Mark and Tabitha lay in bed. She was curled around his chest, her hair wrapped lying across him like velvet lace. This was the moment Mark had spent the past day of travelling for. She smelled good, of flowers and hope. Every couple of minutes she hugged him, as if afraid he wasn’t really there.
“I’ve been really lonely without you,” Tabitha said.
“I could tell,” Mark said with a smirk.
Tabitha smacked him playfully.
“It’s great having you back,” she said.
“It’s great being back,” Mark said.
“Do you think you’ll head back soon?” Tabitha said, an edge of concern in her voice.
“No,” Mark said.
“Good,” Tabitha said, curling up against him tight and rubbing her foot up and down his legs. “I want to keep you here for as long as I can.”
“Believe me, I don’t want to go anywhere else either,” Mark said.
They kissed, silent a moment, just being, enjoying one another’s presence.
“It must be hard, coming back here after being over there,” Tabitha said. “Sort of like you’re living two lives.”
“Sometimes,” Mark said. “But I always know where my real life is.”
“Your true identity,” Tabitha said with a smile. “My Superman.”
Tabitha ran her hand over the hairs on his arm. It sent shivers up and down Mark’s body. She always knew how to turn him on. But with her body, that wasn’t difficult. Sometimes she looked at him, her eyes glowing, like two sapphires in the bottom of a well. They pierced him, deep, as if she knew him on a different level than anyone else he knew. He wondered how he could leave her each time he went on another tour. But he did.
He was a fool.
Tabitha kissed Mark on the chin, on the neck, and then worked her way to his lips, where they kissed deeply, giving into one another.
Tring! Triiiing!
Mark’s cell vibrated on the bedside table. Mark grunted. Tabitha kissed harder, pressing herself to him. Mark pulled back, reaching out with his arm for the phone.
Tring! Triiiing!
“Leave it,” Tabitha said.
Tring! Triiiing!
Mark looked to the side. He clearly wanted to answer.
“I’ll give you something that’ll make you never want to answer the phone ever again,” Tabitha said, licking her lips.
Tring! Triiiing!
She kissed Mark’s chest and worked her way down his naval. She bit at Mark’s underwear, pulling the elastic back so it slapped against his skin. The phone stopped ringing, and Mark stopped caring.
And then it rang again.
Tring! Triiiing!
Mark sighed. Tabitha gritted her teeth.
“Turn it off,” she said. “You’re mine. This is our time.”
“I know,” Mark said.
He glanced at his phone, a flicker of the eyes. He’d read the name of the caller in the blink of an eye:
MAJOR EDWARDS.
And wished he hadn’t.
Tring! Triiiing!
Mark considered his options.
“It’s Major Edwards,” Mark said.
“I don’t care if it’s Jesus Christ,” Tabitha said. “He can wait.”
Tring! Triiiing!
“Jesus Christ or Major Edwards?” Mark said.
Tabitha’s eyes narrowed.
“Put the phone down now,” she said.
“It’ll just take a sec,” Mark said.
Tring! Triiiing!
Tabitha’s deep sapphires lit with the intensity of blue flames. Tabitha climbed out from under the bedsheet, wrapping it around herself, determined not to show him any of her body.
“Come on, babe,” Mark said. “Don’t be like that. You know this is important.”
Tabitha put her underwear on.
“I’ve got to get it,” Mark said. “Sorry.”
“Don’t mind me,” Tabitha said. Adding under her breath, “You never have before.”
Mark sighed.
Tring! Triiiing!
“I’m answering it,” Mark said. “Here I go.”
Tabitha said nothing, and slid on her dress. Mark sat up and answered the phone.
“Hello?” he said, throwing a glance in Tabitha’s direction. “Uh, no. No, sir. I can talk. What’s the problem?”
There was a pause. The silence seemed to gain a physical presence in the room. Tabitha, despite herself, couldn’t help but study Mark’s expression. It was blank, unreadable. His eyes moved to the side, first in one direction, and then another.
“Okay,” he said. “Yes, sir. Understood. I’ll be right there.”
He hung up and just sat there a moment, seeing something that wasn’t there, like he was piecing a puzzle together.
“What did he want?” Tabitha said.
Mark threw his legs over the side of the bed and put on his pants.
“What does he want?” Tabitha said.
“Can you pass me my shirt?” Mark said.
Tabitha picked it up. There was a smudge of red lipstick on it.
“Hang on a sec,” she said, heading to the bathroom.
She turned on the faucet and ran the shirt underneath it. Mark put on his socks and boots, summoning the strength he needed to say the next few words.
“He recalled our team,” Mark said.
Tabitha turned the faucet off. She wrung the shirt dry. There was a heavy sigh, no doubt in an effort to gird her spirit. Then a pause before she emerged back in the bedroom.
“The shirt’s still damp,” she said. “Hopefully it’ll dry soon.”
Mark caught her wrist. He kissed her fingertips.
“Sit down,” he said. “Please.”
Tabitha pressed her lips together. She didn’t sit.
“I would stay if I could,” Mark said. “You know that.”
“You can,” Tabitha said. “Stay.”
Mark shook his head. This served only to fan Tabitha’s anger.
“How can they call you back?” Tabitha said. “You only just got here.”
“I know,” Mark said. “I don’t want to go, but I have to.”
“No you don’t,” Tabitha said. “These tours are tearing you apart. I lose a part of you each time you leave.”
“This won’t be another tour,” Mark said.
“How do you know?” Tabitha said.
“Because even the major wouldn’t do that,” Mark said.
Tabitha folded her arms and looked away. Mark put on the damp shirt. The wet part clung to his muscular abs.
“How did he sound?” Tabitha said. “The major.”
“Anxious,” Mark said. “But then, he always does. I don’t expect you to understand, but trust me. I wouldn’t go if I didn’t have to.”
He stood up and tucked in his shirt. Tabitha sighed, and then relented. She picked up Mark’s jacket and held it up for him to slide his arms into.
“You’re going to make this up to me,” she said.
“I know,” Mark said. “How much is it going to cost me?”
“I haven’t decided yet,” Tabitha said.
“That expensive?” Mark said.
Tabitha nodded, but she looked distracted.
“Look, Mark,” she said. “There’s something I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you before, when you were away, but… I don’t know. The time never seemed right. I planned to tell you when you got back, after a few days, but now…”
“Can’t it wait?” Mark said, checking himself in the mirror.
“It could,” Tabitha said, though she sounded like she didn’t really think that. “If I knew how long you were going to be gone for.”
“I don’t know yet,” Mark said.
He kissed Tabitha on the forehead.
“I’ll be back soon though,” he said. “You wait and see. Then you’ll wish they had sent me on a maneuver.”
Mark’s attempt at humor fell flat. He tied his boots and headed toward the door, dressed in the same uniform he’d worn when he entered the room not much more than an hour ago. He gripped the door handle.
“I’m pregnant,” Tabitha said.
Her words were without inflection, as if she had just opened her mouth and they’d fallen out.
Mark froze, staring at the door. He turned to face Tabitha. She sat on the edge of the bed, her fingers picking at the skin around her nails. She worried her bottom lip with her teeth.
Mark unshouldered his bag and let it hit the floor. He approached the bed and sat down beside Tabitha.
“How long?” he said.
“Four months,” Tabitha said. “I tried to tell you every time we had a Skype chat but… I didn’t want to distract you from what you were doing.”
“Who else knows?” Mark said.
“Nobody yet,” Tabitha said. “I wanted you to be the first.”
Mark nodded. Not exactly thrilled about the prospect.
“It’s not possible it could be the wrong result?” Mark said.
“I tried about a dozen different tests,” Tabitha said. “They all said the same thing.”
Mark nodded again. He stared at the laces on his boots. Of all the things to happen now, having a baby was the worst. He wasn’t in his right mind. He needed time and space. He couldn’t give a baby the care it needed.
“It’s definitely yours, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Tabitha said.
Mark grunted and shook his head. He smiled.
“What?” Tabitha said.
“It never occurred to me for a second that it wasn’t mine,” Mark said, his tone turning light.
Tabitha pursed her lips, sensing the subtle shift in tone in the conversation.
“I get a lot of male attention, I’ll have you know,” she said.
“Oh, I believe you,” Mark said.
“I turn heads,” Tabitha said.
“Of course you do,” Mark said.
“I’m not destined to be an old maid,” Tabitha said.
“Never thought you would be,” Mark said. “But we should sue the condom people.”
“They don’t promise one hundred percent,” Tabitha said.
“Sounds like an admonition of shoddy workmanship if you ask me,” Mark said.
“You’re not mad?” Tabitha said.
“Of course I’m not mad,” Mark said. “It’s not that I’m against having kids. I’m just… not sure about it right now.”
“We don’t have to keep it,” Tabitha said. “If it’s going to mess things up between us.”
But it was going to mess things up between them. Guaranteed. If Tabitha had an abortion it would create a rift. It would infect their relationship and consume it from the inside, slow and painful. If they kept it, Tabitha would insist he get a regular job so he would be around to bring up the baby. Mark couldn’t say he disagreed with the idea. He’d grown up with a father in the military. It would have almost been the same if he hadn’t had a father at all. But he would resent having to give up the Special Forces, and the relationship would be a rocky one at best.
“Let’s think about it for a couple of days,” Mark said. “We’ll talk more when I get back, okay?”
“Okay,” Tabitha said.
She smiled, but it was weak. It broke Mark’s heart to see her like that. But he really did need time to think.
“I’ve got to get going,” Mark said.
He kissed Tabitha on the lips.
“I love you,” he said. “Nothing will ever change that. I’ll see you when I get back.”
Tabitha nodded, her eyes shimmering with the onset of tears.
The door closed behind Mark as he left. He thought he caught the wave of heaving sobs, but he didn’t stop. He had a job to do.
John handed over a crisp twenty dollar bill. The driver snatched the money from him. He didn’t even smile at the five dollar tip. John pressed his lips together and held out his hand. The driver looked from it to John and back again.
“Change,” John said. “If you no like-y, you no have-y.”
The driver forced a caricature of a smile onto his face. John didn’t change his expression. The driver sized John up, and decided he was too big to argue with. It didn’t help that John was also wearing a sharp uniform. There was no telling how much unarmed combat training he might have had. The driver handed over the five dollars.
“Thank you,” John said.
He flicked a quarter into the front seat.
“Here’s a quarter towards getting your cab cleaned,” he said. “It’s fucking filthy in here.”
The driver shouted something in an African
language – Kenyan, John thought. He didn’t much care what he said.
John grabbed the pink teddy bear on the seat, slammed the door and stepped away from the rusted taxi before the driver could attempt to run him over, which he did.
The wheels spun – mostly through being bald than the power under the bonnet – and took off down the quiet street. The driver waved out the window, making lewd signs with his middle finger. It didn’t matter to John. When you were used to bullets flying over your head, you soon learned to tune everything else out.
He stepped onto the sidewalk and looked up at the small detached house before him, nestled behind a nice front garden, with green grass and attractive flower beds down either side.
He walked down the path garden to the front door and knocked. A moment later the door opened, revealing a little girl. John’s face lit up.
“Hello there,” John said. “You must be Joanie. You’ve grown so big! It only seems like yesterday you were this big. Or should I say small.”
Joanie stared with wide eyes, like a rabbit in headlights.
“Joanie?” a female voice said. “Who are you…?”
The door opened wider to reveal a grown-up version of the little girl. Katie. She had dyed her hair, but her natural blonde had begun to come through from the roots. It looked like caramel chocolate.
“John?” Katie said.
“Hey Katie,” John said with a smile.
Katie knelt down in front of Joanie.
“Go inside, baby,” she said. “Go on.”
“Mummy, who is that man?” Joanie said.
“Nobody, baby,” Katie said. “Go play with your toys. Go on.”
The speed and ease with which the exchange happened overwhelmed John. The word ‘Nobody’ dripped from her lips like red-hot magma. And the way Joanie had asked who he was…
Joanie headed inside, toward a blaring TV of bright colors and happy songs.
“She’s getting big,” John said.
“What are you doing, John?” Katie said. “You know you shouldn’t be here.”
“I just wanted to give her her birthday present,” John said. “That’s all.”
Katie looked at the pink bear in John’s huge hand. She took it from him and hugged it to her chest as if it gave her protection.
“I’ll make sure she gets it,” Katie said.
She looked everywhere but at John.
“Maybe we could get a cup of coffee,” John said.
“John…” Katie said, shaking her head.
“Talk about old times, memories,” John said.
“Old times?” Katie said. “What old times? We never had any…”
She shook her head, shaking the words from her lips.
“I’m not doing this,” Katie said. “You were never around, John. It’s hard to make memories when you’re always on your own.”
“I know,” John said. “But I had a job to do. You used to understand that.”
“I did,” Katie said. “Until I didn’t anymore. And I found myself alone, with a child, and a husband thousands of miles away, sorting out someone else’s problems. We’ve been separated for a long time, John.”
“It’s only been a year,” John said.
“No,” Katie said. “It’s been a lot longer than that.”
John was a big man, a tough man, with arms the size of most men’s legs, but every word coming from Katie was a knockout blow.
“Look, I know you’re a good man,” Katie said. “This might be easier if you weren’t. You were always kind to me. I even think I loved you at one point. But those days are over between us. But they don’t have to be over between you and Joanie. I’m not going to stop you from seeing her. But you need to take it slow. She doesn’t know who you are. You need to make a fresh start. You can’t keep coming in and out of her life like you did mine.”
“I can do that,” John said.
A toehold with Joanie was only a short stretch to one with Katie.
“You need to do something else,” Katie said. “And find someone else.”
“I don’t want anyone else,” John said. “I want you. And Joanie. I want the life we began together.”
“We’ve moved on,” Katie said. “I’ve moved on.”
She took a deep breath. These words were difficult.
“I’m seeing someone else,” she said. “He’s good to me. He takes care of us. He’s there.”
John’s world had imploded. He blinked and tried to process the information.
“You found someone else?” he said.
“John, we’ve been separated a year,” Katie said.
“I know,” John said. “But I thought-”
“That there would be a chance between us?” Katie said. “No, John.”
“There must be a way to fix this,” John said. “I’m not giving up on us without a fight.”
“There is no fight,” Katie said. “You can’t change the way I feel. That opportunity is gone. It’s over. It’s taken me a long time to find the words, to be able to say this to you.”
John stood there a moment. His legs felt weak. He leaned a shovel-sized hand against the doorframe for fear he might collapse.
“We were married,” John said. “Doesn’t that mean anything?”
Katie shook her head.
“Not anymore,” she said.
John’s phone rang.
Katie smiled. It was laced with poison.
“That’s who you’re really in a relationship with,” she said. “Duty.”
She said it like it was a dirty word.
“Kat…” John said.
“Answer it,” Katie said. “It’ll be your loved one, wondering where you are. Ready to send you once more into the breach. Thanks for the bear.”
Katie closed the door.
John shook his head, wondering when his life had made the unexpected turn to end up here.
He took a seat on the top step of the front porch. The phone was still ringing. He sat it down and let it vibrate. If he didn’t answer it, he didn’t have to leave. Then he could spend time with Katie and Joanie and figure all this out. Their relationship wasn’t broken, no matter what Katie said. He’d faced longer odds than this before and lived to tell the tale. It was a fight, like any other difficult situation.
But before he knew what he was doing, he was reaching for his cell, and by answering it he felt the tension leave his body, like an addict with his latest fix.
“Hello,” he said. “No, sir. You’re not interrupting.”
As Major Edwards called him back to Fort Bragg, John thought he heard footsteps, moving away from the front door and into the house.