Once inside, Mike and Roger found a
ten-dollar minimum blackjack table while Gary and Alex chose to
hang out in the Center Bar in the middle of the casino for a drink
or two. Alex maneuvered his way to the crowded bar and found a spot
to order between a twenty-something pretty-boy who looked
disturbingly like a younger version of himself and a tall, mostly
unattractive woman who was part of mostly unattractive bachelorette
party. He had to wait four minutes before being allowed to exchange
twelve dollars for two Heinekens. During this time he found out
from the woman that the bachelorette party was from Minnesota, her
younger sister was the one getting married, she was a logistics
manager for Fed-Ex, her sister was a secretary at AIG, and that the
group would be in Body English later if they wanted to meet up.
Alex lied when asked if he had a condom for a scavenger hunt and
also lied and said he did not know where he was going later in the
night. Once he had the beers, Alex returned to the perimeter of the
bar where Gary was waiting. Alex handed Gary one of the Heinekens
and instinctively gave him a small hug, the second time he had done
so since they entered the casino. Though only fifteen feet from the
bar itself, it was refreshingly less crowded here and the two found
a spot where they could rest their arms and beers on the ledge
separating the bar from the casino. From this vantage, they could
see everything going on in both areas.
Gary: “Thanks man.”
Alex: “My pleasure. And I am sorry again
about the thing earlier with Blair. Really, I think she is awesome
and I want her to like me too. It is tough sometimes being single
when all of your friends are getting married and settling
down.”
Gary: “Yeah, well I can’t say I am not still
a bit mad about it. That kind of shit is just not okay, Alex. But
also I think I understand. It is strange, you know. When I was
single I couldn’t believe how people just disappeared when they got
married. I never thought it would happen to me. But then somehow it
does. In a way, people are all kind of the same. We all think we
are different somehow, but really we are not. And the thing is, I
still don’t know how it works. It is just this weird function of
marriage that I don’t really understand. And then when you have a
kid, well forget about it. But it is what it is. Anyway, you will
probably have the two clowns we came up here with to yourself for a
long time. I can’t imagine either of them getting married anytime
soon. Also, Doug will probably be divorced soon and maybe Tyler as
well. So you should be fine. Anyway, you never know. One of these
days you may find yourself ready also.”
Alex: “Yeah, maybe. Anyway, it is really good
to be out here with you.”
Gary: “Hey, check out the hooker at the
roulette table with the older dude!”
Alex: “Wow. And some people say money can’t
buy happiness.”
Gary (laughing): “Yeah, seriously. And some
people say fake tits are a bad idea.”
Alex (now also laughing): “Well, those look
like the best that money can buy. One thing I have never understood
are these guys who pay for these girls and then take them out like
it is a date or something. I mean, while I don’t personally have
any desire to pay for sex, I don’t see anything wrong with it if
others do, as long as it is a consensual transaction. But why you
would want to make a clown out of yourself by parading around town
with a girl who is obviously only with you because you paid for it
just seems strange to me.”
Gary: “Maybe some people get more enjoyment
out of the companionship of a beautiful girl than from actually
banging one.”
Alex: “Again, it seems strange to me.”
Gary: “So, you have never paid for it?”
Alex: “No. I don’t think I could enjoy it if
I did. Anyway it’s more fun to hunt for it. Not to mention, for
some weird reason or another, lately I am super paranoid about
diseases and shit, so it just wouldn’t be good for me.”
Gary: “Yeah, one thing that is nice about
being married is you don’t have to worry about that stuff
anymore.”
Alex: “I can appreciate that. Just keep one
eye on the milk man.”
Gary: “Hmm?”
Alex: “Never mind. So you never think about
cheating?”
Gary: “Of course you think about it, but no,
it isn’t something I would do. Right now we have a good thing and
it isn’t worth risking it for twenty minutes of fun.”
Alex: “The rumor in college was that you were
only good for two or three minutes.”
Gary (smiling): “Man, one bad performance and
you get labeled for life. Anyway, if you were with Sylvia Towers
you wouldn’t have lasted more than a few minutes either.”
Alex: “Yeah, she was incredible. But that is
an interesting concept; just think about Bill Buckner.”
Gary: “Yeah, something like that. Though I
think the rest of his career was pretty darn good, while the rest
of my college love life was pretty average.”
Alex: “Don’t sell yourself short. Two minutes
with Sylvia is a decent career in itself.”
Gary: “Anyway, I think the other thing about
not cheating is that once you have a daughter it brings a
tremendous amount of clarity to your life. It helps you understand
what is important and also reminds you every single day that life
is precious, which I think can be easy to forget otherwise.”
Alex: “Yeah, it can be easy to forget. Very
easy. That is cool, man.”
Gary: “It is. Very.”
Sweet Child O’Mine
by Guns N’ Roses
started playing in the casino. Gary and Alex were both facing out
toward the gaming tables and staring at the hooker’s tits which
were bouncing up and down in excitement. Apparently she had hit her
number in roulette. The dealer slid a short stack of yellow
five-hundred dollar chips in her direction. She took them and gave
her date a hug and a peck on the cheek.
Alex, particularly pleased with the music
selection, tried to light a cigarette but he had put the wrong end
in his mouth and the flame uselessly surrounded the filter without
catching. “Piece of shit. Cock and balls!” he cursed nonsensically
to no one in particular and threw the now-useless cigarette to the
ground, spitting out the tobacco grains which had stuck to his
tongue. He pulled another one out of the pack, lit it correctly,
took a deep drag, and then offered one to Gary, who declined. Gary
then continued the conversation, which they both found more
interesting than the significant array of stimuli occurring around
them.
Gary: “Don’t get me wrong though, it isn’t
easy. Sometimes you really feel you are missing out on something.
That is the tough part. And honestly, coming here with you guys
probably doesn’t help much. For instance, there is a hot
twenty-four-year-old first-year at work who just graduated from
UCLA Law who has all but told me that she wants to fuck me even
though she knows I am married. So, you see, this kind of thing can
be extremely difficult to, um, to process.”
Alex: “She wants to boff in the office?”
Gary: “Yeah, she pretty much hinted at that.
Which would be incredible, but I can imagine it would be my luck to
get caught and lose my job and my wife all at once.”
Alex: “That’s hot.”
Gary: “That is one way to look at it, but
really it just causes problems.”
Alex: “Maybe you should tell this girl about
your really cool buddy Alex.”
Gary: “Yeah, no problem. I will mention it.
Actually if she went out with you it might help her ease off on
me.”
Alex: “I would be happy to be of
service.”
Gary: “Okay, yeah, remind me when we get
back. I could do without that kind of distraction. Not cheating is
tough, though. In addition to wanting new things, you also start to
miss things you used to get. I mean, I basically told you the gist
of the situation earlier. But also, for example, even before the
porn incident, Blair promised she would give me just as many
blowjobs after the baby was born as before. But how many blowjobs
do you think I get now?”
Alex: “One first thing in the morning and one
as soon as you get home from work every day?”
Gary: “Ha. Ha. Very funny. Anyway you get the
point.”
Alex: “What about the money situation? Do you
fight about it?”
Gary: “Why do you ask?”
Alex: “I am just trying to understand this
whole marriage thing a bit more. Lately I sometimes feel I need to
change my lifestyle somehow. Maybe become a bit more mature. But
the marriage thing is just . . . confusing for me. It’s like, I
have everything basically in order and going pretty much the way I
want it, and then I am supposed to just take it all and gamble the
entirety of my happiness on one gigantic bet that some chick will
stay cool. I am not even sure I can stay cool myself.”
Gary: “The money thing isn’t really a big
deal. At first it is weird but you get used to it quickly. After
that it is pretty easy to just think of all the money as a mutual
asset.”
Alex: “I think it would be hard for me to
give up that control and not be able to do whatever I wanted with
it.”
Gary: “You can still basically do what you
want, especially with your level of income. But you just have to
consider anything big together.”
Alex: “So, if you came out here and blew two
grand at the tables, how much of a problem would that be?”
Gary: “That would be a pretty fucking big
problem actually.”
Alex: “Better or worse than the
Barely
Legal
?”
Gary (laughing): “Man, you are just a big
giant dick. Better I guess, but worse than
Huge Black Cocks
.
Seriously, it wouldn’t be good. She would probably be cool with
losing a few hundred, but anything more than a grand would start to
be an issue.”
Alex: “And since you are working and she
isn’t right now, do you get any extra freedom about how the money
is spent?”
Gary: “No, it doesn’t work that way. Anyway,
taking care of Sarah is probably harder than my job. Actually, I am
a total hypocrite about it because it drives me crazy when she
wants to spend a few hundred on new shoes or a new bag, but it
seems totally rational for me to pay two hundred bucks for a round
of golf or go to Vegas and blow some cash.”
Alex: “I can imagine.”
Gary: “Hey, here comes Mo and Curly.”
Roger and Mike carved their way through the
bar toward Gary and Alex, each with a half-finished Corona in hand.
The four clinked bottles and each took a healthy swig. Gary looked
back into his Heineken and noticed it was nearly finished. He
lifted it up and finished it in two large swallows. “Everyone need
another?” he asked and began moving back toward the bar.
“Did you see the fruit on the hook at the
roulette table?” Roger asked, momentarily ignoring Gary. Everyone
nodded enthusiastically, then confirmed to Gary that he should buy
a full round of beers. Guns N’ Roses smoothly transitioned to
Break on Through
by The Doors.
Alex: “How did the tables treat you?”
Roger: “Oooh, nicely. I am up about six
bills. It was a grand but I bet two hundy on the last hand and had
to double down and the bitch pulled a five card twenty-one to beat
me.”
Alex: “How about you Mikey?”
Mike: “I am down eighty bucks. It was
bullshit. The table was super hot but I kept getting shit and
busting before the dealer.”
Alex: “Sucks. Are you guys ready to hit the
club after one more beer?”
Both agreed and Roger started play-fighting
with Alex, landing several soft blows to the stomach before Alex
spun around behind him and put him in a headlock.
“Can I have a cigarette?” Mike asked Alex
bitterly.
“Of course, big guy,” Alex answered and
released Roger to get out a smoke for Mike. Roger used the
opportunity to begin slapping Mike in the face, bobbing and weaving
like a featherweight boxer.
Chapter Twenty Two
The Club
11:40 p.m.
“
No
Donny
,
these
men
are
nihilists
. There's nothing to be afraid of.”
– Walter Sobchak,
The Big Lebowski
Despite having a table reserved, getting into
Body English, the club at the Hard Rock, was no simple task. By the
time the group made it across the casino from the Center Bar, a
disorganized mass of people had grown in front of the entrance to
the club. Because groups of attractive girls were ushered into the
club like dust into a Hoover, what remained was a tightly packed
group of mostly males with some less attractive girls scattered
about.
Because he had a connection with the VIP host
of the club, Alex led the group. He paused outside of the
ever-increasing mass of hopeful entrants and looked for the best
pathway to get to the front. He picked a line of attack that looked
less densely concentrated and began to fight his way forward. It
took about two minutes to reach the entry point. About halfway
there, he noticed the tall girl from the bachelorette party but
avoided making eye contact. The proverbial “velvet rope” in this
case was simply a black plastic removable barrier like those used
at the check-in counters and security lines at the airport. Behind
this barrier was a well-lit waiting area occupied solely by the
five security people who determined who was let into the club. The
crew consisted of three medium-sized white men in their
mid-twenties wearing black suits, carrying clipboards and wearing
listening devices in their ears; one large black man who was about
thirty and who was also wearing a black suit but with only a black
tee shirt underneath his jacket; and a slightly older woman wearing
a purple pantsuit with expensive looking eyeglasses and high heels.
Alex quickly got the attention of one of the young men with the
clipboards.