That figured.

The boat stopped, as the table crossed the path and was a bit to high for the short duck legs to navigate. In any event it wouldn't do to walk on a dining table.

181

Pia looked to the sides, but they were steep and apparently slippery banks, not suitable for walking across. The wax was straight ahead. Beyond was the bridge, which remained lowered.