“Mama. Mama!”
She gasped for breath but still weakly pushed him away. She never let him touch her. He’d been forbidden to lay a hand on her since he turned eight and she declared him unfit and godless.
When she fell to the floor, he ignored her protests and tried to intervene, but she wasn’t responding. She wasn’t breathing anymore. Her eyes stared out of her still body, and the rope slipped from her limp hand.
Everything became surreal. His dream morphed, granting him unwanted memory flashes of the hospital, the somber doctor who told him she choked to death, his mother’s church friends chasing him out of her funeral service. The dream slowed.
Alex was grateful to the icy rain, which drenched him and hid his tears as he hiked to the cemetery on the back roads. If he hurried he wouldn’t miss his chance to say good-bye. He failed to hear the words uttered at the graveside because he dared not get too close. He stayed out of sight as his mother’s coffin was lowered into the ground. He tried to form his own words of farewell. None came. He stayed until everyone else left and the men came to push the pile of dirt in the grave.
When the fresh dirt was patted down and the workers left, the finality of the moment reinforced he was absolutely alone in the world. He had no one. His mother was gone. She hadn’t allowed him friends, and he had no other family. He was lost and didn’t know what he supposed to do.
Numb, he trudged back through the muddy roads and wet streets to his house. He didn’t react when he found two strangers sitting on his porch. A dark-skinned mountain of a man sat with his legs kicked up on the railing in a way of which his mother would not have approved. The other stopped pacing and began talking with a deep, refined Southern accent as soon as he saw Alex.
“Alex, hi. I’m Beau Renau,” The man said as he tossed his wavy hair over his shoulder. “And that gorgeous man is the love of my life, Lafayette Renau.”
Alex was rooted to the spot, unsure of what to do. Were they friends of his mother? With the same last name not from family ties, he doubted it.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Beau pulled Alex onto the porch, out of the rain and into a hug.
He realized the embrace was the first human contact he’d had in almost ten years. The simple gesture of kindness broke him. He shattered just like the shards of glass that still decorated his bedroom floor. He’d never be whole again.
He couldn’t stop his tears but eventually they dried up thanks to Beau’s fancy lace hankie. “Who are you?” he asked, examining the delicate fabric.
“I’ll let Lafayette explain,” Beau replied as he stepped back.
Lafayette groaned. “Fine. It’s my turn.” He kicked off the rail to put the chair down with a thud. He stood up and threw an arm around Alex, stepping them around the table to the porch swing. Lafayette tested the chains holding up the seat before plopping down on it.
“Sit,” the big man said a little too loudly when Alex hesitated.
His mother never let him sit in the swing, so he sat on the railing and picked at the peeling white paint.
“You like scary movies?”
“What?” Alex never had much opportunity to watch them since his mother wouldn’t allow a television in the house and certainly wouldn’t let him go to the movies. He’d overheard kids at school talking about the latest scary thriller suspense every Monday morning in homeroom. They sounded pretty good. “I guess.”
“Well, do you know zombies aren’t like what you see in the movies?” Lafayette asked as he pointed at him like he’d done something wrong.
His mother was dead. Why were they here to talk to him about zombies? “Zombies?”
Beau sighed dramatically as if he were put upon greatly. “I’ll do it.” He gave Alex a toothy grin before he continued. “Some people have inherited something that causes them to turn into something like a zombie.” He was quick to add, “But zombie is just a simplified way of looking at our condition.”
“Your condition?” Alex measured the distance off the railing to the thorny rose brushes circling the porch. He’d get scratched to bits but he could outrun them.
“And yours.”
“Huh?”
My condition? Right.
What, was he a zombie? “Thank you for coming over. I appreciate your sympathy but I just want to go to bed and sleep for a week.”
“That’s one of the symptoms. Your nineteenth birthday’s coming up,” the large man stated. How did he know? So what? Lots of people had birthdays.
Beau’s soft voice clarified. “The transition starts at nineteen and completes at twenty-three. We set up a safe haven for people with this condition to get what they need.”
“Brains?” Alex almost laughed.
“No. We don’t need brains.” His expression of disgust did make Alex smile until he spoke again. “We search for our mates, and once we find them we are bound to them.” Beau dreamily gazed at Lafayette.
Lafayette seemed to share the moment before he pointedly cleared his throat, jarring Beau back from the dreamland they drifted. “We are pretty sure you will be transitioning. Our doctor has a ninety-nine percent accuracy at identifying those who will transition.”
“So he’s not a hundred percent?” Why was he entertaining these crazy men? Was he so desperate to belong?
Before consciousness reclaimed him, the last image the dream granted him was of Ulrich’s smiling face. Alex sat up in bed.
He used the crisp sheet to dry his face of the sweat and tears. Alex hated to dream; the experience was never pleasant, and left him unsettled for hours. Maybe he deserved to be punished. No, he had Uli now.
He caught his breath and grounded himself in the present by glancing around his all-white bedroom on the grounds of Club Zombie. The delicate lace curtains blew in the early morning breeze as it swept across the estate grounds. It was another perfect spring day in South Carolina.
His tidy room was empty save an ornately decorated antique Chinoiserie dresser, originally from his grandmother’s house. A lone photo adorned the top of the painted chest, a framed image of Uli and himself riding horses. He didn’t need anything else.
He’d always be grateful to Beau and Lafayette for welcoming him into their household. They were the houseparents to the unruly group of zombies they had collected to assist them through their change and help them locate their mates. He smiled as he remembered meeting both men. They had been surprised that after his initial reluctance to believe them, Alex wasn’t bothered to find out he would be transitioning into a zombie. Since zombies didn’t die as long as they had essence, he wouldn’t need to worry about the dire consequences his mother had threatened him for having unclean thoughts.
For the first time in his life, he felt like he belonged. He appreciated being part of a community. Though even after three years of living with the sexually expressive zombies, he didn’t quite fit it. He knew everyone considered him a prude because he didn’t engage in sexual acts. But even without intimacy, he experienced a kinship with these men that he held dear.
In order to survive, zombies needed to participate in things his mother had deemed vile. They needed male essence, ejaculate, to survive. Without it they ceased to function. He couldn’t fault them, nor would he judge any of them. But still his mother’s conditioning had a hold on him, and he refused to partake in the activities Club Zombie offered to receive essence for the male patrons.
Any time an impure thought or action attempted to arouse him, the memory of the lash drove back his desire and stopped him. It seemed impossible for him to put his past behind him. Luckily, the doctor was able to provide him with the essence he required to function in less seductive ways.
Alex tiptoed across the hallway of their small apartment to where his best friend slept. Hearing no movement through the door, he smiled as he planned to sneak a peek at his apartment-mate while sleeping. Sometimes, just watching the German ex-patriate sleep calmed him down. Often Uli would wake up and invite him into his bed, and they’d watch a movie. If the movie was scary, chances were good Uli would hug him tight. When action got too intense on the TV or computer, Uli would hide his face against Alex. Alex drank in the innocent contact, and he liked being able to protect Ulrich from the scary monsters.
Being with his Uli made him want all the things his mother tried to beat out of him, but Alex didn’t care. Uli filled the empty places in his heart with happiness and light. He wouldn’t give his Uli up for anything.
He pushed open the door to find the blue-eyed almost-nineteen-year-old naked on his bed, laptop on his chest, and grasping his private area with one hand. Oh my God. He stroked his erection, and his quiet moans convinced Alex of the pleasure he must be experiencing. Alex wouldn’t know, but he was transfixed.
Uli’s fist moved a little faster, and he dug his heels into the bed. His breathing grew hard, and a slight sheen of sweat broke out on his naked arms, face, and neck. His slender body appeared rigid and trembled slightly.
Alex’s heart pounded against his ribcage. He tried to take a step back, but instead remained rooted to the spot. He needed to back out of the room. Uli had headphones on and the computer screen blocked his view of the door; Alex could leave and pretend he never witnessed such a thing, but Ulrich’s fist seemed to be moving faster and his member glided in and out. Uli pleasuring himself was the most alluring sight Alex had ever seen.
“Alex?” Uli squeaked as he peered around the computer screen, squinting. He yanked the cotton sheet over him.
Caught!
How could Alex have been so stupid? He’d spied on someone who should be able to trust him.
“Sorry…um, sorry.” He spun around and banged the doorframe at full escape speed…and promptly fell on his butt. “Ow.” That would leave a bump on his head and a bruise on his butt.
Uli crouched at his side. No shame at his nudity or erection. “You okay, man?” His friend’s gentle fingers inspected the throbbing bump on Alex's forehead. “Let me get you some ice.” Uli darted out of his room to their efficiency kitchen.
Before Alex could say no, Ulrich reappeared with a bag of ice wrapped in a dishtowel. “Here.”
“Thanks.” Alex turned to apologize, but Ulrich’s penis twitched in his face.
Uli was still hard and a drop leaked from the tip. Alex swiped his tongue over his dry lips. The long cock in front of him jerked. He raised his gaze to say something, but Uli’s eyes were focused on Alex’s mouth.
It baffled Alex, but for some reason, many men found him attractive. Their attention was uncomfortable: the unwanted come-ons, suggestions, and those purposeful “accidental” touches nauseated him. He hesitated to make friends with the other zombies because they always wanted something else, something he wasn’t willing to give.
Alex had been at Club Zombie for a year before Ulrich moved in with him; he felt a great need to protect his new friend. Ulrich was the only true friend he’d ever had. It was ironic how he couldn’t help but wish Uli would want something else with him, but he didn’t. They were just friends.
Alex fluttered his eyelashes and licked his lips again to see if Uli would react to him.
The blond stood and stepped back, swallowing hard. “Hey, um, sorry you found me like that. I forgot to lock the door.”
Disappointed, Alex pushed the cold towel against his head with a hiss of pain. “Sorry I walked in.”
“Bad dream?” Uli helped him up. The same fist that had touched Uli’s shaft now touched Alex. Alex absorbed the heat the palm transferred to him as Uli helped him stand. It was probably the closest he’d ever get to Ulrich’s private area.
“Yeah.” Trying not to stare at Uli’s big erection, Alex couldn’t decide where to look.
The man who rocked Alex’s world with merely a smile took his hand and led him to the bed. “You want to talk about it?”
Alex had never spoken about his horrid dreams to anyone but Ulrich. “No. I should…” He gestured to the door. “You were…”
Pointing to the bed, Alex felt the blush color his face. The embarrassment didn’t prevent the throbbing down below as he tried to forget what Uli had been doing to him in the only good part of his dream, especially after what he’d seen no more than five minutes ago.
“Yeah, you know how it is.”
Alex didn’t understand and shook his head. “No.”
Uli laughed. “Come on, man. Don’t make me out like a perv, we all do it.” He jerked his hand back and forth to demonstrate.
Alex frowned, and his sleep pants got tighter, but he couldn’t lie. “I don’t.” Seeing the confusion wash over his friend’s face, he backtracked. “I mean…”
But what did he mean? He had no clue what he meant.
“Bullshit. You don’t jerk off?” Uli asked, as if being chaste could be a prosecutable offense. “What? You seeing someone?” An accusation. “Storm?”
“No. No, I’m not seeing anyone.” Alex didn’t want Uli angry with him. He’d avoid that even if it meant telling secrets. “I just don’t.”
Uli plopped on the edge of his bed and stared at Alex’s lap with his mouth hanging open. Those big, cornflower blue eyes seemed to see right through Alex's clothing. Alex’s wayward penis pulsed within its cotton confines.
“You’re hard.”
“So?” What did it matter? Alex bent a knee to turn so as to de-emphasize his plight.
Uli studied him like a calculus problem. “Um, well, when I get hard, I want to come.”
“Like now.” Alex couldn’t miss Ulrich’s naked erection as it bobbed.
The guy shrugged.
Alex turned away. His gaze landed on the computer. “What were you watching?”
“Oh, um, some porn.”
The casual answer shocked him. “Really?”
Right here in the bedroom, Uli had been watching pornography. With Alex’s mother, Alex didn’t even glance at the models in the Sunday paper circulars. Once, she caught him reading an ad because he couldn’t believe the sale price and beat him for staring at the evil pictures for too long.
“Yeah.” Uli hesitated. “You’ve seen porn, right?”
Alex’s mouth went dry. His body temperature rose until sweat broke out on his skin, but he shook his head. If his mother were alive, she’d have killed him. How the heck could he watch something dirty online?