Read You Will Die: The Burden of Modern Taboos Online
Authors: Robert Arthur
The sale of sex is illegal purportedly to protect women. This justification is a sadistic joke. Female sex workers face incarceration and, perhaps worse, the permanent branding of a criminal record. Prosecuted women who may have been able to move on to more accepted forms of employment are now constrained to prostitution because of employers’ misgivings.
101
Because of criminalization, prostitutes are afraid to go to the police and therefore are susceptible to horrific violence and murder by their customers.
102
Lastly, the victimless nature of the “crime” of prostitution invites corruption (since there is no one to blow the whistle) and the abuse of prostitutes by police officers themselves.
103
,
104
The taboo also results in bad sex. For women this primarily occurs in that ignorant men do not realize that what brings a woman pleasure is not the same as what brings them pleasure. Although this situation has improved considerably since the peak of the sexual taboo in the Victorian Era, it is still deficient.
106
For men this primarily occurs when conventional morality prevents them from taking advantage of their natural disposition for variety and obtaining the pleasures
of professional sex workers. Although the federal government and moralists insist that sex is best when in the confines of a loving relationship, not everyone agrees. One patron of call girls compared sex with an experienced call girl to eating at a fine restaurant. He said that sex with a partner and eating a home-cooked meal are delicious, but a trained professional can delight in ways amateurs cannot.
107
Lastly, the taboo restrains both men and women from exploring the fascinating psychological realms of kinky sex. Even the mere sampling of alternatives to the missionary position is hindered. Perhaps because of the excrement taboo, an erogenous zone that is particularly ignored in Western culture is the anus, and specifically for males, the rectum’s prostate gland.
As a gay man speaking to an undergraduate sexuality class said in response to the question, “Do you really enjoy it when a man with a large penis has anal sex with you?”—“Honey, you don’t know what you are missing.”
108
,
109
Finally, the taboo’s denial of biological differences between the sexes prevents open dialogue between partners about the rules of their marriage. In their 2010 book
Sex at Dawn
, Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá argue that fulfilling the biological male desire for “sexually novel partners [is] one of the most important social changes required in Western societies to promote marital happiness.”
110
In their view, strict monogamy kills marriages through sexual monotony. The ramifications are high rates of sexless marriages, cheating, divorce, and single motherhood. As alternatives they suggest couples consider open marriages, swinging, polyamory, or taking the French attitude that one-night stands and affairs are not necessarily indictments of a loving marriage.
Ryan and Jethá understand that alternatives to strict monogamy may appear distasteful, particularly to women. Monogamy may be best for any one couple and the above list of alternatives is incomplete, however, the sex taboo should not silence discussion. It is important that partners be honest with each other about what they want, what works for them, and what makes them happy.
111
In 1988 the governor of Colorado, Roy Romer, faced a media rumpus when his lengthy extramarital affair was publicly revealed. Instead of issuing the stock
apologies he told the “tittering reporters” at a press conference that his wife of forty-five years was aware of the relationship, accepted it, and that their marriage was solid. He went on to say:
What is fidelity? Fidelity is what kind of openness you have, what kind of trust you have, which is based upon truth and openness. And so in my own family, we discussed that at some length. And we have tried to arrive at an understanding of what our feelings are, what our needs are, and work it out with
that
kind of fidelity.
112
1.
Marjorie Heins,
Not in Front of the Children
(2001), pp. 142–143.
2.
Kitty Kelley,
Nancy Reagan
(1992), pp. 77–82.
3.
David Allyn,
Make Love, Not War
(2000), p. 195.
4.
Esther Kaplan,
With God on Their Side
(2005), pp. 188–189, 217.
5.
Nellie Bristol, “US Anti-Prostitution Pledge Decreed Unconstitutional,”
Lancet
, 1 July 2006, pp. 17–18.
6.
Kitty Kelley,
Family
(2004), p. 584.
7.
N. Bush did not admit they were prostitutes, however, in each encounter strangers would inexplicably knock on his hotel door, enter, have sex with him, and then leave. He did admit their behavior was “very unusual.” “Bush Brother’s Divorce Reveals Sex Romps,”
CNN.com
, 26 Nov. 2003.
8.
The righteous circus surrounding Clinton’s 1998 impeachment led to numerous philanderers being exposed. A few congressional hypocrites of the last decade include Rep. Henry Hyde, adulterous affair; Rep. Newt Gingrich, adulterous affairs; Rep. Bob Livingstone, adulterous affairs; Rep. Bob Barr, licked stripper’s nipple and left family to marry adulterous lover; Rep. Dan Burton, illegitimate child; Rep. Helen Chenoweth, adulterous affair; Sen. Tim Hutchinson, left family to marry adulterous lover; Rep. Sue Myrick, adulterous affair; and Rep. J.C. Watts, two illegitimate children.
9.
Fifty-eight percent of people who said premarital sex is always wrong also admitted that they themselves had sex before they were married. Robert Michael, et al.,
Sex in America
(1994), p. 239.
10.
Senator Orrin Hatch, “Hatch: Pornography Is Not Free Speech,” Press Release, 16 Mar. 2005.
11.
Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, “Addicted to Porn,” 10 Mar. 2001, p. 9.
12.
Ret.
GlobalRights.org
, 23 Apr. 2006.
13.
“Link Between Prostitution and Sex Trafficking,” Department of State, 24 Nov. 2004,
state.gov
, ret. 14 Apr. 2006.
14.
Kaplan,
With God on Their Side
, p. 204.
15.
When this ad was airing, teenage Planned Parenthood clients were showing up saying “condoms aren’t as safe as everybody seems to think,” and “my boyfriend says they don’t work.” (That they were still coming in suggests these new beliefs did not halt their sexual activity.) Ibid.
16.
Stephanie Coontz,
Way We Never Were
(1992), p. 13.
17.
James Kincaid,
Erotic Innocence
(1998), p. 78.
18.
Ibid., pp. 94–95.
19.
Judith Levine,
Harmful to Minors
(2003), p. 26, and Kincaid,
Erotic Innocence
, p. 95.
20.
Levine,
Harmful to Minors
, p. 24, and Kincaid,
Erotic Innocence
, p. 78.
21.
Pamela Schultz,
Not Monsters
(2005), p. 201, and Steven Levy, “All Predators, All the Time? Maybe Not,”
Newsweek
, 3 July 2006, p. 20.
22.
These figures are for “stereotypical kidnappings.” When looser definitions are employed, such as including temporary detainments and abductions by a parent, figures are much higher. David Finkelhor, et al., “Nonfamily Abducted Children,” NISMART-2, DOJ, Oct. 2002.
23.
National Safety Council, “Odds of Death Due to Injury, United States, 2002,”
NSC.org
, ret. 3 July 2006.
24.
This section is not meant to belittle the harm of child molestation or the need for its punishment
. Punishment is needed, but the taboo on child sexuality pushes it beyond rational justification. For a similar argument from a college professor and mother, who was molested as a child and went on to interview molesters in prison, see Pamela Schultz,
Not Monsters
(2005), pp. xvi, 185–186, 200–201.
25.
L.J. Williamson, “Let Kids Outdoors,”
LATimes.com
, 29 Mar. 2007.
26.
By 1990 the radius around the home where children were allowed to roam alone shrunk to a ninth of what it was in 1970. Richard Louv,
Last Child in the Woods
(2005), p. 124.
27.
Forty-one percent of children age eight to eleven worry about being safe in their neighborhoods. Ibid.
28.
Current rate is fifteen percent. Williamson, “Let Kids Outdoors.”
29.
Christopher Doering, “Obama Backtracks on Smog Plan,”
Reuters.com
, 2 Sep. 2011.
30.
Lisa Lambert, “Cost of Locking Up Americans Too High,”
Reuters.com
, 2 Mar. 2009.
31.
In 2005 I represented a man (no prior record) charged with grabbing a boy’s crotch (outside of boy’s pants). He would have been publicly registered as a sex offender but a jury found him not guilty.
32.
Michele McNeil, “Concerned About Juvenile Sex Offenders . . .,”
Education Week
, 2 Mar. 2007, p. 18.
33.
A Florida prosecutor said, “Almost every day we get cases where you’re dealing with the kind of person that you want to exclude [from sex offender laws], but our hands are tied by all of these statutes.” Stephanie Garry, “Young Love,”
MiamiHerald.com
, 9 Mar. 2007.
34.
I represented a defendant in a case of this type.
35.
McNeil, “Concerned About Juvenile Sex Offenders.”
36.
Wisconsin and Ohio considered making sex offenders have flourescent green license plates. Todd Richmond, “Wisconsin Considers Green Sex Offender Plates,” AP, 13 Mar. 2007.
37.
Victor Weedn and John Hicks, “Unrealized Potential of DNA Testing,”
Natl. Inst. Just. J
., Dec. 1997, p. 23.
38.
Prostitution enforcement data from Julie Pearl, “Highest Paying Customers,”
Hastings Law J
., Apr. 1987, pp. 769–800.
39.
Figures are adjusted from 1985 dollars to 2012 dollars. Over half of New York City’s female prison population were convicted prostitutes at the time of the study. Pearl, “Highest Paying Customers,” p. 779.
40.
“Prevention of HIV/AIDS, Other STIs and Pregnancy,” CDC,
TheCommunityGuide.org
, June 2009, ret. 22 Sep. 2010.
41.
Marilyn Elias, “Teens Turn to Internet for Information on Sex,”
USA Today
, 17 Oct. 2005.
42.
Poll conducted 1996–1997. Michael Carrera et al., “Knowledge about Reproduction”
Social Policy
, Spr. 2000, pp. 41–49.
43.
A consensus statement by the NIH said the abstinence-only “approach places policy in direct conflict with science and ignores overwhelming evidence that other programs would be effective.” Judith Levine,
Harmful to Minors
(2003), p. 102.
44.
Esther Kaplan,
With God on Their Side
(2005), p. 170.
45.
Jacqueline Darroch, et al., “Differences in Teenage Pregnancy Rates,”
Fam. Plann. Perspect
., Nov./Dec. 2001, p. 244.
46.
Timothy Taylor,
Prehistory of Sex
(1996), p. 17.
47.
John Clarke,
Roman Sex
(2003), pp. 120–121.
48.
Clarke,
Roman Sex
, p. 63; and Ruth Karros,
Sexuality in Medieval Europe
(2005), pp. 150–151.
49.
J.M. Bailey,
Man Who Would Be Queen
(2003), p. x.
50.
For example, coach Bob Knight’s quote, “I think that if rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it.” “Bob Knight’s Outburst Timeline,” 14 Nov. 2006, ret.
USAToday.com
, 8 May 2007.
51.
President George W. Bush avoids discussing his past behavior with, “When I was young and irresponsible, was young and irresponsible,” Kitty Kelley,
Family
(2004), pp. 578–579.
52.
This chart predicts the
average
attitudes of these groups.
53.
When the pope’s Master of Ceremonies, Biagio da Cesena, criticized the nudity, Michelangelo painted da Cesena’s likeness in the Sistine Chapel as Minos, judge of the underworld.
54.
Peter De Rosa,
Vicars of Christ
(1988), pp. 4–5.
55.
Paragraph from James Loewen,
Lies My Teacher Told Me
(1995), pp. 1–3, 9, 24.
56.
In the early 1990s, only 2–4 percent of college students said that they had any substantial treatment of the Vietnam War in high school. Ibid., pp. 233–247.
57.
Jay Mathews, “‘Greatest Generation’ Struggled With History, Too,”
Washington Post
, 9 Mar. 2004.