2 Unhitched (17 page)

“My dear, what are you doing here?” I’d recognize that booming voice anywhere. I spin around. It’s The Queen.

Taken aback, I make a nervous little “hello” gesture with my fingers. The Queen circles around me, scrutinizing me from head to toe.

“I simply love what you are wearing! A jumpsuit! It is so fashion forward! You must tell me where you got it!”

“It’s mail order,” I stammer. “Actually, it’s not my style. You can have it!”

“Wonderful!” beams The Queen. “I shall send for it later. I may even wear it to Gallant’s retrospective.”

“Have you seen Gallant?” I ask.

“You just missed him. He was here shopping with Aurora.”

She
knows Aurora? Of course, she and Gallant were childhood sweethearts.

“It has been years since I last saw her. She and Gallant used to be so close. I always hoped that he would marry a girl just like her.”

Gallant’s mother wanted him to marry her! I’ve heard enough.

“I am so delighted he is bringing her to the retrospective.”

A painful knot forms in my stomach. He’s taking
her
to the most important event in his career? Instead of me? Just when and how is he going to break the news to me?

“Aurora said he has a big surprise in store for everyone.”

A burning sensation rips through my heart. It’ll be official. Gallant is going to announce that he’s leaving me for Aurora. His first true love. The woman he would have married had he had the chance.

“And Dear, by the way, what are those horrible growths on your face? You must really see a doctor and get them taken care of before the gala.”

The Queen wanders off. I’ve heard
more
than enough. I’m about to blow!

“Dahling!” comes an effusive, nearby voice. It’s my fairy godmother, Emperor Armando. Heading my way, he gives me his signature double-cheek kiss. He licks his lips. Holy crap! He’s eaten one of my fake moles.

“Armando, did you just see my husband with a tall blond woman?” I ask anxiously. I can’t bring myself to say beautiful.

“You mean Aurora?”

The hair on the back of my neck stands up. Armando knows her too?

“Dahling, he bought her a fabulous dress from my new ready-to-wear collection.” He hooks his arm in mine and squires me over to a rack of gorgeous gowns that are perfect for both everyday wear and glamorous balls.

“I can’t keep them in stock. They sell out as fast as I make them,” he beams.

“Which one did he buy her?” The words fly out of my mouth.

Armando pulls out a stunning silk magenta gown with a large white satin collar. “She took the 4 and wore it out the store.”

“I’ll take it in 6.”

Armando gives me the once-over. “Dahling, I’d recommend the 8. Maybe, even to go with the 10.”

I buy the 8. Magenta isn’t even my color.

“He also bought her this.” Armando sashays over to another rack.

What? He bought her another gown? My blood is boiling.

The Emperor returns, holding up a magnificent black taffeta gown. “They’ve been flying out the store!”

My jaw drops. The long full skirt billows like a cloud. On the backside, there is an enormous batwing bow, that makes the dress look like it can actually fly, and a long, dramatic train. I can feel my face reddening and my temperature rising. The asshole bought
her
a dress that is
so me!

“She looked drop-dead gorgeous in it,” gushes the Emperor.

Drop dead
are the only two words that resonate with me.

“Gallant insisted that she wear it to the museum gala. Especially since all eyes are going to be on her.”

My heart sinks to my stomach. Armando has essentially confirmed what The Queen just told me. Gallant is going to announce his engagement to Aurora at the museum opening! Our marriage is over! I blow a breath of air that’s as fiery as a dragon’s.

“Dahling, are you sure you’re okay?” asks Armando.

“I’ll take it,” I snap.

“But dahling, this one is a sample Size 6, and it runs small. Really, you should go with the 10.” He scans my body again and shakes his head in dismay. “Maybe even the 12.”

I snatch the dress from him.

“Dahling, is there anything you want to tell me?” ask Armando.

“Charge everything to The Prince,” I say as I tear out of the store. Or should I say ex-husband?

I’m so mad I can kill. Weaving my way to the valet, I know I look insane. Children regard me with terror in their eyes and grip the hands of their mothers, who hastily move away. It doesn’t help that I’m still wearing the jester getup. And that I’m picking off the remaining chocolate moles from my face. The faster I get out of here, the better.

When I get to the valet, my body stiffens, and my eyes almost pop out of their sockets. I don’t believe it! She’s standing in line! Aurora, the mistress of evil! Although her back is to me, making it impossible to see her face, her shimmering cascade of golden hair is unmistakable, and she’s wearing the magenta gown. And in her hand is an oversized Ballgown Emporium shopping bag.

I feel like a falcon that’s found her prey. Without wasting a second, I tackle her from behind, knocking her facedown to the ground.

Straddling her back to hold her down, I pull her hair and claw at her dress. Screaming, she struggles to free herself and manages to roll over. Her face is contorted and in shock. And so is mine. Holy Shit! It’s
not
Aurora!

Suddenly, two sharp pointed objects press deep into my temples. And then, someone practically yanks my arms out of their sockets, jolting me to a standing position. My eyes dart left and right. I’m being held prisoner by four armed guards, two of which are holding spears to my head. They look authoritative and scary mean.

“She attacked me!” cries the would-be Aurora, her eyes brimming with contempt. After one of the guards helps her to her feet, she gathers her shopping bag and mounts her coach.

“You’re under arrest!” barks one of the guards.

Oh no! I’m going back to that dark dreary dungeon where I wrongly spent seven years of my life for Snow White’s attempted murder. I can already see the headline in tomorrow’s
Fairytale Tattler
:
“Mall Madness:
E
x-
Evil Queen Attacks Shopping Beauty!”

Oh, God. How is this going to look? How am I going to explain this to everyone I know? The King? The Queen? Sweet Calla? Even worse, I’ve made it so easy for Gallant to marry his Sleeping Beauty! Insanity… the perfect grounds for a divorce.

“Wait! You don’t know who I am!” I plea. “I can explain everything!”

The guards respond with look that says: we don’t give a flying fairy’s ass who you are.

In desperation, I struggle to break loose of their grip, writhing and kicking. Defending himself, one of the armed guards slams me to the ground. My eyes look up. A five-foot blade is about to penetrate my skull!
Say good-bye to your life, Jane!

“Okay, okay, take me away!” I say as submissively as I can.

The dungeon is exactly how I remember it. Dark and dreary. Even that green ogre, who brought me my meals and told me I was going to Faraway, is still here.

“Nice to see you again,” he says.

I give him one of those big fakes smiles I so detest. There’s a reason he’s never gotten a promotion, I think to myself.

“I’ll be back with your dinner.”

I’m sure the food still sucks. At least, I’ll shed a few pounds while I’m here.

I pace the crammed cell and begin to angst out. Poor Calla! She must be freaking out, not knowing where I am. What if she thinks something terrible happened to me? My thoughts turn angry, and I seethe. Gallant’s probably too busy with Aurora to even notice I’m not around.

The ogre returns. But instead of carrying a tray, he’s holding a large metal key.

“You’re getting out of here.”

Did I hear that right? He unlocks the cell door and sets me free.

“Hello, dahling!” comes a very familiar voice. It’s Emperor Armando. I run over to hug him. When I wrap my arms around his bearish body, my anger gives way to tears of relief. It’s the first time all day I feel comforted. I bury my head against his pillowy chest.

“How did you know I was here?” I sniffle.

He tilts up my chin with his large hand. “Dahling, have you forgotten that I
am
your fairy godmother?”

Magic.

“I told these lovely people that these silly little skirmishes happen all the time. Women are always fighting over my creations.”

“And they believed you?” I ask, my tears subsiding.

“Of course, dahling, especially after I offered to invite their wives to a private 80% off event. No one can resist a sale.”

I hug my fairy godmother again, even harder. I’m so lucky to have her. I mean, him. He tells me not to worry about the two gowns; he’ll have them delivered to my palace. To tell the truth, I totally forgot about them.

“Jane, dahling, are you sure there’s nothing you want to tell me?”

I shake my head. “I just want to go home.”

I’m too exhausted to dwell on Size 4 Aurora.

It’s almost midnight when I get back to the palace. Holding a candle, I tiptoe upstairs and check on Calla; she’s sleeping peacefully. Lady Jane is in her arms, and Henry the Frog is in his cage on the nightstand next to her bed. He lets out a ribbit.

I pad down the hallway and peek into the chamber I share with Gallant. The bed is empty. My heart should sink with sorrow but instead pounds with rage. He must still be with Sleeping Beauty. I hate her! I hate her! For taking Gallant away from me. And for almost costing me years of my life.

Rage gives way to fatigue. Barely able to keep my eyes open, I retreat to my private chamber. I drift off quickly, but the nightmare of my stillborn awakens me. Cold sweat soaks my body, and I hug myself to ward off the chill that ripples through me.

This has been definitely been the worst day of my marriage. And it’s all because of Aurora. With the force of a tidal wave, depression washes over me. I succumb to what I’ve needed to do all day. I sob.

Chapter 13

“M
OMMY, WHERE WERE YOU LAST night?” Calla asks me as she packs her school bag. “I was worried.”

“Mommy was out having fun.” I serve my sweet little girl her breakfast. “Who put you to bed?”

“Papa did,” she says with a dimpled smile.

So, the swine came home and left again to be with the Sleeping Slut, leaving Calla in the care of our servants.

“Was Papa worried about me?”

“Papa told me not to worry. He said bad things don’t happen to good people.”

HA! He thinks I’m good? Evil is seeping back into my veins like a speeding bullet.

Not long after Calla departs for school, a loud rap sounds at the front door. My heart quivers. Can it be that egghead reporter from the
Fairytale Tattler
here to get the scoop on my arrest? Or another secret love letter from Aurora?

Not this time. It’s an elfin messenger with a large, meticulously wrapped package for me. My eyes widen, and my heartbeat accelerates. Has Gallant finally come to his senses? Has he bought me an extravagant present to mend our relationship? To prove it’s me he loves, not her.

I sign for the box and rip off the wrapping. Inside, under layers of delicate tissue paper, there’s a sealed letter and a stunning black gown with shimmering layers of tulle. A stunning
familiar
gown that used to hang in my closet. I tear open the letter.