Authors: Kate Sparkes
“Do you want your things set up?” she asked. “The people from town brought out a table, some extra bowls, a few other things. I grabbed what I could for you.”
Don’t bother,
I thought, but said, “Please. I’m tired now, but I’ll want to work in the morning.”
She called Rowan over and we got to work, and soon had everything set up in my tent. Rowan gave me a strange look as she passed on her way out.
“Did you say something to her?” I asked Kel.
“No. Nor to Aren, as promised.”
Rowan came back a moment later. “Just so you know, they’re setting up a heavy rotation of guards around the outside of the camp.”
My heart skipped. “That’s interesting.”
“I thought you’d want to know in case they ask you to take watch at some point.” She reached up to gather her hair into a knot at the back of her head, and frowned. “I think most of us are going to bed early, just in case. I’m not sure when Aren’s watch is, but I heard Ulric say something to him about a stream at the northern end of camp.”
Kel put his arm around me. “Thank you, Rowan.”
She shifted her weight from foot to foot. “I don’t... ugh, never mind.” She opened her arms and pulled me into an awkward hug. “Thanks for not killing me these past few days,” she whispered. “I know I probably irritated you horribly. Take care.”
I watched her leave, then ducked into the tent. My heart seemed to be fluttering in my throat. “How did she know? No one should.”
Kel shrugged. “You’ve obviously had something on your mind. You’ve been muttering about the lack of ingredients available to you, and she knows about Ulric’s problem. You just spent an hour watching the city. Maybe she saw you and Aren working on your mind-blocking thing. She’s observant. Give her some credit.”
“I suppose.” I tried to relax. “She won’t say anything to Aren, will she?”
“I don’t think she’d dare get close to him even if she wanted to tattle.”
I changed into my dirtiest, rattiest clothes and packed just a few items into my bag. My story would be more convincing if I arrived with nothing except what I would have needed to survive on the road, and I suspected they’d confiscate anything I took with me when I reached the city.
The hours slipped away as I considered and calculated. I knew I should be feeling more. Fear, certainly, at the unknown future awaiting me in Luid. Sorrow at leaving Kel and making him worry, though I had every intention of returning alive. Loneliness at the prospect of losing the strange, cobbled-together family I’d found here. But I felt nothing. My heart had hardened itself as I’d trained it to do when I was young, when feeling things was too much of a risk.
Kel held my hand as we sat on his bed and waited for the rest of the camp to go to sleep. It took longer than I’d expected, and I guessed it was past midnight before they finished setting up the camp.
“I’m coming back,” I said.
“I know you are. I’m scared for you, for what will happen there, but you’re going to make it.” He paused, then pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. “You’re my hero, Nox.”
I wanted to laugh at the simple, childish statement, but couldn’t. He was too serious. Instead I said, “I’ll try to live up to that.”
He watched me for a minute with intensity I’d begun to take for granted. “You once asked me what I saw when I looked at you.”
“You sort of told me.”
“I know. Here’s the rest. I saw what you’ve been showing me for the past week, the potential for openness, for hope, for letting someone through your defenses. But I saw something else, too. Bravery. A heart of warm steel, loyal and strong.”
“I wish I felt brave.” My voice broke, and I kept it quiet so it wouldn’t sound like I was about to cry. “I talked big about wanting revenge, and I meant it. But I’d be happier saving my own skin. Running off with you.”
“And I hope you will, after.” His eyes never left me, even as the light faded. “But the part of you that does what’s necessary to survive, the part that will do what it takes to see this thing through and save everyone else... I love that as much as I do the softer bits. Just be careful. Please.”
“I wish I could promise more,” I whispered.
“I know,” he said.
And we waited.
At last, the camp fell silent. I opened the tent flap and stepped out into the moonlit darkness. Kel followed.
“Don’t,” I whispered, and laid a hand on his chest. His heart pounded under my palm, and for a brief moment it all flooded in—everything I was risking, the pain I might cause. Tears burned my eyes, but I held them back. I reached up to touch his cheek, to brush the hair out of his eyes. “Let me go now, or it’ll be too hard.”
His eyebrows pulled together. “I love you.”
Such words from a mer, and spoken with such sincerity. “I love you, too. I’ll see you soon.”
I thought he’d call me back, beg me not to go, but he just stood outside the tent until I was out of sight. I shoved my sorrow down again. I’d need my wits about me if getting out of camp was going to be as difficult as Rowan had warned. I darted from shadow to shadow, but saw and heard no one awake inside the camp, which had grown larger in the hours I’d been in my tent. I made it to the trees without being stopped and picked my way through slowly, though a deep part of my mind screamed for me to hurry.
A thump to my left was followed by a whispered curse. I moved to the right. If I knew where one was, perhaps I could avoid the rest of the line.
A dark shape appeared in front of me, and a big hand clasped my arm.
“Let go of me!”
Instead of answering, he dragged me to a sheltered spot where the moon filtered down through the trees, revealing his face.
Aren.
Shit.
“I can explain,” I said.
“Please do.” He didn’t sound amused.
“I need to forage at night so I can see the moon’s effect on certain plants I need for Ulric’s potion.”
He released me and crossed his arms. “Fascinating. Tell me where you’re really going, or I’ll escort you back to camp.”
Please do,
my more cowardly self begged.
Send me back to bed.
I could have lied again, and kept lying until he let me go or sent me back. But I realized I didn’t want to. And I needed his help.
“I’m going to Luid,” I said, and explained my plan.
Aren listened without interruption. When I finished, he rubbed a hand over his face. “Nox, do you know how much trouble this is going to cause me if I let you go?”
“Do you have a better idea of how we can win this if I don’t?”
“No,” he admitted. “That doesn’t mean I approve of it, but I won’t stop you.” He paused, then sighed. “We need this. I wish you had a more solid plan, or that you’d told me sooner. I might have helped. But if you feel you need to do this... Come on, I’ll walk you closer to the plain.”
Irrational anger flared in me at the idea he would be willing to sacrifice me so easily. He could have tried to stop me, as Kel and even Ulric had.
“I can feel that,” he said softly. “Walls up now, and keep them there.”
I recaptured the feeling I’d had during our last practice session, safe inside of myself and looking out. “Thanks.”
“It’s not that I don’t care,” he added as we continued through the forest. He held a branch aside so it wouldn’t whip back in my face. “I wouldn’t choose to send you into danger. I would prefer not to lose you.”
I smiled, though he wouldn’t see it. “Understood.”
He stopped. “What about Morea? She’s a Potioner, too. Maybe if you worked together, you could come up with something better for Ulric.”
“He’d never let me explain the situation to her.”
“He’s getting better,” Aren said, though he sounded uncertain. “Whatever your current potion is doing for him seems to be making him at least a little more rational. Less fearful.”
I chewed my thumbnail as I thought. I wanted to jump at the idea that something miraculous might come of collaboration, to know that I didn’t have to leave after all. But it wasn’t knowledge or instinct I was lacking.
“We still wouldn’t have what we needed to fix him,” I said. “I know it can be done. There’s always an answer. I just need more pieces to the puzzle, and if they exist, they’re in that city. If I go back now, I won’t get into Luid later. I have to try before Severn knows we’re here.”
We continued through the forest, away from camp and toward the downslope of the hill. Along the way, Aren told me a little about the city and the layout of the palace. He was right. I should have spoken to him sooner, but I’d been certain he wouldn’t let me go.
“Just so you know, and so your pride’s not too damaged,” he said as we reached the edge of the lower slope of the hill, “I’m tempted to stop you. I don’t want to let you do this, but it’s not a bad plan. If there were any other way you thought you could cure Ulric...”
“I know. And this was my idea.”
“This is as far as I go,” he said. “Stick to the cover of the trees for as long as you can, then approach by the road so it doesn’t look like you’re sneaking up on them. When you get in, show them a good portion of your talent, but hide your intelligence. Don’t let anyone feel threatened by you.”
I felt him attempting to get into my mind, and did as we’d practiced. I became a fortress, an impenetrable cave, safe against the storm raging outside my walls.
“Speak to me,” he ordered.
I smiled pleasantly and thought of nothing but the world in front of me, of the words I spoke, and the forest around us. “Good evening, mister guard,” I said. “I’m but a poor, innocent Potioner in search of work...”
He winced. “I sincerely hope you’re trying to be amusing.”
My smile became genuine. “You can’t tell?”
“Don’t get over-confident. But no. I can barely read you. You seem like a perfectly thoughtless idiot.” He touched my shoulder. “I wish we’d had more time to work on this.”
My teeth chattered, as much from nerves as from night’s chill. I squared my shoulders and offered my hand for him to shake. Instead, he pulled me into a tight squeeze. “Thank you,” he whispered. “And be careful.”
I pulled back and cleared my throat. “Anything for the cause, right?” I forced a smile. “Keep an eye on Kel for me. He might be fine, but if anything should happen to me—”
“I will. Remember to make up a blocking potion as soon as you have access to the ingredients. Even with that, try not to think of us at all while you’re in there. Focus on whatever they have you working on, let them think you really are on their side. I still don’t think Severn can read thoughts the way I can, but...” He paused. “Just stay alive. Keep away from Severn if you don’t want to be found out. And watch out for Sara. She’s a good Potioner, but very much under Severn’s influence.”
“I will. Try to keep Ulric calm. If your cousin is a decent Potioner, have her keep making my potion. The notes are in my tent, Kel will find them for you. And tell Ulric I’ll bring something better. Once I get that to him, he’ll be able to handle Severn. He just needs to be patient and wait for me.”
“Giving orders to our father? Wish me luck with that.” Aren started away, but turned back. “One other thing. When you lie, put as much truth into it as you can. It makes for less confusion when you have to remember your story later. Fewer chances to forget, and it will be more believable. Trust me, I learned the hard way.”
And then he disappeared into the forest. It was as I’d imagined it, once. Just me against Severn, armed with my wits and my skills. Whether it was by my hand or another, he was going to end up paying for what he did. The idea didn’t fill me with rabid anticipation as it once had.
I thought about praying, and decided against it. It hadn’t worked for me so far. Perhaps one needed to make a sacrifice if one wanted to get the attention of the Goddess or her representative.
I only hoped I wouldn’t end up being the sacrifice, myself.
30
ROWAN
C
ome on. Just a little. Give me something.
I squeezed my eyes closed.
Focus harder. Want it more. You’ve done it before, you can do it again.
I’d left camp at dawn after a restless night. Thoughts of Nox and where she might have gone had made falling asleep difficult, and even when I managed to push that aside, the guilt took over. Ulric had once accused me of wasting my talents by not taking advantage of them. He may have changed his mind about that, but it didn’t make him wrong. Every day I spent avoiding my problems only made it harder to face them. I was finally comfortable with drawing small amounts of water to help Victoria, but it wasn’t enough.
Not with time running out and our enemies just a short ride away. I needed to do more. To
be
more, even if it frightened me.
I’d found a place well away from camp, a shadowy forest glade bursting with life. The earthy scent of moss and the sharp sting of pine hung heavy in the air, an irritated squirrel scolded me with a stream of high-pitched chatter, and a flash of blue feathers overhead told me the little rodent wasn’t the only one keeping an eye on things. The forest here was so different from the stunted brown we’d been surrounded by back at the rebel camp. This place was lush, green and deliriously alive.
And under that, holding it up and flowing through every part of it, there was water. I felt it in my bones, sensed it as clearly as I ever had. That part of my magic was working quite well, an undemanding current of awareness that flowed through me like an added sense when I chose to pay attention to it. The water was there in the trees, in the animals—and, more interestingly for me, in the earth beneath me. Not just in the rocky soil, but in springs beneath it, in deep caves and potential wells, a world of dark and wet.
We needed that. Victoria could grow plants to feed the troops and to help Morea keep up on Ulric’s potion, but she needed more water. We all needed to drink, to wash. A spring brought to the surface would be just the thing, if only I could access it. So much easier than me having to call it and drain myself each time we needed some.