Holly could feel the tears trickling down the side of her face as she sat still on the bed. “The ones down on my wrist are the worst. Apparently if my stepmother hadn’t found me when she did, I would’ve been dead in an hour. I wonder how she felt having to see me like that? So soon after my dad had died.”
An almost hysterical sob escaped from her lips. “I was off for over a week and I know everyone was talking about it; about who would be so stupid as to let the razor slip and almost kill themselves?
“But you see, all the whispers were true. It wasn’t an accident.” Holly felt strangely calm as she spoke. “I told them all it was, but it wasn’t. That night I just didn’t see the point of living without my dad. So I did it. It was easy you know—t e actual cutting—and for a minute I was happy, but then I got to the hospital and I saw him. My dad.”
She started to laugh as she tucked her legs in front of her and wrapped her arms around them. “It’s not really funny, is it? But the thing is now I’m dead I know how hard it was for him to visit me. Story of my life really—finding things out too late.”
Suddenly Holly stopped laughing. “But he couldn’t hide it, Vince. He couldn’t hide how disappointed he was in me. You see he had died after a long, painful battle with cancer and he had fought it every step of the way. He was so brave and dignified. And what did I do? Get a razor and let the life seep out of me with two easy strokes. That’s why, when I survived, I was too embarrassed to tell the truth. Plus, I was grateful to be given another chance. To prove to my dad I wasn’t a quitter.”
Holly realized her eyes were shut and she opened them up and looked around the room in shock. “That’s why I wanted to see him so bad up in heaven. To tell him it was an accident and that for the last six years I’ve worked my butt off. I guess that’s not going happen.” Holly sniffed. “I don’t even know why I’ve told you...well, not that you’re here, but I’m pretending you are. Actually, that’s another thing I’ve discovered about you, Vincent Ryan Murphy. You’re a great listener.”
“Thanks,” Vince said in his trademark drawl, which caused Holly to fall off the bed in shock.
Unbelievable.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“Hey,” Vince complained. “Don’t stand up so quickly. It’s making me dizzy. I’ve been knocked out remember.”
“I thought you were
still
knocked out.” Holly tried to mask her mortification as she reluctantly sat back down again. “How much did you hear?”
“Well, you did mention how brave and strong I was.”
“Oh, God,” Holly groaned. “I was only saying that stuff because I didn’t think you were awake.”
“You said I was a good listener,” Vince protested.
“I was being rhetorical.” Holly gritted her teeth; an action that Vince immediately reversed.
“Well, I thought it was nice. Besides, since you’ve found out all of my secrets, it’s only right I know a few of yours. Is that why you told me?”
“Maybe,” she admitted. That and the fact that after tomorrow Holly wouldn’t remember them herself and it sort seemed wrong to just let Dr. Hill wipe them away. Perhaps it was like a last confession?
She vaguely remembered a long ago Sunday school lesson where the vicar’s wife talked about the dark night of the soul. Well, Holly was guessing she’d had one of them. Though did it count if the body was dead? Also, she had the feeling the person was meant to come out the other end of the experience feeling cleansed and pure, but that wasn’t quite going to happen either. Holly was going to come out of this without a clue what her middle name was, let alone whether she liked chocolate (yes), The OC (very much) or the Backstreet Boys (as if).
“Hey.” Vince groaned and Holly realized he was looking down at his knuckles. “Don’t tell me I’ve gone from being a womanizer and a criminal to now being a thug?”
Holly studied Vince’s hand. Boy, Todd’s face had really made a dent and the three middle knuckles were now red, raw, and throbbing. She hadn’t even noticed, or if she had, she’d probably found the pain comforting compared to how she was feeling on the inside.
“So I guess you’d better fill me in on what’s happened since I’ve been gone.”
Since she’d already told him her darkest secrets, it seemed petty to try and keep him out of the loop. “The short version is that Todd and Rochelle Jackson have been having an affair behind my back and after he was rather rude to me, I punched him.”
Holly could feel Vince biting down on his lip to stop from laughing. “I see,” he said in a constrained voice. “You hit Todd.”
“In the face,” Holly clarified.
“Always a good place,” he agreed and she could feel a small smile starting to tug at his lips.
“It’s not funny,” she moaned. “I really messed up. Todd was furious and that’s not all. We forgot to drop those laptops and manuals off to Peterson’s and even though Andrew went and did it later on, I think it might be too late. What if I’ve cost you your—”
“Holly.”
“But—”
“But nothing. This isn’t about me, so stop worrying about that and let’s concentrate on you.”
“Your restraint in rubbing it in is a wondrous thing,” Holly agreed before letting out a long sigh. “But as for me, well it doesn’t really matter. If I can punch Todd in the nose, Dr. Hill’s wiz bang machine is going to know I’m not over my issues. In fact I’ve probably collected even more emotional baggage since I’ve been here.”
Not least of which was the fact she kept thinking of how much nicer it felt now that Vince was back. Surely that was a thought that couldn’t do anyone any good.
“So that’s why you were getting all deep and meaningful before, wasn’t it?” he said softly and Holly nodded.
“I didn’t mean to go on,” she apologized.
“I’m glad you did. I feel like I know you.”
“Yes, well I feel like I know you as well,” Holly retorted as she caught sight of all of his medical notes. “And I want to know more about this heart condition of yours. Why haven’t you been taking your medication? And if I’m in your body, then why don’t I feel sick?”
For a moment Holly thought Vince was going to swear but then he just shrugged. “I have been taking the meds. I just made sure you were asleep when I did it and I didn’t mention it in order to avoid a lecture just like this,” Vince said lightly. “Besides, all I did was faint, it’s been happening on and off for ages.”
Holly shook her head. “I don’t believe you. Dr. Hill said he made a mistake when he put me into your body, but I don’t think he did. You see I saw the purple lights around your head when I was in heaven. That means you were meant to die. It says so in the rulebook. Did you know it was happening?”
“To be honest I was more concerned about the dead girl who was in my body when I came around,” Vince quipped. “As for why I was fine, well I couldn’t tell you. So quit worrying. There’s nothing wrong with me apart from the fact my heart beat isn’t quite normal.”
Holly felt stupid for doing it but she found herself putting Vince’s hand on his knee and squeezing it. “You’re heart works better than most people I’ve met. Don’t you forget it.”
For a moment Vince didn’t say anything before suddenly lying down on the bed. “It’s been a long day,” he said gruffly. “Probably better if we get some sleep.”
xxx
It was the sound of the birds outside the window, which caused Holly to wake up with a start. At first she couldn’t quite work out what was going on, but then it all came flooding back to her.
She had punched Todd, which meant she had probably taken three million steps back from sorting out her issues. She
doubted even if she did find out what happened and clear her name, that heaven would give her a second chance.
She had really screwed up big time.
“Hey.” She jumped at the sound of Vince’s voice. “I’ve got something for you.”
“You have?” Holly fought back the surprise. Perhaps she should’ve got something for Vince as well?
A thank-you-for-letting-me-use-your-body gift. Though she must admit that off the top of her head she couldn’t quite think of anything appropriate.
She felt Vince lean over and reach for a packet of photographs. “What are these?”
“I thought you might want to have a look,” he said as he opened them up for her. The first one was of him sitting under a tree with his guitar under his arm and a smile on his face. Man, he was pretty hot looking when he smiled. No wonder Amy had been making such a play for him, unrequited though it was.
Vince only paused on it for a second before flicking through the rest.
“Ah,” he finally said. “Here we go.” The photo was quite old. Vince only looked about eight or so and he was surrounded by a gaggle of friends.
Holly studied it carefully. Was it a birthday party? The next one was the same, but the one after featured him with a small girl who had huge brown eyes and...Hey...Holly had a dress just like that when she was a kid...and the little white shoes sort of looked familiar as well...
No way.
She dragged the photo up to her face to study it more closely. But it was true. Here was photographic evidence that she and Vince had been friends. Well, for one day anyway.
So why on earth didn’t she remember it? Boy, look how adorable she had been back then: all brown ringlets and slim legs.
She flicked through the rest of the photographs until she discovered one that looked familiar. It was the same party and there was a chubby clown holding up a white bunny rabbit.
She remembered.
There had been tiny little cupcakes with bright red cherries on top and Holly had a nasty feeling she’d gone around the plate and eaten all the cherries before discarding the cakes. There had been more as well: music, laughter and lots of running around.
And Vince
. There he was, suddenly coming into focus in her memory. And not just for that day, there had been other days too.
“I remember,” she said finally and for a moment she thought she could feel Vince smile.
“I’m pleased,” he said before standing up. “Now I guess I should take you to work so you can say goodbye to Gemma and then perhaps we could...you know...find out how those pills got into your system.”
“The only thing we’re doing this morning is groveling until we know your job is safe.”
“Holly, I don’t care about my job.”
“Well, I do. You have your mortgage and your tablets to afford.”
Vince folded his arms in a ‘we will talk about this later’ sort of way. However he merely said, “So are you ready?”
No
, Holly wanted to yell.
She wasn’t remotely ready.
She hadn’t been ready to die and she certainly wasn’t ready to lose her memory. But apparently what she wanted didn’t really matter too much these days and so she took a deep breath.
“As I’ll ever be.”
xxx
“Nice going, Murphy,” someone called out as they walked into the Baker Colwell foyer.
“Yeah. Well done. That prick had it coming to him.” Holly looked up and saw it was a couple of guys she’d worked with before she’d got her promotion.
“Er, thanks,” she said, not quite sure what they were talking about. As she walked on a couple more guys nodded in her direction but it wasn’t until someone started to cheer and said, “Nice shot,” that Holly realized they must be referring to Todd. And that she had punched him.
Hey, you’ve made me famous,
Vince teased.
Yes, but why?
Holly frowned. Todd was one of the most popular guys in the company. He was young, dynamic and had
corner office
written all over him, so why were people so pleased Vince Murphy had decked him?
More importantly, how had they all found out? Holly felt ill. Despite how pleased everyone seemed to be at Todd getting punched, she had the sinking feeling it would be he who had the last laugh. Before she could delve any more into it Gemma came running up, panting.
“Thank God I’ve found you. I’ve been trying to call you all night. Why did you turn off your phone?”
“I didn’t,” Holly said. “I think the battery’s gone dead and I forgot to charge it.”
“So, are you okay?” Gemma demanded. “I’ve been sick with worry. You just ran out of there last night without saying anything.”
“I’m sorry.” Holly winced. “I just had to get some fresh air.”
There was no way she could tell Gemma the truth about what was going to happen to her now she’d failed her manual purge, but if she’d stayed around last night, that’s exactly what she would have done.
Look at how she’d spilled her guts to Vince. While Holly had been discovering that a lot of things in her life weren’t as she’d thought, Gemma wasn’t one of those things. She was the best friend a girl could have, and there was no way she wanted her to be worrying about Holly’s eternal damnation.