18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3) (5 page)

Oh crap. Why hadn’t I thought of that? I poured myself a free cup of coffee, an employee benefit of working at the Bookman, although it was a benefit to our customers, too. If I was going to stay up all night Googling mind reading, I needed more caffeine.

As I sat, sandwiched between Nate’s and Conner’s hospital beds, my gaze hopped between each of their beautiful faces, a welcome distraction to the sterile, bland walls. After surviving thirty minutes of awkward small talk between Nate, Conner’s parents, and me, we were finally alone. Well, Conner still lay in his bed with no change in his condition today. I hated how the white hospital linens matched the color of his skin.

I’d had my fair share of paranoia over the past seventeen years, but nothing topped being in Nate’s presence. To make matters worse, my Internet searches on the subject were little to no help at all.

“I’m sorry I make you uncomfortable. Believe me, that’s the last thing I want.”

I leaned toward Nate, my two long braids falling over my shoulder in the process.

“I like your hair today,” he said.

I noticed the way his eyes, clear as glass, lit up when he looked at me. Then I reminded myself I had to stop
thinking.
“About the whole mind reading thing, you can still only hear
my
thoughts?”

He leaned back on his pillows. “Yep, thank God.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I leveled him with my eyes and twirled one of my braids.

“Can you stop doing that? I can’t focus on answering your questions when you flirt so beautifully.”

My cheeks flushed red. “Oh, sorry. I wasn’t trying to flirt.”

“That’s what makes you so cute.” He traced a finger across the staples on the top of his head. “People are so negative these days. I’d hate to listen to all that noise all the time.”

I chewed the inside of my lip, wondering how annoying I must sound to him. “In my defense, I’m going through the toughest time in my life right now. I’m not usually such a Debbie Downer.”

“You’re doing remarkably well for everything that’s happened.”

“So, could you still hear my thoughts last night after I left the room?” I asked coolly, but secretly dying to know the answer. Which I guess was futile. Ugh!

He nodded. “Tell Nic the creepy, hot guy says hi.”

I stood and slapped his unbroken arm. “What? No! How long did you listen?”

Rubbing his arm, he said, “Right up until you decided you were going to stay up all night Googling mind reading. I didn’t want to stress you out any further. Then I figured I’d have to come clean on listening in, and you probably wouldn’t be too happy about that, so I should stop.”

My eye twitched in anger. “Ya think? If you can turn it on and off, then out of respect for me, you shouldn’t ever listen to my thoughts again.”

Nate’s face turned an adorable shade of red. He smiled wide, displaying all of his perfect teeth, and I remembered again how he heard my every thought. “When you’re in the same room as me, not listening is a darn hard thing to do. Even far away, tuning you out proved difficult.”

“Listen, even if I find you good looking or whatever, I’m still pissed. That was a rotten thing to do. You need to learn how to exercise some control if we’re ever going to be friends.”

He looked down, suddenly occupied with the bandage on his hand. “I know. I wanted to stop, but curiosity got the better of me. How far is the Bookman from here anyway?”

“About a mile.”

“Hmm, where are you going from here?”

“Just back home, but that’s less than a mile from here. I have to study for my last final tomorrow. Last day of school and all.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Oh, really? My school ended last week. Why don’t you go somewhere two miles away, and then call me to see if I can still hear your thoughts?”

I gave him a faux salute. “Yes, sir!”

He smiled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it as an order, just a suggestion.”

Swatting away his apology, I said, “I know. It’s just I don’t drive, so I’ll need to call Nic first and see if she can pick me up, or this experiment of ours will take a while.”

I turned my back to him as I dialed Nic’s number and stared down at Conner, wondering if he heard all this. “Hey, Nic. Do you think you could pick me up from the hospital? Yeah. Okay, thanks. See you soon.” I spun around to face Nate again and noticed him checking me out. I cleared my throat. “She’ll be here in five.”

“Perfect.”

I tilted my head to the ceiling. “I can’t believe we’re creating an experiment to see how far away you can hear my thoughts.”

Nate stretched his arms above his head, and the hem of his shirt lifted up a few inches, revealing a nice set of rock-hard abs, although the perfection was scarred with a few noticeable scrapes. I tried unsuccessfully not to stare.

He batted his lashes at me. His ocean-colored eyes were so heartbreakingly beautiful. “You can touch them if you want.”

My whole body stiffened. “You know, with all those cuts and bruises, I’d think your arrogance would’ve died a little in that accident.” For the first time, I saw a long black shadow pass over his features.

“Well, I’m not the one who died. Bo did. And if I don’t keep up my arrogant attitude, then I’ll be forced to think about everything and I… I…”

I didn’t need to read his thoughts to realize he needed some comforting. “Look, I’ve wept more tears of guilt than anyone these last two months. I’ve been sad for so long I don’t even think I remember what happiness feels like. Each day Conner doesn’t wake up, I come a little more undone.” Fidgeting with the strings of my hoodie, I couldn’t believe I unloaded all this on someone who was practically a stranger, but I figured he could hear it all anyway. “There’s no use in dwelling on what we can’t change.” At least that’s what Mom and Dad kept telling me. “Maybe an angel is watching over us and sent us to each other, to help us face whatever is coming. Grief has a way of bringing lost souls together, right?”

His eyes were enormous as they stared back at me, the most soulful eyes I’d ever seen. “Happy is the man, and happy he alone, He, who can call today his own; He, who secure within, can say, Tomorrow do their worst, for I have lived today.”

He fumbled with the button on the side of his bed with shaking hands, reclining it a little, and I figured I should let him rest.

“Who said that?”

He pulled the hospital linen up to his neck. “John Dryden.”

I closed my eyes, searching through the pages of my near-photographic memory. “Mmm. The English poet from the seventeenth century?”

“Someone knows her literature.”

A squeaking cart rolled through the door, and a nurse carrying a disposable medi cup walked in. “Time to take your pills, Nate.”

I reached out and held Conner’s hands as I watched Nate and the nurse. She asked him some questions, but his answers were lost on me. The squeaking cart brought a flashback of Conner’s first night at the hospital, the whoosh of life-saving machines being brought down the hallway as the doctor shouted directions to the nurses in the ER. Tracing figure eights on Conner’s hand, I tried to keep my mind here, tried to forget that horrible night.

The nurse left. I hadn’t noticed her exit until Nate’s voice broke through my memory, his tone soothing.

“Funny how one little thing can derail us, sending us on a downward spiral. But like you said, maybe we can face this together now. You want to watch a movie with me? My mom brought all my favorites from home. You can invite Nic to come up so I can meet her.”

He motioned toward the stack of DVDs on the side table and flipped his hair out of his face. The familiarity of his gestures made me speechless. I looked at him, intoxicated by my sense of knowing him when I didn’t know him at all. How all of this fit together with his ability to read my mind, I didn’t have a clue, but I needed to find out.

After squeezing Conner’s hand one more time, I walked over to Nate. “Not today. I need to get going. Here’s my phone. Type in your number so we can conduct our little science experiment.”

He handed me his cell. “Wow, so we’re going with the forward route. All right, give me your number, too.”

I looked down at him, my eyes narrowing. “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?”

Giving a studious nod, he said, “I can’t deny I am. I know I shouldn’t, but you’re my one ray of sunshine in this storm. I like you.”

We exchanged phones again, our fingers lightly touching, and I tried to hide a smile as I slid my fingers into my pocket. “Okay, I’ll call at a mile and a half, too, to see if you can still hear me.”

“I’ll be listening.”

“Oh my gosh, can you get any more creepy?”

With that, I was out the door, the sound of his laughter the only thing
I
could hear.

Normally, I liked to think I’d be more upset about a guy hearing my thoughts. But for some strange reason, the conversation we had just had held this familiarity that brought a sense of peace to me.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, alerting me to his text:
Got that déjà vu feels around U 2

I shook my head and sent him a text back.
Although I’m getting used 2 U listening 2 my thoughts, it doesn’t mean I like it. U don’t have 2 remind me of your power so much

Nic pulled up a minute later, her eyes alive with excitement. “So, how’d it go?”

“He heard our entire conversation at the Bookman last night.” I banged the door shut.

“He eavesdropped on us?” She slammed on the gas, lurching me forward, and yelled, “Jerkface!” back toward the hospital.

I laughed. “Nic, it’s not like he has some bionic ear with super hearing. He can just hear
my
thoughts.”

She huffed. “Fine, then think jerkface for me.”

I did, and a second later, my phone buzzed again. “Nate says to tell you he’s sorry.”

She paused a moment, flicking her blinker on to leave the parking lot. “Tell him he’s not forgiven. Where am I taking you? Home?”

I nodded, typing in her response to Nate. “Yeah, but drive a little farther up to Mancino’s. I have to travel at least two miles for my and Nate’s experiment. Oh, can you clock the distance, too?”

She hit the button on her odometer. “Cool. You can treat me to a slice of pizza while we’re there.”

I rummaged through my purse to make sure I had some cash. Surprisingly, I had a twenty-dollar bill in my wallet. Dad must’ve snuck it in there. He always took care of me in quiet ways like that. “Okay,” I told Nic. “We can even spring for some cheesy breadsticks. Tell me when we hit a mile and a half, okay?”

“Sure thing. So, was there any flirting action between you and Mr. Hottie today?”

Pressing my finger to my lips, I signaled to her I didn’t want to talk about flirting with him “listening” in, then changed the subject. “Are you ready for your last finals tomorrow?”

She winced. “Kind of.”

“Nic, they’re our last finals before we apply for early college admission.”

She nodded. “I know, but kissing Sean is so much more fun than studying.”

Sean and Nic went to the prom together last month. Their relationship began that night. Watching their romance unfold over the last six weeks had felt weird. They were the happiest I’d ever seen them, but one of our best friends still fought for his life while they continually sucked face. My phone buzzed in my pocket just as Nic announced the mile and a half mark. It was another text from Nate:
U have 2 find happiness whenever U can. B happy 4 ur friends

I rolled my eyes.

“What’d jerkface say this time?”

Deciding I needed some fresh air, I pressed the down arrow on my window. “Nothing I didn’t already know. I just don’t like to feel judged.”

Another text:
Not judgin—gently remindin

Another minute later, Nic announced the two-mile mark.

I thought the words:
Can you hear me now?

Incoming text:
U promised 2 call

I hit the voice button on my phone.

“Olga?”

“Geez, how’d you know it was me?”

“Because you programmed your number into my cell phone, silly.”

“Oh, right.”

“And just so you know, it’s your fault I’m craving pizza now.”

“What? The mystery meat, frozen carrots, and the green Jell-o isn’t cutting it for your taste buds anymore?”

“Not quite. You want to swing by on your way back and drop me off a slice? I’d love the opportunity to meet this Nicole and prove I’m not the jerkface she thinks I am.”

“Maybe another time. We need to study tonight, remember?”

“Two-point-five miles,” Nic yelled into the phone.

“Quick, think fast,” Nate told me.

J-E-L-L-O,
was all I could think at the moment.

“Hello? Are you thinking something?”

I shot a triumphant fist in the air. “Woohoo! Nate can’t hear my thoughts anymore.”

Nic smiled. “So all you need to do is stay over two miles away from jerkface at all times.”

“I am not a jerkface!” Nate argued.

“Maybe not, but we’re pulling into the pizza place and I’m hungry.”

I hung up without another word, so I wasn’t surprised when my phone alerted me to another one of his texts:
UR only safe 4 a little while—dont 4get we promised 2 help each other
