Yesterday's Embers (28 page)

M
y husband jokes that we have been happily married for thirty years—and not so happily for the other four. There’s a tiny bit of truth to his jesting. Marriage is an amazing institution and one of the greatest blessings in my own life, yet at times it has been the source of some of the greatest challenges I’ve ever faced. If you are married, have ever been married, or ever hope to be, somewhere along the journey, you probably have faced (or soon will) struggles similar to the ones Doug and Mickey confronted in
Yesterday’s Embers
.

What did our Creator intend marriage to be? God has called many of us to marriage, and it is His plan that marriage should be a loving, fulfilling and profitable relationship. God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). At least four times the Bible reminds us that “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

But we live in a fallen world, and unfortunately, many marriages are reaping the consequences of sin and evil.

Perhaps, like Mickey and Doug, your marriage isn’t all you hoped it would be. Maybe you even fear you made a mistake when you married your spouse. If so, your heart is probably aching. But here’s the good news: Jesus Christ is in the business of healing wounded couples,
joining men and women who have longed for a lifelong companion, and building lasting, happy marriages. Why not give God your wounded heart and the broken pieces of your relationship, and see if He won’t do a miracle before your eyes?

It will take time. You might feel as though you are giving 110 percent while your spouse gives nothing. But many times in my life I’ve seen miracles occur when one partner in a marriage determines to trust God and love his or her spouse as they promised on their wedding day: for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death alone separates them.

Whether you long to be married and haven’t met the right person yet, whether you’re just starting out in marriage or have been married seventy-nine years like my husband’s grandparents, whether your marriage is fabulous or failing, let today be the first day of a better marriage—and a better life—than you ever thought possible.

1. Describe the relationship between Doug and Kaye DeVore that you see in the prologue. Is this the type of relationship you would long to have with a spouse? Why or why not?

2. Doug arrives home from the funeral of his wife and daughter to the responsibility of being both father and mother, and to a “new normal”—one he does not want. If you’ve lost someone you love, what were your thoughts about going on without them? How would you advise Doug about coming to terms with his deep loss?

3. How does Doug perceive that people are treating him after the loss of his wife and daughter? How do you approach people who are grieving? What do you do and say? When have your well-thought-out words worked—and not worked? Explain the situation. Knowing how Doug feels, would you now do anything differently? If so, what?

4. In what ways was Doug like—and not like—Mickey’s list for the man of her dreams in chapter 14? If you were Mickey, would you regret your decision to say yes to a “date” with this man? Why or why not? Do you think Kaye’s mother has a valid point to her concerns? Why or why not?

5. Though they are both Christians, Doug and Mickey have grown up in very different denominations. What are some of the challenges they will face in marriage because of their different faith backgrounds? Have you ever dated or married someone of a different denomination? How did it affect your relationship, and how did you handle those differences?

6. What role did Mickey’s brothers and their wives play in her life? How did her relationship with Doug change her ties to her family? If you are married, how has your relationship with your spouse changed the dynamics of your extended family? Talk about any challenges you’ve faced and the solutions you’ve discovered.

7. Why do you think Doug was drawn so quickly to Mickey even though his wife had only been gone a few short months? What were Doug’s reasons for marrying again so soon after being widowed? Do you believe they were valid? Why or why not?

8. Why was Mickey attracted to Doug? How did she justify a relationship with a man who’d so recently lost his spouse? Read the following verses from the Bible and talk about how they might have applied (or not) to Doug and Mickey’s situation: 1 Corinthians 7:1–9; Ecclesiastes 3:1–8; Ephesians 5:22–32. Did Doug and Mickey seek God’s direction for whether and when they should marry? Why or why not?

9. What were Kayeleigh’s responses to seeing the romantic interlude between her dad and “Miss Valdez” in chapter 24? Do you think they were justified? Why or why not? Were you surprised that Doug was second-guessing his proposal to Mickey? Why or why not? Have you ever second-guessed yourself on an important decision? Explain.

10. Talk about Kayeleigh’s relationship with Seth. Do you think she, as a twelve-year-old girl, is experiencing normal feelings toward him? What other things might be controlling her emotions and affections?

11. How did you feel about the fact that Mickey got “stuck” with caring for Doug’s children while he worked two jobs? How did this differ from her expectations of being married to Doug? How do you think you would respond in a similar situation? What compromises might they have made?

12. In chapter 27 Mickey worries that Doug will compare her to Kaye. Have you ever compared yourself with someone else that you thought was “better” than you—and felt you couldn’t compete? Explain the situation. Were your fears real—or unfounded? What did you choose to do about them?

13. Do you think Mickey should have reorganized and redecorated the DeVore home? Talk about Doug’s and the children’s reactions. Were they justified? How might this have been handled differently to avoid the conflict that ensued?

14. Do you think it was fair of Doug to share his thoughts and feelings with Mickey in chapter 43? Why or why not? Has anyone ever been brutally honest with you? How did you respond? How did your relationship with that person change?

15. After almost giving up on ever recapturing the love they once felt for one another, what do you think was the turning point for Doug and Mickey to reconcile? Were their turning points different? Do you think one of them sacrificed more than the other toward reconciliation? If so, which one—and why? Have you ever been in a situation of conflict
where you felt like you were giving more than the other person toward the restoration of your relationship? Explain.

16. In chapter 45 how does Mickey’s garden reflect, to her, the state of her love with Doug? If you were in Mickey’s place, would you have stayed with Doug? Why or why not?

17. What did you think of the assignment Pastor Phil gave to Doug in chapter 46? In what way this week could you carry out the same assignment in your own life? Do you think it could make as great a difference as it made to Doug? Explain.

18. What did you think changed Doug’s mind and heart in chapter 47? Did you expect this ending to the book? Why or why not?

DEBORAH RANEY
dreamed of writing a book since the summer she read all of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s
Little House
books and discovered that a little Kansas farm girl could, indeed, grow up to be a writer. After a happy twenty-year detour as a stay-at-home wife and mom, Deb began her writing career. Her first novel,
A Vow to Cherish
, was awarded a Silver Angel from Excellence in Media, and inspired the acclaimed World Wide Pictures film of the same title. Since then her books have won the RITA Award, the HOLT Medallion, the National Readers’ Choice Award, as well as being a two-time Christy Award finalist. Deb enjoys speaking and teaching at writers’ conferences across the country. She and her husband, artist Ken Raney, make their home in their native Kansas and love the small-town life that is the setting for many of Deb’s novels. The Raneys enjoy gardening, watching their teenage daughter’s sports and music events, and traveling to visit three grown children and grandchildren who live much too far away.

Deborah loves hearing from her readers. To e-mail her or to learn more about her books, please visit www.deborahraney.com or write to Deborah in care of Howard Books, 3117 North 7th Street, West Monroe, Louisiana 71291.