Your Heart to Keep: Holly and Jax

Your Heart to Keep

By Amanda Mackey

Your Heart to Keep

Copyright © 2105 by Amanda Mackey. All rights reserved.

First print edition: April 2015

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any print or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments or actual living persons – living or dead – is entirely coincidental.

Prologue

Long tapered fingers. Slender build. Legally blind. Dilated aorta. That’s me. My name is Holly Jenkins and I have Marfan’s Syndrome.

The medical profession class this syndrome as the most common to affect the connective tissue, with one in every 10,000 to 20,000 individuals diagnosed. However, not many people I know had ever heard of it until I came along so I don’t understand how it can be common.

I am one of the twenty-five percent who did not inherit the disorder from either one or both parents. Mine was a random occurrence during the formation of my fetus, caused by a simple gene mutation.

I’m currently on the heart transplant waiting list and have been for the last thirteen months. My heavily dilated aorta is at risk of tearing, rupturing, or both. It’s a sad fact that I have to wait on someone compatible to die before I can be fixed and the lack of willing donors throughout the world, make it an even longer wait.

The beta-blockers I take help stop my aortic tear from worsening but at the end of the day not even that is guaranteed.

Secondary to my heart condition is my failing vision. Typical of someone with Marfan’s, is corneal thinning, which has left me with extremely poor sight that has gradually worsened over time. I am fluent in braille and teach other newly unsighted people how to use it to live as normal a life as possible. I’ve always desired to make a difference in people’s lives and this allows me to give something back to the blind community that has supported me over the years.

I had a corneal transplant a few years back to restore my sight but it was unsuccessful and so rather than go through another episode of getting my hopes up only to have them dashed, I have learned to live in my cloudy, distorted world. The success rate of corneal transplants is normally extremely high; for mine to have failed was a harsh slap in the face. I’d taken it as a sign that maybe God had other plans for me.

At twenty years of age, I have lived a quiet existence with my loving parents, adapting to the progression of my condition as needed.

I have always enjoyed my uncomplicated life of routine and structure. That is until fate stepped in and threw Jaxon Reynolds and the phone call that would change everything, my way.

Chapter One

How it all began – Jax

“Chloe! Chloooeee!” I roared, stomach roiling; head blazing like a furnace. Something was desperately wrong. The last thing I remembered was driving from Sterling, Colorado heading back home to Denver with my girlfriend, Chloe. It was late but we were both in good spirits. Sober. Chloe didn’t drink and I was driving. When I had her in the car with me I made a point of not touching any alcohol before getting behind the wheel. We’d been visiting her folks for New Year. Instead of staying the extra night like they’d offered, I’d decided to make the trip back home so that I could hit the gym early the next morning. It was only a two hour drive…

Opening my eyes, I wasn’t sure where I was at first. Disoriented. Confused. I seemed to be hanging upside down, suspended by something. A slight hissing stained the eerie silence. I blinked a few times in order to gain my bearings wondering why Chloe hadn’t answered me. Turning my head, it took a minute for my vision to cut through the encompassing darkness and focus. A shape. The outline of a body. I let out a horrific cry. “Jesus! No. Nooooo. Chloe!” Her crumpled body folded around the seatbelt as if she were hugging it which I wouldn’t have been too worried about if it wasn’t for her head twisted at a grotesque angle, resting against the passenger window. The sudden realization that we had crashed and the car had rolled, one or a number of times, hit me with the ferocity of a bullet. We were both upside down and I was dangling from my seat.

I fumbled with my seatbelt, searching for the lock, failing miserably with my shuddering fingers. “Chloe! Hold on, baby! I’m here! I’m here! It’s okay!” I ignored the excess pain in my head when I hit the roof of the car each time I jerked my body, trying to undo the damn seatbelt. Why the hell couldn’t I open it? If it didn’t release soon I was going to rip it from its mount. This was bad. So fucking, bad!

Her side of the car seemed to have taken the brunt of the impact. What had we hit? A tree? Light pole? No. It couldn’t have been a light pole. It was deathly black outside.

I needed to get to her. Get her out of the car. Call someone! Shit. Where was my cell? Why wasn’t she moving? Why wasn’t she responding to my voice? I was going to punch something if I couldn’t get this piece of shit seatbelt off! I flailed about, putting my whole body into it until finally I heard a click, and then I dropped onto the roof headfirst with a thud causing me to yell some more.

I maneuvered myself around so that I was facing Chloe, undoing her seatbelt without too much difficulty and letting her fall into my arms so that she too wouldn’t hit her head the same way I had. I turned her fragile, motionless body to me, bringing her flacid head around so I could inspect the damage.

I wasn’t prepared for her macabre face, two vacant, lifeless eyes fixed on nothing, skin painted red and an open wound from her temple to her jaw. Shit. Shit.

“Chloe! Wake up! Talk to me. You have to talk to me, baby. Everything is going to be okay. I’ve got you. I’m going to take care of you. Always.” I found myself rocking with her in a gesture of comfort. As long as I had her in my arms, everything was going to be fine. I wouldn’t let her go. As for me? I was far from fine. My body was shaking uncontrollably and I could hear my loud sobs and feel the watery tears falling down my face. I had to get help.

I laid her limp head on my chest as I fumbled for my cell which I knew still had to be in my jeans pocket. “Chloe, I need to call an ambulance, okay? We need to get you better. They’ll come and take care of you. Just hold on for me.”

I latched onto my cell and ripped it out, failing three times to dial emergency services due to my shivering fingers.

“Come on damn it! Stop shaking! Focus!” My whole body was convulsing now as I finally hit the correct numbers.

“911. What’s your emergency?”

“I’ve had an …a…accident. My girlfriend. She’s n…ot good. You have to h…urry! God! You have to fucking hurry!” My voice was hysterical. My teeth were chattering.

“It’s okay, Sir! Calm down. I’m sending someone as soon as you can give me some information of your whereabouts.”

Where were we? Fuck! I looked out into the black of night, not seeing anything. Think moron!

“I…I’m not sure. We’ve been driving for a while. We’ve c…come from Sterling. I…Hang on a sec.” I looked at the time on my cell and did a rough, mental calculation of how long it had been since we waved goodbye to Chloe’s parents. “I think w…we must be about fifteen minutes outside of Denver. We’re on the I-76. Please! You need to hurry! She’s…She won’t wake up!”

“Okay, you’re doing great, Sir. I’ve dispatched an ambulance. It’s on its way. Can you stay on the line for me?”

“Yeah. I guess.” I needed to get Chloe out of the damn car! Didn’t I?

“Great. Can you tell me your name, Sir?”

“Jax. I mean… J…Jaxon Reynolds.” Why couldn’t I get my mouth to stop trembling?

“Jaxon, were you the driver of the vehicle?”

“Yes.”

“Are you injured?”

“No. Not really. A few c…cuts and a killer headache b…but I’m alright.”

“Were there any other vehicles involved?”

“I d…d…don’t think so. I don’t know what happened I’m s…sure we didn’t hit another car.”

“How many other passengers were in the car?”

“Two. No. One! One p…p…passenger. Chloe McQuade.”

“You’re doing really well, Jaxon. Now, can you tell me if the female is breathing? Put a hand under her nose and see if you feel any air coming out.”

I did as the woman with the calm voice said. I put my bloodied finger under Chloe’s equally bloody nose but couldn’t feel a thing. Why the goddamn hell was there no air? Maybe there was but my fingers were too numb to feel it. It was so cold.

“Are you there, Jaxon?”

“Yes. I…I don’t know. I can’t f…feel any. There’s a lot of blood. So much blood!”

At that moment my stomach decided to empty its contents. I turned my head just in time, vomiting onto my restored roof lining. I could hear the dispatcher talking into the phone but I couldn’t deal with her until I stopped retching, which didn’t feel like it was going to happen anytime soon.

Pressing the ‘off’ button on my cell, unable to handle any more questions, I let it fall out of my hand, pulling Chloe into my side. “Help is on the way, b…b…beautiful. Not long now.”

***

By the time the sirens sounded I was a quivering mess. I’d fought with my inner voice since hanging up on the dispatcher, to check Chloe’s pulse. I didn’t want the finality of what that may bring. I was barely managing to keep it together as it was. Not knowing was better. Easier.

My frozen fingers bit into her skin as I wept for the girl who lay helpless in my arms. I clung to my lifeline, breathing in small puffs of perfume that still adhered to her pasty skin.

Only minutes ago, still under the hour, we’d been laughing about the five days we’d just spent with her parents and siblings, bringing in the New Year with a bang. Our only resolutions being to keep loving each other, unconditionally. Nothing more. Nothing less. Chloe had promised me. She’d fucking promised!

I squeezed a handful of her hair, kissing her head. “Don’t do this Chloe. Don’t do this, baby. I know you can hear me. Just focus on my voice. I love you madly. Always and forever. Just like we agreed.” I wiped my dripping nose on my arm, sniffing and blubbering like a girl but I didn’t give a damn. I’d drop anyone who had the nerve to utter any macho bullshit like ‘Keep it together, Bro.’ or ‘Come on. Don’t cry.”

I kept her inside the car. Even with smashed windows and icy air from outside having filled up the interior, I figured at least it was shelter. As long as the engine didn’t catch fire, I’d stay put. There was no smell of gasoline so at least that was one small mercy.

The ambulance or ambulances arrived, since it sounded like more than one. Turning off the piercing shrill of their sirens, men jumped out, appearing at the upside down windows of the car.

“We’re gonna get you out, okay?”

My teeth kept rattling. “H…hu…hurry!”

Both doors on each side of the car were being pulled. Chloe’s wouldn’t open as it was too crumpled but mine managed to open half way.

“Are you able to climb out?” One of the officers asked.

“I’m not leaving her.”

“Sir, you’re going to have to exit the vehicle first so we can get to your girlfriend. She looks pretty banged up there. The sooner we can get her in the ambulance, the better.”

I was rocking again not wanting to feel the absence of her. Some innate part of me knew that when I let her go it would be forever.

“I love you Chloe. I l…lo…love you so damn much, baby. I’m n…not leaving you, okay? I’m just getting out of the car. I’ll b…be…be right by your side the whole time.” Lifting her face, I placed my cold lips over her even colder, bloodied ones, memorizing their shape and feel as I laid her gently down while I scrambled out of the car.

Two medics were at my side instantly as I lay in a heap on the frosty road. “We’re going to lift you onto the stretcher okay, buddy?”

I didn’t nod. I just let them do what they had to. All I could think about was Chloe. Alone and cold. Needing me. I was lifted onto a collapsible gurney and an insulated foil blanket placed over me. My hand pointed to the wreckage. “Chloe!”

“We’re getting her out. She’ll follow us to University Hospital.”

“No! You don’t understand! I ca…can’t leave her!” Trying to sit up, I was forced back down.

“Son, you need to remain still. You’ve got your own injuries that need treatment. You can’t do anything for her right now. You need to let us do our job.”

My protests were met with deaf ears as the wheels on my mobile bed were collapsed and I was placed in the ambulance. Desperation splintered me into fragments, my heart taking the brunt of it. Or was it my soul? It ran deeper than the organ that was pumping a torrent of acid through my veins.

The driver was radioing through to University Hospital to prepare for our arrival. ETA around fifteen minutes.

The attending medic was looking me over, lifting the blanket to check for bleeding. I had amazingly come out of it relatively unscathed. It wasn’t fair. It should have been me in Chloe’s place. Me. The fucked up dude that people didn’t give a shit about. Only a handful of people would miss me. Not many in the whole scheme of things.

“W…wh…when will they have my girlfriend at the hospital?”

“They won’t be too far behind us,” answered the medic who was placing a cuff around my arm, seeking a blood pressure reading.

The sirens were wailing again, adding to my headache but my body was warming up under the thermal wrappings, stilling my chattering teeth somewhat.

“Apart from a few cuts and bruises, looks like you were extremely lucky.”

I knew it was an attempt at trying to comfort me but I didn’t want or need it. Luck wasn’t reserved for me today. How could he even think that I’d been lucky? Lucky that my precious Chloe was so messed up? Lucky that we had crashed? Lucky that I was the one breathing and not her? There was nothing lucky about that.

My lips flattened and I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the nightmare to end, silently asking the million dollar question. How had this happened? What had caused us to crash and roll? Something had instigated it but I couldn’t for the life of me pull that all important millisecond just before the accident, from my subconscious.

A heart monitor was pegged onto the end of one of my fingers as the ambulance officer ran a check. If they looked hard enough they’d find a reading of ‘broken.’

I could tell when we neared Denver. We slowed down and sped up as we dodged traffic, having to wait on some ignorant drivers to move out of the way.

There was a constant stream of radio calls fighting to be heard over the siren, our driver responding every so often.

“My car. What will happen to my car?” My pride and joy. Hours upon hours of tinkering and restoration over the past three years. Would she be salvageable? In all the madness, I hadn’t thought about that. It had seemed irrelevant. Probably still was but I didn’t want to see her go to the junk yard.

“The tow trucks will pick it up and transport it to the closest shop. Someone will be in touch with you about repairs. Investigators will want to determine the cause of the accident too and check the vehicle over.”

Hopefully they’d be able to establish just what had gone wrong. I needed answers. Had I done something wrong? Was it my fault? Jesus! What if I had? I couldn’t live with myself if…Uh Hell.

We came to a stop and the back doors opened. My bed was lifted out and jacked up on its wheels again and I was on the move into the busy hospital.

“Male. Caucasian. Involved in a single vehicle accident. He was driving at the time. Suffering multiple cuts and bruises. B.P slightly low. Possible mild shock. Passenger being transported in another ambulance.” The medic was relaying as many details as possible.

Once they were logged into the computer I was taken to an examination room to be thoroughly checked and to await X-Rays.

A nurse appeared, “We’ll get you down to Radiology soon. In the meantime do you need any pain medication?”

“Sure. My head feels like it’s going to detonate at any second.” Maybe some meds will help my numb thoughts.