Zel: Markovic MMA (57 page)

But I was glad it had happened. I had loved every moment of making love to Alexei, even the sort of painful parts. Maybe the first time hadn’t been romance novel worthy, but the second time had been amazing. Frankly, I couldn’t wait to try it again.

While I blasted my hair with a blow dryer, I debated how much to tell Kylee. She had always been incredibly open with me about her experiences. It was only fair that I shared my news and all the juicy details with her. I could just imagine the smug look on her face when she heard the story I had to tell. She had called this months ago and was going to make sure I remembered it.

Winding up the cord on the blow dryer, I stopped suddenly. Thinking of all the details I would share with her, I remembered one very important thing.

Oh no. Oh no no no no no.

We hadn’t used protection. At all. Either time.

Kylee was going to flip when I told her that detail. We had always promised each other that we would be safe. I had gotten so wrapped up in the lust and excitement that I hadn’t even stopped to think about the risks.

Calm down.

Think.

Count.

For once in my life, I rejoiced at my clockwork period. For years now, I had run on a perfect schedule of thirty-three days. I quickly did the math and breathed a sigh of relief. Aunt Flo was due in less than a week. Unless my body was up to some seriously weird things, I had already ovulated and was in the clear.

Combing my fingers through my hair, I stared at my reflection and shook my head.
What were you thinking? You need to slow down and act responsibly. You are not ready to be a mother!

My fingers drifted over the bruises on my throat and cheek. They were starting to turn a deep shade of plum. It would be another week or two before they faded completely. I rarely wore more than a little BB cream, but I would definitely have to find a way to work some concealer into my usual routine until they were gone.

Today, though, I didn’t see the need to spackle on the heavy duty stuff. I dabbed on some lip balm before leaving the safety of the bedroom. The scent of vanilla wafted through the penthouse, and I discovered Alexei making French toast for me. In all the time I had known him, this was the first time I had ever seen him in jeans. He looked so sexy in them. Those rolled up sleeves of his shirt highlighted his corded forearms and the swath of tattoos swirling from his fingers along his wrists and right up to his elbows.

Sensing my presence, Alexei turned toward me and grinned. He turned back to the range just long enough to switch off the gas. With powerful, confident strides, he closed the distance between us and slid an arm around my waist. Cupping my face, he tipped back my head and teased his mouth across mine. It was a tender, seeking kiss that stoked the lingering flames from last night.

When he pulled back, he brushed his knuckles along my cheek. “Good morning.”

I smiled shyly up at him. “Hi.”

He pressed his lips to my forehead and then dotted kisses along my temple and right up to the crown of my head. He inhaled deeply. “You always smell so fucking good.”

I rubbed my hand over his chest. “You were up early.”

“Old habits.” He brushed his fingers through my hair. “I hope you’re hungry. I managed to time breakfast just right.”

“Oh?”

“I heard the shower and started following the recipe.” He gestured to a recipe card propped up against the backsplash. “I hope you like French toast.”

“I love it.”

“Come eat while it’s still hot.” He guided me to the nearest barstool and helped me settle onto it. I sipped the orange juice he’d already placed at my spot while he dished up our breakfast. I liked watching him at these domestic chores. Even with something as simple as French toast, he was so careful in plating the dish. He added blueberries and strawberries to each serving along with a healthy dollop of butter and swirl of expensive maple syrup.

“Thank you.” I smiled at him when he slid my plate in front of me.

“You’re welcome.” Alexei leaned down and kissed me. His newfound ease of displaying affection seemed so natural this morning.

Glancing back toward the living room, I asked, “What about Stas?”

“I sent him on some errands. He’ll meet up with us later.” He gestured with his fork toward my plate. “Eat.”

Side by side, we devoured our fluffy stacks of French toast and berries. We talked quietly, mostly about the best breakfasts we had ever eaten. I noticed the way he seemed to be going out of his way not to mention the motel or Lalo or Shannon. Eventually, we would have to talk about it, but it was such a lovely Sunday morning. I didn’t want to spoil it with something so ugly either.

When we were finished eating, he pushed my plate out of the way and leaned closer. He brushed a few strands of my hair behind my ear and traced the shell of it with his fingertip. “We need to talk about last night.”

Something in my chest clenched painfully. Was this it? Was he going to tell me it was a mistake? That I was a nice girl but I wasn’t exactly mistress material? Or that he’d finally decided that all my baggage was too much to handle? Stomach churning, I said softly, “Okay…?”

As if reading my mind, he shook his head and ran his thumb along my lower lip. “That’s
not
what I meant, Shay.” He claimed my mouth in a lingering, lovingly sweet kiss. “I have no regrets about last night.” He kissed me again. “None.” And again. “Not one.” Leaning back, he searched my eyes for something. “Do you?”

“No.” My answer was swift and sure.

He tilted his head. “Not even the way I was too rough with you the first time?”

I sensed his guilt and hated that he felt as if he had hurt me or done something wrong. Touching his cheek, I said, “Alexei, I should have told you that I hadn’t ever gone that far. You shouldn’t feel guilty about anything that happened last night.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I glanced down, suddenly embarrassed. “I guess…maybe…I was worried you wouldn’t want me.”

“What?” he asked, seemingly incredulous at the very thought. Tilting my head up with fingers beneath my chin, he stared at me in utter confusion. “How could you ever think that I wouldn’t want you?”

Didn’t he understand? Didn’t he realize how high his dating stock was compared to mine?

“Alexei, you’re this ridiculously hot guy with a long history of lovers and mistresses who have rocked your freaking world. I can’t compare with that. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just…stumbling along behind you, trying to catch up.”

“If you feel like you’re stumbling behind, say something, Shay. I want you to walk beside me. Don’t ever let me pressure you into doing something you don’t like just because it’s something I enjoy.”

“But how will I know if I enjoy it if I don’t try it with you?”

He didn’t have a quick answer for that. “We’ll have to take it slow. You have to promise me that you will always tell me to stop if you don’t like something we try. I can’t stand the thought of hurting you, Shay.” He touched his forehead to mine. “It would fucking destroy me if I found out you felt used or abused or forced into something.”

“You would never let it get that far.”

“I’d like to think I wouldn’t, but I can’t read your mind. You have to speak up, Shay.”

“I will.”

“Promise me, Shay.”

“I promise, Alexei.”

As if remembering the other thing I had said, he added, “And you don’t ever have to compare yourself to the other women in my past.” His gaze bore into me. “Do you understand that?”

“Yes.”

“All I want is you, Shay. Just you. Exactly as you are.”

“That’s a good thing.” I slid my hand down to the side of his neck and ran my thumb back and forth along the underside of his jaw. “That’s all I can offer.”

“It’s more than enough, Shay.” Turning his head, he kissed my palm before turning his worried gaze to me. “But,” he said with a sigh, “we made two mistakes last night.”

Instantly, I knew what he meant. “I’m so sorry, Alexei. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose. I’ve never been so irresponsible. I never thought—”

“Hush.” He pressed his lips to mine, silencing my rambling. “There’s more than enough blame to share. The bulk of the blame is on me, Shay. I’m older than you. I’m more experienced. I seduced you, and I should have been prepared.”

“It’s my body. I should have been more careful with it.”

“I would never put you at risk of any sort of disease, Shay.” He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced away briefly. He seemed reluctant as he said, “I served time in prison and tuberculosis is rampant there. The worst kind. The one that doesn’t respond to drugs. Even though I know I’m clear, I still go in every year and demand a test from my doctor. It’s crazy to do that. I haven’t been exposed in decades but I can’t shake that worry.”

His eyes closed for a brief moment, and I witnessed the dark shadow of his complicated history cross his face. “When I used to fight underground, there was a lot of blood.” He cringed as if remembering the mess in those cages at the end of fight night. “A lot of blood,” he repeated. “Back then, they didn’t test anyone. They just threw us in the ring and had us beat the shit out of each other until one man was left standing. Now? Now Nikolai and Besian make sure everyone has papers proving they’re clean.”

He cupped the back of my neck and stared into my eyes. He was being totally open with me and seemed to be trying to reassure me that he was telling the truth. “I’ve been tested for all the horrible blood borne diseases. I’ve also been tested for everything to do with sex. The tests are always negative. It’s been years since I fought in a cage, and I’ve always been careful when I fuck around so it’s definitely overkill to be tested so much. I know it is. But I would hate myself if I hurt a woman who shared my bed.”

Seeing this side of Alexei surprised me. He was letting me see the real him beneath that ultra-confident shell. Deep down, he was vulnerable and unsure. At the purest part of him, he wanted to be a good man, to care and provide and protect the woman in his life. It was an old-school sentiment—and one I was starting to find intensely attractive.

Not wanting him to beat himself up over our mistake, I said, “Alexei, I’m sure we’re fine. You obviously monitor your health closely. I’ll have my doctor run some tests the next time I see her if that will put your mind at ease.”

“I can show you my latest results, if you’d like. I have them in my electronic medical chart that the hospital uses.”

“That’s fine.” We had flirted with danger last night, and we couldn’t do it again. But I wasn’t going to berate him when it was clear he had been diligent about protecting himself.

Clearing his throat, he said, “Last night was the first time I’ve forgotten a condom. I’m not sure if you’re taking something…?”

I shook my head. “I’m not.”

“Well, we’ll have to do something about that,” he said. “Until then, I’ll wear a condom. If you want to keep having sex with me,” he added.

“Of course, I want to keep having sex with you!” I couldn’t even believe he would ask something that crazy.

He laughed. “Good. Because I want to keep having sex with you.” He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and shifted on his seat. “About last night? Just in case, I got this for you when I went out this morning.”

I didn’t know what to say when Alexei placed the familiar box in front of me. I had seen the morning after pill in a few stores and had even bought it for Shannon once when she was too embarrassed to go in and buy it herself. Uncertain about how to take it or whether I even wanted to take it, I picked it up and turned the box over to read the back.

Alexei gently grasped my wrist and lowered my hand holding the box so he could meet my gaze. “If you want to take it—”

“If?” I seized on that surprising start to his sentence.

“I won’t force you take it. I won’t even ask you to take it. This is your decision, and I will support whatever choice you make.”

For a man so inclined toward rather alpha, dominant behavior, I was pleasantly surprised by his stance on this issue. My heart beat a little faster when I considered the possibilities of what could happen if my dates were wrong. I hadn’t ever given much thought to babies or motherhood, but it suddenly seemed like an interesting idea and one I very much wanted to pursue.

With Alexei.

But just not right now.

“I’m sure I’ve already ovulated. I, um, I have a cycle that runs like a clock.” Struck by the awkwardness of discussing my cycle with Alexei, I ducked my head. “But, um, I can take this anyway. If you want me to, I mean.” I glanced at the box again. “It’s not foolproof. If I’ve already ovulated—and I’m sure I did—then this pill won’t do anything because there is no egg to delay. If I ovulated yesterday, biology is going to win because this pill won’t work. There’s still a risk that we might be shopping for diapers in nine months.”

I started to open the box but Alexei snatched it out of my hand. He seemed as shocked by his action as I was. Very slowly, he placed it on the counter and pushed it back toward me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“Alexei.” I pinned him in place with an imploring gaze. “Tell me what you want me to do.”