“Those roads are going to get worse,” I said to nobody as I checked my watch. It was time to head home. I jotted down the locations I’d searched and the results on one of my ever present notepads. It was a habit of mine. My grandmother once told me that as soon as I learned how to write I started taking notes. I got teased about it over the years, but for some reason whenever I wrote something down it helped me memorize it better.
I’d tossed the notepad onto the passenger seat and it fell open to some other pages in the front of the pad. Picking it back up, I read it over. They were notes of possible plans of action in order to find my abducted children. I’d read them over dozens of times, adding an idea every time I read them until I couldn’t think of anything else. None of them had panned out. I was no closer today of finding them than I was when I first found out they’d been taken. Throwing the notepad to the backseat, I put the truck in drive.
Kelly eyed me quizzically when I walked in, trying to gauge my mood. I gave her a tight hug and a kiss. The ring stayed in my pocket though.
“Feeling better?” she asked.
“Yeah, thanks for being patient with me.”
We discussed our day over dinner. I told her about the nest I found, glossed over my killing spree, and showed her the clothes. She in turn told me about the vegetables in the greenhouse that had ripened, the antics of the chickens in our coop, and how Shithead, our pet donkey, had followed her around all day. We chatted some more as we cleaned up the kitchen and then she coyly laid out some blankets and pillows on the floor of the den. I threw a couple of logs in the fireplace, stoked it with the poker, and then we helped each other out of our clothes.
I watched the shimmering firelight dance in her eyes as she locked her ankles around my waist, meeting my rhythmic thrusts. She liked eye contact, not that I’m complaining. There was nothing especially outrageous about our sex life. She liked to kiss, preferred missionary, and intense eye contact when she orgasmed. It was perfectly fine with me.
When we had worked ourselves into a near state of exhaustion, I kissed her passionately, rolled off and lay on my back. We’d both worked up quite a sweat. The fireplace did a good job of keeping the den warm. Kelly rolled to her side and snuggled up against me. I stared at the ceiling quietly.
“You look like you’re deep in thought,” she said. I didn’t respond. “Are you thinking about Julie?” she asked. While I thought of Julie quite often, at this particular moment she was the furthest thing from my mind. I turned my head and glanced over at her.
“No, of course not,” I said.
“But you still think about her.” Her tone wasn’t accusatory, but it still sounded like it bothered her.
“Yes, I do,” I responded. I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, but I saw no reason to lie about it. It had only been a couple of months since her death and I missed her terribly.
“Do you remember when we first met?” she asked.
“Sure,” I replied. “It was on March sixth, almost two years ago.” I remembered the exact date was because it was the day before Julie’s birthday.
“When we decided to leave Birmingham, I was scared to death. None of us really knew anything about guns or shooting, and then for the last twenty miles we somehow attracted that horde of zombies. I was convinced we were going to run out of gas and be trapped. But, you guys killed them all. You saved our lives.”
“Yeah, that was a good day.”
“When I first saw you I thought, oh my. You were this tall, muscular blonde with the cutest baby blue eyes. And that scar on the side of your face made you look ruggedly handsome.”
“I certainly remember the next day. You gave me an extra-long hug, right in front of Julie.”
Kelly giggled. “I couldn’t help myself.” She became quiet then and softly stroked my chest. It felt good, relaxing.
“Do you regret being with me?” she suddenly asked. It came out quietly, almost a whisper, but still I could sense a note of apprehension. I rolled to my side and faced her. She looked at me questioningly with her dark smoldering eyes. We’d never talked about this before, so I guess the conversation was overdue.
Marc and Ward, our two psychologist buddies, might question the fact that Kelly and I had hooked up so soon after Julie’s death. They probably would tell me I had not allowed myself time to grieve. But I had never asked for their opinion.
“Not for a minute,” I replied and continued looking at her while I stroked her dark hair. We filled a void; two lonely people who needed each other on cold dark nights. We never discussed the how’s and why’s of how we became lovers, we simply accepted the inevitability of it. I rolled on my back again and stared at the ceiling, watching the flickering shadows.
“I never loved Terry,” she said softly. I remembered her brief affair with my friend, Corporal Terry Alexander. He had been hooked up with Andie when she and Terry had their fling. As in all affairs, it didn’t turn out so well.
“What about your ex-fiancé?” I asked. She shook her head slightly.
“I loved him once. I probably would have mourned him a lot more if he hadn’t dumped me for another woman back before.” That’s how we referred to it now. Simply before. We never said ‘before the outbreak,’ or ‘before the world went to hell.’ Now, we simply referred to it as ‘before.’ I put my arm around her and cupped one of her sweaty breasts as she wiggled closer to me.
“I’ve not thought of him in a long time,” she added, and paused a moment.
“Halloween.”
“What?”
“Halloween night, we got drunk on a bottle of wine we’d found, made love, and then you told me you loved me. Did you mean it?” I lay there quietly for a long minute. It was true, I said it, but did I really mean it?
“I think so,” I finally said.
Kelly sighed. “Okay. It was a nice birthday present, by the way.”
“Your birthday is on Halloween?” I asked. She nodded. “I’m sorry, I had no idea. How old are you?”
“Twenty-three.” I sat there in silence, wondering if I could really love her if I had not even taken the time to learn when her birthday was. Thankfully, she changed the subject.
“So, if you’re not thinking of Julie, what are you thinking of?”
I got up and walked over to the desk, retrieved a wrinkled piece of paper and sat back down beside her. She sat up and took it out of my hand.
“What is it?” she asked as she looked at the paper.
“Do you remember the Marine corporal I told you about? The one who helped me escape?”
“The bulldog? Yeah, what about her?”
I pointed at the paper. “She wrote that.”
“So, what is it?” she repeated.
“It’s a series of chess moves, but they don’t make much sense.”
“Why not?”
“Bulldog was very good, but predictable. She was what you would call a traditional player. When she played white, she always used a particular opening style named after a famous chess master. But this,” I pointed at the paper, “this is something totally different, and some of them aren't even valid chess moves.” Kelly reached for the paper and looked it over.
“Are you any good?” she asked.
“Felix and I used to play all the time. His father taught us how when were about nine or ten. We would play for hours.” At the mention of his name, Kelly grimaced.
“That punk was a two-faced piece of shit. I still can’t believe he was your best friend.”
“Yeah, well, he wasn’t always a piece of shit,” I replied quietly. I thought back to the days before, when he and I were thick as thieves. We were huge chess enthusiasts until he got a PlayStation on his twelfth birthday, which quickly took the place of chess.
It reminded me, Christmas was in two days. I’d not gotten any type of present for Kelly and had no idea if I should or what I should get her. Should I give her the ring?
“I know how to play a little,” she said, breaking me out of my reverie.
“What? Oh. Well, there used to be a chess set at the old homestead. If the snow’s not too deep, we’ll head over there tomorrow and get it. We need to check things out and feed the cows anyway.”
“Okay, it leads me to a question.”
“Fire away.”
“Those clothes you brought home, while I appreciate the gesture, they aren’t my size. Would you be offended if I got a load of Julie’s clothes to wear?” she asked. “I mean, I’m maybe an inch taller than her, but I think most of her stuff will fit me.”
“I don’t see why not,” I responded noncommittally. I mean, after all, I reasoned, Julie was dead. All of them were dead. Perhaps my kids were dead too. Every time I thought of it, it was like someone was twisting a knife blade in my gut. I shook it off and set Bulldog’s paper back on the desk.
“Are you finished with it?” Kelly asked. I nodded.
“Good, now come here,” she said huskily and pulled me back on top of her.
The snow seemed deeper than this time last year. Back before, the only place in Tennessee with regular snowfall in the winter was on the Cumberland Plateau. Nashville usually got only a couple of inches, with a rare year of several inches. When that happened, people freaked out. It virtually shut down the entire city until it melted off. I guess the reduced carbon footprint was the cause. I had kept meticulous notes ever since moving in with Rick, but I’d neglected to record weather statistics. It didn’t seem relevant somehow, but I vowed to start. Kelly watched as I stuck a yardstick in the snow.
“How much?” she asked.
“Nine inches,” I replied.
“Wow, I think that’s about what I got last night,” she said. When she grinned mischievously, I realized she wasn’t talking about the snow. I scoffed.
“I’d say we need to work on your estimation of length.” She giggled and groped me playfully.
“So, how’s your leg doing in this cold weather?” I asked. She subconsciously reached down and rubbed her thigh. She’d cut it pretty good a few months ago and it wasn’t yet fully healed. It was the only flaw in her long, sexy legs.
“It’s a little stiff,” she replied.
“Okay, why don’t you get out of the cold, I’m going to ski over to the farm. I should be back in about three hours.”
“I want to go,” Kelly pleaded. I gave her a sidelong look.
“Are you sure? It’s about a half mile away, including going uphill for the last part.” She nodded defiantly, as if I were issuing a challenge. I wasn’t. In fact, I was thinking she was going to be a burden, but I kept my opinion to myself.
“Okay, let’s get the skis.”
The pristine snow blanketed everything. It was only broken up by an occasional animal track, but that was it. No vehicle tracks, no ski tracks, no two-legged tracks. It was a good sign.
I’d never skied before until finding several sets in a house on Concord Road. The previous owners even had ski boots in my size. It took a little bit of practice to get it right, but since then I always looked forward to the winter and heavy snowfall.
I took the lead and broke trail, keeping a nice slow pace so Kelly could keep up and I could keep an eye on our surroundings. Even so, we were both breathing heavily when we reached the crest of the hill where the old homestead stood. I looked around while we caught our breaths. Kelly had her parka zipped up where it was covering most of her face. She unzipped it, looked around, and gestured at our surroundings.
“The snow is beautiful, isn’t it?” she asked. “It’s so peaceful and serene.”
“Yeah,” I answered as I looked at the old homestead. The soldiers had put quite a few bullet holes through the front of it and broke out the windows. I didn’t find that aspect peaceful and serene; it was depressing. I pointed at the metal shutters Rick and I had mounted way back when.
“Why weren’t those closed?”
“We never had a chance,” Kelly replied. “Konya was shot while he was standing right there,” she said, pointing to a spot near the front door. She had watched helplessly as Konya was murdered by an unknown sniper, and later watched Terry bleed to death in the barn.
I nodded in understanding as I stepped out of the skis and caught her rubbing her thigh.
“How’s it feeling?”
“It’s okay,” she responded between breaths. Since we’d hooked up, I’d noticed she seldom complained about anything as opposed to Julie, who vented a lot. I’d grown used to it, it certainly helped me figure out what she was thinking, but silence was nice.
“How about you standing by and keeping watch? I’ll check out the house and the barn.” She nodded gratefully.
The old home was built almost a hundred years ago and had withstood the test of time. But, when the group of Marines had raided it, they shot it up pretty good, allowing inclement weather to seep in and do her number. I found the chess set easily, put it in my backpack, and looked around. There wasn’t anything else of value left. We’d done a thorough job of getting everything moved before the bad weather had set in. I often thought about burning it to the ground in an attempt to erase the memories that haunted my dreams.
The barn was still in reasonably good shape. Rowdy’s tour bus was parked beside it, at the moment it was nothing more than a large rectangular mound in the thick snow. I had plans for it, but it was going to wait until warmer weather. I motioned to Kelly and we headed toward the main house.
The main house was not far away, only a couple of hundred yards, sitting on another small hill. It was once owned by a married couple named Henry Riggins and his wife Susan, whose maiden name was Parsons. The Parsons family had settled in this area at the turn of the nineteenth century and the farm had been in the family ever since.
The Riggins home was very nice once, a lot of square footage and luxurious amenities. But now, it was in much poorer shape than the old homestead. The Marines had treated it like they were assaulting a Taliban bunker; there were holes everywhere and they even used C-4 to blow the heavy steel door. The resulting blast caused quite a bit of structural damage. Part of the roof had collapsed since the last time we were here.
“How’d that happen?” Kelly asked.
“I’d say the heavy snow fall was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.”
“Well, that sucks. Is it safe to go inside?”
“From the way the roof fell in, I think we can get into some sections. All of Julie’s clothes are in the master bedroom.” I pointed. “If the hallway is accessible, I think we can low crawl through the main entrance and get inside.”
“I’ll do it,” Kelly said. “You keep watch this time.” I looked over at her questioningly.
“I’m smaller than you,” she continued, “it’ll be easier for me to crawl around. Besides, I know what clothes to get, you don't.” I think I must have frowned or something, because she put her hands on her hips. “Are you saying I can’t do it?” she asked. I shrugged and gestured toward the door. She stepped out of her skis and headed in.
She made a couple of trips but had to stop when our backpacks were stuffed. Her cheeks were a rosy red and she was winded, but she was smiling cheerfully.
“I didn’t realize she had so many clothes,” she said.
I grunted in agreement. Whenever Julie and I’d gone scavenging, she’d always loaded up on clothing, more clothes than she could ever hope to wear.
“We’ll come back with a truck after the streets thaw out,” I said and pointed at the field. A herd of cows had spotted us and were making their way toward us as quickly as the deep snow would let them.
“Alright, we need to get some hay out.” I hated to think how many calves had frozen to death already. Unfortunately, there was little I could do about it under the present circumstances. They followed us as I went over to one of the large round hay bales and removed the protective tarps. They didn't wait for me to finish and the bull practically pushed me aside to get to it.
“They’ve lost some weight, but they still have some fat on them, that’s good.” Kelly nodded in understanding. I looked around and surveyed everything I could see. There were so many things that needed to be done; I could think of a dozen right off the top of my head. Unfortunately, there was only so much Kelly and I could do in a day.
“Oh well, I suppose we need to head back and take care of our home chores.” Kelly agreed with me and we started skiing back the way we’d came. When we reached the homestead, I stopped and gestured toward the bridge.
“Go wait down there, please. I want to visit.” Kelly looked at me in concern. “It’ll only be a few minutes.” She nodded and skied down the hill while I made my way over to the mound. Rick’s mound. With the exception of my grandmother and my two kids, it was the place where everyone I had ever loved was buried.
“Hi everyone,” I said quietly. “It’s been a few days. Lots of snow and ice this winter, but I guess y’all already know that.” I paused and glanced down the hill at Kelly. She was standing beside the bridge, leaning over the railing staring down into the not yet frozen water, her hot breath forming a halo of fog around her head.
“Andie, don’t be mad, but I’ve been pretty neglectful with the journal. I promise I’ll update it tonight.” I paused again. Try as I might, I couldn’t seem to think of anything meaningful to say.
“Julie, don’t think for a minute I’ve forgotten about the kids.” I sighed deeply, the tears were coming. “But I don’t know the first place to look for them.” My voice was cracking now and I had to take several deep breaths.
“I’ve been thinking something over and I’m going to give it a try, see what you guys think. Kelly doesn’t know it yet, but we’re going to reestablish friendly relations with the school group. Now I know what y’all are thinking, they’re not worth it, but they may know something. If there is any possibility they have any involvement whatsoever with the Marines killing y’all, I’m going to find out. And trust me, if they were, I’ll kill them all.”
I stood there patiently for a full ten minutes, waiting to see if any of them would speak to me today. I was met with silence. Not even the crows were cawing. Nope, nobody was going to speak to me today.
“When it gets warm, I’ll see what I can do about some gravestones.” With nothing else to say, I nodded a goodbye and skied down the hill toward Kelly.