23
B
eing unemployed was a strange state of affairs. The first day after I was let go, I got up the same time I always did. I had a shower and raced around trying to pull together something to eat so I could make the bus on time. It wasn’t until I was about to pour some cereal that I realized what I was doing. There was in fact no rush, because I had nowhere to go.
So I made oatmeal.
After I finished my hot treat—I nearly drowned it in maple syrup and added chocolate chips for good measure—I called Mom.
“Hi, baby. What’s going on?”
“Hey. It’s been a bad week.”
“What happened?”
“Oh you know. I got fired.”
“What?”
There were many things I could talk to Mom about, but telling her about sex cards that I’d found after Great Glenna’s funeral was something I didn’t have the ability to do. I left that bit out but told her most of what had happened.
“After I read Great Glenna’s letter, I figured I should take a chance with Eric. None of this was his fault, but he certainly felt like it was.”
“I never did like that professor you worked for. Your father and I thought he was taking advantage of you from day one.”
“He wasn’t that bad.”
“He was. You just didn’t want to admit it because he gave you a job before you even graduated.”
“There aren’t a lot of positions for communication researchers. It was a great opportunity.” Despite how things turned out, I didn’t regret my decision. Not really.
“So what are you going to do now?”
“I’m going to pull together a résumé and check out some job postings on Monster. If I can’t find anything then I might reach out to a placement agency or something.”
“That’s a good place to start. And you know if you need anything, your dad and I are here to help.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Why don’t you come for supper tonight? We can talk and help you come up with a plan.”
“Maybe. I’ll let you know.”
“Okay. I love you, sweetie.”
“I love you, too.”
After I hung up with Mom, I got a text from Jasmine. She was still furious, wanting to reassure me that there was nothing Nell could ever do to make things up to her or me. They were done, kaput forever. That didn’t help me feel any better because I knew how much Jasmine cared for Nell. While she’d been involved with the kiss, she didn’t deserve any of this either.
After I read Jasmine’s rant, I swiped over to Eric’s last text. It still hurt my heart to even think about him, about how things had ended between us. I knew there was more to what he’d said, but he’d yet again refused to talk about it. Whatever had happened between him and Grace was getting dumped on me.
No matter how awesome things had been between us, I refused to pine after someone who wouldn’t give me the benefit of the doubt. It pissed me off. Screw him for being such an asshole about things. I should text him, tell him exactly how I felt and what I thought about him.
Jerk. Asshole. Evil villain.
Damn you, Professor Cyborg.
I’ll get you next time, Super Vixen.
I tossed my phone on the couch and stomped over to my shoes and purse. I needed to get out of here. Résumés and angry text messages could wait.
The air was crisp, fresh in a way that it could only be in the fall. I walked through Toronto, enjoying the bustle without the stress of needing to be anyplace in particular. I made my way to the subway and without realizing where I was going, ended up in the part of the city where Great Glenna was buried. One short bus ride and I could be there.
It was strange how different a graveyard is when it’s empty. The wind blew a bit stronger and the air felt cooler as I walked amongst the rows to where Great Glenna rested. Her letter was still folded neatly in the side pouch of my purse. When I got to her grave, I knelt down and pressed my hand to the fresh sod that had been laid since the last time I’d been here.
I took out her letter and sat with my back pressed to her gravestone. It only took a moment to read it again, but instead of sadness, all I felt was anger.
“Your letter sucked, Great Glenna. It made me do something that was so not what I would normally do. I went after adventure and it fucked everything. Why couldn’t I simply have my fantasies and be happy? Have my job with my shitty-ass boss who may have been stealing my ideas and passing them off as his own. It might not have been perfect, but I was happy.”
Had I been?
I enjoyed what I did, and I loved working with Jasmine, but had I actually been happy?
I thought back over the previous three years of my life. I went to work every day, but I rarely felt excited about what I was doing. I tended to eat the same things, walk the same routes, follow the same routine day after day. It wasn’t so much that I’d been in a rut, but I had grown complacent with my life.
Even the men in my life hadn’t been all that exciting. I’d mentally blamed the not-so-exciting sex on my partners, wishing they would have taken things to the next level. But I seemed drawn to men who I knew weren’t the right ones, who could never give me that passion that I’d wanted. It wasn’t their fault we weren’t a good fit.
Without consciously realizing it, I’d been sabotaging my happiness for years.
That was, until I’d found the cards. The last three weeks with Eric . . . shit, I couldn’t imagine being happier. The times I’d spent with him, the crazy sex we had, the laughter we’d shared. None of that would have been possible if I hadn’t found those cards, hadn’t followed Great Glenna’s advice and taken a chance to find the man who was right for me.
Eric.
I wiped at the tears as they rolled down my cheek.
He really was so very good for me. It was strange, but I felt more like myself when I was around him. I could relax and not worry about having to say the right thing all the time. Eric respected me as a person and as a professional, something that I hadn’t realized was as important to me as it was. Mickelson had ground me so far down, I’d forgotten what my life looked like standing up. Eric helped me see that, even if he didn’t come out and say it overtly.
And I’d let him go.
Shit.
I let the weight of my thoughts pull my head down until my forehead rested against my knees. Things were far too confusing for me, too heavy. No. I had to get my act together. Life would continue on regardless of if I chose to keep going or not. I needed to pick myself up and figure out how to move forward without Eric, my job, or Great Glenna. Standing, I brushed myself off and kissed my fingertips before I pressed them to the gravestone.
“I’m sorry. Love you, Great Glenna. Don’t worry about me. I’ll figure this out and get on with my life.”
On my way back I noticed a woman standing at a stone. She looked to be a bit older than me, and far taller. She’d placed a bouquet on top of the grave and started to walk down the path at the same time.
When we were side by side, she turned her head and smiled. “Beautiful day.”
“It is. We won’t get too many more of these before the cold comes.”
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a tissue. “You look like you need this.”
“Thanks. I wasn’t expecting to come here. Not exactly sure why I did.”
“When my husband, Rob, passed a few years ago, I showed up here at the most random of times. Usually when I was trying to figure something out and I wanted to talk to him.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.” I swallowed. It was hard enough losing Great Glenna, I couldn’t picture how I’d survive if I’d lost a man I loved.
You would probably feel like you did when Eric told you to go.
“I’m sorry for yours.”
“Great Glenna was ninety-eight and lived a full life. She wanted me to do the same, but I’ve somehow screwed mine up instead.”
“I know that feeling. Like no matter what you do the opposite happens and you’re all, you idiot, why the hell did you do that.” Her voice rose an octave and she waved her hand around her head. “It took a while, but if I can figure things out, I’m sure you can too.”
“Well, my track record has been pretty crappy recently. Lost my job and the guy who I think I could have fallen in love with dumped me for my own good.”
“Ouch.” The woman pushed her hands deep in her pockets. “I had something similar happen to me. My guy walked away and I actually let him go.”
“It hurts.”
“Yeah. But then do you know what I did?” She stopped walking as we reached the parking lot and faced me. “I realized that life is short and sometimes the things that get in the way are really just a means to prove to yourself that you can get what you want.”
“So you got your guy?”
She smiled and I knew that this was a woman who was in a good place in her life. “There was groveling involved, and some . . . things that I probably shouldn’t share with a stranger. But yeah, I got him.”
If this woman who’d lost her husband could move on and find happiness with someone else, then there was no reason why I couldn’t do the same. “Thank you. That actually helps.”
“No problem. I’m not normally the advice person, that’s my sister. It’s good to know that I don’t completely suck at it.” She nodded and then got into her car.
It wasn’t until she drove out of sight that I realized I hadn’t asked her name.
Oh well. Mystery Woman was right, I could let what happened consume me, or I could overcome it. I could let Eric get away without a fight, or I could go down swinging. I needed a plan if I was going to do this. I needed to get home and take a look at my board and figure out the next step.
I wasn’t doing this for Great Glenna, my parents, Jasmine, or even the mystery woman. Hell, I wasn’t even doing this for Eric. The only person who could make me happy was me. The time I’d shared with Eric had been what I wanted; I was the person I wanted to be when I was with him. If I let him drift away without even making an attempt to get him back, I would regret it for the rest of my life. No, I wouldn’t be that person. I was going to go after him. I was going to make things right.
I drank a beer as I stood in front of my corkboard. Seeing as I didn’t have anywhere to be, or any standards that I felt I had to meet, there was no reason
not
to have a beer. Plus it was after three, so that was like not even remotely bad. Not really. Just because I was drinking alone and unemployed . . .
Anyway. Eric!
I set my beer down and took a look at the board. I hadn’t added Day Twenty-seven to the sexy fun time, even though that had totally happened. A part of me felt guilty for having enjoyed it, regardless of what the fallout had been. I debated with myself for a moment before I fished it out and put it on the board. There. I also added Day Fifteen for our role-playing adventure, smiling as I remembered how awesome the night had been.
It was hard to believe that had only been a few days ago.
With that done, I turned my attention to my primary focus: learning about Eric.
I hadn’t added much on that side of the board recently. It was apparent that knowing he preferred the original ending to
Little Shop of Horrors
wasn’t going to help me solve my current dilemma. The one card that I’d been avoiding was the one I knew would give me the most answers.
I pulled Grace’s name from the board and held it up. I didn’t have a last name or a school to go on, which would make tracking her down a bit difficult. A quick check of the faculty directory told me that she wasn’t at U of T any longer. There was only one avenue that might give me what I needed to know.
It only took a second to look up the number for the Reading Street Pub online. The restaurant was closed, but thankfully someone still picked up. “Reading Street, how may I help you?”
“Hi.” So this was a bit weird. “I was wondering if Claude is available?”
“Ah, maybe. I’ll have to check. He was out in the brewery. Who’s calling?”
“Glenna. You can tell him that I’m a friend of Eric’s.”
Vivaldi’s “Spring” came over the line as I was put on hold. It was bright and warm, the complete opposite to how I currently felt. I couldn’t be certain that Claude even remembered who I was. Maybe he’d been a big fan of Grace and the last thing he wanted was to see Eric off with some other woman. Or he could simply be busy and I’d have to delay my pursuit of Eric for another day.
The problem was, if I put this off I was terrified that I’d suddenly lose my momentum and Eric would drift away.
Vivaldi disappeared in a blink to be replaced with a cheerful male voice. “Glenna! Eric’s little pixie friend. How are you doing?”
He thought I looked like a pixie? So wasn’t sure how to feel about that. “Hi. Yes, that’s me.”
“Don’t tell me he’s done something to upset you already?”
“Not exactly. Well, sort of.”
“Clear as mud.” He laughed. “What did the little asshole do now?”
Ah, so they were
that
sort of friends. “He broke up with me.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. But he’s my friend and I’m not going to do anything to hurt him.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to. Honestly, I’m trying to figure things out.”
I rattled off the entire story, not wanting to pause too long in the event Claude tried to stop me. I didn’t need to worry. When I finished, there was a brief pause. “I told you he was an asshole.”
Okay, I liked this guy. “No he’s not. Clearly, Grace hurt him and that’s between the two of them. But it’s impacting my relationship with him. If I’ve screwed up and he wants to break things off, fine. But I don’t want to be punished for someone else’s crimes.”
There was another pause. I heard tapping on the other end and a mutter that sounded suspiciously like
fuck it
. “I can’t tell you what happened. That’s their story. But I can tell you that Grace’s last name is Bilodeau and she works at York. If she won’t tell you anything, then I’m sorry.”