Yesterday's Dust (31 page)

The big motor wanted to fly, and once out of town she gave it its head. Farms flashed by, cars passed by with their spray of grit, trucks shook her vehicle with their wind draughts, but no car overtook her. She didn't look at the speedometer, didn't slow through Mallawindy. She filled up
with petrol in Daree then drove on, and her mind went away, wandering the broad paddocks to the distant hills.

It went back, and back, and back to that other time. Back to the day it had all begun.

‘How many more miles, Aunty May?' Annie and Liza were going to Daddy's Narrawee. Liza went there lots of times before with Daddy but Annie didn't go, and now she was going all the way to Daddy's Narrawee with Aunty May, and they were going to have a very exciting time, because Aunty May said so, and they might go to the zoo and see all the
animals, and they might go to the beach and find some seashells too. Mummy had a necklace made of seashells from when she was little, and Johnny said that the shells came from the beach and they had little animals who live in there – when the shells were alive. Annie really wanted to see those little animals.

In the big back seat of Aunty May's car it smelt like Liza's brand-new red shoes from
in the box, and Annie was sitting up like a big girl and the wind was making whistles through the window and it was a very long way that they had come. They even had dinner in a shop. And they had ice cream with chocolate on it and Uncle Sam bought a big bag of lollies so Liza would be happy and not tired.

‘How many more miles, Aunty May?' Annie said.

And Aunty May said, ‘Not far now.' Then
she said
sweetheart
, just like Daddy said
sweetheart
to Liza. ‘Not far now, sweetheart. We go over Pretty Sally, then we turn off, and it's not very far at all.'

Sweetheart sounded good, like very special.

It was a long time more and then the car was at some big tall
gates and through the gates and up the little road that was hiding in the trees and . . . and it was like Annie couldn't breathe,
it was such a beautiful house, so magical a place.

‘Do you live in there, Aunty May?'

‘We do.'

‘Is it like the Queen's palace?'

‘It is my Camelot, sweetheart. Do you know about Camelot? About King Arthur's castle, and his big round table?'

‘I saw it first. I saw it lots of times with Daddy. And I saw inside too and they've got a big tin full of biscuits with chocolate on them,' Liza said.

‘Well I saw it now, Miss Smarty Pants,' Annie said, because Aunty May had called her sweetheart again, and she felt like she was a very special girl too. And anyway, Johnny sometimes called Liza Miss Smarty Pants. He just said it because Liza always said she was Miss Tiny Tot, so he just said, ‘Miss Smarty Pants, more like it.'

Liza always got mad when Johnny said that and she told Daddy on him,
but she couldn't tell Daddy today because Daddy wasn't here and nobody knew where to find him.

Inside the white Camelot palace was like . . . like so giant big and the rooms were all boooomy when you talked and there were special things, like pictures and carpet on the floor and a big boooomy bedroom for Annie and Liza to share. And there was a special lounge room which had a television, and
outside was like fairyland, with only trees and flowers, and horses you could ride on.

Aunty May was a magic lady and she had lots of dresses so she just cut some up and sewed new little dresses from them on her sewing machine, a blue one for Annie and a pink flower one for Liza, and she made some pants too. There were new shoes from the shops and slippers, only for inside, because Aunty May
had got a very new clean carpet.

It was happy times all the time, and even new dolls from the shop. They were the best part, because Annie got first pick and she didn't have to give her doll to Liza when Liza cried. Aunty May
said so because Annie did what was told first-tell.

Liza didn't do things first-tell, and she asked all the time for biscuits, and she wanted Annie's slippers now because
they were red ones like from
Wizard of Oz
and Liza said she wanted the red ones.

‘No, Liza. You chose the green slippers when we were at the shop so you cannot have Ann's slippers, and if you can't be a good girl then you'll have to go to your room and stay there,' Aunty May said.

Liza didn't ever like ‘no' and Aunty May said ‘no' lots and lots of times.

‘No more biscuits, Liza,' she said with
her special strong voice. ‘No more tantrums from you, Miss. No more television. It's bedtime.'

And even if Liza rolled on the floor and screamed and even if she kicked walls with her feet, she didn't make Aunty May say yes, because Aunty May wasn't like Mummy who just did anything so Liza wouldn't get her red face tantrums and get sick.

They drove a long way to the beach one day and found lots
of shells and they went to the zoo one day and Uncle Sam bought big bags of lollies even when Aunty May said, ‘No more lollies, Sam. They won't eat their dinner.'

Liza got lots of lollies, even in bed. Not Annie though, because she didn't do the all-over kisses when Uncle Sam tucked them in. She pulled her nightie down very tight and she only did what Aunty May said to do. Not Uncle Sam. Annie
didn't like Uncle Sam anyway, because of how Daddy and Johnny didn't like him.

Johnny knew a poem about him.

Sam, Sam, the dirty man,
washed his face in a frying pan,
combed his hair with the leg of a chair
and told his mother he didn't care.

Annie wouldn't ever go in the cellar with Uncle Sam. She didn't like that cellar, because there wasn't any proper light in there,
just the kerosene
lantern light, which only made a little circle in the big dark and it was a very spooky deep-in-the-ground place.

‘Uncle Sam has got the biggest apple in all the world in the cellar and he's keeping it for a good girl. Who is going to get the biggest apple?'

‘Not Annie. It's mine. I have to get first pick because Daddy said so, because I'm Miss Tiny Tot.'

Liza always got apples and lollies
when she went down there. And maybe Uncle Sam saw her do wee in there one day too, because Annie had to fix up her overall straps that were supposed to cross over at the back so they wouldn't keep falling off, and Liza didn't know how to do it. And she had a bare bottom underneath and she had on her sulky face, like she always got at home when she did something naughty.

And Annie said, ‘You should
do wee in the toilet, because you're seven, and you should wash your hands with soap after, like Aunty May said, Liza.'

Then . . . then there were even badder things in that cellar, even before that bad no-bread-for-lunchtime day.

Everyone was going to have a picnic under the trees with banana sandwiches and lemonade, and Annie loved banana sandwiches the best and Sam got back from the shops
and Aunty May said, ‘Oh, no. You forgot the bread, Sam.' But he was already working in the garden and Liza was screaming because she wanted the television on and Aunty May said ‘no' again. And then . . . and then Liza just walked up to her and got her hand and she bit, very hard, so Aunty May's finger bled, and when she was washing it, and finding a bandaid to put on, well, Liza just ran into the
lounge room with her outside shoes on and she turned on the television herself.

Annie did like the television a lot, and today the midday movie was just starting, and it was about a girl with a clever dog. They didn't have television in Mallawindy, just the pictures at the shire hall on Saturday, and they only went there two times when Daddy wasn't home.

‘I give up,' Aunty May said, and she
picked up her bag.

On the television a bad man had taken the little girl's dog and tied him in a bag and put him in the little car he had on the side of his motorbike.

‘Wait right here. Don't move from this room. I'll be back in twenty minutes,' Aunty May said and she went outside to her car, because of the bread.

Then Uncle Sam came inside from the garden, saying about the cat. About that
black mother cat.

‘The old black cat had her kittens in the cellar. Come down, and you can hold one, girls.'

‘Aunty May said that we have to watch the television and not move.'

‘Then you can't see the kittens. I can't take them away from their mummy, they haven't even got their eyes open. Come on, girls. Who's going to see the kittens first?'

‘Me. Me.' Liza didn't care that the little television
girl's dog was in a bag and that the bad man was pinching him. She just went with Uncle Sam.

And it wasn't a long time, because the bad man was still riding away and the little girl didn't know about her dog yet, when Annie heard the old car come. It made that same old Daddy's-car noise, like vrooooom vroom-vroom, and the skidding noise Daddy's wheels made. Annie jumped up fast and went to look
for Liza.

But Daddy came in the back door and he didn't know why Annie was there, and he yelled, ‘What the bloody hell are you doing down here?'

‘Mummy bought a new baby, and it is a girl and Johnny said its name is going to be Bronwyn, so Aunty May said for Liza and me to come for a holiday and go to the zoo and see the animals, Daddy.'

‘Liza? Where is Liza?'

‘I don't know, Daddy.'

But she
did know. She knew about the kittens and about Liza doing wee and bad things in the cellar. And she knew that Uncle
Sam knew about the bad things too, because when Annie started to tell Aunty May one day, well, Uncle Sam got all funny and he talked very loud and he picked Annie up and swung her around and around and laughed too loud.

‘Where's that bloody mongrel dog?' Daddy yelled and he shook
Annie, but she wouldn't look at him because it was her fault. She should have told Aunty May.

Daddy looked in the bathrooms and in the bedrooms, and the kitchen and he yelled, and he ran through the house and Annie ran to the cellar very fast to get Liza out.

‘Liza. Liza. May! Where the bloody hell are you?' Daddy was yelling near the garage.

Annie could open the cellar door easy because it
didn't get locked except with the key when nobody would be home, and so she opened it wide and she saw Liza doing rude things, like no pants on, and even Uncle Sam with his pants half on and –

‘Liza! Liza!' Daddy's yelling getting closer.

And Liza and Uncle Sam heard Daddy because the door was open and it banged against the wall and Uncle Sam was trying to run upstairs and Liza was trying to
put her red overalls on, only getting two feet in one leg of her overalls.

Then Daddy was in the cellar and Uncle Sam was walking backwards. Backwards. Slow. Down, down, down to the floor.

And Aunty May was coming home then with the bread.

Then –

Then –

Just screaming. Just everyone screaming. And Annie screaming. ‘Don't, Daddy. Stop, Daddy.'

And Daddy punching Sam. And Sam picking up Liza.
Holding her in front, like hiding. And Daddy's got a long piece of pipe, like for water taps. Hitting and yelling.

Awful terrible noise then. Smash!

And Liza on the floor. And still. Then Sam picking up the lantern and throwing it at Daddy, hitting him.

And all dark in there then, and Annie screaming and running back to the door where there is light. Black dark, like black night down there.
And fighting and smashing, and Aunty May crying.

Then no more fighting. Only the black, black dark. Only the crying, and Annie wanting Aunty May but she's down there in the crying black dark.

Walking slow down, away from the light. Walking very careful. Down. Kicking the bread that Aunty May dropped, feeling for the bread with her hand, picking it up on the steps and walking slow into the dark,
where it isn't so dark, because there is a little window way up high that is making light on Uncle Sam. He's lying on the floor. Sleeping on the old carpet.

And Liza. She's not in the window light. Only her red overalls.

Daddy and May just standing there looking at each other and crying, grown-up crying, and it sounded like very bad hurting, crying. Annie wanting them to stop, walking to them,
saying lots of words, like Mummy says when Daddy cries.

‘I love you, my Daddy. I love you, Aunty May.' Patting them and saying lots of things to make them stop crying.

Then Daddy picking Annie up and crying and rocking her and Annie patting his face like Mummy does and his face is all wet with salty water. And Annie looking down over Daddy's shoulder at Liza and knowing that something awful,
terrible bad happened because Daddy is cuddling her, not Liza.

And Annie saying, ‘We have to make banana sandwiches. Make them get up, Aunty May.'

Aunty May crying louder and walking to the steps, sitting on the bottom step with her arms all hugged up tight around her, like trying to hold her shaking together. And Daddy putting Annie down with May. And the bread is all squashed because Daddy
held Annie too tight, so it won't be any good for making sandwiches. Annie giving it to May, pushing it at May.

‘Uncle Sam was being a bad man. Make him say sorry, Aunty May.'

‘What are we going to do, Jack?' Screamed. ‘What are we going to do, Jack?'

‘Get her out of here and call the cops.'

Daddy lifting May, making her stand up. Pushing May, making her climb the stairs. Annie pulling at
her hand.