You're the One I Want (20 page)

My three bridesmaids filed out of my bedroom one at a time.

“Girl, you look gorgeous,” Nakia said as she kissed me on the cheek.

“Thank you, baby girl.”

Uncle Ray-Ray stared at me in the mirror like I was Tallahassee royalty.

“So what do you think?”

“I never had a daughter, but if I did, I would want her to look exactly like you on her wedding day.” Uncle Ray-Ray's words nearly brought me to tears.

“You know, ever since the day I joined this family, you have been nothing but sweet to me, while Mama Liz and Yvonne have had nothing but beef with me. I'm still not sure yet if I've convinced them that I'm good for Kashawn.”

Uncle Ray-Ray placed his hands softly on my shoulders. “It doesn't matter what they think, or whether or not you're right for my nephew. They're not marrying Kashawn. You are.”

“And I've been telling myself that ever since.”

“Bree, I know that it hasn't been easy, but you seem to be holding your own with the two of them. Trust me, they are not easy women to get along with.”

“You ain't never lied. I can't seem to do anything right by Mama
Liz. Even on my wedding day, I feel like I'm walking on pins, needles,
and
thumbtacks around her. I don't know what else I can do, short of offering her my firstborn.”

Uncle Ray-Ray chuckled. “Like I said, they'll come around. It's not like they have a choice. And let's not make this day about them. This is your and Kashawn's wedding. And, girl, his heart is going to melt when he sees how beautiful you are today.”

“You think so?”

“No doubt about it. Kashawn is a lucky man.”

“All I want to do is make him happy.”

“And you will. I know my nephew. That man is head over heels in love with you.”

“He better be. He spent enough on this dress,” I joked.

Uncle Ray-Ray held out his arm to escort me downstairs. “Well, we better not keep your guests waiting. Let's get this show on the road.”

I kept saying in my head that I wouldn't cry as I made my way downstairs. When the organist began to play “Here Comes the Bride,” everyone turned in my direction. Within seconds, all eyes were on me and I felt like straight-up queen royalty. When I saw Kashawn waiting for me at the end of the aisle, my nerves had subsided. I knew that everything was going to be okay, that as long as we had each other, we could get through anything.

I was about to order another Vodka Cranberry when my phone rang. It was Ebonya. I answered it. “Hey, girl.”

“Bree, where are you?”

“I'm at Mockingbird Bar. Why?”

“You need to come to the hospital. Something's happened.”

I instantly felt a panicked feeling wash over me. “What is it? Is it Kashawn?”

“No, it's Uncle Ray-Ray. He's had a heart attack.”

“Oh, my God, okay. I'm on my way.”

I
t was a rainy Saturday afternoon the day of Uncle Ray-Ray's funeral. Kashawn was pretty much in a daze all day, staring at the storm-gray casket as they lowered his uncle into the ground. Kashawn's hand felt cold, like the life had been drained out of him. I would look into his light-brown eyes, only to find him listless, overcome with grief. Mama Liz rocked back and forth in a white fold-out chair, her mouth moving like she was singing to herself. Mount Zion Church was packed to the rim with family, friends, and people from the neighborhood. Even after the ushers brought out chairs for people to sit in, there was still standing room only in the small white church.

I had no idea Uncle Ray-Ray had so many friends. People from south Florida to Alabama came to pay their respects. More than a dozen people got up and spoke about him, sharing funny stories, most of all talking about how he cooked the best barbecue in Tallahassee. Deanthony sat by himself eating, nursing on what I think was his fifth or sixth beer. He looked defeated, like there was no strength left in him. Miss Corrine, a neighbor of Mama Liz's for thirty-four years, fixed Deanthony a plate of fried chicken, black-eyed peas, greens and corn bread. He took it in kindness, but all he did was pick over the food with a plastic fork. Kashawn didn't have an appetite for nothing, either.

There was enough food to feed a Third World country. Platters of both fried and baked chicken, slices of honey ham, a mess of
three kinds of greens, corn bread, black-eyed peas, lima beans, roast beef, and an assortment of pies and cakes occupied long fold-out tables. Someone even brought 'coon, something I had no intention of putting my mouth on. I was country, but not
that
country. I remember Uncle Ray-Ray had some barbecue 'coon at the birthday party, but I didn't have the stomach to put my hands on any of it. All I had was a piece of bread pudding Ms. Corrine had made. I badly wanted to go over and see how Deanthony was doing. I was there for Kashawn, but no one seemed to care about Deanthony. These men out here try to be so tough, but death will bring the hardest man to his knees. Ebonya eventually walked over to see about Deanthony.

The plate of food that Mama Liz had made for Kashawn sat idle between his feet.

“Hey, you've barely touched your plate. You need to eat something.”

“I'm not hungry.”

“You should go see how your mama's doing.”

Kashawn glanced over at her, Ms. Corrine cupping Mama Liz's hand in hers. He walked over to his mama and sat on the other side of her, pulling her into him, the two of them rocking simultaneously, back and forth.

“Girl, he won't eat anything,” Ebonya said, folding her fingers over Tyrique's white silk handkerchief.

“I'm going to miss Uncle Ray-Ray. He was such a sweet man.”

“Girl, I know,” Ebonya said. “He would give you the shirt off his back.”

“And he never let anyone go hungry. When he lit that grill up, everybody was welcome. Not one soul did he turn away.”

“Not a single one. Nobody will ever say that he didn't do anything for anyone. He was like a father to a lot of kids out here when their biologicals didn't give a damn.”

“He welcomed me into the family with open arms when Mama Liz had her reservations about me because of my past.”

“Bree, has she always had an issue with you?”

“She would smile in my face, yeah, but would talk bad behind my back. Kashawn is always telling me about something she's said about me, but I just keep doing me.”

“Girl, that's all you can really do.”

“Everyone has a seedy past. No one's perfect.”

“Have you and Kashawn talked since the argument at the homecoming party?”

“Things have been so crazy making preparations for the funeral that we really haven't had the opportunity to talk. Honestly, I have no idea where we stand. We said some nasty things to each other.”

“Can I ask you something? You can tell me to mind my own business if you don't want to answer.”

“Not at all. What's on your mind?”

“Is it true about you and Deanthony?”

“It happened a long time ago, before Deanthony left town. Ebonya, I regret every day that I let that happen. I was in a bad way. Kashawn was always working late nights, I was home alone all the time. I know that's no excuse to cheat on your man, but—”

“Girl, you don't have to explain a thing to me. I know exactly how you feel.”

“I haven't gone over to see how he's doing because the last thing Kashawn needs to see is me sitting up around Deanthony after everything that's happened.”

I couldn't believe we were talking about this subject at a funeral. Scared that someone was ear-hustling, I turned the subject back to me and my issues with Mama Liz when Tangela walked in wearing a black, tight Chanel dress, black shades, and long, thick weave draped down her back. The coat of scarlet-red nail polish was
matched by a pair of scarlet-red heels. Even at the funeral, she had the men's heads turning while their wives were quick to slap their eyes back into their dirty minds as Tangela paid her respects to Kashawn and Mama Liz. Deanthony gawked at her like the devil himself had walked into the room. It was official. Something was up with those two. I had noticed the sly-ass looks they were giving each other at the hospital and again at Kashawn's homecoming party, like they were in some stand-off at high noon.

“Hey, girl, how are you holding up?” Tangela sat next to me, taking my hand into hers.

Ebonya sucked her teeth and said, “Girl, let me know if you need anything.” She walked away.

“Thank you, Vita, for sitting with her,” Tangela said, butchering Ebonya's name.

“I'm just trying to keep it together for Kashawn.”

“How's he doing?”

“He's in mourning. He hasn't said much since the hospital.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“I appreciate that, Tangela, but you're being here is enough,” I said, hugging her hand.

“Well, you know I got your back, no matter what.”

“I know.” I smiled.

“Have things gotten better with y'all since the argument at the welcome-home party?”

“I was just telling Ebonya that Kashawn and I haven't had time to really sit down and talk about things. I didn't feel it was appropriate to talk about anything with the planning of the funeral.”

“Of course,” Tangela said, “I can understand that.”

“I just want us to start over, forget last week ever happened, a clean slate.”

“So, he's good after that mess Katiesha pulled?”

I was taken back that Tangela would fix her mouth to even so much as spit that hood rat's name. “Girl, I'm not even trying to waste brain cells thinking about Katiesha right now. Best thing she can do is stay her ass wherever she's at.”

“Did Kashawn remember what happened that night?”

“He said Katiesha came to the house to use the phone after her car broke down. Says he doesn't remember much after that.”

“Do you believe it?”

“I don't know what to believe, but I'm going to find out what really went down that night.”

“What are you talking about doing?”

“I'm going straight to the source. I'm going to talk to Katiesha.”

“Do you think that's a good idea? You two are like oil and water.”

“Oh, trust, I would rather stick a rusty butter knife in my eye than to see that bitch again, but something hasn't added up since that night. How did she know where I lived and how does she know Kashawn?”

“Bree, don't you think that you have suffered enough? Don't you think it would be better if you moved forward and forget about that ho?”

“I got to do this. I can't get that image of her fucking Kashawn out of my head. Finding out what really happened that night is the only thing that will give me a piece of mind. And, hey, if I end up beating her ass in the process, so be it.”

“Bree, don't do something that's going to get you locked up.”

“How can I regret getting to the truth?”

“I'm saying be careful. This bitch did key your car. Who's to say that next time, it might be your face?”

“If anything, she will end up being the one getting cut up. Mark my words. Katiesha is going to tell me what happened that night.”

“When are you talking about doing this?”

“I'm going to go look for her ass tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“I figure she'll be working tonight, or at that shit box of an apartment she stays at over on Pepper Drive.”

“Girl, that part of town is dangerous.”

“I grew up in a part of town like that, remember?”

“And what if you can't find her?”

“A hood rat like her won't be hard to find.”

“Well, there's no need of you going on this suicide mission by yourself. I might as well go with you.”

“Hell no. Tangela, I can't ask you to do that.”

“There is no way you're going to Risqué by yourself.”

“Tangela, this is my business.”

“Girl, don't be crazy. I'm going with you and that's final.”

I sighed, knowing that once Tangela's mind was made up, there was no changing it. “Okay, fine. We'll go check out Risqué first. She might still work on Sunday nights. Meet me at Risqué around ten.”

“Bet,” Tangela said.

“I'm going to go see how Kashawn and Mama Liz are doing.”

“Okay, I'll be outside having a cigarette if you need me.”

“Thanks, girl, again, for coming.”

“That's what friends are for.”

I
t was storming the Sunday night I went looking for Katiesha. Being that I can't stand to drive in the rain, I started not to go out. Kashawn and I were like a wet Band-Aid, barely holding together. I left him in bed, sound asleep. Well, not so sound, considering his snoring was like a table saw going off. I still couldn't believe Uncle Ray-Ray was gone. That man was like a father to me when I didn't know who my real father was. His famous barbecue will not be the only thing I will miss about that big ole chocolate
daddy bear.
That's what I would call him sometimes. Daddy Bear.

I looked at my watch and it was twenty minutes after ten, and Tangela still had not shown up. I called her for the third time, and again her phone went straight to voicemail. “Damn, bitch, where are you?”

Hard to believe that it's been five years since I was last at Risqué. D'Shon, my piece of shit, dope-pushing boyfriend at the time, had kicked me out because I wouldn't push rock for his dusty ass. I had moved down here to Tallahassee by way of D.C. to get away from my control freak of a mama who had a revolving door policy when it came to men, dragging them home as if they were wet alley cats who thought I was the sprinkles on top of whatever Mama was serving. Most of them stuck around long enough to take what they could from her and then they were out the door. They were always coming around trying to get a piece of me, feeling and rubbing on me and shit.