Yellow Crocus: A Novel (27 page)
She turned around to search the bookcase behind the desk. The top shelves were covered with leather-bound books. A wrought iron chest sat on the bottom of the case. She opened it and found stacks of papers. She brought the documents to Father’s desk and stood sorting through them. She carefully kept them in order. Part-way through the stack she found a meticulous family tree going back for decades.
She examined this record, looking for her own name. There she was,
Elizabeth Ann Wainwright, April 14, 1837 live birth
. Two neat lines connected her name to her parents. Next to her name was a record of Jack’s birth, followed by three more entries:
Baby Boy Wainwright August 20, 1840 stillborn, Baby Boy Wainwright September 30, 1841 still born
, and
Baby Girl Wainwright, April 27, 1842, still born
. Lisbeth was shocked. She had no memory of her mother being pregnant and had never heard that her parents had lost so many children.
To the left of her name was another entry:
Emily
. A line interrupted by a thick question mark ran from Emily’s name to Father’s. “Dear God!” Lisbeth gasped. Another line ran from Emily’s name to Uncle Alistair’s name. It too was interrupted by a dark question mark. Emily was her half-sister or her cousin. There was the proof that in some way she was related to Emily. This news further confirmed her choice to leave.
She renewed her search through the papers with vigor until she found her own birth certificate. Lisbeth returned everything else to its place and snuck upstairs undetected. She hid her birth certificate in the back of her wardrobe and then slept soundly.
M
onday morning, Lisbeth lay in bed anticipating the events of the day. She imagined standing before the justice with Matthew at her side. She tried but could not picture his face. Panic started to rise, but she pressed it back down.
This is the correct path!
she insisted to herself.
Lisbeth did not want to raise her parents’ suspicions, but she wanted to look nice on her wedding day. While Emily waited, Lisbeth spent considerable time sorting through her gowns. In addition to wanting an attractive dress, she needed one that she could remove herself. She had no way of knowing if someone would be available to help her dress. Eventually she chose a Swiss dot with a light blue background and bright blue dots that buttoned down the front. It was not particularly tight in the bodice, so she could wear a corset that laced on the side. Emily looked surprised but did not comment when Lisbeth took the same care in choosing a hairstyle. She tried a tight bun, then an upsweep, before finally settling on a loose chignon. To finish the outfit, Lisbeth wanted to wear the shell necklace. Her trembling hands made it difficult to tie. Noticing Lisbeth’s struggles, Emily wordlessly completed the task. Lisbeth tucked the shell beneath her gown before rising from the vanity.
Lisbeth told Mother she was calling on Mary, but instead she guided her horse to Matthew’s home. He was waiting on the porch and nodded a greeting as soon as she saw him. A bemused smile crossed his face as he assisted her from the buggy.
“I am glad to see you,” Matthew said. “You look lovely.”
“Thank you,” Lisbeth replied, looking down.
“Are you certain you want to do this?” he asked, lowering his head so that he could see her face.
Lisbeth raised her head, nodded once, and confirmed, “Certainly.”
They drove to Charles City in Matthew’s carriage. Lisbeth longed for something interesting to say. In the past, it had been so easy to speak with Matthew, but today she could think of nothing appropriate. Harking back to Miss Taylor’s lessons, she brought up the weather.
“We are fortunate the weather is so mild today,” Lisbeth said.
“Yes,” agreed Matthew, “it is mild.”
Reaching to keep the conversation going, Lisbeth asked, “Is the weather similar in Ohio?”
“I understand the summers may be warmer and the winters cooler.”
Lisbeth nodded, but could not think of anything more to keep the conversation going.
“I had been planning to move in early May so I can oversee the planting. Is that suitable to you?”
“Yes, Matthew. Anytime will be fine.”
“You will have to decide how you want to set up your kitchen,” Matthew said. “It can be however you wish.”
“Oh, dear. I am afraid I have no experience in a kitchen. I cannot cook at all,” Lisbeth voiced with anxiety. “But,” she conceded, “I imagine I can learn, if necessary.”
“I did not mean to concern you,” Matthew rushed to say. “We can have a cook, of course. I only meant that you can plan it however you like.”
“Well, thank you, Matthew,” Lisbeth said, relieved. “Yes, I think a cook would be wise.”
As they traveled the road toward the life-changing ceremony, they cautiously made plans for their future together. In Charles City everything happened very quickly. Lisbeth had been afraid that the justice would refuse them a marriage license, but there was no problem once she showed her birth certificate proving she was of age. The ceremony was simple and over in less than ten minutes. Pausing before his buggy after it was all over, Matthew leaned in to kiss Lisbeth. She turned her head to give him her cheek, but then realized, too late, she should offer her lips to her husband. She turned her head once again, and his lips landed at the edge of her mouth.
“Excuse me,” he stuttered.
Lisbeth blushed. Embarrassed, they did not speak during the long, awkward ride back.
Alone again, Lisbeth drove away from Matthew’s home, though she supposed it was her temporary home now too. Matthew offered to accompany her, but she wished to face Edward and then her parents by herself. She had been practicing her speech for two days. She had asked Matthew to come for her at Fair Oaks at suppertime. He would either join the family for supper or she would leave with her husband before they ate. That would be up to her parents.
At White Pines, Lisbeth breathed deeply to settle her nerves. She left the buggy with the livery boy, a large, middle-aged man. Though he had always been waiting in front of White Pines the many times she had visited, she looked at him and wondered about his life for the first time.
“Thank you, Francis,” Lisbeth said, hoping she remembered his name correctly. “Good afternoon.”
Surprise registered on his face. “Good day to you, miss. It is an especially lovely day.”
“Yes, it is,” she confirmed. “An especially lovely day. I shall not be long, so you need not unhitch Shadow from the buggy.”
“Yes, miss. Thank you, miss.”
Ma’am
, Lisbeth thought to herself.
I am now a ma’am
. But she did not correct him.
Lisbeth was shown into the elegant parlor. She stood by the davenport waiting for Edward. He looked relieved when he saw her.
“Elizabeth, I am so delighted at this unexpected visit. You look wonderful. I see you are fully recovered from your ‘flu’,” Edward fawned, with only a slight hint of irony in his voice.
Lisbeth did not reply or move toward him.
Crossing to her, Edward asked, “Did you receive the necklace I sent? Mother assisted me in selecting it. She wanted it to be simple and to your taste.”
Edward glanced at Lisbeth’s neck, “Oh, you are not wearing it. You have that old thing on. You must be feeling sentimental today. Shall I call Mother and Emma to join us for a morning tea?”
Edward reached for her, prepared to kiss Lisbeth’s cheeks. Twisting away from him, she sat down upon the divan. He sat close, reaching for her hand. Clasping her hands tightly together, she moved away from him and looked him in the eye.
“Edward, I have come to speak with you and you alone. This is not easy for me.” She paused and then went on, “But…I came to inform you that I am not going to marry you. I have prayed for guidance every day since the incident, and I know now I cannot possibly be your wife.”
“Elizabeth, have you gone mad?!” Edward exclaimed, indignation filling his voice. “If this is about the episode under the willow, I can assure you it will not happen again. Once we are married, you will be the only woman with whom I shall lay. Surely I can hold off until our wedding night. You need not worry about it again.” He reached over and gently stroked the back of her left hand with one finger. Disgusted, she pulled her hand away.
“Edward, I have come to realize that this is not about you and me. It is about the little girl who was lying on the ground beneath you. At night when I close my eyes, it is her face I see, in pain, hoping for release. It is wrong for her to be in such a position. I suppose, if I am being honest with you and with myself, I have become an abolitionist.” She paused for a breath and then went on, “On my birthday, I realized…it is wrong to own another person. I will not be a part of it anymore. I am moving to a free state, to Ohio.”
“Now I know you are mad!” Edward screeched with contempt. “You have nothing! You are not a woman of independent means. Your parents will have none of this. You are being childish over one small matter. Do you expect me to beg? To grovel? What are you hoping to accomplish by making such a threat? This is no way to begin a marriage! I am to be your husband. I will not grovel before my future wife. That is enough. I do not want to hear any more about it. It is over.”
“It is over,” Lisbeth agreed, intentionally keeping her voice calm, “because I have made a decision. This is not a threat, Edward. I will not be marrying you.”
“How can you ruin both of our lives?” Edward yelled.
“I am not ruining my life. I am saving it. As for you, I have grown fond of you this past year…”
“FOND?” Edward snorted in disbelief. “That is little consolation to me. You are being outrageous.”
“Please say goodbye to your mother and sister for me,” she said with a composure that belied the frantic beating of her heart. She rose and handed him a red velvet pouch filled with the gifts he had given her.
She quickly crossed to the door to escape. Several house servants were standing in the foyer. They watched as Edward followed close behind Lisbeth, his hot breath on her neck, screaming, “When you change your mind, do not bother to return to me! You are ruined!”
She reached for the door knob and gave it a firm turn. Her moist hand slipped. Cowering away from Edward, she wiped her hand and then turned the knob successfully.
Once she was out of the house, crossing the front porch, she heard the door slam hard followed by the sound of breaking glass. A sharp shard bounced off the porch floor and struck her ankle, cutting a thin line on her skin. She cried out but did not turn around. She did not want to see the scene behind her.
Grateful that the buggy was still in front of the house, she rushed down the stairs toward it. After she climbed into the safety of her transportation, she look over at the porch. The door flew open. Edward stormed out in a rage, his eyes burning and his face red. He reached back his arm and hurled something directly at Lisbeth. A necklace flew through the air. Lisbeth ducked and it sailed past her. She urged her horse forward. Edward continued to hurl his gifts at her, hatred in his eyes, yelling with each movement of his arm: “You…will…never… be…accepted…again!”
One of the missiles, a sapphire ear bob, landed in the buggy next to Lisbeth’s foot. She stopped the horse, tossed the jewel onto the ground, and turned for one last look. Edward sat bent over on the top stair, his head buried in his hands, fingers entwined in his dark brown hair, his body shaking. In the foreground, Francis was bent over, slowly gathering the scattered jewels.