Your Goose Is Cooked (A LaTisha Barnhart Mystery) (5 page)

Don’t ask me what he loved so much about that gold tooth. “How am I supposed to know? The whole set should be dipped in gold. Cost enough. Now get those drinks delivered and get to cooking before I put you in the deep fryer.”

Hardy held up his hand to admire his dark chocolate skin tone. “I’m already grilled well done.”

Chief Conrad let out another laugh at that, while Hardy whisked up the tray of drinks. Chief finally stopped kissing his mug, though I saw the smirk tug hard on his lips.
“So,
LaTisha
, what was this about a new face in town?”
He took a hard slurp of coffee.

I was feeling mighty ornery, I can tell you that. “That’s for me to know and you to find out.” I crossed my arms and gave him a mulish stare.

“We have someone new in town?” Dr.
Cryer
asked as he approached the counter, tea glass in hand. “You get the chance, recommend me as the town dentist, won’t you,
LaTisha
?” The man didn’t miss one beat as he slid onto the stool next to the Chief. He raised his voice for Hardy’s benefit as that one disappeared into the kitchen. “I’ve got a nice new set of teeth for you, Hardy. As soon as we get that last tooth out we’ll try them on.”

“Can’t wait,”
came
Hardy’s mumbled reply.

Dr.
Cryer
leaned forward and slapped a fiver onto the counter. “That’s for Hardy. He makes a great waiter.”

Hardy rang the bell to let me know Chief’s sandwich was ready. The Maple Gap looked mighty good. The pepper relish dripped off one corner, a pretty red against the turkey and ham piled high.

“You’ll be breathing fire with all that,” I cautioned as I slid the plate in front of Chief Conrad.

His eyes were already glued to the platter. “I love hot food. Regina’s always mixing up salsa, trying to get just the right amount of heat.”

“How’s she doing? I haven’t seen her in a while.” Regina
Rogane
-Conrad, newly married, or at least the most newly married woman we had in Maple Gap, ran Wig-Out, the hair salon. “She heard any good gossip?”

“Things have quieted some since Eugene announced his plans on the landfill.
Shame.
That’s good ground out there.”

It truly was good ground and right beside the school, making me
wish
they could hang on to the property, but money was tight.

Chief munched the huge bite he’d taken. “Besides, I don’t put much into all those ladies chatting around,
Regina’ll
tell you that.”

I had to snicker. “Do you good to be listening. No one knows people like women know people.”

“Meaning men aren’t as tuned in?”

“You’re tracking with me. Gossip might be wrong, but there is usually some level of truth mixed in, or mixed up, depending on how you look at it. If you can figure out the personality of the person spilling the gossip, then you’ll know how much is truth and how much is made up.”

Chief picked up his sandwich for another bit. “I’m listening.”

“If you’ve got someone who has low self-esteem, like my Lela had for a while there in her teen years, then you can guarantee whatever gossip they drop is going to be riddled with a little spice because they want people to think they know more than they truly do.”

“To make themselves feel important.”

“Regina, now, she’s a lot like my
Shayna
, got herself a good head. Not low in the self-esteem department.
Shayna
says things straight out.
Never had time for anyone who didn’t tell the truth.
Regina’s like that, and having listened to women’s lips all these years, she’ll be your inside track to what
is more truth
and what’s fairytale.”

Chief cocked his head sideways. “You not only majored in police science, but you’re getting your degree in basic humanity.”

“Honey, I’ve got my doctorate in that. If anything’s taught me to tune in to people, it’s those seven babies of Hardy’s and mine.”

Chief took a swig of coffee, dabbed his mouth, and narrowed his eyes.
“So this little speech,
LaTisha
.
Is there something you’ve caught wind of that you’re trying to figure out? Or is this type of information just free to the poor, uninformed male masses?”

“Free information.”

When he took a bite of his sandwich, I decided to make my escape to the kitchen before he dug too deep and I buried myself. On my return trip from the dining room to deliver some plates, Chief snagged me into another conversation.

“You know,
LaTisha
, with all those new people in town, it’s not so strange that William saw someone he didn’t recognize.
Right?”

Chief was messing with me. His slow words and that final question bled me dry of courage. I struggled not to blurt out everything I knew and grovel at his feet for forgiveness, which is not like me. I don’t grovel.
Ever.
Too hard on the knees.
But my too-quick promise to William, and the haunting idea that Mayor
Taser’s
death could well be on my head, had me spinning some big circles. “You finish up that sandwich and get. Go find yourself a criminal to lock up.”

Chief lifted his sandwich in salute and made short work of the last bite. I watched him chew. Swallow. “
You going
to join the force?”

That was a good one.
“When the department starts getting some decent money.
If I joined, it would short change Mac and Nelson. I don’t think you can afford to do that even if Nelson’s gone part time.”

“We’ve talked about moving to the attorney’s office and letting them have our side.”

The attorney’s offices shared the same two-story brick building as the police station, but the police station took up two-thirds, the rest being the attorney’s side. “Harvey does a lot of work in
Denver,
he can probably afford the bigger side.”

“Order up!” Hardy barked behind me.

And with that, I snapped back to the job of delivering orders. I slipped plates onto my tray, eyeing the quality of the food, satisfied at what I was seeing.

Chief got up and slipped some money under the rim of his plate. He caught me looking, with a definite twinkle in his eyes. “I’ll be sure to keep look out for any unsavory strangers in town.”

Chapter Six

When William showed up and took over, I made a quick exit, dragging Hardy down Gold Street toward Dr.
Cryer’s
office. It was like pulling a recalcitrant mule. Sasha smiled at us through the window of her boutique as she dressed her mannequin in another one of her creations.

“Pick up your feet.”

Hardy’s eyes rolled around in his head like he’d drop over. I kept tugging anyhow. We’d crossed the street and were closing in on the school when I’d had enough.

“You best get those feet stepping real quick-like, Hardy Barnhart.”

“I want to keep my tooth.”

“We’ll stuff and mount it for you. Now get on with you before I pick you up and carry you down this here street for all to see.” Not hard, since I outweighed him, even after twenty-five pounds.

“Just because you got your degree in police science doesn’t mean you have a right to abuse citizens. I’m not disturbing the peace.”

“You’re disturbing my peace.” I exhaled, long and hard, and gave a pull. Hardy came rocketing toward me. In a fast movement, I crouched and locked my arms around his knees and that’s when it happened. My pantyhose ripped out. I felt the give from one cheek to another, and I’m not talking eyeballs, nose, mouth, cheeks. I straightened real fast. Hardy stared up at me, eyebrows hiked high.

“Don’t think those hose got the memo on the twenty-five pounds.”

“You hush up! If it wasn’t for your foolery it wouldn’t have happened.”

“What made you think you can still pick me up?” His chest swelled out as if that would make anyone think he was more than the hundred thirty pounds he was.

“I might be old, but I can still haul your carcass around this town.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, a spark in his eyes.

“You want to have it out right here?”

Then we heard it.
The giggles.
Mrs.
Freeburn
and her little group of children were lined up to get on the bus, watching us with wide-eyed amusement.

“You and Hardy having a good day,
Mrs
B.?”
Chris
Freeburn
, first grade teacher, grinned, her hand turning little heads away from us and directing them toward the doors of the waiting bus.

“Mighty hot out here,” I fanned with my free hand, pasting on a nice smile, my voice dripping brown sugar.
“You and the children off on a field trip?”

I heard the clack of a window slide down and a little face poked out a rear bus window. “
Hiya
, Mrs. B.”

“Well hello there.” I forced a laugh. “Mr. Barnhart’s taking a field trip to the dentist.”

The little nose scrunched up. “I don’t like the dentist either.” Clack-clack-clack, the window hacked upward.

 
Mrs.
Freeburn
smiled and gave a wave through the emergency door window.

“Wish I could go on
that
field trip.” Hardy said as the bus pulled away and we resumed our walk. “Those children probably think we’re crazy, all voices raised and you stooping down like that before your hose gave way. Like some weird geriatric shuffle dance craze.”

“And who started
this Mr. I’m-
Gonna
-Drag-My-Toes
?”

“Just don’t want to go.”

“Should have thought of that before now.
You’ll be asleep for the whole thing.”

“That’s not what bothers me. It’s the waking up and the pain afterward.”

For that, I could sympathize. Still, did he have to behave worse than a rebellious teenager? We walked in silence for a while. Hardy’s hand brushed mine, his fingers searching for my mine. “’
Tish
, I’ve been thinking . . .”

 
I frowned, not quite ready to enter the forgiveness zone. “That’s a good sign.”

“Do you realize our fortieth anniversary is around the corner?”

“If I don’t get some divorce papers cranking first.”

I lumbered up the steps of Dr.
Cryer’s
office and yanked the door open for Hardy, moving aside so he could enter first. “Take a deep breath. Doesn’t it just make you feel all warm inside to inhale that smell?”

Hardy made a face. “You get those papers together and I’ll sign them first.” He went straight for the armchair, a stack of hunting and fishing magazines beside it. I went to the reception window. Molly, the receptionist, wasn’t in, so I jotted down Hardy’s name and sank down in the loveseat adjacent to his chair.

“Now what’s this talk about our fortieth?”

Hardy’d
picked up a magazine with a picture of a huge deer on the front. I knew he was about as interested in hunting as he was in hearing the details of his grandbaby’s birth via C-section.

“We should do something special.”

“That we made it this far is special enough for me.”

“I want to go somewhere.” He flipped a page in the magazine. He held up a picture of thick woods with mountains in the background and a deer in the foreground. “Do something we’ve never done before.”

“You’ve never hunted deer before.”

“I hunted you.” His eyes warmed as he met my gaze.

“Got more than you bargained for.”

“I got everything I needed.”

I picked up the magazine and stared at the picture of those mountains. Maybe it would be nice to plan something big. Only: “How do you think this is going to happen with us needing to manage the Goose?”

“Can’t William do it?”

“By himself?”
I shut the magazine and set it aside. No use dreaming. “He barely talks to us, let alone everyone that comes in to eat, and there’s no way he could handle serving and cooking.”

Hardy frowned hard. “Maybe we could do a party.”