Young Annabelle (17 page)

He hadn’t claimed me as his girlfriend and
what kind of girl would have sex with a guy who wasn’t her
boyfriend?

Not me.

Douchebag!

Asshole definitely trumped cute. Every point
he’d earned from before was null and void. There were no more
chances for him. If I saw him at school, I was going to ignore
him.

Bye, bye James!

“Although, Annabelle,” Mom hesitated, “the
shirt is nice but don’t you think it’s a little snug in the…you
know…belly area.”

That’s good, she’s treading
carefully because she’s scared I’ll snap again!
I smiled, realizing my little stunt two
weeks ago might have given Mom that attitude adjustment she
needed.

“It feels fine to me, Mom.” I pulled my shirt
down past my waist; it had scrunched up a little when I had sat
down but I hadn’t realized it because I was so out of it this
morning. I didn’t even remember walking in here.

“Alright, darling, no problem. Be comfortable
the way you are,” she said as I took my final mouthful of the
organic cereal she’d poured for me. I didn’t remember her pouring
the cereal either. I wouldn’t have let her pour this for me had I
been awake enough to protest.

Be comfortable the way I am?
What the hell did that mean?
Confused, I got up from the table and put my empty bowl in
the sink.

“I’m off,” I announced to everyone. Yes,
everyone. Apparently I’d been so out of it up until five minutes
ago that I didn’t even realize the whole family had descended on
the breakfast table.

I glanced at Charles and Katherine taking the
final spoonfuls of their respective bowls. Charles munched on
Cheerios while Katherine enjoyed her Cornflakes; both got to have a
tiny bit of honey on it too – dancers and soccer players burned a
lot of calories, so Mom had no problem with them having honey even
though she’d gone crazy this summer about everything that went into
my mouth. Damn it, I wanted honey too. It would have certainly
helped with whatever it was I’d had for breakfast. It looked like a
hundred small twigs swimming in milk. Not only did it not look
appetizing, it didn’t taste like anything. Even the milk tasted
watered down.

Did she mix water with skim
milk for me?
I
contemplated, horrified.
No!

I shook it off and tried to focus on
something else.

I wonder…if she knew that I
made out with James, would she have asked me how many calories his
saliva was?
I grinned as
I walked towards the front door.

Disgusting,
I thought as I recalled the word
‘saliva.’

Did I really mix my own saliva with his?

I grabbed my shoes and sat down on the last
step.

“Annabelle, wait for a moment, please!” Mom
shouted from the kitchen as I put on my black Converse. I tucked my
black skinny jeans over the top of my shoes, covering the looped
laces and got up off the stairs. I swung my backpack over my
shoulder and waited by the front door to see what she wanted
now.

Mom came out of the kitchen with a brown
paper bag in her hand. I stared at the bag in horror.

“I made lunch for you,” she exclaimed,
happily waving the bag back and forth.

I shook my head.

“No way, Mom. I’m not taking a paper bag
lunch to school,” I sternly told her.

“Why not?” she asked, flustered. “The food in
this bag is calorie-controlled.”

“Why? Because I’m a senior now. I’ll look
like an idiot walking into the cafeteria with a paper bag lunch
while everyone else is buying their lunch.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, looking
conflicted. This was it; this was what she’d been going on about
all summer. Senior year. The diet, the daily calorie burn, the
exercise, the food monitoring. It was all for senior year and how
I’d look to my peers.

“Can you assure me that you’ll buy salad or
something low calorie?” Her tone was dead-serious.

“I can assure you I won’t buy anything
fattening.”

“That’s not good enough,” Mom said shortly.
“I need to know if I can count on you to be responsible with your
lunch selections from now on.”

Jesus! What does she want from me, to sign a
contract in blood that I won’t buy cheesy fries and hamburgers?

I began to feel anxious; her tone was putting
me off. I was an adult, if I wanted to eat something I should be
able to eat it without having to explain it to anybody.

“I won’t buy any hamburgers or fries or hot
dogs. If I see a salad, I’ll choose that. If I see low calorie
wraps, I’ll choose that.” I did my best to not sound irritated, but
even I could detect it in my tone. Hopefully, she didn’t notice. I
wasn’t in the mood for a fight; I just wanted to get to school
before I was late.

Walking in late on the first day in front of
everyone? No, thank you!

“Good enough?” I asked calmly, my hands
itching to open the door.

She remained silent for a few seconds, her
face busily contemplating what I’d said.

“Yes, I’m satisfied with that.” She smiled as
her shoulders relaxed. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’m going now. Bye.”

“Have a great first day. Senior year,
Annabelle!”

Like I needed the reminder as I walked out.
“Yes, Mom, I know.”

What the hell was that?
I thought as I took in the
morning air.

*****

“Girl, where have you been?” Jenna shouted
from the bottom of the stairs at the front of the school. I did a
little jog towards her.

“Sorry, had a paper bag lunch scare this
morning,” I explained in faux horror.

She laughed and leaned against one of the
cement pillars.

“Well, I assume the crisis was averted
then?”

“Yeah, I put my foot down.”

“Good. Anyways – you look good today, great
color,” Jenna complimented.

“Thanks. But do you notice anything else that
looks great?” I asked playfully shimmying.

Jenna pretended to think for a moment,
scanning my body from head to toe.

“Well, if I’m being honest, those ten pounds
you lost – you’re body’s showing the loss.”

“Really?!” I exclaimed.

“Dude, I’m your best friend! I wouldn’t lie
about how you look – I’m always going to be a hundred percent
honest. It’s the only way.”

“Okay, okay. Tell me, what are the biggest
differences you notice?”

“Definitely a loss in the chin area, you
don’t have a double chin anymore.”

“I had a double chin?” I hid my chin with my
hands, horrified.

“Only a little one –”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I interrupted.

“Because it didn’t matter. It was barely
noticeable,” Jenna shrugged. “I mean, you’d have to be up really
close to notice anything.”

“Okay… But it’s gone now, right?”

“Yes, for the second time, you don’t have a
double chin anymore – Gone!”

“Good,” I smiled. “What else?”

Jenna shook her head at me before grinning in
a way that made me worry.

“Well. If you really want to know, the first
thing I noticed was you’re boobs look nicely curved now that your
neck is more defined.” She burst out laughing and I grabbed her
shoulder with one hand and covered her mouth with the other.

“Be quiet! At school – You’re talking about
my boobs at school! On the first day!” I hissed in her ear.

She couldn’t contain her laughter and soon I
was laughing too, at what a crazy friend I had. We linked arms and
climbed the stairs.

“So tell me, what’s up? What’s the work
situation?” Jenna asked.

“I’m just doing Saturdays now.”

“Anything else going on? Anything you want to
share?”

I hesitated. I hadn’t told her about James
yet. My palms grew sweaty at the thought of spilling my guts about
my super brief time in paradise. In a perfect world I would have
told her everything, but it wasn’t a perfect world and she wouldn’t
be as understanding about the entire situation as my psyche needed.
I’d told myself countless times that it was all good, that things
like that happened all the time. I was blown off, hitched and
ditched, left high and dry.

“Nah, my life is the same: boring!” I lied.
It wasn’t boring; it was torture.

“Damn girl! We need to get you a
boyfriend.”

“Hahaha, very funny – now stop joking.”

“We’ll see,” she sung loudly.

There was promise in her voice. Her go-to
phrase almost always guaranteed that she’d do what she wanted, even
if I didn’t approve.

We stepped up onto the final stair, the front
doors were hidden behind a mob of students hanging out on the
terrace, trying desperately to hold on to the last moments of
summer vacation before making that painful first step inside the
school. Jenna led the way, zig-zagging around everyone. I grabbed
onto her backpack and let her do all the work.

We made it through the doors and I let go of
her backpack. I turned down the hallway my homeroom was in;
unfortunately, Jenna’s homeroom was in a different hallway, very
far from mine.

“See you at lunch,” I shouted to her.

“Later,” she called back.

I found my locker, opened it, and checked
inside. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was clean and not that
badly damaged. Behind me the hallway was filling up quickly judging
by the number of yells and screams I could hear. I took out a small
magnetic mirror from my backpack and placed it on the inside of my
door.

New Year. New rules. With a mirror now in my
locker, I was going to check my appearance regularly. This year
could be my year, maybe I’d finally find someone that didn’t want
to just make out with me then disappear without a text or a call. I
checked my pale skin for any imperfections – no blemishes, check. I
checked my brown eyes – alive and well, mascara sitting on my
eyelashes nicely, check and check.

Here’s hoping!

I took out my spare umbrella, placing it in
the bottom of the locker. This was Florida, spare umbrellas were
imperative if you wanted any hope of getting home dry in a
spontaneous storm.

I feel a weird tingle in my legs.

I heard a laugh behind me; in fact, I heard a
lot of laughs, a whole group of them. One laugh stood out. I’d
heard it before. My legs knew it before my mind realized it and now
they were frozen.

The realization crashed into me and I felt a
tightness grow in my throat. The laugh grew louder, then all their
laughs grew in volume, ostentatiously taking over the hallway like
they were so important that every student here needed to know they
were here. The sad part it was, without looking, I knew who they
were. The loudest laugh belonged to a familiar voice, a familiar
mouth – which had been hungrily plastered on mine just weeks
ago.

Just breathe,
I ordered myself, the air in my
throat beginning to feel hoarse and ragged. I was about to come
face to face with the splitter, the dasher, the runner.

What do I do? How do I act?
Should I walk past him and ignore him like he ignored
me?

I shook my head,
no way
. Well, I definitely wasn’t going to speak with
him, let alone attack him if he was in a group of bros, laughing it
up like they were the Kings of the Hallway.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes,
trying to calm myself down before I turned and lock eyes with a guy
I hoped to God I could hate from now on.

Please, God? Let me hate him,
let me walk past him, ignore him, pretend he doesn’t exist – even
if he looks really cute today, even if he wears that baseball
uniform top.
I prayed as
I exhaled a long, slow breath, trying to push out some of the
anxiety with it.

Asshole trumps cute! Asshole
trumps cute! Asshole trumps cute!
I mentally chanted as I slammed my locker shut. I
stared at the front of my locker, I wished it was because I was
captivated by the dark olive green color but, in truth, I was
hesitating.

Come on, you can do this.
Remember: asshole trumps cute, especially fake-ass assholes that
don’t call!

I nodded subtly, if I could just keep
reminding myself of these things everything was going to be just
fine. In fact, Bitchy Annabelle was likely to make a full recovery
and return with a vengeance.

Watch out, James!

Now, turn around and face the fool that
dared to play you.

My legs didn’t move.

Oh shit – I can’t do
this!

I shook the horrible thought away.

I adjusted my backpack, one-shouldering it.
With a pasted on chill, ‘I can’t be bothered, I don’t know you, or
you, or you’ expression, I turned around.

Why couldn’t I have homeroom in
the opposite direction as them?
My heart tripled its beats per second. I was just going to
have to do the best I could, even if it was forced.

My homeroom was in room 205. Hundreds of
students crowded the hallway, filling it. I shuffled around a few
before I made it to the middle of the hall where people could walk
without having to stop.

Excitement filled the air, I could feel it.
Everyone seemed to be on the last of the summer high. I wished I
had a little bit of my summer high to float on – oh wait, didn’t
somebody cruelly crush my high two weeks ago when he didn’t bother
to communicate with me after sharing one of the biggest moments of
my life?

I passed room 204, wishing it was my homeroom
instead; I wanted out of this hallway. A long row of lockers was
all that separated me from the Kings of the Hallway. Their laughter
hadn’t subsided. It was still going as I got closer to the room
where I could hide and return my heart rate to normal. I stared
ahead but down, I didn’t want to risk making eye contact. I was
scared of what I might feel, what might happen. So I stared just a
few meters in front to the side, focused and determined. The
penalty for breaching my field of vision – the only protection my
sanity had – would be detrimental; I might faint or have a heart
attack.