Authors: Unknown
“Perhaps you could get used to the ‘Marseillaise’ … it is not so sad,” he teased, but she could hear the weary desperation in his voice, and it caught at her heart.
Dolly felt herself wavering. Years ago, even when Henri had had little more to offer her than the shadowy half-life of a mistress, she had agonized over what to do. Now he was offering so much more, and yet she was holding back. Had her feelings for Henri changed so much … or was it that her life here in New York had grown that much more dear?
Either way, she owed him and herself a decision with the full light of day shining on it, and a head unclouded with cognac.
“Henri, I’ve got to sleep on this,” she said firmly. “Now don’t you go thinking I’m just too chicken to say what’s on my mind. The fact is, I don’t know what is on my mind, exactly. All I know is, anything comes out of
I
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my mouth now isn’t gonna make an anthill of sense. Can you wait until tomorrow?”
He sighed. “Do I have a choice?”
“Nope.”
“In that case, sleep well, ch้rie, and I love you.”
As Dolly hung up, her head pounding, she thought there was about as much chance of her sleeping well now as there was of her walking on the moon.
“TU
Ale reminds me a little of Uncle Herbie.”
Annie, gazing through the viewing window of the hospital nursery, turned to find her aunt, brilliant in an emerald boucl้ wool suit with a gold-and-navy Herm่s scarf knotted about her throat, dabbing at her eyes with a lipstick-stained handkerchief. A gold charm bracelet jingled at her wrist, and amid the miniaturized clutter-tennis racket, Scottie dog, turtle, whistle, padlock-Annie recognized the charm she and Laurel had given Dolly last Christmas: a tiny gold candy box in the shape of a heart.
She remembered that Dolly had gone all weepy when she opened it, and that she herself had felt pleased but also embarrassed by the fuss her aunt had been making.
Uh-oh, here she goes again, Annie thought uneasily. This time it was going to be the most darling, precious baby in the whole world she would be getting all choked up about; and knowing Dolly, she would be hovering over them, and the baby, twentyfour hours a day.
“Eve ever tell you about Uncle Herbie? He was our mother’s brother,” Dolly rattled on. “He had this thatch of black hair and a red nose that kept getting redder over the years. Mama said it was white lightning that caused it. I didn’t know what she meant … but after she told me, I used to hide under my bed whenever there was an electrical storm.” She chuckled. “Lord, what a character. He kept his kitchen door wide open, and let his filthy chickens have the run of the place, and fed them scraps right off the table like they were dogs.”
“I think he looks like Dearie,” Annie said, turning her attention back to the nursery. “Look at his chin, the
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way it’s rounded, with that little crease in the middle.” All the other babies were asleep, but Adam was wide awake. He waved his fists, and a tiny pink foot kicked loose from his blanket.
She felt Dolly stiffen beside her, then give a small sigh. “Why, maybe so … I guess it’s tough to tell at this age, isn’t it?”
“I wish Dearie were here. I wish she could have seen her grandson.”
Her own sudden longing for her mother came unexpectedly. It had been a long time since she’d felt even a distant ache at the thought of her mother. But now she couldn’t help thinking, It should be Dearie standing here beside me, not Dolly.
At once, she scolded herself. Poor Dolly … she tried so hard. And it couldn’t be easy for her, with no husband or children of her own. Did she still see Henri … or was it over for good? Was there even such a thing as “for good” when you were crazy in love, the way Dolly was with Henri?
Annie thought of Joe, and she felt the tight grip she’d been keeping on her own emotions slip a little. It was as if Joe were her center, her core, the axle around which she turned, and without him she could go flying off in a million directions.
And what about Emmett … where did he fit in? That night at his apartment … in the shower … and later in bed… . God, it had been so good. How could anything that good be just a fling? She’d been avoiding Emmett for the past week or so, but she couldn’t put him off forever. She knew she didn’t love him the way she loved Joe, but what she did feel was certainly more than mere fondness.
Annie nibbled on her thumbnail. She felt so confused. Then Adam raised a clenched fist over his head, looking so much like a hammy politician railing about tax increases that she couldn’t help but smile. Maybe, just maybe, it’s still not too late for me and Joe, she thought.
Everything would be different from now on. With Adam to mother, Laurel wouldn’t have time to hang
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around Joe so much. She had even talked about moving out, finding a place of her own. At first, Annie had been against it, but now she was starting to think it really might not be such a bad thing. Maybe the time had come for Laurel to go out on her own.
“Carnations,” Dolly said. “I remember when you were born, your father filled Evie’s room with pink carnations, whole fields of them. Why, he must’ve cleaned out every florist from Bel Air to Westwood. Evie said she felt halfway between a corpse at a Mafia funeral and the winner of the Kentucky Derby.”
Annie smiled. Then she thought of the huge bouquet of pink roses and baby’s breath that Joe had sent Laurel. Her smile faded, and she felt something pinch at her heart.
“I think it’s feeding time,” she said, watching a nurse bend over Adam’s bassinet and lift him out. She couldn’t wait until it was her turn to hold him.
Dolly turned to Annie, her blue eyes bright and a high flush making her rouged cheeks even pinker. “Do you think they’d let me hold him? Just for a minute. I wouldn’t get in the way.”
Annie fought back her annoyance. What she felt like saying was, Why should you be the first to hold him?
Then, feeling selfish, she said quickly, “Why don’t you tell the nurse you’re his grandmother? You practically are, anyway.”
Dolly looked as if she were going to kiss her, and Annie instinctively found herself sidling away.
“I’ll go see how Laurey’s doing,” she told Dolly. “Give Adam a kiss for me.”
J_/aurel was up and dressed in the clothes Annie had brought her the day before-turtleneck, and a loose-fitting blue maternity jumper that hung on her like a collapsed tent. She looked thin and tired, violet smudges under her eyes, but radiant nonetheless. She smiled as Annie walked in.
“Look who the cat dragged in,” Laurel quipped. “I
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thought I was supposed to be the one recuperating here. You look even worse today than you did yesterday.”
“For someone who’s practically had a heart attack, I think I’m holding up pretty well.” She crossed the room, and sat on the bed beside Laurel.
“That reminds me, you never did tell me where Louise finally tracked you down.”
“For your information, I was in the offices of the venerable Kendall, Davis, and Jenkins. And when I got the call about you, I nearly plotzed right then and there.”
“In your lawyer’s office?” Laurel’s eyes sparkled. “What were you doing there?”
“I was going to tell you—Tout de Suite’s about to become a corporation. They’re drawing up the papers. Can you believe it?”
“Actually, yes. What I can’t believe is that I’m a mother.” Laurel beamed, and her expression grew misty. “I could look at him for hours and hours and never get tired of him. Have you seen him today? Isn’t he the most beautiful baby you ever laid eyes on?”
“By far! But I think you’ve got a ladies’ man on your hands—I caught him making eyes at one of the nurses.”
“Oh, he’ll go for anything with boobs. You should see how he mauls mine.” She touched the front of her dress and winced.
Annie looked at her sister, so pretty, so happy. For the first time since she came to the hospital, Annie saw, she’d washed her hair. Caught at the nape of her neck with a thick silver barrette, it hung down her back in a gleaming sheaf, catching the light that streamed in through the window. She smelled nice, too, like soap and rosewater. Annie felt the seed of resentment she’d harbored inside her for so many months begin to dissolve.
But then the vase of pink roses on the small table next to the bed caught her eye. They’d passed their peak, blowsy and beginning to droop, but the overheated room was drenched with their fragrance.
Annie thought of Joe and looked down, unable to meet Laurel’s eyes. She felt the warmth inside her abruptly cool. After a moment of silence, she took a deep breath,
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and stood up. “Ready to go? Shall I tell the nurse to bring Adam?”
“In a minute.”
“I have everything ready at the apartment,” Annie told her. “Even the crib … Emmett helped me set it up last night.”
“I know. Emmett dropped by this morning and told me. What a guy-he always comes up with the perfect thing. Remember when I complained about my feet always being cold, and he got me those extra-thick Alpine socks? Well, look what he brought me this time.” From her overnight bag, propped against the foot of the bed, she fished out a T-shirt. When she held it up, Annie saw that it had a picture of a cow on it, and she smiled. “Don’t laugh,” Laurel told her. “The nurses around here have been calling me ‘Elsie.’ Even with Adam guzzling like there’s no tomorrow, I’ve gone through so many nursing pads, they’re threatening to hook me up to one of those electric pumps.”
“You don’t look as if you’re suffering too much.”
“I’m not. I’m just scared.” Laurel flopped back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, her hands crossed behind her head. “Annie, this morning when I was nursing him, I looked down at him and thought, ‘What if I make a horrible mess of his life?’ I mean, he’s so … so trusting. He doesn’t know any better, does he? If I’m doing everything all wrong, who’s going to stop me? How will I know?”
Annie thought of all the wrong turns she’d probably taken with Laurel. Where would they be now if she’d done things differently, acted less impulsively? Still in California with Val?
Thinking of her stepfather, she felt her stomach knot. Yesterday, Laurel had told her about his visit. It had been a full five minutes before Annie’s shock had worn off, and before she could remind herself that there was no legal way Val could harm either of them now. But would he try to see Laurel again? And Laurel … did she want him in her life even now that she didn’t have to be afraid of him?
“I think the main thing is just to love him,” Annie
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told her. “Then if you make a few mistakes, it won’t matter as much.”
“Annie?” Laurel appeared to hesitate, chewing on her bottom lip.
“Yeah?”
“Look, I know you’ve always done your best as far as I was concerned … and … and that most of the time it wasn’t so easy.” She sat up, the sudden movement bringing a rush of color to her face. “I just wanted you to know that … that even though I don’t always show it, I’m … well, I didn’t mean any of those awful things I said to you that night after … well, when we had that fight.” Her eyes turned bright, and she wiped them with a sheepish little laugh. “Will you look at me? Leaking from every orifice. In Lamaze, they forgot to warn me about turning into a human fountain.”
Annie felt tears in her own eyes, as well. Could they get beyond this jealousy that had sprung up between them? Would they someday, years and years from now, when they were two married ladies, each with a family of her own, look back on this and wonder how they could have let a man who, by then, neither of them might have thought of in ages, come between them?
Annie didn’t know; right now, all she knew was that she loved her sister.
“Don’t worry,” she told Laurel briskly. “I packed plenty of Kleenex, just in case.”
“Hey there, short stuff, you don’t know me yet, but
you just wait,” Dolly cooed to the infant nestled in her arms. “I’m gonna spoil you so rotten you’ll think you got born straight into heaven.”
The baby’s eyes fixed on her, squinting a little as if he were trying to bring her into focus. So much hair! And look at that scowl … when it was his turn, she thought, he surely wouldn’t be shy about speaking up.
Under the watchful eye of the nurse standing just outside the door to the nursery, Dolly gently prodded the baby’s curled red fist with her finger, and felt him grasp it
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tightly. Her heart caught, and her diaphragm seemed to swell upwards, making it hard for her to breathe.
Then, without warning, Adam’s face puckered and he began to yowl. Dolly jostled him, but that only made him cry harder.
Her gaze darted in panic to the pie-faced nurse who stood with her arms folded across her flat chest, appearing not the least bit concerned. “Do you think he’s hungry?”
“Gas, probably,” the nurse said. “He just had his two o’clock feeding. Put him over your shoulder, and give him a pat or two. That should bring up the bubble.”
Gingerly hoisting him to her shoulder, Dolly felt suddenly awkward, certain that she was holding him all wrong. What did she know about babies? The closest she’d ever come to being a mother was baby-sitting for Annie when she was little. But when Annie was this small, she’d had a baby nurse-a stout German lady named Mrs. Hildebrand, who had stood guard over Annie’s crib like a Nazi storm trooper, not letting anyone within six feet.
Adam was really screaming now, jerking his legs and flailing his fists. Dolly felt like crying herself. Dogs were supposed to sense it if you were scared of them … was that true for babies, too? Could this little bitty thing be picking up on her inexperience? And if so, maybe he was smarter than forty-two years of living had made her. If he could talk, he might even tell her she was wasting her time with him, when she could be kicking up her heels in Paris with Henri.
Struggling to quiet him, and feeling woefully inadequate, Dolly had to fight to keep from handing her greatnephew back to the nurse and hightailing it out of there, straight to the nearest phone, where she’d call Henri and tell him she was on her way.