A heavy chain and padlock ran through the door handles. I rubbed on the glass, trying to clean a spot so I could see inside, when a voice behind me said, “Something interesting in there?”
I whirled around, surprised; it was Sal.
“No.” I felt heat creeping up my neck—what was it about Sal that had this effect on me? It was like I was two different people. I wanted nothing to do with him; but I also seemed to want him so much closer to me. It seemed to me that I was in a constant struggle to keep my wits about me. And when he stood so near to me, it was like I had no desire to struggle quite as hard as I should.
He cupped his hands to the door and peered in. “Dirty, probably stinks in there, too. So, Nina, what’s the fascination with this building?” His eyes searched mine and the blush on my cheeks kept growing.
“I was curious, that’s all.” I didn’t need to explain anything to him. What I did was none of his business.
“Really.”
“I have an old picture of my dad and a friend standing in front of this building.” I fiddled with my necklace, twisting the charms. “His and my mother’s wedding reception was here—I thought I’d take a look.” It was true. And he didn’t need to know anything more than that. I tried turning the tables. “What’re you doing here?”
He didn’t answer. “C’mon, you want a Sparkle? I’m buying.”
Why was it that he could get an answer out of me, but I could never get an answer out of him? I didn’t want a Sparkle, but I did want away from Robin’s Roost. “Sure ... I guess.”
We crossed the street, dodging through the crunch of transits and hire-trannies and stopped at a vendor wagon on the edge of the park. Sal tried to pay, but I swiped my card before he had a chance to. Drinks in hand, we walked down the path.
“That’s where we met.” He pointed to the mound where I’d been standing when I first saw him.
“Yes.” Just thinking about it made me feel embarrassed for him. “I’m sure you’d rather not remember that day.”
“Why not?”
“Well, you were, uh ... getting beaten up.”
“Yeah.” His voice softened. “I wasn’t thinking about that.”
I was trying to imagine what he was thinking about, when an unexpected stampede of butterflies invaded my stomach. I took a long drink of the soda; it didn’t help. When I lowered the can, Sal was smiling at me.
“What?” I swiped my chin with the back of my hand and checked the front of my sweater.
“You have dimples.”
I didn’t trust myself to speak. I started to take another sip, but when I raised my hand it was trembling and I was afraid I’d spill the drink all over myself. It was easy for me to rebuff Derek when he was being ridiculous, because I knew what ridiculous was with him. With Sal, I was completely out of my element. I felt both warm (which was nice) and tingly (which was scary) being close to him. It was almost as if my body wasn’t attached to my brain. A thrill ran through me, and I wasn’t sure if it was terror or excitement. I wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to leave him. The silence and the confusion in my brain were killing me. Finally, I thought of something to say.
“I’ve been coming here since I was little. I call this my mountain.” His big brown eyes under those dark lashes were studying my face. I sounded like a ten-year-old, I thought. “Well ... when I was little it seemed like a mountain.”
Sal sat down on the grass; I did, too.
“Who did you come here with when you were little?”
I looked down at the grass. Concentrating on anything besides his eyes was good. “Ginnie. We’d bring a picnic basket and spread a blanket out here.” I moved my hands across the grass, imagining the blue paisley throw in front of me and Ginnie’s warm laugh when I flopped backward on it, squinting into the sun. “I haven’t thought about that in forever.”
A flood of memories washed over me and I was lost in being five again. I could almost taste the peanut-butter-and-grape-jelly sandwiches. They’d be laid out on the blanket along with soy milk, veggie chips, and brownies. Ginnie and I would play hide-and-seek—I always found her. Sometimes I’d be so tired afterward that she’d carry me home, nestled against her shoulder. I closed my eyes, remembering the way her hair tickled my nose and how she smelled like roses. She’d always loved roses.
“Hey, Nina, you okay?” Sal said softly, touching my elbow.
Something about the way he looked at me, the warm sun on my back, this place ... My eyes welled up and my voice cracked. “I miss her so much.” I couldn’t stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks. This wasn’t the plan, this wasn’t at all what I’d had in mind, crying in front of Sal—a boy I hardly knew! Crying was weakness—I knew that. Ginnie never cried after Ed’s brutal beatings. Not once. How could I let any guy, especially Sal, see me cry?
No way in the universe could I ever have anticipated his reaction. He didn’t look away, or urge me to stop. He reached over and touched my shoulder. I covered my face with my hands and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. When I felt like I had some measure of control, I dared to glance at him.
“You all right?” he asked.
I nodded, sniffed, and wiped my nose on my sleeve. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a napkin.
“Allow me to return the favor.”
I took it and wiped my eyes. “Thanks. I feel pretty stupid ... crying ... you know.”
“I do know, but it’s okay.” He produced another napkin since the first was now in damp shreds. “Here.” He stuck it in my hand.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, I asked, “Is Wei your girlfriend?” I could’ve died. I don’t know why I let that stupid question pop out of my mouth. It was definitely not my afternoon.
Sal started laughing. “Wei? My girlfriend?”
“Well, yes.” I glowered at him, prickles running up my arms. I wondered if all our conversations on my mountain were going to end with him laughing at me, or making me angry.
He stopped laughing. “Sorry, it’s just that I’ve known Wei since we were babies. She’s like a sister. Our parents were friends and we grew up together. And, well, since we’re asking ...” He focused on the ground, pulling out small clumps of grass. “Is Derek your boyfriend?”
“Derek?” It was my turn to be amused. “No way. He and Mike and I have been best friends since kindergarten. Where did you get the idea that he was my boyfriend?”
“He talks about you all the time.” His gaze was still on the grass. “Like you’re, uh ... special.”
I shook my head. “I knew it. That horse charm meant more to him.”
“Huh?”
“The day I met you Derek gave me this charm for my necklace.” I showed it to him. Sal leaned in for a closer look. “He was acting so odd, so not the way Derek acts. I thought that maybe he was getting a crush on me, but I told him flat out, the last thing I wanted was a boyfriend.”
“Oh ...” Sal straightened up suddenly.
I realized what I’d just said. I didn’t know how to explain, how to make him understand what I wanted without making a complete fool out of myself. The thing was, I didn’t know what I wanted, not anymore. I felt so conflicted around him. I didn’t want to be a sex-teen, but I didn’t want to push Sal away either. Even before I had it, the XVI tattoo was ruling my life, and I didn’t know how to stop it.
The butterflies in my stomach turned into sinking weights and I struggled to say the right thing. “Sal ... I’ve never had a boyfriend. And the only people I’ve seen who have boyfriends make fools out of themselves, or hurt each other. Like Ginnie and Ed, her ... her boyfriend.” Sal looked puzzled, and I realized he didn’t know anything about Ed. “Ugh, I’m not making sense. See, Media says you’re supposed to act a certain way, and Health and Soch says that when guys and girls ... and you expect this and that to happen and ...” I was rambling, I wasn’t making sense. Like Dee when she doesn’t want to go to bed and keeps talking and talking and talking.
I fingered my charms necklace, again, and latched onto the T. I stopped babbling, took a deep breath, and looked Sal straight in those deep dark eyes. “I’m afraid to have a boyfriend. I don’t know how to do that and not lose who I want to be. And I’m afraid of what it means to be close to a guy, a guy I might really like.”
There it was: the truth.
He took my hand, and looked at it for what seemed like light-years. “Yeah, it is scary.” He raised his eyes to meet mine. “But I don’t think you can avoid it forever, Nina.”
Then he leaned over and kissed me. Right on the mouth. My first kiss.
It was so tender, his lips were soft, and I felt like I was floating. Out of nowhere, I started crying again. He pulled me close to him and held me. I’d never felt so confused, happy, scared, and safe in my whole life. For the first time, the fears that had ruled my life faded to the background, and I felt calmer, lighter. I knew they’d come back, but at least I’d had a taste of freedom. I sank into it like it was a fluffy white cloud on a summer’s day.
We sat there for a long time—wrapped around each other, not saying anything. Eventually, a park security officer doing rounds on her ped-tran slowed down and gave us a look. Sal stood up and helped me to my feet, and she glided away.
“I’d better go,” I said.
He ended up walking me home. Neither of us said a word, but he held my hand. I was afraid if I spoke, some kind of spell would be broken.
When we got to my building, he brushed his lips across mine. “See you tomorrow.”
XVII
The next morning was pretty normal, though I couldn’t stop thinking about Sal’s kiss, and how it would be to see him. I alternated between being über-happy and scared to death as to what I would say, what he would do. Most of his classes were in a different part of the building, so we didn’t see each other until after school, and then it was only for a minute, and surrounded by everyone else.
“Hey, I’ve gotta run. John and I are working on a multitrans for some bigwig at Infinity Corp.” Sal gave my hand a quick squeeze when no one was looking. I don’t think either one of us knew how to act around our friends. “I’ll call you later.” He peeled off, and Derek and Mike waved good-bye to me as I headed down to pick up Dee.
I was glad he hadn’t made a big fuss, at first. But what if that kiss didn’t mean anything to him? He was upper tier—he could never like a low-tier, no flash girl like me. My insecurity took over, and caught me in a whirlwind of my defects, when Wei interrupted.
“Hi, Nina.” She was wearing her usual smile and fell into step with me. “Whatcha doing?”
“Hey. I’m headed to Dickens to pick up my little sister.”
“Oh, ultra! That’s on my way, I’ll walk with you. Let’s go slow, though; I have to practice when I get home.”
“What kind of practice?” I’d heard Sal tell Derek that Wei was some kind of martial arts expert.
“Piano.” She wrinkled her nose. “I love it and I hate it. Some days it’s just hard work. Do you play an instrument?”
“Uh, I’m not musically inclined.” I was too embarrassed to admit we’d never had enough credits for music or dance lessons. No one under tier four did. I was lucky Ginnie was able to scrape together enough to pay for my art classes. I knew it had been a burden on her.
“But you’re in art, though, right? I saw you going into Mr. Tobin’s class. When do you get your designation? I qualified for mine last summer. That’s’ when I got this.” She pointed to her XVI. “And then ... I got this.” She grinned, turning her hand back and forth so I could see the thistle tattoo that circled the XVI and then spread across the back of her hand.
“It’s so beautiful.” Even if I did get my Creative, I knew I’d never be able to afford a tattoo like that.
“When the XVI fades, I’ll get more ink. No one will ever even know it was there. You know, you could design your own tattoo to hide the XVI. I bet you’re a good artist. What kind of stuff do you do?”
“Mostly drawing with colored rapidos. I’m not that good.” In Cementville I’d been at the top of my class. I hadn’t been at Daley long enough to see much of what the other kids in my class were doing.
“You’re probably lots better than you think,” she said.
“Maybe. I’ll show you sometime.” I was more than a little surprised that someone who was obviously as upper tier as Wei would take any interest in me at all, even if she was friends with Sal. It made me uncomfortable to talk about my art, so I changed the subject. “Do you have brothers or sisters?”
“Both. I have a sister, Angie, and a brother, Chris. He graduated college last year and got on as a techie at Orion Research. He’s really smart.”
We stopped at the corner, waiting for the light to change. Wei tilted her head and studied my face. “Your dad’s Alan Oberon, right?”
I nearly fell off the curb. “How did you know that?” It’s not like I’d told her anything about me. Did Sal? Why would she care, anyway? It’s not like my father was anyone.
“After Sal told me about your mother, I told my mom and she asked what your name was. She said she knew him. Her and Dad and Sal’s dad, too, were friends with your mom and dad.”
My heart nearly stopped. They knew my father? “You’re kidding.”‘
“Nope. Let’s go this way.” She turned onto Lincoln at Belden, and I followed.
I could hardly believe my luck—I hadn’t even had a chance to think about finding my dad. Not since Sal’s kiss. “Wait—what’s your parents’ names? Maybe Gran knows them.”
“My dad’s Jonathan Jenkins.”
Jenkins.
This was almost too good to be true. “There’s this picture my Gran has. It’s your dad standing with mine. They were standing in front of a place called Robin’s Roost. I—I went by there the other day.”
“Oh yeah, Dad’s mentioned that hotel before.” Wei stopped to look at clothes in the window of a top-tier boutique. “Hey, my parents want to meet you. “
My heart was pounding so hard I thought the whole city could hear it. They knew my father. I was going to meet someone, besides Gran and Pops, who actually
knew
my father. I wondered if they knew he was alive, if they would help me find him.