Z-Burbia: A Zombie Novel (3 page)

“Stella, darling,” Jon starts.

“Don’t darling me,” Stella says. “I don’t even let Ja
ce darling me. The answer is no.”

“Do I have to say it?”
Jon asks. “Do I?” He can see from the look on Stella’s face that he does. “The well is on CJL property. If we piss off Carrey, then he cuts off our water. Gone. Dry. No water for houses, no water for crops, no water for anything.”

“Then we shut off his power,” Stella says, crossing her arms. “Right, Jace? He stops our water
, and we cut the power line to the CJL. We own all of the wind turbines and solar arrays.”

“People can live without power,” Jon says
, “they can’t live without water.”

“The river is just across the road down there,” Stella says. “We can get water from there.”

“Not clean water, hon,” I say, knowing I’m digging my own grave. “The French Broad is contaminated as shit. Literally. The sewage processing plant upstream has been leaking for months since the fail safes started to give out. Pretty soon, it’ll just be a river of shit and piss. We need the well.”

“Et tu, Jason?” she says.

I give her a weak smile and look at Jon.

“Just three seconds of ass kissing will save us all,” Jon says. “You’ll be a suck up hero. I’ll make sure the whole neighborhood knows it.”

Stella grumbles a minute and then calls over her shoulder, “I have to go fight a dragon, kids. Be back with your father soon.”

“Okay,” the
y both yell.

Jon and I wince.

“Quiet down,” Jon says.

“Mindy was just in the area,” I explain. “She’s looking for a reason to bust me. You
r yelling is a perfect reason.”

“Fine, whatever,” Stella says as she closes the front door. “Why’s your bike in the front yard?”

“It followed me home and then collapsed there,” I say.

“Smart ass.”

The walk is pleasant, as it has become a nice late summer evening. The sun is still up, but the air has turned and a hint of fall wafts by. We only have to walk a couple blocks before we get to Brenda’s house. We can all hear Preacher Carrey bellowing inside.

“Jesus, what did you do?” Jon whispers.

“I let him live,” Stella says and barges inside without knocking.

I shrug. Jon shrugs. We follow.

The scene before us is one of wild chaos. It’s as if a carnival barker had decided never to wash his clothes, himself, or anything he lived in/on/near. Then, for good measure, decided to take a bath in Old Spice. Preacher Carrey paced in front of us, his hands gesticulating, his wispy white hair standing on end, and his eyes rolling in his head over and over and over and-

“There she is!” Carrey shouts. “The harpy of the dell!”

“Is that an official title?” I ask.

“Don’t remember that being in the scripture,” Jon says
, “and I think I’ve read it all.”

“It’s in the unabridged version,” I reply.

“Oh, I just have the Cliff’s Notes version, skips all the begats and gets right to the sodomy and rape,” Jon smiles.

“You…you!” Carrey says, his finger leading the accusatory way across the room at Stella.

I instinctively get in front of her, but Carrey leans around me, reaching with that finger, as if he could burn her at the stake with its touch.

“You are not welcome in my house!” Carrey shouts. We all wince at the noise.

“I thought it was God’s house?” Stella asks calmly. Too calm. I know that calm. Not a good calm. I wish I could get away from that calm, but, too late for that.

“You dare blaspheme?” Carrey snarls.

“How exactly am I blaspheming?” Stella smiles. A calm smile. Yikes! “Please, do tell, Preacher. How have I blasphemed?”

“Your unclean presence is blasphemy enough!” he screeches.

“That’s not a reason,” Stella says, and then looks at Brenda. “Are we done here? He’s just going to keep saying that. We’ve all been here before.”

“I call an embargo on your water!” Preacher Carrey yells, his hands above his head, his eyes doing that rolling, rolling, rolling thing.

“Preacher, please,” Brenda pleads. “Be reasonable. There are children and elderly to think of.”

“Then you should have thought of them be
fore you took up with this lot!” Carrey yells, his arms sweeping towards us.

“
Lot?” Jon smirks. “I think you have your parables mixed up, Mr. Carrey.”

“You do not lecture me in the ways of God!”

“Wouldn’t think of it,” Jon replies. “Pretty sure God will sit you down and lecture you on his own, in his time.”

“Embargo! EMBARGO!” Carrey leaves.

“Who runs Bartertown?” I whisper. Jon tries not to laugh, but ends up snorting snot out his nose.

“Oh, my God, you two,” Stella scolds. “You’re worse than the kids.”

“People, people!” Brenda cries. “We need to resolve this!”

“Fine,” Stella says and clocks Carrey. The man drops to the floor, his mouth bloody and his eyes wide with surprise. She closes on him, shoving me out of the way. “No embargo or I gut you myself, you sanctimonious asshole. I will hunt you down and kill you no matter where you run to. You leave my family alone, you leave the children alone, and I let you live. Cross me again
, and I string you up by your balls, and then lower you to the Zs on the other side of the gate.”

Carrey stares at her for what feels like several minutes, but is only a few seconds.

“Okay,” he says quietly and gets up. “Okay. God will have your reward waiting for you in the afterlife. I have done what I can.”

“Uh, so no embargo?” Brenda asks.

“No,” Carrey says and leaves.

“Well, that couldn’t have gone any better,” Jon says. “Can we go now?”

“No,” Brenda says, looking at me and then at Jon. “Stella can, now that’s taken care of, but not you two.”

“Good,” Stella says. “I’m going to go take a long bath. In the water I just kicked ass for.”

“Mind your rations,” Brenda says as my wife leaves and waves. I’m pretty sure there was a middle finger in the wave. “Did she flip me off?”

“No, not at all,” I lie. “So what do you need from us?”

“Carl has alerted me to a serious issue,” Brenda says, motioning for us to sit down.

We do and wait. She waits. We wait. There is a lot of waiting.

“If this were even remotely suspenseful, I’d be dead,” Jon says, “but it’s just boring and wasting my time. What do you need, Brenda?”

“Carl ha
s found an issue with the grid,” Brenda says.

“I gathered that from your last statement,” Jon says. “And the issue is…?”

“We are losing half the grid in the next few weeks,” Brenda says. “There were some miscalculations with the battery capacity and, well, to make a long story short, we need to scavenge more batteries if we want to keep the grid at full capacity.”

“Maybe cutting back isn’t such a bad idea,” Jon says, holding out his phone. “I’m not particularly keen on having this thing tethered to me. Do we really need
Wi-Fi communications? Or power so kids can play Xbox and adults can watch BluRays? It is the apocalypse you know.”

“Keeping the traditions of society is how we keep society alive,” Brenda counters.

“A good sharp stick is how we keep society alive these days,” I say, but regret it as soon as I see the anger on her face. This is obviously something she wants done. And when Brenda wants something done…

“Let’s say we agree,” Jon says. “Why us? Why aren’t you talking to my wife? She’s Head of Scavenging. It’s her crew that will go out.”

“Because we need her and her crew to go out looking for food,” Brenda says. “Stubben has informed me that this year’s crops are not up to par. We will need to supplement with canned goods and other found food.”

“What has Tran said?” I ask. Tran is my Vietnamese neighbor. His accent is so thick that we mainly communicate with nods and hand signals
, because I suck at accents. “He’s Head of Food Service.”

“He’s also a Chatty Kathy,” Brenda says. “I tell him and the whole subdivision knows. I can’t have that.”

A Chatty Kathy? Tran? Now I feel real bad for not being able to decipher what he says. God, I suck as a neighbor.

“I need you two because-”
she points at Jon, “-you are head of construction and will know what to look for. And you-” my turn for the pointing, “you are our problem solver. Between the two of you, I know you can get all the batteries we need.”

“Last time we saw batteries
, they were all the way in town,” Jon says. I shiver. “I would rather decline the invitation to go into town.”

“Stuart will be with you,” Brenda states.

That does make me feel better, but not by much.

“Three of us? That’
s all?” I say. “I don’t think so.”

“You will be safe with Stuart,” Brenda says
, and motions towards the front door as if our time is through. “He’ll be in touch in the morning.”

“Oh,” I say as I realize our time actually is through. “How early?”

“Yeah, how early?” Jon asks. “I like to sleep in on Thursdays.”

“Is tomorrow Thursday?”

“Hell if I know,” Jon shrugs. “Let’s say yes so we can sleep in.”

“What’s this we? Are you staying over? I’ll have to call my mom to see if it’s okay. She doesn’t like it when-”

“Gentlemen!” Brenda shouts, and then covers her mouth and lowers her voice. “Gentlemen, please. It has been an exhausting day and I still have plenty of work to do before I turn in.”

“Our bad,” Jon says. “We’ll be ready.”

We walk a block before we speak.

“
You feel good about this?” I ask.

“Fuck no,” Jon replies. “It stinks. I don’t like it at all.”

“Why the secrecy?” I wonder. “Why didn’t Carl tell us himself? You’d think he would…”

“We’ll talk with Stuart in the morning,” Jon says. “Before we leave through the gate. Once on the other side
, I’m not making a peep until we are back, safe and sound.”

“I hear that,” I say as we stand in front of my house.
We both know we won’t be able to not talk. Talking is our thing. Talking quietly, of course. “Catch ya in the morning.”

“It’ll b
e an adventure!” Jon says. “A shitty adventure.”

“Night, man.”

“Night.”

I watch him walk off
, and then turn and head inside. I find Stella sitting on the couch.

“I thought you were gonna take a bath?” I ask.

“I just said that to screw with Brenda,” Stella replies. “I wouldn’t waste water like that.” She watches me for a second. “What? What happened after I left?”

“I’ve been given a mission,” I say and sit next to her. “I have to leave in the morning with Jon and Stuart. Apparently we need batteries or the grid goes down.”

“So why isn’t Melissa going out?” Stella asks.

“Jon asked the same thing,” I reply. “Brenda gave us some bullshit answer.”

Stella is quiet for a while. She leans against me and sighs. “Who can we trust the most?”

“Why?”

“In case I need allies,” Stella says.

“Allies? You’ve been reading too much John LeCarre from the school library,” I laugh. Then I stop. “Tran and his family. Stubben, maybe?
Melissa, of course.”

“Short list,” Stella says.

“Everyone else is in too deep with Brenda. Or Mindy, which is the same as being in with Brenda.”

“Tran and maybe Stubben. Great,” Stella says. “I may call of
f school until you get back. Hole up here in the house.”

“That could raise red flags,” I say.

“I’ll just say that Carrey is in one of his manic wild phases,” Stella answers. “Which he kinda is.”

We sit quietly for a long time before Ste
lla gets up and takes my hand. “Let’s tell the kids lights out and go to bed.”

“Good idea,” I say. I really hope her idea of going to bed is my idea of going to bed. “I’ll be right up. Let me double check the doors.”

Our little subdivision used to be a never lock your doors kind of place. But this is post-Z Whispering Pines. Even with the gate and all the fortifications, I still make sure all the windows are shuttered and the doors are barred. Once I know the house is secure, then I’ll only wake up like twelve times at night, instead of an anxious twenty times.

First,
you have kids and never sleep when they are little. By the time they are old enough to take care of themselves in the morning, or even better, sleep later than you do, the damn zombie apocalypse comes and ruins everything. I doubt I’ll get a good night’s sleep for the rest of my life. And I have a night or two out in the wasteland of Asheville to look forward to. Joy.

Chapter Two

Whispering Pines didn’t just happen. It took a lot of sweat and blood to secure the subdivision. Mostly blood. We started with nearly eighty households. We now have less than thirty. The crap Brenda was spouting about us not having enough room
, is bullshit. We have plenty of room.

As for resources…

As the gate opens for Stuart, Jon, and myself, I look back up the hill towards Phase One (where Jon lives; Stuart too) and then over to Phase Two (where I live), and think of how long it took us to get things right. Whispering Pines is in the French Broad River basin. This is good. It means it’s on a plateau, but not like a flat table top.

The back of Phase One butts up against a
fifty-foot limestone cliff. At the top of the cliff is a long, wide meadow. The meadow is filled with row after row of steel fenced razor wire interspersed between long and various ditches. Think World War One battlefields and you get the idea. There is a deck built into the cliff at the top so that sentries can watch twenty-four hours a day for Zs. They do come, and they always get caught in a ditch or the razor wire. None have ever made it to the end of the cliff.

Part of Phase One and all of Phase Two is surrounded on two sides by a
100-yard deep ravine of huge rocks and boulders. Gotta love natural erosion. The ravine sides are covered in steel fencing and razor wire also. If the Zs make it into the ravine, they never make it up the sides.

Hwy 251 and the French Broad River front the gate side
. And I’ve already explained the advantages to that.

Now, the steel fencing and razor wire was my i
dea. It’s the reason I’m head of Engineering, even though I have no training whatsoever. When it comes to structural work, I defer to Jon. But ideas and design? I have a knack for it. Most everything (except for the gate) is steel: the fencing, the razor wire, the steel beams holding both. The reason being? Easy clean up.

Generally, we weave our way through the hidden paths of the razor wire and put down any Zs that are caught. A quick stab through the brain and they are dead. But when a horde tries to get through the wire
, then it gets messy. We lost a few people thinking the Zs were caught and they could just go along, one by one, and put them down. Doesn’t always work like that.

Edna Strom is Head of Z Cleanup and I worked with her to come up with a simple solution if the Zs are too much to handle. Fire. We burn the fuck out of them until they are either completely dead
, or so burned they are incapacitated and easy to pick off. We don’t have to worry about the fire spreading, since the ravine is all rock and the meadow above Phase One is pre-scorched so the flames don’t spread.

The only problem is the smoke. It’s also why I insisted we figure out how to create a sustainable electric grid for Whispering Pines
, instead of burning wood or using other means of power. Electricity doesn’t send up smoke signals to the world. When we do have to burn through the Zs, we make sure to put that fire out, specifically killing the smoke, ASAP.

There are more than a few factions out in the hollers and coves that would love a chance to come take us out. So far
, we’ve stayed under their radar because we are so close to Asheville and the main population of Zs. The yokels stay clear of the city, as far as we can tell. And I don’t blame them. If we didn’t have Whispering Pines, I would have packed up the family and booked it way out into the country.

But we do have Whispering Pines and I keep looking over my shoulder as we quietly walk away from the gate and the safety it represents.

“You don’t find this fishy?” Jon asks Stuart.

“I find everything fishy,” Stuart whispers. “It’s why I’m still alive.”

“Why us?” Jon asks, more a musing than a question. “I mean, we should be back inside the gate while the scavenger crew handles this. Melissa can be discreet. A select team could keep it all quiet. No need to send us.”

“You two have skill sets that will make this more efficient,” Stuart answers. “Yours
, Padre, is technical. And yours, Jace, is creative. Between the two of you, we’ll get what we need and get back home tomorrow. Hopefully without talking too much and getting us killed.”

He was right about both parts. Jon will know what batteries we need and what we don’t. And, being the problem solver extraordinaire, I will figure out how to get them back to Whispering Pines.
Doing both without getting killed, is what Stuart is for.

Not that we aren’t capable of defending ourselves. I’ve been outside the gate more times than I can count
, which is the exact same number of times I didn’t want to be outside the gate. To keep myself protected, I have the following: Silver Slugger in my right hand. Strapped to my back are a compound bow and a quiver of twenty arrows (Not barbed! These arrows are razor sharp, but can be easily pulled from a Z). I also have a .45 Smith & Wesson with a suppressor (gotta stay quiet in the apocalypse). Slung across my shoulder is my courier bag with canteens of water, some dried food, and a first aid kit.

Jon is similarly outfitted, but he’s carrying a steel pipe he’s sharpened at one end. He didn’t name his pipe. He just calls it a sharpened pipe. Looks
kind of like a metal bamboo spear. Four feet long and heavy, he uses it to kill Zs, plus to pretty much crack and break anything he wants. Handy. He also has a pistol, but his is a 9mm Berretta with a suppressor (he made both of ours). No bow or arrows. Jon is a horrible shot with a bow. More likely to kill me than a Z. Not that he’s much better with a pistol.

Stuart is, well, loaded. He has at least three pistols on him, several throwing knives, two huge Bowie knives, a machete strapped to his right leg, a compound bow with arrows, a crow bar with the straight end sharpened to a point, two c
ourier bags with supplies, and various other bits and pieces of equipment. It looks beyond heavy, but he hasn’t even broken a sweat as we hustle around a curve in Hwy 251.

Which brings us face to face with our first set of Zs. We knew it wouldn’t be long. They are everywhere when this close to the urban center.

Six of them, all crouched and feeding on something. We don’t know if it’s human or animal. In general, about 90% of the time, the Zs won’t eat animals; they prefer us delicious
homo sapiens
. But their food source has gotten pretty scarce, so we have seen a few feast on whatever poor, unfortunate varmint they can catch.

As we creep closer -Silver Slugger in my hand, pipe in Jon’s, the machete in Stu
art’s- we see that the meal is human. And still struggling. I take a deep breath and try not to gag, as I watch steaming bits of offal get shoved into the ravenous maws of the Zs. They are so busy feasting, they don’t sense us until we are on them.

Six Zs against the three of us isn’t much of a match. I bring SS down hard on one Z and immediately yank it back, black blood dripping from its spikes, and nail the next Z. Both drop dead as their brains are pierced by SS’s spikes. I flick it to the side like a Samurai sword and the blood splatters across the cracked and weed infested asphalt.

Jon spears one through the skull and pulls back hard, spinning about and cracking another across the jaw. The thing collapses, but the brain hasn’t been damaged, so it gets back up and comes for Jon. It’s kind of faster than a normal Z and I think about this for exactly 35 seconds before Jon obliterates its head with a mighty swing of the pipe.

We both look at our handy work
, and then at Stuart. The guys is nudging the severed heads of his two Zs. The things are still chomping at him even without bodies. You have to kill the brain. He mumbles something and then splits both heads with his machete. The guy still hasn’t broken a sweat.

“H-h-h-help m-m-m-me,” the
half-eaten victim at our feet whispers. “Pl-pl-pl-pleeeeeeese.”

Stuart helps him with the tip of the machete through his eye.

“Hopefully, one of the teams will find these guys before they stink up too much,” Jon says. “Should we go back and let them know at the gate?” Stuart stares at him like he’s lost his mind and his balls. “Just thinking out loud.”

“Didn’t sound like much thinking going on,” Stuart says. “Let’s move.”

I shrug at Jon and he just rolls his eyes. We move.

The shitty part of going into town is that we have to walk past neighborhood after neighborhood of empty houses. Most we have scavenged clean and marked. Some we haven’t. I think about going through the unmarked houses, just to see if we can maybe cut ou
r trip short, but Stuart nixes that idea. He thinks Carl has already had Melissa go through them all. He knows where we are heading.

The dark, blank windows stare at us like the sad portals into the souls that have been lost forever. There is more than just the danger aspect that keeps me from going outside the gate. I hate thinking about the way it was. I hate thinking about all of the people that didn’t make it. I mostly hate thinking that I may have met some of the former occupants of these empty dwellings- and stabbed them through their eyeholes.

That part bums me the fuck out.

“You cool?” Jon asks, knowing my tendency towards melancholy. “Not gonna eat the Silver Slugger there, are ya?”

“That would be a shitty way to kill myself,” I smile. “And I’m fine.”

“Shhh,” Stuart scolds.

“Still don’t like this,” Jon whispers. “My gut is all twisted up and shit. This feels wrong.”

“It always feels wrong,” I say. “Whenever we leave the gate
, I feel like I need to take a long, runny shit.”

Jon laughs, but stops as Stuart turns a death glare on him.

The road twists and turns for a good mile before we get to the cross street that will take us up into town. We have a good three miles of road to cover before we get to Merrimon Ave, the main artery for North Asheville. And they are a shitty three miles.

First
, we have to get past two churches. The funny thing about Z-Day? It happened on a Sunday. Or at least it became known that it was happening on a Sunday. This meant that many folks were in church when the first real reports came through. And those folks stayed in church to pray and be close to God. Staying put on Z-Day? Not the best idea. One bite became two became four became twelve, and so on and so on.

Instead of clearing out the church
es, teams from Whispering Pines had chained the doors and blockaded the windows. After some time, the Zs that were inside stopped trying to get out. They just gave up and went dormant. At least until they caught a whiff of fresh meat walking by.

I look to my right, just before we get to the first church (Baptist, of course) and catch movement. It is brief and quick, but I know I’m not imagining it.

“Hey,” I whisper, getting Stuart and Jon’s attention.

I point
my eyes in the direction I saw the movement. They both look and scan the area, their senses on high alert just like mine. Stuart nods and points. I follow his finger and see the shape semi-hidden behind an oak tree. I take off my bow and nock an arrow, sighting along the shaft at the form.

Then I see movement behind it
, deep in the trees. And more movement behind that. Quick, fast. Not Zs. Not Zs!

“Stuart,” I whisper.

“I see them,” he says. “You catching any signs of metal?”

He’s asking if I think they have firearms.

“Too far to tell,” I answer.

“Keep moving?” Jon asks.

“They haven’t gotten us yet,” Stuart says. “We’ll stay on mission until they engage. I can’t get a clear look at them, so I don’t know if they are hostiles or just curious.”

I keep my bow aimed at the movement and
sidestep along with Jon and Stuart. After a few yards, I don’t see any more movement and I lower my bow, but keep my eyes on the spot. Stuart is scanning the road ahead of us and Jon is looking side to side. It ain’t always about the Zs in the apocalypse. The people, man. The people...

We pass the church and I can hear the Zs inside, clawing at the doors and windows, their moans echoing through the cracks in the siding. I have to wonder if the people we saw got them worked up. We all keep our eyes on the church, scanning for weak spots that could turn a creepy annoyance into a flood of oncoming death. Best estimate? Close to a hundred parishioners in there.

We get a quarter mile away before I begin to relax. Not that I let my guard down, just ease the tension in my arms and shoulders. I put the arrow back in the quiver and sling my bow over my back. I take SS from the hook on my belt with my left hand and keep my right close to my pistol. Guard still up, tension easing.

However,
tension doesn’t ease for long as we come to the second church on our Yellow Brick Road from Hell. We all stop in our tracks. I glance over my shoulder, but don’t see anyone following. This means I can look at the shit in front of us at my leisure.

“Someone let them out,” Jon says finally, voicing what Stuart and I are already thinking. “Who would do that?”

“Wrong question,” Stuart says. “I want to know why. You don’t go up to a building filled with Zs just for kicks. This was a deliberate action.”

“Maybe some nut job just wanted to get into the church,” I offer.