ZAK SEAL Team Seven Book 3 (7 page)

ZAK

We sat watching each other for a good five minutes. She was studying me, and I was studying her, and wondering what the fuck? She couldn’t talk yet but the baby sounds she made as she pointed at my face or patted my cheek were music to my ears. I’d already checked her over to make sure she was okay, that she had all her fingers and toes, and I wasn’t sure what the fuck she was looking for, but she was looking me over pretty hard herself, and babbling away.

“I’m your daddy.” Those words sounded foreign and I had to clear my throat after saying them. She patted my cheek and grinned with about six teeth showing. How the fuck do babies do that shit? I didn’t even know her, but already she was everything. Just like her fuck of a mother; I’m not thinking about that female, not now, I just wanted to concentrate on my daughter. Shit, I needed shit, didn’t babies need food and shit, and clothes she needed clothes.

I picked up the phone in a near panic just as there was a knock at the door. I approached it cautiously just as I heard the phone ringing outside. Cool, I’d been calling Quinn. I opened the door to find all six of them out there. They didn’t even wait for an invite just all filed past me. “Hey don’t hog the kid bro.” Ty reached for the baby and I found that I didn’t want to let her go. “Selfish fuck hand her over.” He held her like a sack of potatoes and I snatched her back.

“That’s not the way you hold a kid, and watch your damn mouth around her.” Shit, how was I gonna pull this shit off? I didn’t want my little girl growing up cussing up a storm, but being raised around this bunch, and I’d be fucked if she was gonna be raised anywhere else, there was a good chance she was gonna have a potty mouth.

“This is how you do it.” I showed them how to hold her as they all stood around looking at me like I’d suddenly grown an extra head or some fuck.

“Okay Mr. Expert, hand her over.” I let him take her but kept an eagle eye on his ass. No one was saying anything so I had a pretty good idea what was on their minds. I folded my arms and leaned back against the counter. “If you’re here to plead her case you can all get the fuck out.” I glared first at Logan and then Connor.

“Oh yeah that’s gonna work. What say you calm the fuck down and we come at this shit like men? First off, only you and Vanessa know what went down between you two, and knowing you-you didn’t make shit easy on her back then. Whatever happened, and whoever did shit to whom, the reality is there’s a baby involved.

You two obviously still have feelings for each other since and pardon the intrusion, she’s been in your bed since she got here.” Logan as usual took point, but he wasn’t telling me shit I didn’t already know.

“We’re here to make sure you’re thinking of this thing rationally, and that you’re not gonna make any hasty decisions. Whatever her reasoning, you need to at least hear her out, that’s all we’re asking.” I waited to see if he or any of the others had anything else to say but got distracted by Ty for a hot minute; the fuck was he doing? I shook my head and ignored him as I turned back to Logan and the others.

“ I hear everything you’re saying but I don’t give two fucks what happens to her, now if that’s all the door’s that way. Ty bring my fucking daughter back here.” The idiot was heading out the door with my Zakira. Lo sighed long and hard but I was sure he knew it wasn’t gonna be that easy. They changed tact and concentrated on the baby. Six grown men making faces and talking like idiots just to get a smile out of their niece.

They passed her around, each of them holding her like a bomb that was about to detonate. Quinn came over to me, “you were calling me before what’s up?”

“I need to make a run, she needs stuff, like clothes and food and shit. I can’t leave her here because I don’t trust her fucking bitch of a mother…”

“Bro, watch what you say, don’t let your anger make you say or do something that you’ll regret later. She gave you a kid, whatever else happened or will happen; remember that. She could’ve thrown your kid away and you would’ve never known.”

“I’d fucking strangle her with my bare hands.” He had a point, but I wasn’t in the mood to hear shit.

“Congratulations by the way, she’s a beauty, my first niece. You beat Lo and Con in the baby pool.”

“Shit I did, didn’t I? Isn’t she perfect? Look at how good she’s being with her uncles.” I felt proud as fuck at the fact that my kid wasn’t a screamer, that she was studying them as much as they were studying her, that’s my kid. “Okay it’s my turn again.” Ty wrestled her away from Dev and the two of them grinned at each other. Just my luck my kid would choose him, after me of course.

“Damn bro we are so fucked, a girl? What am I supposed to do with a niece?” He looked at me the way we usually did him when he burped at Dani’s dinner table, then he turned to Logan and Con.

“You two fucks better have boys, there ain’t enough bullets in the county to deal with this shit.” He went back to cooing at the baby who was about the only one who found his ass funny, if the way she was beaming at him was any indication. I’m pretty sure he got caught in one too many mortar attacks, or some fuck from his childhood totally warped him.

“So, what’s the plan?” Logan watched me like a hawk. That fucker sees too much so I had to play it cool. The plan was to murder her bitch of a lying ass mother and bury her ass in the sand. Barring that I didn’t know what the fuck, I hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“The plan is I’m keeping my kid no matter what. Other than that I don’t know and I don’t care.” At least that much was true, and even though they may not agree with the way I did things, I knew my brothers were behind me one hundred percent. That didn’t mean they wouldn’t try to talk me out of shit, but they would back my play when the time came.

“Okay, things are changing up around here at the speed of light. We have a young girl and boy to take care of, two pregnant women, and now a baby. This, my brothers, is the hardest fucking mission we’ve ever been on. We don’t half step where security is concerned. We still have the whole weekend ahead of us so let’s get ahead of the game. Zak we need you on this so you’re gonna have to come to grips real soon brother, you can’t lug the baby around with you.”

“You wanna bet? She stays with me.”

I knew we weren’t planning on going out this weekend, that most of what we were doing was on the comps and going through the old man’s files so she could stay with me. “I could work from here if needs be but she will not be out of my sight at any point from here on out until she’s about twenty-fucking-five years old.”

Right now it might be hard to tell whom she belonged to since Ty and Dev were busy fighting over her, but I was all clear in my head. As of a little more than an hour ago my mission in life changed. My only fucking purpose now was to secure and protect that little girl. Fuck everything else, especially the mission that was looming in the background with the desert Fox; fuck.

My kid started to fret so I took her from Dev, who had been in the middle of cooing at her. She stuffed her hand in her mouth and looked at her daddy all miserable and shit and I forgot everything else.

“What’s wrong with her?” I looked at the others who were all stumped. I was tempted to call one of the females but I didn’t trust their asses right now. “I think that means she needs changing.” Quinn tried sniffing her. “Get the fuck away from her.” I moved her out of the way. “Fuck is wrong with you?”

“Language.” Lo studied her like he knew what the fuck he was talking about. When she started eating my shirt I think we all knew what was going on. “She’s hungry, what the fuck am I supposed to feed her? I don’t have anything in the house.” I was about to go into total panic as my brothers threw around ideas.

“How about asking her mother?” I gave Con the death glare and headed for the fridge. I showed her an apple but she just kicked her legs and fussed even harder. Everything I showed her she turned away from until I was ready to pull my hair out at the roots.

“Hey, she came with a bag.” Ty pulled his phone and made a call, and from his end I knew he was talking to the deceitful bitch who’d had my kid for over a year and didn’t tell me. “Bad news bro, she’s still on the tit. Only mother’s milk. Apparently she eats that soft shit, but around this time it’s you know…” He circled his chest with his face going red. Fuck this. They were all watching me like ‘what the fuck are you gonna do now asshole?’ “Everybody out.” They looked at me like ‘what the fuck’ but I wasn’t in the mood to trust anyone right now. I knew Lo and Con might be on my side, but their women could talk their asses into anything.

“What do you plan to do? You can’t just let her cry herself out from hunger, and you don’t have a tit full of milk.” I glared at Lo because he thought his shit was funny. “Very funny, I’ll take care of her thanks, now run along.”

Ty stopped short like he wanted to argue but I pushed his ass out the door with the rest of them. What the fuck was I gonna do? I hadn’t figured in this factor. I walked up and down with her thinking, until her screams grew louder.

“Okay baby, daddy will take care of it.” I found a way to secure her while I ran next door. “I’ll be back in two minutes I promise.” Merciful fuck who could stand to see a kid cry? Her eyes were large pools of water that tugged at my heartstrings and broke my fucking heart in two.

My face and everything else changed as soon as I cleared the door and headed out into the night. The yard was already clear but knowing my family, they were already congregated together somewhere trying to decide my life for me. No one was getting any sleep tonight I was sure. I heard the din of voices coming from Lo’s place and figured that’s where she was. I opened the door and all eyes turned to me.

I held the door open for her when we reached my place where I had sat my daughter on the floor surrounded by cushions until I got back. “Feed her and then get the fuck out.” I didn’t even look at her when I walked over to the baby and picked her up from the floor.

Her poor little face looked pitiful with tears and I promised myself that my kid was not gonna have too many reasons to cry in the future.

This one looked like she wanted to argue but one good glare soon had her getting her act together. She took the baby out of my arms and the only reason I let her was because I couldn’t feed her my damn self. My plan was to keep her as far away from my kid as possible, just like she’d done to me. “Where the fuck are you going?” I’m trying not to curse in front of my little princess but these fuckers around here aren’t making that shit easy. “I’m taking her into the bedroom to feed her.”

“No, you can do it right here where I can see you. Like I’d trust your ass out of my sight with my kid.” She got huffy and headed for the couch but who gave a fuck? I stood over her while she took her breast out and the baby latched on like she’d been starved.

My body reacted and pissed me the fuck off, which only made me want to be more of a dick to her. “How long before she doesn’t need you for that anymore? Isn’t she too old for that?” I did the math and my kid had to be fifteen months old give or take. “What was she eating when you were gone?”

“I expressed milk for her, that’s why I kept telling you I had to leave, and no she’s not too old. Mama breast fed me until I was two so I planned to do the same.” Another nine months think again. Nine months, my mind went off the rails for a hot minute before I reined it back in.

“What do you mean, what’s that express shit, is that good for her?” I didn’t know shit about babies. She went on to explain about breast pumps and temperatures and my eye started to twitch so I held up my hand for quiet while my baby girl made gurgling sounds like she’d been on a ten mile run and was finally getting some fluids. “Fine.” She looked dejected and I knew she had a shitload on her mind that she wanted to say to me, but I was seriously contemplating knocking her head off her shoulders no joke.

Zakira wound down and the nipple popped out of her mouth and right into my view, making my dick do the one eyed salute. Fuck him; I’d rub one out before I go near her ass again.

“You can leave now.” There was no intonation in my voice; the shit was dead, just like my feelings for her.

“I can’t, what if she gets hungry again later? She usually has one more feeding in the middle of the night.” She looked almost hopeful, like she thought shit was gonna be that easy.

“Do that express shit you mentioned earlier.”

“I don’t have the stuff.” Uh-huh.

“Write a list.” Everything she came at me with I had an answer for. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to go to the twenty-four hour Wal-Mart and take care of my kid at the same time, but I’ll figure it out. I should send her ass, but I couldn’t see sending my kid’s mother out in danger, no matter how pissed she’d made me.

We didn’t know if we were being watched or not, and I was sure the secret passage was still good since we’d blindfolded the assholes when we released them earlier so I’d use that. The only problem was what to do with little Zak until I got back because I sure as fuck wasn’t gonna risk taking her out there.

I took her out of the incubator’s hand and did that burping shit I’d seen people do after feeding a baby. “You can’t keep me away from my daughter Zak, we’ve been apart for too long already, she needs…”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re gonna tell me what my kid needs when you kept her away from me all this time?

You had my kid out in the fucking world and I didn’t even know she existed. I move across the globe, putting my life in danger to make the world a better place for other people’s kids, and never knew that I had one of my own to safeguard, to protect. You can get the fuck outta my face now before this shit gets ugly.” I didn’t care about her slumped shoulders or the tears that were gathering in her eyes. She fucking gutted me. Only someone who had no fucking regard for me could’ve done something like this to me; fuck her.

How was it possible to hate and want someone at the same time? This whole thing was so confusing. I hadn’t really had time to take it all in yet, to put things in their right perspective. All I knew right now is that I was a dad. I had a little life that was a part of me to take care of for the rest of my life.

That was going to be my main focus from here on out and everything and everyone else will just have to take a backseat. What the fuck I was gonna do with these feelings was another issue altogether. They’d only just been reawakened. I’d opened myself up to this shit, forgetting that she’d fucked with my insides once before, fucking female.

I inhaled my baby’s innocent scent from her hair and felt some of my anger melt away. I’d forgotten to get the list from her incubator but that was okay, that’s why we had the Internet. I held baby Zak on my lap while I booted up and surfed the web looking for what I needed to take care of her. I did some searches on single dads of newborns and toddlers and shit just to get some pointers and didn’t feel too bad by the end of it.

There was a lot of shit that needed doing, but I didn’t let the enormity of the situation get to me, I’m a SEAL for fuck sake, I can do this. I’ll just pretend her mother no longer existed, tell myself I had to do it all myself, and go from there.

The baby babbled away at me and tried getting into shit on my desk. I sat in wonder, as she climbed all over me. I’d made her; she was mine. How fucking cool was that?

Even more than the anger I felt towards her mother, the love I felt for this little being was overwhelming. It didn’t even matter that I’d only just met her for the first time a few short hours ago, the love was instantaneous and real. Life had a whole new meaning. Now it was more important than ever that we take care of whatever was going on in our backyard. My kid as well as the others that were on the way weren’t gonna grow up in anything but peaceful surroundings. I’d fought for that shit for strangers; I could do no less for my own.

***

I thought long and hard about how to get the shit I needed and was hit by inspiration. Serve his ass right, kill two birds with one stone. It took some doing because I didn’t want anyone else knowing what I was up to, but I got what I needed. She didn’t even ask any questions, just said okay and see you in a few.

“See, daddy took care of everything.” She was drooping and I found that I didn’t want her to go to sleep just yet, I wanted her to stay up and grin at her old man and babble away some more.

I sat on the couch with the weight of her on my chest and fell more deeply in love. In less than a day she’d turned my whole world upside down and moved everything else out of the way. The road ahead might not be easy, but with the books I’d ordered and my brothers there to pitch in, I had no doubt I’d get it. All I had to do was survive the teen years and it was a go. Shit, that was a long fucking time away. What was life going to be like in the intervening years? Would I fuck up and turn her into a heartless bitch like her mother? Damn Zak, you’re gonna have to get ahold of this anger.

She reacted to my mood and fussed a little, until I soothed her with a hand rubbing up and down her back as I hummed to her. I let my thoughts go and just enjoyed the feel of her and the newness of fatherhood. I dozed off myself and came awake with a start when I heard the others heading back. The fuck did they want now?